Dads Health Archives - Page 3 of 13

How to overcome the barriers and prioritise mens health

14/06/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

Let’s talk about Men’s Health, it’s the week for it, and something we should always keep top of mind. It’s important to prioritise our health. By doing so we are a better version of ourself to our families, our children, our partners, our friends and… ourself. If you’re like me, I like myself much better when I’m feeling healthy.

Unfortunately for some men, there are barriers preventing them from having a healthy body and mind.

The barriers are:

Hoping it’s not an issue?
- We might deny there’s a health issue because we think whatever is going on is no big deal, our symptoms are just a part of getting older, or it’s simply a case of mind over matter. When we miss the opportunity to act early, minor issues can become much bigger.
Taking to long to do something about it
- We can often wait and see if it will go away on its own and put off seeking health information until an issue is interfering with daily life.
Worried that asking for help is perceived as weak
- There’s nothing weak or soft about seeking out health information and support. Health issues happen to everyone and speaking up about them is the strongest thing you can do.
Having Trouble Talking about your health
- Feeling nervous or embarrassed about starting a conversation can be a barrier to getting the support you need. Whether it’s with your partner or a health professional, it can be tough to speak up about health concerns but it’s important to take the first step to get the help you need. Remember, your doctor is there to help and there’s nothing they haven’t heard or seen before.
Not sure what information to trust
- When seeking health advice the best thing you can do is put your trust in the experts – reputable, science-backed online providers, your GP or other health professionals.

What do you do to ensure you have good health? Is it time for a health check?

Filed Under: Dads Health

Pick ups and drop offs can be tough

22/04/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

Pick ups and drop offs can be tough! I remember there were times that if I had a heart rate monitor on, you would have seen my heart rate at…5kms away 110 bpm, 3kms away 135bpm, entering her street 150bpm. One of the things I have learned on this journey is that it is extremely important to get along with your child’s mother when it comes to shared parenting.

Most of us do not live to make other peoples lives a misery, I personally, find it very difficult to not speak and avoid someone. It is very stressful to carry anger around, not to mention the negative health aspects of holding onto anger. It’s very important to let go of any resentment and replace it with working together on being great at co-parenting. Separation happened to both of us/you, our ex’s believe they are hard done by too! I guess that is my point, we both need to find middle ground to keep our heart rates at “resting” 🙂 on a consistent basis.

I remember in high school I had visions of meeting my life partner and being the envy of everyone! Having a beautiful family life, big home with a pool, backyard and dog, lots of wonderful friends, earn good money in a job that made my family proud and was completely satisfying to me…..

Do you remember the song by Julio Iglesias? “When I fall in love, it will be forever, when I give my heart, it will be completely” I am sure my child’s mother had similar expectations of her future and as I alluded to before, possibly blames me for killing her dreams. Both our dreams have been killed or at least postponed.

A few things that worked for me in maintaining a working parenting relationship are:

Always arriving and dropping back on time, never arrive late or if unavoidable phone ahead.
Sharing clothes and items that you have bought for the kids, these things are theirs not yours or your ex’s.
Never pick up the kids and leave them with your parents or babysitter so you can go out.
Always speak nicely of your ex around the children, they love her too.
Return clothes washed and clean.
If you made a meal the night before i.e. soup, spaghetti make extra and drop off in an airtight container when returning the kids.
Make your phone available for the kids and let them call their mum before bedtime every night.
If there are “man” things that need to be done around her house and she does not have anyone to do them, offer to assist.
Be in a good mood when you pick up the kids.
If you need to change your schedule one weekend, do it way in advance.
Accept No’s.
Remember your child’s mother is going through a tough time too.
Be flexible.
Think about how your behavior effects your child’s mother and your children.
Don’t let negative feelings about your child’s mother get in the way of time with your kids.
Be prepared for the kids and stock up on healthy food. Prepare meals, it goes along way in showing you are competent in caring for your children.

In summary

Both our lives are harder than they were before! until things settle and we get back to “normal” life. For a while we both have less money and time with more responsibilities. Separation is difficult for both parents, so the general idea of this post was to remind us to be kind to each other. Comment below on your own experiences and ideas.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

2022 A New Year a Fresh Start

03/01/2022 by DO 4 Comments

Like most of you every year I make new resolutions. They include everything from giving up smoking (which I did 19years ago and thank god I did) to saving money, learning guitar, taking up a gym membership and sticking at it! or to learn a particular skill. For a couple of years I would write my goals and resolutions on a card and stick them on the fridge so they were always top of mind. It did work and I achieved many small goals and a few big ones.

There is one resolution I have never added to my list, however I will this year and I urge all Dads to add this to your list too.

Love yourself a little more

I want to be the best version of myself, I believe looking inwardly helps me achieve this. Understanding that we are worthy of respect, love, help, friendship etc sets a standard of how we want people to treat us – no worse than we treat ourselves. If your are treating yourself well by loving yourself a little more it will set positive expectations and you will achieve the right outcome.

You may ask what is Loving yourself a little more?

Its not that deep and meaningful, it is just living by a few rules you set for yourself, like:

Don’t be to hard on yourself. Remember that this will only make you feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes, so go easy and always be focus on the good that you do.
Keep a list of your receipts. This is about when you have Paid it Forward by doing a good deed. Always be looking to help others, donate your time to a person in need, pick up that piece of rubbish, share a kind word with someone, it can be anything that contributes to a more positive community. We call it giving yourself a “receipt” write them down and refer to them during the year.
Make time to pat yourself on the back. When your brushing your teeth in the morning or at night before bed, think to yourself “nice work today M8” or “Be a gladiator today” or “Have an awesome day because I’m an awesome person”. Even a smile in the mirror as you leave for work. Feed your brain with positive words.
The past does not equal the future. Look back over the years and consider all the good things that you have done and achieved. There will be some! Its these things you need to remember because they have made you who you are today. Never forget the good things you do.
You don’t need much to be happy. Have you seen people living in hard communities or countries where there is overwhelming poverty and they still come out smiling? Whilst others with wealth and every material object known to man can complain, feel hard done by and unappreciative of life and what they have. Feel blessed with what you have and be grateful.
Love and focus on the people that care about you. Knowing where to direct your energy is easy. Direct it to the people who care about you and who are good to you. Give them the best version of yourself and share as many happy times as possible with them and create memories.

These living rules are pretty easy to accomplish if you set your mind to it. If I have forgotten any that you feel would help make a difference, please share them with us.

Have a wonderful 2022. Remember to find the time to love yourself with the ideas above as often as you can. The days and months will fly by, lets make the most of every minute 🙂

Filed Under: Celebrations, Dads Health, Fathering, Separation

Surround yourself with people who really appreciate your worth

06/10/2021 by DO 1 Comment

Life isn’t a lot of fun when you have people around that you that put you down, talk rudely to you, place unreasonable demands on you and go out of their way to treat you like crap. If you are in a position that you’re not valued or treated like crap at your place of work, then you should start to look for another job where you’re treated with the value that you deserve. Of course its always important to keep the job you have and you should never leave it until you have secured another. But if you have some available time, then use it to search for a better job.

Don’t settle for less!

A bottle of water in the supermarket is worth about $0.50. The same bottle in a bar costs $2. In a good restaurant or hotel it can be worth up to $3. At an airport or on the plane, you may be charged $5. The bottle and the brand is the same, the only thing that changes is the place. Each place gives a different value to the same product. When you feel like you are worth nothing and everyone around you belittles you, change places, do not stay there. Have the courage to change places and go to a place where you are given the value you deserve. Surround yourself with people who really appreciate your worth. Don’t settle for less!

Filed Under: Dads Health

The first night…

11/09/2021 by DO Leave a Comment

Do you remember the first night after separation or divorce when your child stayed over with you?

You can do it You've got this I was a little nervous, I just had to step up , plan and ensure it all worked. I very quickly got in the swing of things and it worked out well. The rest is history!

Some of the initial scary thoughts that ran through my head were catering for breakfast, lunch and dinners every day, planning activities and going to the toilet whilst we were out? This all was now all up to me, no sharing any more, just me. I felt I grew up quickly because my desire to care for my child outweighed the hard work that I knew lay ahead of me. I’m not sure but I think it was a mix of perspiration and desperation that got me through, I got used to planning and preparing then we were off and running.

I can’t help but think some mothers would experience the same scary thoughts, for many Dads like me, we could never talk about that, too busy hating each other.

There is definitely something empowering and rewarding when you know you have managed your access days well. You get better at everything, you start to get a repertoire of recipes, you know what size clothes and shoes they wear. You know their taste in music, books and movies, you share laughter together and one on one time, you understand morning routines and of course all the hissy fits that goes with it. The sense of owning that space feels good even if it is only every second weekend.

You little girl can always bury her head in your shoulder if you go to the mens toilets. When we were out and about, and it came time to take her to the toilet or maybe I needed to go? she came with me and simply buried her face into my shoulder when we walked through the mens to the cubical, Always a good time to try and get them to go too, even if they don’t feel like it. When she was big enough to go on her own, I would stand near the door of the female toilets and didn’t move until she came out. The wheel chair access toilets are gold!!

😂 I remember we were at the swimming centre one day when I walked into what I thought was the mens change room and proceeded to help my daughter change into her bathers, when a women in a towel came out of the showers 😱 For a few seconds I really thought she was the one in the wrong change room. Then she said “I think you are in the wrong room” I apologised and left, honest mistake but laugh every time I think about it.

Do you have experiences that you can share?

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Fathering, Separation, Sons

Are you All in or do you Chip in

04/09/2021 by DO Leave a Comment

30 years ago it was common place in a heterosexual relationship for the female to do all the housework, cooking and parenting of the children. The male was responsible for earning money and mowing the lawns.

Often the male also took on the role of disciplinarian and that is why many baby-boomer men lacked connection to their fathers and even resented them.

Things have changed “thankfully” it’s no longer about what is the male or female role, it’s about partnership and working together so each person equally shares the load for running the family.

Listening to many mums, they still feel the inequality of parenting and household duties and in some cases are over-whelmed by it, causing tension within the relationship.

Some dads say they are busy working, sometimes travelling away and they think that chipping in is ok? I’m always amazed and feel sorry for these dads as they don’t realise how much they miss out on. Are these dads tired, lazy or do they have their fathers’ DNA engrained in them? probably a bit of all it? I think could be a learned habit from their upbringing!

I remember my partner said to me once “Show me a man that is ‘All In’ around the house and I’ll show you a man that is having sex…an interesting thought 😊 is it true guys?

When I was a single dad and sharing responsibility of my daughter 50/50, I experienced first hand everything required to run a functional home. I combined work and nurtured all the needs of my child all at the same time, it’s not easy but the benefits out-way the hard work. It’s constant, often starting as soon as the kids open their eyes (and sometimes before).

Being organised, having a system and routine helps to reduce the stress in running a functional home. The less you have to think about when and what needs doing the easier it will be to juggle kids, home and work. No one succeeds if you don’t give it your best effort, make it something that you want to master. Master the shopping, master the cooking, master the cleaning, master the nurturing of your child. It can be all done with little stress if you give into it and never be wishing you were somewhere else or out with your mates.

Having a partner and sharing the household jobs and parenting is much easier than having to do it all by yourself. Don’t make your partner feel like a single parent. Be an ‘All In’ dad and make life great for all of you. The rewards are fantastic and you will have a much happier relationship and family life will be more relaxing.

Relationship benefits from being an All In dad.

love
more sex
more fun
feel valued
productive
reduced stress
less arguments
higher self esteem
a sense of purpose
emotional support
feeling appreciated
time with each other
time for your hobbies
better communication
better shared experiences
feeling confident and secure
become a better version of yourself
Feel part of the whole family and something bigger

How many Dads are All In or do you Chip In – answer the quiz below…

Filed Under: Dads Health, Daughters, Relationships, Separation, Sons, Work life balance

Health and fitness for Dads in the new COVID world

29/08/2021 by DO Leave a Comment

Let’s face it fellas, the last 18 months have been tough. Bloody tough. Who thought that the world would be where we are at right now just 18 months ago? Whilst lockdowns, self-isolation, quarantine have all become the vernacular, we have had to adjust massively, and above all else, be f**cking resilient. If resiliency was not something that came to you easily, boy you have had a lesson on it over the last year.

With our health and fitness, it’s something that should ideally be entrenched in our daily lives and done regularly across the week, but the COVID pandemic has either a) destroyed all previous healthy habits with the closure of gyms, pools and other fitness facilities or b) firmly cemented the fact that there is no way to get started on a fitness journey right now. A tough place to be. Thankfully, there is some hope, as we have seen the fitness industry embrace technology with things like virtual classes via zoom, in order keep clients healthy and active and, of course, stay in business themselves.

One thing is for sure in this uncertain world, COVID doesn’t look like its going away anytime soon. So, the sooner we establish what our exercise patterns look like in a lockdown and also out of a lockdown, is the sooner we alleviate the stress of missing workouts, gym closures and declines in our physical (and mental) well-being. But, for those Dads who haven’t been able to even start, I am here to provide some hope that there is a way to improve their physical wellbeing during this pandemic.

But how? I hear you say. Dads are pressed for time, they face work commitments, home schooling, household chores, closed gyms and lockdowns which make it next to impossible to exercise. Well, no, I didn’t say it was easy, but there ARE ways to tackle this, and in extreme situations (like say, during a pandemic with lockdowns), it needs a bit more of a thought-out approach, but it’s still possible to really take back control of your health.

What I mean by this is we need to start by drilling down on what you want to achieve from your health, understanding the struggles and pressures of being a busy father and develop a plan that takes into the current COVID climate and parenting responsibilities. It should be complementary to your life and not against it.

“Oh man, that sound like a lot of work!” Well, it can be, but now we give rise to the online fitness coach who can guide clients through these stages in order to achieve their ultimate success – no matter where they live. In my online fitness coaching business, the scenario planning component and what to do when lockdowns hit, are key in the current environment and ensures Dads are prepared for anything. It alleviates stress and compliments their lifestyle, as opposed to turning it upside down and adding in another stress when the world is already in chaos.

Steven Dornik_Health and Fitness Coach What success looks like for each individual is different, hence all approaches need to be different. But outcomes are much more effective than a traditional in-person trainer who is often seen just once a week, when they take the Dad through his exercise program. Once through this process, we don’t want to see clients coming back as we’ve built the psychology and behaviours foundationally in the person’s psyche. So they are not reliant on us, anyone else or life circumstances to keep their health and fitness habits up. They leave self-sufficient, more educated and health and fitness is firmly part of their lives in a COVID world or not. Sometimes Dads just need a little bit of help to break old thought and behaviour patterns and establish new ones. And it’s important now, more than ever, to reach out for that type of help.

If you’d like to get in touch, Steven Dornik is a fitness coach at Peak State Health and Fitness, who specifically focuses on helping Dads rediscover their health and fitness, details below.

Steve Dornik
Health and Fitness Coach
Certificate IV – Fitness, 8 x Ironman

Peak State Health and Fitness
Coaching enquiries: stevendornik@gmail.com mob: 0400 886 119

@peak_state_health_and_fitness

@PeakStateHealthandFitness

Filed Under: Dads Health, Work life balance

Establishing good communication with your children’s Mother

13/02/2021 by DO 1 Comment

This is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your children. No longer required or is it appropriate to discuss aspects of your life such as feelings, hopes, dreams, plans, finances or what you did today. Share this stuff with friends and other people but never your ex.

There must be a line drawn in the sand that any intimate discussions are out! You both must acknowledge that you are never getting back together. To lead a healthy life going forward, which allows you both to move onto healthier relationships, your discussions from here on are purely around the welfare of your children.

Appropriate and healthy discussions is one element of having shared parenting. Everything to do with the kids like, education, sport, medical, emotional and general well-being is what should be open for discussion. There are some separated or divorced couples that can have a meal or a cup of coffee together to work through their children joint plans but there are others that face to face meetings always turns into arguments. It’s mostly because the discussion goes off topic. Know your limitations and work with it, but don’t ask your children to be the messenger or for them to be the mediator.

You must be the adult and put differences aside and focus discussions purely on what needs to be worked out for the children. As mentioned most arguments happen when you go off topic, writing down what needs to be discussed and stay on topic. When you work out whatever it is, it’s then time to call it a meeting, telephone call, or coffee?

You both don’t have a relationship anymore, you are only co/parenting your children. Nothing else matters or should be of interest to the either party.

If you have a terrible relationship with your ex and can’t stand the site of each other, it would be best to communicate by email and making sure that you monitor the tone and stick to only what must be discussed. It might even be necessary to seek a formal agreement or parenting plan covering the responsibilities of each parent, the more that can be pre agreed to the less contact you need to have with each other, which means the less stress , more routine and consistency and less anxiety if communication is poor.

Consistent and a routine is great for everyone but life has it that sometimes things come up that will prevent you from having the children over during your agreed time. It could be from you, your ex or something your children have on, when this happens and it will, don’t look for make-up time, simply let your ex know that something has come up and you’ll speak to your child but will just need to pick up from the next agreed time.

Its important to support and promote healthy friendship groups for your children

As your children get older, they will have things that will stop them from coming over from time to time. Treat this as normal, it’s not personal, they just like to be with their friends (they still love you). Best thing you can do is be supportive of this, be flexible and go with the flow.

Share your comments below so others can learnt from your experiences.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting, Separation

Divorced dads take on choosing a life partner

02/02/2021 by DO 4 Comments

Have you ever wondered if you have chosen the right partner? There are some telltale signs that can be quite subtle and will become more evident as time goes on.

Im not a relationship expert, but from relationship breakdown experience I can tell you what to look out for so you can get the out with little consequence. I should have also listened to my gut feelings earlier. We all need someone with similar interests, things to do together. You know, long walks, game of squash, swim at the beach, book reading, online business project, hiking, movies, going to the gym, sex, similar social expectations, save money, doing nothing, sitting on the couch for a whole day watching Netflix episodes, picnic in the park or whatever other things you like to do together, and there needs to be many. Its these things and more that you need to be on the same page with. But there is more…

The passion you have for your career and what you are responsible for at work?

Like, do you need to be contactable on the weekend or after hours? If so, surely you don’t want grief from your partner if you have to take a call on the weekend to sort out a crisis at work? If they don’t get that, you’re in trouble already.

Just little things like that can dissolve a marriage. Much of your happiness together is based around an easy go lucky nature towards each other and very little complaining from both of you. Aligning to similar values and the things you would like in life. Have you discussed children? Do you both want children? That can be a biggie. Don’t forget when children arrive, most people need to put their relationship on hold for 10 years and be supportive friends. You need to allow each other space and to be free from criticism. If you are both trustworthy and put each others best interest top of mind, there isn’t any reason things should go bad so long as you remember the bigger plan.

You’ve heard the saying, “It is a two way street” (It really is) and both parties need to be kind and flexible with each other, if you are judgemental, grumpy or demanding, how do you want your partner to respond to that behaviour? Any partner with self preservation will not appreciate being treated like that, cracks will appear and you’ll have a relationship breakdown in the making.

There are some people that bring out the worst in us, probably because you are fighting for survival or you have an imbalance in your relationship i.e. someone feels they have the raw end of the stick or have the short straw?

At the end of the day, you need to choose a life partner carefully and listen to your gut and intuition and take your time. Things are all wonderful in the early days, so give it a lot of time, it will be worth the wait.

We would like to hear your thoughts and what has worked for you, write them in the comments below for other to read and learn.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships, Separation

Separated dads have feelings too

05/01/2021 by DO 5 Comments

When we separate we feel a sense that we have lost our position in the family. Don’t forget that you are still your children’s father, even though you do not live with them. You must maintain a mindset and make it clear in your children’s mind that your family continues even though you don’t live with them every day. Your children now have two homes instead of one, there will be some adjustments around ease of access but your love and responsibility does not change and your efforts and determination to ensure that they know this will not go unrewarded.

Feelings of guilt, loneliness and depression can definitely come from separation and for some can be quite intense leading to avoidance and solitude. There was a study conducted on men who after separating for 2 months, 1 year and 2 years from the family home all showed similar signs of avoidance i.e. not going home to an empty house, they would more likely work back late or visit a bar with a friend.

One of the loneliest times for separated dads is when they are driving away after returning the children to their mothers, this was definitely real for me. There are some great books to read on this subject. Reading can help you understand your own feelings and provide coping strategies to help you work through those times. I spent many a times in book shops in the “self Help” section looking for answers and ways to cope.

Remember, knowledge will help you get through this, so keep searching and reading up. Check out another post on our site that can provide some answers for you, click here Practical Steps to take when separating

Learn more about us here

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

What to say to the kids?

15/08/2020 by DO 7 Comments

These were the hardest conversations I ever had! I am sure that every dad and mum dreads telling there children that they are separating. I wish I had of had tips on what to say to the kids. It is the most difficult and awkward situation to comes to terms with as they are the last people on earth you would want to hurt or disappoint!

My kids were unaware of the real difficulties we were going through and it was a surprise when they learned that we were separating. I definitely had the what, hows and why’s? How to answer them is important and having some insight and working together with your ex on what they actually want from you both post separation is the key to keeping it all together.

Below are some of the responses to many of the tough conversations you will go through.

What to say and how to say it:

Difficult as it may be to do, try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest—but kid-friendly—explanation.

Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.” You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids don’t always get along, parents and kids don’t stop loving each other or get divorced from each other.
Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message. Tell them you’ll still be caring for them in every way, from making their breakfast to helping with homework.
Address changes. Preempt your kids’ questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won’t. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go.

Avoid Blaming:

It’s vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game.

Present a united front. As much as you can, try to agree in advance on an explanation for your separation or divorce—and stick to it.
Plan your conversations. Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur. And plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.
Show restraint. Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.

How much information to give:

Especially at the beginning of your separation or divorce, you’ll need to pick and choose how much to tell your children. Think carefully about how certain information will affect them.

Be age-aware. In general, younger children need less detail and will do better with a simple explanation, while older kids may need more information.
Share logistical information. Do tell kids about changes in their living arrangements, school, or activities, but don’t overwhelm them with the details.
Keep it real. No matter how much or how little you decide to tell your kids, remember that the information should be truthful above all else.

Helping the kids express their feelings:

For kids, divorce can feel like loss: the loss of a parent, the loss of the life they know. You can help your children grieve and adjust to new circumstances by supporting their feelings.

Listen. Encourage your child to share their feelings and really listen to them. They may be feeling sadness, loss or frustration about things you may not have expected.
Help them find words for their feelings. It’s normal for children to have difficulty expressing their feelings. You can help them by noticing their moods and encouraging them to talk.
Let them be honest. Children might be reluctant to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you. Let them know that whatever they say is okay. If they aren’t able to share their honest feelings, they will have a harder time working through them.
Acknowledge their feelings. You may not be able to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings rather than dismissing them. You can also inspire trust by showing that you understand.

What I need from my mum and dad after divorce (from your child’s’ point of view):

I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don’t stay involved, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me.
Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.
Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don’t have to send messages back and forth.
When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.
Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mum and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems

Clearing up misunderstandings:

Many kids believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued with their parents, received poor grades, or got in trouble. You can help your kids let go of this misconception.

Set the record straight. Repeat why you decided to get a divorce. Sometimes hearing the real reason for your decision can help.
Be patient. Kids may seem to “get it” one day and be unsure the next. Treat your child’s confusion or misunderstandings with patience.
Reassure. As often as you need to, remind your children that both parents will continue to love them and that they are not responsible for the divorce.

Give reassurance and love:

Children have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support and love they need. Your words, actions, and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love.

Both parents will be there. Let your kids know that even though the physical circumstances of the family unit will change, they can continue to have healthy, loving relationships with both of their parents.
It’ll be okay. Tell kids that things won’t always be easy, but that they will work out. Knowing it’ll be all right can provide incentive for your kids to give a new situation a chance.
Closeness. Physical closeness—in the form of hugs, pats on the shoulder, or simple proximity—has a powerful way of reassuring your child of your love.
Be honest. When kids raise concerns or anxieties, respond truthfully. If you don’t know the answer, say gently that you aren’t sure right now, but you’ll find out and it will be okay.

The comfort routines:

The benefit of schedules and organisation for younger children is widely recognised, but many people don’t realise that older children appreciate routine, as well. Kids feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next. Knowing that, even when they switch homes, dinnertime is followed by a bath and then homework, for example, can set a child’s mind at ease.

Maintaining routine also means continuing to observe rules, rewards, and discipline with your children. Resist the temptation to spoil kids during a divorce by not enforcing limits or allowing them to break rules.

Thank you to the Help Guide for content.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health, Separation

Dads home office hacks

17/04/2020 by DO 1 Comment

We have all been thrown into working from home (some call it remote) and it can be the best thing that has happened to us in our career or is it something we need to get used to?

Having more time on our hands is a gift, the time saved travelling to and from the office can give us a couple of hours back in our day. How are you using that extra time? using it to sleep in, are you getting up to exercise now you have some extra time, enjoying a longer breakfast or starting your workday earlier? Do you get dressed or stay in your PJ’s all day 🙂 All of the above is normal and you need to do what works for you.

By having that extra time on your hands and all that flexibility can be too much for some, it can make you unproductive. Let’s not discount the negative effects all that time on your own can have on your mental health. How are you looking after yourself and maintaining a positive mental attitude?

For Dads at home with the kids, how’s that working? Are you loving the extra time with your kids and getting to know them a lot better? It can take intentional efforts to balance the needs of your kids and the demands of your workday when you are all at home together.

Lets look at how you can work from home successfully

Make time for getting some fresh air and reduce cabin fever.
Start the day off with a walk, walk again around lunchtime and then again at the end of the day. This will help blow out any cobwebs, clear your head and reset.

Have a dedicated area set up as your office.
I have my office outside in an under-cover balcony. I purchased a outdoor radiator for warmth, a camp table for my desk. If you are lucky enough to have a desk/table inside? Its a good idea to set up two screens and keep your desk free of clutter. Buy a telephone/ computer headset so you can plug in for zoom meetings or connect into your smart phone enabling you to be hands free.

Stay in the same schedule as you would at work.
Meaning, get up, shower and get dressed. Its the Pajama thing that can dampen your self image. Sit down at your computer at the same time you would if you were at work, Take a break, have lunch and knock off at the same time each day. Routine is not just for kids.

Use video chats where-ever possible.
Connection is everything. We are used to seeing our colleagues more often in and around the office. That break in connection can be isolating, replace it with video conferencing when ever possible, its amazing the dfference it makes. There are lots of ways to use video meetings, some people use zoom, Facebook messenger, Teams, whatsapp and skype to name a few but there are plenty more…

Be organised with what you want to accomplish today and the week.
A daily to-do list and weekly goals is essential for some who can be easily distracted. Use your diary to place the tasks that need to be accomplished for the day. Work on the big one first, if you have ever read the book “East the Frog” will understand this. The trick is to write down plenty of things you want to accomplish and be busy!

Get dressed
I mentioned earlier the Pajama’s or trackie dacks should be avoided for your preferred work-wear. You have to dress for performance and effectiveness and be in the right mind set. Pajamas are for sleeping…right? Its also been mentioned that at the end of the day you should change again or put on a different shirt. If we don’t our home becomes our all consuming office rather than our home.

Try not to snack all day.
Having a pantry at your finger tips or within a few steps is very tempting. Snacking all day is a sure way to put on weight. Stay busy and enjoy your Breakfast, lunch and dinner with water in between. You will get used to it and your body will thank you.

Headphones with a mic will be your best friend.
If you can make them noise cancelling even better but just headphones to plug into your computer and smart phone will keep your hands free for working, if you’re an online gamer you will understand this completely.. I needed to buy an adapter to connect to my iPhone and then take it off to plug into my computer. Best home office purchase I have made aside from my 2nd screen.

Friends and family need to know you are working.
Just because you are home doesn’t mean you are 100% available to your friends and family. They need to know you’re working, so set some time limits and catch up on your breaks? If you have small children its nearly impossible, yet set them up with their own work station and get all the craft, coloured pencils and give them a daily project like The Family Tree which we recently blogged about and let them know you’ll check their work on your break 🙂

Work with a colleague on mute.
Have power sessions and dedicate time to tasks i.e. dedicate a 1 hour block to focus on any task, like, writing a report, planning for your team, calling prospects to make appointments, customer follow up calls etc. But here’s the twist, video in a colleague who wants to focus also for a couple of hours on their own task – and mute the mic! you can work like in the same office but on your own project – can see each other working but can not hear them… I love this!!

Coping strategies to keep you and your family sane…

Talk to people
Remember to pick up the phone and ring people. We still need to hear the sound of other people’s voices. Ring at least one person a day, whether it’s work colleague or personal friend. Ring someone and discuss what’s happening for you and how you’ve been affected. Listen to them also, hear their experiences, compare and discuss. Understand that while we are all going through this together, every individual is having their own experiences at the same time.
Make it a habit to ring at least one person each day.

Managing Life
Life hasn’t stopped. It certainly has changed, but life is still going on. Babies need to be born, people need to be educated and the whole administration part of life continues to need attention. Try and stay on top of your responsibilities and if you can’t ask for help. It’s alright not to be alright.

Back to basics with Board games, art, hobbies
Dig out old games and have a think about projects you were inspired about in the past. Bring out the artist in you, whether it’s piano, paint or playdoh, you now some to time spend on an old or new project.

Manage your exposure to media
Don’t spend too much time watching or listening to the news or reports on the situation. Getting an update in the morning, a small amount of news during the day and another update in the evening is all that’s needed. If you spend too much time watching those reports, there is potential for everything seem worse that it really is.

These are strange and unprecedented times and while we need to know what is happening and stay up to date, we also need to look out for ourselves.

Talk about any changes that you’re feeling
Be aware of your moods, attitudes and outlook at this time. Are these changing for you and who do you talk to about these changes?

If you don’t have anyone that you talk to about this already, read the above paragraph on phone calls and think who in your circle of family, friends or colleagues could you talk to about what’s challenging you at the moment.

If you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else, you can always ring lifeline on 13 11 14 24/7/365 – Always there to talk.

Thank you to Malcolm Guy
M. 0403 583 927
E. mal.guy@outlook.com
Malcolm is a call center supervisor with Lifeline and a trained Mediator. Malcolm helps individuals and couples with mediation, parenting plans and will help prepare you for difficult conversations. Please reach out to Malcolm directly by the contacts details above.