Separated dads have feelings too

When we separate we can feel a sense that we have lost our position in the family.  Dont forget that you are still your children’s father,  even though you do not live with them. You must maintain a mindset and make it clear in your children’s mind that your family continues even though you don’t live with them every day. Your children now have two homes instead of one, there will be some adjustments around ease of access but your love and responsibility does not change and your efforts and determination to ensure that they know this will not go unrewarded.  Feelings of guilt, loneliness and depression can definitely come from separation and for some can be quite intense leading to avoidance and solitude.  There was a study conducted on men who after separating for 2 months, 1 year and 2 years  from the family home all showed similar signs of avoidance i.e. not going home to an empty house, they would more likely work back late or visit a bar with a friend.
One of the loneliest times for separated dads is when they are driving away after returning the children to their mothers.  There are some great books to read on this subject. Reading can help you understand your own feelings and provide coping strategies to help you work through those times.  A book that was quite interesting and has this topic is Divorced Dad’s Survival Guide by David Knox Ph.D


  1. Avatar Bruce says:

    It has been a lot of years since first separated, your article has reminded me of how challenging those early days and months were and also how, with good support from friends and family, we can move on and maintain a relatively “normal” lifestyle. Although not ideal, separation/divorce, after negotiating a satisfactory parenting plan designed to meet the needs of all concerned can be a relatively positive experience. If both parents are truly committed to “the best interests of the children” which in most cases should involve both parents being actively involved in the daily care, then the future should be a mostly bright one. Children need to feel a sense of certainty whether in a 2 parent household or divorced situation. The sooner we move forward into a state of relative normality the better it is for everyone. 🙂

  2. Avatar Esperanca Melo Venceslau says:

    We had our best X-mas present ever this year! Our son was finally reunited with his 2 yr old son after a forced separation of 1 year…
    Those people who feel that they have the right to deny their own children of the other parents love simply haven’t got it!


    Thanks for sharing!
    Esperanca Melo…