Dads Health Archives - Page 5 of 13

19 things I wish I had of known that could have saved my marriage

23/04/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

I remember standing at the alter listening carefully to the minister say the following words because I believed them to be true, not quiet realizing the amount of effort it would take from both sides to make them work and go the distance.

Those classic words

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, and this is my solemn vow.

And then your bride would repeat

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my husband to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, and this is my solemn vow.

Well that was the plan….

Since then, divorce and separation touched my life, costing me relationships, work opportunities, money, loss & grief of not fathering my children day to day and mental health in some degree.

I am a strong believer in having pre-marriage counseling. We did attend a session with the church minister but it was very soft in the topics covered. None of the home truths were discussed or any of the tough questions that could prove to be a relationship killer. It was all simply a “tick the box” by the church minister and a process we needed to follow before he would marry us.

Its critical that couples go into serious relationships or relationships that will produce children with knowledge and their eyes WIDE OPEN!

The things I wish we had of known but know now:

You will both need to work at fulfilling your vows to make your marriage last.
The strength of your love needs to be there from the start and not based simply on surface looks. It must come from a deeper place
There will be times that your relationship will feel lost but love each other enough to be patient and ride the storm because the good times do come back.
The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, work at watering your own grass and it will stay green
Can you imagine growing old with this person, will they be there for you?
You will need to bite your tongue. When you argue, spend some time alone if necessary to cool down so you don’t use hurtful language
Allow each other times to be in-charge, in all aspects of the relationship
If you feel your partner doesn’t want to talk about an important issue, be patient, they’ll come around
Marriage can get boring, look for the little things every day that you are grateful for
No one is perfect, expect stupidity, absent mindfulness and never perfection
You partner is different from the other relationships you have, nurture it and make it extra special
It will take both of you to be feel easy and relaxed with no restrictions or judgments
If you feel your partner is controlling & aggressive i.e. physically or emotionally – it wont work
Allow each other to have their down times and quiet times. We all need to rest and recharge
Look to always serve your partner, every little thing you do for each other makes for a happier marriage and builds resilience
Continue to look after each other when you have children. The kids will be gone one day and you will be back to the two of you again, nurture it
It is important that you are both working at it, it can not work if you are the only one
There will be times you need to care for each other and step up when things get tough…and they will
Its normal to question the strength of your relationship when things are tough, you both need to be patient and acknowledge it will get better

It’s never to late to modify behavior. What are some of the things you’ve found helpful in maintaining a healthy long-term relationship?

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Separation

Encouraging mens mental health conversations

04/04/2017 by DO 1 Comment

It can be hard for men to open up and talk about how they are feeling. And this can have serious impacts on their mental health and wellbeing.

In fact research by the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that men are three times more likely to die by suicide and twice as likely to have a substance abuse disorder.

So how can men reduce this gap and improve their mental health?

Hugh Martin, founder of counselling service Man Enough, says the first step is to encourage conversations within organisations – such as sporting clubs, groups and workplaces – making space available for men to talk about how they’re going.

‘You want men to start to look out for one another. If I was in a bad way I would love it if someone could reach out tap me on the shoulder and say “Hey do you want to go and have a chat?” ’, says Hugh.

‘It comes back to that 360-degree model of leadership, we’re all leaders, we’re all managers of our own responsibility and of ensuring that as an organisation we value welfare and making sure we live it.’

Counsellor and Team Leader at Mensline, Glen Benton, says that men need to change the way they talk about their own mental health.

‘Often the way men cover things up is with subtle language,’ Glen says.

‘When men speak about themselves, they tend to speak in the third-person. Rather than saying “I feel afraid… I feel over worked”, men will say “Well you know… you go to work everyday…and you just want to be left alone…“.’

Glen says this is typically how men speak about what they are feeling – depersonalising the language to depersonalise the emotions. He believes that if men allow themselves to be vulnerable it will change everything.

If you feel overwhelmed and need to talk please call:

Sane Australia 1800 18 7263
Lifeline 13 11 14
Mensline 1300 78 99 78

How do we know if someone is experiencing mental health problems? read it here

Article by SANE AUSTRALIA

Filed Under: Dads Health

The secret for an argument free zone

13/03/2017 by DO 1 Comment

I always wondered when the debating of simple tasks and requests would start or unnecessary attitude, i can tell you its around 10-12 then buckle up at 13+.
Prior to that, they are beautiful pliable sweethearts that allow you to guide them, take them and pick them up from anywhere and they follow instruction without question (their still beautiful).

Now is chalk and cheese, its another stage that will pass and we will eventually move on… but boy, it can be frustrating, stressful, challenging and hair pulling crazy (if I had any) during those years. I have experienced lying straight to my face over the simplest things, not taking responsibility for actions like loosing keys, public transport cards and keeping their room tidy. We know that teenagers go through a growing up phase and test their weight and Independence with parents.

They do this knowing that the worst thing that will happen is they get a verbal telling off or loose there phone privileges for a day, all pretty soft punishment and i imagine in their mind not enough to curve the behavior?

I think when kids start questioning parents they are trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong because they are starting to become a little more knowledgeable in the world. Although very annoying and frustrating for us parents, its important to remember to keep our composure (don’t fight rudeness with rudeness or yelling with yelling), remind them of the boundaries and politeness they need to show other people and don’t bite back.

I would always keep on carrying out consequences such as reduced time for TV, Loose mobile phone/iPad usage, Early to bed and let them know this will happen if it continues so there are no surprises when it does.

A tip for a argument free zone, is, I do not expect 100% good behavior during these years (it’s about your expectation). I accept 80%, so during these years they can have their own room 20% messier than normal (nowhere else) 20% more attitude without being disrespectful, 20% more moody and they can have that in the quiet of their own bedroom. It takes the pressure off everyone because I feel if we are looking for perfection you will not find it anywhere and it will cause ongoing arguing, so just give them a little slack.

I was told once that everything we do for our children should be a gift. We should not expect anything in return! i.e. we should not expect good behavior because we cook, wash and clean for them. If you expect this then don’t do it. Do these things for them out of love.

Its always a great idea to explain what is acceptable and its a discussion you will not only have once...When your beautiful child says ? Get off my back! or Shut up!? they have often heard it said on their favorite TV shows or possibly from the friends they’re hanging around with. So be clear about what is and isn’t okay. Tell them, it’s fine to say that she’s angry or tired, for instance, or that she doesn’t feel like talking at the moment. But name-calling, yelling, or telling you to go away is unacceptable.

So there is no need to throw the towel in, its important that your kids know that you will always be in the game regardless of their behavior. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will arrive sometime around 18+. Our kids feel the freedom they have been craving. They are getting into full or part-time work, going to Uni, getting their license and feel what its like to have more independence. So turning human again at 18 plus is not to far away for some but for others it feels like a million years 🙂

Its important you don’t let the outburst episodes eat into you, remember its a phases and a time that will pass so don’t buy into the terrible behavior. Roll with it, respond calmly and be kind to yourself even if others aren’t being kind to you. Self-care is critical during these year, treat yourself, find peaceful time away from the kids, talk to a counsellor. Do what ever it take to stay in the game without dissolving your relationship with your child because its not personal, its very normal and happening across millions of homes.

Its a stage like all others stages of growing up and they are completely aware of it too (It’s not easy for them either). Love them unconditionally and be as tolerant as possible, the stage will pass.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Sons

Don’t look, it can ruin everything

09/03/2017 by DO 3 Comments

If you like eating sausages, there is a saying that goes…Don’t look how the sausage is made, it will ruin everything.

We grow up learning about childbirth and never really connect the dots that when it happens to our partner, it’s a very full on confronting experience and not for the lighthearted.

Childbirth for Men can have the same effect as its a little hard to look at the vagina the same way anymore! Something that we once worshiped has been torn apart and beaten up, lets face it and be honest, it is not a pretty sight and very unsexy. It can take a while to get those images out of our mind, if ever at all? There are some women who would worry about what their man thought of them sexually after seeing childbirth.

We have complete admiration for the resilience and strength that women have which allows them to go through childbirth, but if all we can do is hold there hand and not add much more value than that, then I vote we wait in the waiting room and let their mum’s, sisters, aunties, cousins do the hand holding.

Some experts have said that childbirth is actually more difficult for the women when the man is present? The birth tends to take longer and is more painful if we are in the room.

Can it effect our sex life? Let’s face it, there are so many things that we do in order to make sex enjoyable. Many men and women are slightly shy and ease into sex through foreplay both physically and mentally. Seeing childbirth should be one of those things that we keep private to preserve the intimacy, imagery and fantasy of sex.

My Dad told me that in his day, men were not allowed to be in the birthing room. When the baby was born, the mother and baby rested for a bit and the dad entered the room a little later. I don’t see anything wrong with that..at all!

Some women will say that you are missing out on the greatest event of humankind, yes ok but OMG! If you both agree that it could be better to wait outside, then there is nothing wrong with that strategy at all. If you are needed and wanted in the birthing room, stay up the right end…I warn you!

I would think that many men & women would agree with this, do you?

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships

Once bitten twice shy

19/02/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

The dictionary explains it this way “If someone is said to be once bitten, twice shy, it means that once someone was hurt by something or someone, they will be afraid to try it again”

Often referred to in love terms, hurt holds us back from exploring, letting someone in, going past a first date or even dating at all.

When we get hurt and that can be emotionally, financially or physically it cuts so deep that there is no wonder we approach new relationships with caution!

It’s normal to take things slow after a traumatic experience or even to have some good time finding yourself again. Finding the things you like to do, the happiness after a breakup needs to be come back otherwise you are not the real you. Who wants to hear about your sad stories on the first few dates? Make sure you have discovered enjoyable things to do, concentrated on your health and feel emotionally strong.

So time is critical but make sure you don’t hang out there forever, because finding the right one for you can be life changing in the best way. If it is going on for years, seek some professional support. When you have some time under your belt and you’re feeling like dating again, choose well and take it slow.

Don’t think to far ahead, take each day at a time. If you ask someone out on a date, just think about that 1 date or that 1 coffee or 1 meal. Focus only on that one day then if you want to see them again, just focus again on just that next one meeting.

Trust people for the day, its was probably a trust issue that caused your pain in the first place. Remind yourself that that one person who betrayed you or who treated you badly was by their actions. They cheated. They lied. They alienated the kids from you. You don’t know what these other women have done or capable of doing…yet. They might be an amazing beautiful person, so give them one (1) chance.

Wait until you see signs that they’re less than sincere. Then you could question them. But until then? Just trust them today. That way if they do disappoint you, you didn’t invest to much time into them.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships

The importance of encouraging good oral hygiene at both homes

23/01/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

When kids have two homes their regular routines can often go out the window; one parent may well be more likely to allow more TV time than the other, for example, or prefer eating out to cooking at home. However one routine that it’s important doesn’t get lost during the change-over process is teeth cleaning and good oral hygiene, particularly amongst younger children. The noticeable long term habits of having a good teeth cleaning routine mean it’s worth the effort of establishing good habits now, even if your children are reluctant. Here are some hints and tips for encouraging good oral hygiene, and helping your kids form healthy dental habits that will last a lifetime:

Provide Help and Support

Many parents believe that simply providing access to a toothbrush and toothpaste is enough to encourage good oral hygiene habits, but in reality you need to be much more involved than that. Dental experts recommend that you should physically brush and floss your child’s teeth for them until they are at least six years old (and have the coordination skills to competently and consistently tie their own shoe laces). You should clean their teeth for them for at least two minutes every morning before breakfast and every evening before bedtime, using a fluoride based toothpaste and an age appropriate tooth brush. Once you have cleaned their teeth for them, encourage your child to then brush their teeth independently for another minute: this will build their confidence and encourage them to develop the skills they will need when they are old enough to brush their teeth independently. Once your child is over the age of six you should still supervise their teeth cleaning, to ensure they are brushing regularly and with good technique

Have Everything You Need in Your Home

When kids are switching from one home to the other it’s easy for things to be left behind, however if they forget their toothbrush this could give them the excuse their looking for to have an extended break from teeth cleaning. Given the equipment needed for good dental practice is so inexpensive, why not have everything they need permanently in your home? Buy them a tooth brush, tooth paste, and dental floss that they have constant access to. Why not take them shopping and let them choose their own? Toothbrushes are now available in a wide range of colours, designs, and even featuring their favourite cartoon characters, which could help to make teeth cleaning time a little more fun.

Model Good Habits

Children learn their behaviours by watching their parents and modelling on them, so it’s important to practice what you preach. Clean your teeth thoroughly morning and night, and take care of your smile. Why not clean your teeth at the same time as your child’s, so that you can form the healthy habit together? Whilst regular dentist visits can be expensive, particularly if you don’t have dental coverage, it’s important that you visit the dentist regularly and that you take your child to the dentist regularly too. Dentist trips are no fun for anyone, and your child is likely to be reluctant and apprehensive, but it is the best way of ensuring your child better understands the importance of taking care of their teeth, and of dealing with any dental problems as soon as they arise.

Talk About What Will Happen If They Don’t Brush

It can be difficult to deal with a reluctant tooth brusher, and most parents don’t relish the thought of having to hold down their distressed child so they can brush their teeth, so finding other strategies to encourage good oral hygiene is preferable. Talk to your child about cavities and tooth decay, explaining how germs will affect their smile and that once teeth have been damaged by decay they cannot be repaired: if your child is a visual learner then showing them some images of damaged smiles and decayed teeth online might well help to drive your message home. Good oral hygiene is a lifelong habit that needs to be formed as soon as possible, so it’s important to use whatever tools you have in your armoury to get your child brushing every day.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

Getting rid of credit cards once and for all

15/01/2017 by DO 1 Comment

Over Christmas I read a book by The barefoot investor. It made a lot of sense, more sense than I have heard before about getting on top of finances.
If you’re having trouble getting control over your money, don’t worry, there is a way of getting rid of your debt & loans and enjoying financial freedom again.

Go buy the book, its online but a quick simple step that hooked me was to firstly cut those credit cards up. Secondly, I have been juggling my monthly salary and paying as much off my multiple debts as possible. I had a couple of credit cards, a car & motorcycle loan and a mortgage. If you thought trying to paying as much as you can off all of them was the answer…wait a sec, keep reading.

Put your debt/loans into a list from smallest to largest. Go on, all of them. Your credit card debt is the most important. Concentrate on the smallest debt first and from now-on pay the minimum off all of the debts (accept the smallest) Work to knock off the smallest first, then the next and the next. It might take a little while but by focusing on paying one (1) off at a time you will get wins and eventually pay them all down to zero (Freedom).

I wasn’t thinking that way, i thought by adding a little extra to all of them would reduce the debt but really it was going to take forever to pay them off. Focus on paying extra to the smallest debt and then working through the rest will clear debt quicker in the right order and start to free up your cash.

The important key here is to cut up the cards and only live on what you can pay cash for, a good lesson for our kids.
The barefoot investor has a really good formula for splitting up your salary each month and saving for the future and allowing yourself to splurge too.

Note: this is not a paid advertisement for the barefoot investor, i just really liked the book and the practical ideas he had.

Can I say, if you need your credit card to fill a gap at the end of the month, you need to adjust your lifestyle, and reduce expenses so that your monthly salary covers everything.

Go on, make 2017 the year of clearing debt and enjoy the freedom of having money.

#barefootinvestor #theonlymoneyguideyoulleverneed #scottpape www.thebarefootinvestor.com

Filed Under: Dads Health, Finances

A must watch: Simon Sinek – Millennials in the work place

13/01/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

We live in a world that is consumed by technology and social media. Relationships suffer, work and our ability to cope with everyday stresses are tough for our children. Children born post 1982 have been brought up in a new and potentially damaging era, a time never seen by their parents. Mr Simon Sinek talks about how we have become this addicted society to social media, why it is so damaging and how we can change it and make life more personal, enjoyable, develop meaningful relationships and be more satisfied at work. Something our children must learn and its starts with us! A very interesting and en-lighting video discussion on what we can do. It will be the best 18 minutes you spend this year 🙂 Oh, and put your phone AWAY when you watch it – unless of course your watching from your phone LOL

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Parenting, Relationships, Video

Some Dads are not waking up to their children this Christmas

19/12/2016 by DO 1 Comment

Sadly, I know too many people to whom this applies (including myself once). I have cried with memories of what this time used to be for me and how it was filled with such love and happiness – for some dads times like these bring back memories of the reality of emptiness and sadness.

So I would like to remind you that there are people for whatever reason are not looking forward to Christmas.

Some people are not surrounded by wonderful families or wake up to their children on Christmas morning (we used to but life has changed).

Some have problems during the holidays and are overcome with great sadness when we think about our sons or daughters who are not with us.

This also applies to the elderly who find them-self without their children, family or friends. And, many of these people are besieged by loneliness. They all need caring and our loving thoughts right now.

To all those who have family problems, are elderly and alone, having health struggles, job issues or worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares – we do and our hearts and thoughts are with you.

Take care & best wishes xx

If you find yourself overwhelmed with feelings of sadness or loneliness, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 you don’t need to be alone.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Disabilities

Christmas can be a tough time, its ok if you’re not up for it.

20/11/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Christmas time is not always a happy time for some people, there can be a lot of different reasons and one of the biggest reasons is loneliness. Sadley, many people suffer in silence and often the depression is masked by fake smiles and laughter.

1 in 4 people will suffer from depression this Christmas and there is a way you can help.

If you sense a friend or a family member suffering from depression or loneliness, just say “it’s ok” if you don’t feel up to it.

Spending time with people who are supportive is often the best thing to do, it can be a walk in the park or a quiet night in at home. If you think you’ll be up for some visitors, write out a list of friends and family that are supportive and invite them over, don’t wait to be invited. If your stuck for ideas, a good online resource for things to do in your city is TimeOut

If you need someone to talk to over the Christmas period to help you through feelings of depression or loneliness call MensLine on 1300 78 99 78 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 they are both available 24 hours a day, every day. Both of these great support services offer an Online Chat service , you can access it by registering on their website. The Telephone crisis support workers will listen non-judgmentally to your story and help you work through your feelings.

Merry Christmas to all and have a safe New Year.

From the Dads Online team 🙂

Filed Under: Celebrations, Dads Health

Can PTSD be a symptom of divorce

30/10/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

I do believe that the stress and grief cause through separation and divorce can result in PTSD. To understand this we first need to know what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is? It is a mental illness or mental disorder which is a diagnosable illness that affects a person thinking, emotional state and behaviour, and disrupts the persons ability to work or carry out other daily activities. Are you starting to think there could be a connection? keep reading…

How do you know if you are suffering from PTSD?

You still feel very upset or fearful after witnessing or being involved in a traumatic event
You are unable to escape intense, or depressing feelings
Your important relationships are suffering because of the trauma (e.g you withdraw from their family or friends)
You feel jumpy or have nightmares because or about the trauma
You cant stop thinking about the trauma
You are unable to enjoy life at all because of the trauma
Your post traumatic symptoms are interfering with their usual activities

We clearly know the emotional upset that is associated with separation & divorce. The unknown future, financial hardship, loss of friends, unable to be a full time dad, juggling work and parenting, If you have a selfish ex-wife that doesn’t value fatherhood and uses the kids to cause you emotional pain and makes you fight for contact. All of these traumatic events if not resolved can in the long term result in prolonged PTSD and there needs to be professional intervention.

You must speak up and if you feel your happiness levels are not where they should be, see your local GP for a referral service that can help.

If you feel someone you know is suffering PTSD, talk to them and LISTEN in a caring and non judgmental way. You shouldn’t force a person to talk if they don’t want to but encourage them to seek professional help. If the person is experiencing a personal crisis they should call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or encourage them to see their local GP.

Your life does not need to be out of sorts or unhappy or feelings of hopelessness.

Once you make a positive and intentional effort to correct your mental health, their can be a wonderful life not far away.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

The top pain points of separation

16/10/2016 by DO 12 Comments

loosing friends like rates leaving a sinking ship There are so many individual things that cause pain after separation. It sometimes feels like your stuck on a emotional roller coaster. I’ve talked before about ways to “SELF CARE” during these years, but when I think about what it is that causes the downs, there is a top 4 that seems to be ongoing and are a little more sticky and prickly than some of the others. I would be interested in knowing if your pain has been the same as mine?

Below are my top 4 things that caused me the most pain after separation, and I have included what I did about it.

1. Grieving the loss of your children
This is the biggest pain point. Feeling of loss, missing, guilty, can not guarantee their security 7 days a week, part time dad, daily contact, The feeling that we are no longer as important in their lives all brings feelings of grief that continues to plague your thoughts. It is important that these emotions are worked on. The feeling of loss will never leave, it is something you learn to live with and it will always be a dark cloud that follows you around.

What I did about it: I came to realize that I am their 100% dad 24/7, even if I am not living with them. It is easier to cope knowing that it’s true. I read once, that they don’t have a dad – only when you stop being their dad. I thought about that and knew they have a Dad. Emotions are something that I am constantly working on. I surrounded myself with people (a person) who is positive. Keep a good home so that I feel good about my contribution to the children, work at co-parenting with their mother as it is easier for everyone if you can get along. I worked on ideas for keeping in touch so that the gaps between visits weren’t silent, There has been a few posts written to help you with this, here is one: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/when-you-just-cant-be-there or another is this: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/card-hug

2. Reduced finances
Juggling bills month to month. You paying your share for the children but then 100% of your new housing and living costs and everything associated with it. Before separation, rent, mortgage, living expenses, holidays, children’s clothing etc were generally a shared expense but now it requires much stricter budgeting as you end up paying for much of this on your own. Being separated brings some extra time on your hands when the children are not with you but you do not have extra funds to provide extra activities. Gym memberships, keeping up with fashion, holidays all take second place to surviving month to month. A study was conducted and found that men appeared to be generally ‘unaware of and unprepared for separation.

This can mean that men do not approach their finances as an important factor in maintaining a positive parenting environment i.e. doing a budget will help you not spend more than you earn. This is critical for your health and well-being and this is important for your children.

What I did about it:
The first thing I did was to complete a budget, I found a good one here: Budget Planner. I was honest with myself and made a decision to live within my means, you have too. You will or would have lost friends already, so your social life is diminished (more on this in No. 3) which in it’s self means you will not go out as much as your did before. I cancelled my Gym membership, cancelled Foxtel, I called my bank and spoke to the department that managing credit cards and I had my credit card interest rate reduced from 28% to 5% just by asking, this helped me to reduce debt.

I started taking a lot of notice how I used water and electricity too. Life sucks for quiet a while but there are many things that you will find enjoyment with that don’t cost money. Cutting back enabled me also to have a little savings.

There is always something that comes up that needs me to put my hand in my pocket, I have found that saving and cutting back has reduced the stress a little when bills come in or the new pair of runners or school uniform needs replacing. If you feel you need urgent help to sort out your bills and prepare a budget, you can call 1800 007 007. This free hotline is open from 9.30am – 4pm Monday to Friday. When you call the number you will automatically be transferred to the phone service in your state where a financial counsellor will help you.

3. Loss of friends
Friends will choose who they want to be friends with after you separate, you will need to be prepared to loose many. Your guy friends will side with their wife or girlfriend because that’s life. Its easier for them to dump you than it is to argue with their wife about it.

Some reasons why you might lose friendships are:

They judge you as not being an honest person and having same values
They believe you brought this tough time onto yourself
There own relationship is not great and you could be contagious
They choose who they will support, you or your ex (even if they have been your friend)
You are now “John Doe” the separated guy and they are not sure how to relate to you
You now have different interests and priorities and they just don’t relate
A single dad just does not fit in with their idea of a friendship group

Whatever the reasons, some friends will leave you like rats leaving a sinking ship!

What I did about it:
I eventually focus on the positives, get out and spend time on yourself. In the past you have probably had friends you would not have chosen, now you can choose exactly the friends you want to spend time with. I don’t think there is anything wrong with dropping out for a while and just hanging out with yourself, in some ways it can be quite therapeutic to find yourself again. So long as it is not forever (as some fall into that trap of hanging out there and never leaving) finding new friends can be uncomfortable but you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.

4. Work Life Balance
I absolutely believe that separation stalls peoples career’s (both Dads and Mothers). Purely from the distraction and commitment that needs to be exerted as a parent you can not put your energy into a career equally – something has to give? and in my case it was not going to be the time I spent with the kids.

My children are now getting a little older and more independent that allows me to dedicate more time to my job which by default helps you move forward in your career. However whilst they were growing up I thought the last thing they needed is a family breakdown and a father who would rather spend more time at the office than with the them.

Company do say that they are family friendly but they also need you to get the job done and will tolerate a couple of nights leaving earlier but when promotional opportunities come around you could be over looked. Purely due to time restraints.

What I did about it:
I just had to juggle work and life! it makes you time poor and stressful at times. I used to start work at 9am and at leave work at 5pm on the dot a couple of nights a week, be very organized in the mornings and get up to make breakfasts and lunches and make sure everyone was washed and dressed ready for school so that I was not late to work.

Some dads I know just could not be able to have the children during the week due to work demands, it makes me sad to think that but i know it is a reality. It throws all the weekly parenting back onto the mother causing everyone to be disadvantaged and time poor. Time does heal and as the kids get older it becomes easier for all.

You just have to be in the game, put the kids first, make intentional efforts to parent them and make a home for them.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Separation