Let’s face it fellas, the last 18 months have been tough.  Bloody tough.  Who thought that the world would be where we are at right now just 18 months ago?  Whilst lockdowns, self-isolation, quarantine have all become the vernacular, we have had to adjust massively, and above all else, be f**cking resilient.  If resiliency was not something that came to you easily, boy you have had a lesson on it over the last year.  

With our health and fitness, it’s something that should ideally be entrenched in our daily lives and done regularly across the week, but the COVID pandemic has either a) destroyed all previous healthy habits with the closure of gyms, pools and other fitness facilities or b) firmly cemented the fact that there is no way to get started on a fitness journey right now.  A tough place to be.  Thankfully, there is some hope, as we have seen the fitness industry embrace technology with things like virtual classes via zoom, in order keep clients healthy and active and, of course, stay in business themselves.

One thing is for sure in this uncertain world, COVID doesn’t look like its going away anytime soon. So, the sooner we establish what our exercise patterns look like in a lockdown and also out of a lockdown, is the sooner we alleviate the stress of missing workouts, gym closures and declines in our physical (and mental) well-being.  But, for those Dads who haven’t been able to even start, I am here to provide some hope that there is a way to improve their physical wellbeing during this pandemic.  

But how? I hear you say.  Dads are pressed for time, they face work commitments, home schooling, household chores, closed gyms and lockdowns which make it next to impossible to exercise.  Well, no, I didn’t say it was easy, but there ARE ways to tackle this, and in extreme situations (like say, during a pandemic with lockdowns), it needs a bit more of a thought-out approach, but it’s still possible to really take back control of your health.

What I mean by this is we need to start by drilling down on what you want to achieve from your health, understanding the struggles and pressures of being a busy father and develop a plan that takes into the current COVID climate and parenting responsibilities.  It should be complementary to your life and not against it.

“Oh man, that sound like a lot of work!” Well, it can be, but now we give rise to the online fitness coach who can guide clients through these stages in order to achieve their ultimate success – no matter where they live.  In my online fitness coaching business, the scenario planning component and what to do when lockdowns hit, are key in the current environment and ensures Dads are prepared for anything.  It alleviates stress and compliments their lifestyle, as opposed to turning it upside down and adding in another stress when the world is already in chaos.

What success looks like for each individual is different, hence all approaches need to be different.  But outcomes are much more effective than a traditional in-person trainer who is often seen just once a week, when they take the Dad through his exercise program.  Once through this process, we don’t want to see clients coming back as we’ve built the psychology and behaviours foundationally in the person’s psyche.  So they are not reliant on us, anyone else or life circumstances to keep their health and fitness habits up.  They leave self-sufficient, more educated and health and fitness is firmly part of their lives in a COVID world or not.  Sometimes Dads just need a little bit of help to break old thought and behaviour patterns and establish new ones.  And it’s important now, more than ever, to reach out for that type of help.

If you’d like to get in touch, Steven Dornik is a fitness coach at Peak State Health and Fitness, who specifically focuses on helping Dads rediscover their health and fitness, details below.

Steve Dornik
Health and Fitness Coach
Certificate IV – Fitness, 8 x Ironman

Peak State Health and Fitness
Coaching enquiries: stevendornik@gmail.com mob: 0400 886 119

@peak_state_health_and_fitness

@PeakStateHealthandFitness

Ever thought of becoming a builder; personal trainer; becoming a better friend or father; running a marathon; or writing a book?

We all have dreams but too few of us have the faith or fortitude to see them through. Committing to realizing your dream can often be so daunting we relinquish the idea to fantasy – never living our dreams at all. They become the regrets and “what ifs?” of our lives.

Is it the thought “I might fail”, or worse “I might succeed”? Is it you feel you’ve left everything a little too late? Have you procrastinated around your dream? Have your friends, family and loved ones dismissed you and your ideas and dreams as mere fancy? Have you been bullied or manipulated into thinking other people’s opinions are correct? Or is it that you simply doubt your worth and ability? What does your heart tell you? Have you just quit?

The truth is its okay to be frightened. The truth is (from time to time) people will dismiss you and pull you down particularly if you want to stretch yourself spiritually, physically, and intellectually. The truth is its likely you do this to yourself as well. The truth is it’s your dream and no one else’s so it’s likely you will be in it alone.

More than anything ever created, any disease, any famine, or violence. More than any war or any abuse; fear has done more to damage people’s lives (and leaves in its wake mountains of despair and destruction) than any other spiritual or physical instrument imaginable.

Unfulfilled lives cause people to become lost, bitter, and barren.

So how do we win? How do we overcome negative outside forces and our own self-loathing? How do we live a life without regret?

At church, at school, through our parents (if you were blessed), in books, and at motivational meetings each of us has likely to have heard the message “we’re all capable of accomplishing incredible things”.

“Your life, your perfect life is waiting for you.” “The life you want to live, the life you dream of is available to each and every one of us right now!”

I expect the evidence around you tells a different story. Evidence of bad blood between brothers, closed hearts, unrequited love, hopeful careers fallen by the wayside, and lovers and children you don’t know how to communicate with anymore. Resentments unforgiven, a mortgage hanging around your neck, an addiction tearing at your soul, the darkest loneliness, or perhaps it’s as simple as a lie you told your boss that won’t let you sleep at night – the list is endless isn’t it?

So what is the truth? Is the good life merely an un-kept promise? A fable? Something that’s exclusively available to everyone else except you?

Fear some say, is “false evidence appearing real”. Yet if you’ve ever felt fear at any depth you’ll know it doesn’t feel false, it’s about as real as it gets.

The dictionary says fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain whether the threat is real or imagined.”

Is there more to fear than our own imaginings? I expect so, because of course there is the seen and the unseen. It is my personal belief that fear, procrastination, and dark imaginings don’t just come from within, they also come from with-out. However, fear does come in many forms, and regardless of the type it insidiously sneaks in to ruin any chance of our achieving our true selves.

I can’t promise you that overcoming fear will suddenly catapult you into a new and grand life, accelerate your sales, or get you the relationship you’ve been dreaming of, but I can promise you peace-of-mind, and perhaps a wiser heart. And for some, this alone would be an amazing life to live, yes?

The biggest problem with self-imposed fear is that it isn’t probably real, but it is a natural reaction to things we perceive as painful or challenging. The trick in overcoming this type of fear is to learn how to remain in the moment. Don’t live in the past or the future, each only exists in our imaginings. If you live in the ‘now’ your fear will be diminished because most self-ignited fear is about something that happened to us years ago, or something we fantasize might happen in the future.

Expect the worst, and the worst is likely to come. Expect the best (not second best) and something better will indeed come. I’ve written much about ‘action and courage’ over the years, two tools that will help you overcome your fears. But its action that’s key.

Success at life is a result of getting in the game. You cannot win by standing on the sidelines watching everyone else play. The fear of rejection, confrontation, loss, and humiliation all keep us from living, and help us build a large pile of regrets. Of course participation in life is not a perfect recipe, there is always the risk things will not go as planned. But that’s the game right?

A dear friend of mine wrote:

Some people spend all of their lives saying “If only”, “I could have”, and “I should have”; but then there is you and me. The ones who dare to jump into the fire, the ones who stand up for one more round with the taste of blood in our mouths.

The ones, who don’t quit, who don’t betray (ourselves or others); and in this resilience find the only reward there is. A life well lived.

Thank you to Michael Tate for this inspiring story.To learn more about Michael, click on his name and it will take you to his LinkedIn profile page.

WHAT THEY WANT AND WHY IT MATTERS TO WOMEN

The 100% Project is a not for profit organisation that wants to see 
100 percent of Australia’s leadership talent, female and male, equally contributing to our social and economic future. We exist because women are under-represented on most Boards and in the senior management teams of most Australian organisations.

We have to engage men if we are to achieve meaningful change – because men run most of the businesses and organisations where change is required and organisational culture is generally defined in male terms.

But what do men actually think about their role at work and at home?

Do they want the work-life balance more often seen as something women want? Do they feel they can take advantage of flexible working? And if they don’t, will women continue to miss out on their fair share of senior positions?

These are questions The 100% Project set out to explore in its latest research report, ‘Men at Work: What they want and why it matters for women’ published in September 2011.

Here’s what we found:
Men want to spend time and energy on their family life
75 percent of men surveyed expect to devote a significant amount of their time and energy to rearing their children.

And family is more important to them than their career
68 percent of men are willing to accept costs to other areas of their life so they can be involved in the day-to-day care of their children.

They want a rewarding career – but they won’t sacrifice everything for it
83 percent of men expect to devote significant time to building their career – but only 29 percent of men expect to make as many sacrifices as necessary to advance their career.

Men want work-life balance – and say their life as a whole is better if they get it
62 percent of men who are satisfied with their life as a whole agree that their work-life balance is right for their current situation. Only 14 percent of men who are not satisfied with their life think that their work-life balance is right.

MEN ARE NOT GETTING WHAT THEY WANT…

They work harder if their employer encourages work/family balance
– even if they themselves don’t take advantage of work/life balance programs 79 percent of men who say they are engaged at work agree that their employer encourages employees to strike a balance between their work and family lives. Only 49 percent of non-engaged men agree with the same statement.

Men don’t ask for greater work-life balance, even if they have children, because they think asking will harm their career
Only 39 percent of men have asked for greater work-life balance at some time in their career. The top reasons for this include the belief that such a request would have negative effects on their career and that employers look negatively on employees who take advantage of work-life balance initiatives.

And women pay the price because men aren’t getting what they want
The women we surveyed are just as committed to their careers as men. But if men don’t feel they can request the work-life balance they want, then women will continue to carry most of the burden of maintaining a home and raising the children.

As they can’t share this burden, more women than men will continue to ask for flexible working arrangements such as part-time work.
This will perpetuate the inaccurate view that these initiatives are only for women who are not committed to their careers.

Working long hours in full time jobs with little flexibility may not be what all men want, but it gives them an advantage over many women in winning appointment to senior positions. It also contributes to the unhealthy culture of long working hours with rigid role structures in many Australian organisations.

We can see the price that women pay for this in not making it into senior leadership roles.

Giving men real opportunities for flexible working will:

• Enrich their work and family life
• Improve their job satisfaction and engagement at work
• Enhance their overall sense of well-being, and
• Help open up opportunities for women as well.

Failing this, the leadership opportunities open to Australian women will not improve, remaining significantly lower than in other developed nations – and men will continue to miss out on meaningful time with their families.

We acknowledge The 100% project for this research.
They would like to thank Partners and Sponsors who made this research possible: Principle launch partner – Australia Post, Research Partners – School of Psychology, Deacon University, Media Communication Partners – Reputation, Launch sponsors – PCW, Able and Baker, People Measures.

For some dads, an effort is made to maintain a fine balance between work and family since they consider them intertwined and equally important.   Just as you can’t be with your children 20 hours per day and hold a job, or spend 20 hours per day at work and be an effective dad, occasional compromises between work and family are required to maintain a happy medium.

For these dads, keeping work and family equal is a matter of pragmatism.   On an emotional or ideal basis they believe that family is the higher priority.  They believe that fulfilling their role as a father includes being a good provider, in fine balance with family life. They are defensive of family time, being intentional in their efforts to not let work rob their kids and family of time with their dad.  One dad adjusts his shifts so he can spend more time with his kids.  He’ll swap shifts to be at home even for a brief period at dinner time when he can ask the kids about their day.

Another dad, a teacher, goes into work early so when he comes home in the evening his family has his full attention. Some dads maximize precious family time by including their kids in everything they do or wherever they go outside of work.  Rather than stay in a job that intrudes into family time and is inflexible, many of these dads look for a new job that enables family time. These dads aren’t immune from the challenges of separating career and family priorities. In practice they are willing and intentional in their effort to compromise as best they can keep their career and family roles balanced.

Unless a dad is independently wealthy and doesn’t need to work, it is normal for him to be confronted with conflicting priorities of work and family. How the father addresses the balance of work and family has significant positive or negative ramifications for all stakeholders; himself, his family, and his employer.

For many separated dads, time becomes even more precious, the need to continue earning is a heightened because finances are stretched. Many dads that have a fortnightly or 50/50 access agreement take intentional action to ensure that nothing gets in the way of their time with their children. Work shifts, social engagements get pushed aside over having access with their children. For this group of dads, career and promotion opportunities are often missed and social friends disappear but from the value they get from fathering they would not have it any other way.

The father’s behavior will in large measure be based on his sense of control, the flexibility of his job and family, and his willingness to engage in healthy compromise and boundary setting. Work and family will be out of balance when boundaries are absent or not enforced. Poor boundaries created by an out of balance condition can be generated by the father, or in some cases inflexible demands of the family, the job or the employer.

Focus on the children can help fathers by raising their awareness of the factors necessary for a healthy work/family balance. Since families need to eat, there may be periods of time where it is the father’s duty to tolerate a work/family imbalance. On the other hand, many fathers may actually be promoting the condition by poor boundary setting or failing to research and pursue different job opportunities that may be available. With the many conflicting priorities inherent to work and family demands, the issues surrounding work/life imbalance can be a significant source of stress to fathers and their families.

Depending on your access agreement it can be difficult developing a career, I was a every second weekend dad the first time round and although it came with all the emotional losses it enabled me to devote time into my career.  Now that I find myself in this situation again (accept in a 50/50 parenting agreement) and loving it, it comes with a different array of stresses, mostly work related.  Sometimes I am not available to put the extra long hours in like people who are climbing the career ladder seem to put in when they have that second support at home.  My foot has slipped of the clutch and I have stalled but I am out and pushing to keep the vehicle moving, but I don’t see any choice, what is the alternative, no thank you!  There does seem to be a glass ceiling for people like me.  So all in all I feel I am working and parenting adequately to keep all concerned happy.  I am sure there are many of us in the same situation, how are you guys doing it?