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Examples of Domestic Violence and Abuse

Examples: hitting, murder, strangling, pulling hair, smashing things, burning, denying medical support or medications, locked in side or outside, damage to possessions, cruelty to pets.

Examples: unwanted sex or sexual acts, sexual acts in front of or witnessed by children, made to watch pornography, sex on their conditions, denying choice in contraception, forced abortion.

Example: saying you are crazy, threatening suicide, threatening to leave, self esteem erosion, critiquing appearance/body, put-downs, undermining character, implying mental illness, spreading rumours, saying you are a bad father/mother/partner, blaming, shaming, misattributing responsibility for violence e.g. “look what you made me do”, controlling what you wear.
For the LGBTIQA+ relationships, the type of abuse can involve ‘Outing’, or threatening to ‘Out’ their partner to friends, family, church or employer.

Example: not letting them follow their own beliefs, using beliefs to justify behaviour, not allowing negotiation in children’s spiritual education, stopping attendance at a place of worship, forcing or insisting on conversion.

Example: controlling money, getting into debt, control of shopping expenditure, concealing assets, unable to buy things for oneself, rationing or placing conditions on money, gambling joint money, taking out loans.

Example: yelling, name calling, sarcasm, fault finding, lies, public humiliation, threats, dominating conversation.

Example: not allowing the individual to see or ring friends or family, monitoring where they are, reading messages on phone, smashing phone, jealousy, accusing of affairs, disallowing transport or license, controlling appearance, sabotaging social outings.

Examples: watching from parked cars, unwanted gifts, cyber stalking, repeatedly driving past home or work, reading mail or emails, turning up at places where the person who experiences violence frequents.

Technology facilitated abuse
Examples: tracking via mobile phone apps, monitoring through the access of online bank accounts, threats to the partner via social media.

There is a disturbing increase in the number of individuals experiencing technology facilitated abuse, as people who use violence use digital means to monitor and control their partners movements.
Abuse via technology has an enormous impact on the lives of people experiencing domestic and family violence. It restricts their movements, creates fear and causes issues for their health and wellbeing. Knowing how to increase safety when using digital technology is very important, see information here…Domestic Violence-eSafety Online Safety Plan

Why its important for men to know about Menopause

Because your partner, sister, mother could be suffering in silence?

Hey Dads, so you know how our bodies change as we get older? Well, women also go through a big change called menopause. It’s a natural process that happens when a woman’s body stops having periods. The timing is normally between 40’s to 60’s when a women’s oestrogen levels drop. but “Perimenopause” can start from as young as 30 years of age. This happens because the ovaries stop releasing eggs and her hormone levels change. These changes cause most women to experience symptoms like hot flashes, mood swings, lack of self confidence, depression, trouble sleeping and a lack of sexual desire . It’s a big transition in her life, and she might need support or understanding during this time.”

Menopause is overlooked by many doctors (GP’s). The cause, symptoms and solutions are under publicised yet it happens to most women! Untreated, woman going through Menopause feel like they have to give up their career because some symptoms can be overwhelming. Brain fog and a lack of self confidence, can leave her feeling that she cannot perform at work anymore?

Menopause is inevitable – suffering is not

50% of the population will go through menopause and I have no doubt that many of us Dads have already experienced our partners or someone we know going through menopause, so it’s important you understand it and provide support. If it’s effecting your mum, sister, partner it could be effecting your relationships too, but don’t worry, there are treatments that can help reduce the symptoms.

Read this…in 2023, 85% of women complained of menopausal symptoms but only 10% are getting treatment!

Imagine if our testicles shrivelled up and died at 51, that’s the equivalent, how would you feel, so sit up and take notice dads ~ Dr May Claire Haver

Did you know most GP’s are more likely to prescribe an anti-depressant than Hormone Replacement Therapy? WTF !!

Why don’t our GP’s know the symptoms? They spend only a little amount of time specifically training on the management/treatment of Menopause, yet 1/3 of the worlds women are going through either peri-menopause, menopause or post-menopause. So it’s best to get a referral to a specialist.

Menopause symptoms vary in intensity and duration from woman to woman. Approximately 70 different symptom have been identified however, here is a list of the common menopausal symptoms:

  1. Hot Flashes:
    • Sudden, intense feelings of heat, often accompanied by sweating and a flushed face.
  2. Night Sweats:
    • Hot flashes that occur during the night, leading to excessive sweating and potential sleep disturbances.
  3. Irregular Menstrual Periods:
    • Changes in the menstrual cycle, including irregular periods or the complete cessation of menstruation.
  4. Vaginal Dryness:
    • Reduced moisture in the vaginal area, leading to discomfort, itching, and pain during sexual intercourse.
  5. Sleep Disturbances:
    • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, often linked to night sweats or hormonal changes.
  6. Mood Swings:
    • Fluctuations in mood, including irritability, anxiety, and feelings of sadness or depression.
  7. Weight Gain:
    • Changes in body composition, with some women experiencing weight gain, especially around the abdomen.
  8. Changes in Libido:
    • Decreased interest in or changes in sexual desire.
  9. Fatigue:
    • Persistent feelings of tiredness or lack of energy.
  10. Memory and Concentration Issues:
    • Difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, or “brain fog.”
  11. Joint and Muscle Pain:
    • Aches and pains in the joints and muscles i.e. frozen shoulder
  12. Headaches:
    • Increased frequency or intensity of headaches.
  13. Hair Changes:
    • Thinning of hair or changes in hair texture.
  14. Skin Changes:
    • Changes in skin elasticity, dryness, or an increase in wrinkles.
  15. Urinary Changes:
    • Increased frequency of urination or urinary incontinence.
  16. Heart Palpitations:
    • Sensations of rapid, fluttering, or pounding heartbeats.
  17. Breast Tenderness:
    • Discomfort or tenderness in the breasts.
  18. Changes in Cholesterol Levels:
    • Menopause can be associated with changes in cholesterol levels, potentially increasing the risk of heart disease.

It’s important to realise that some women are getting individual treatment for multiple ailments yet maybe all they need to do is look at them holistically and get their hormones back on track? Surely it’s worth a visit to a specialist?

If left unchecked menopause can increase the risk of cardiovascular problems, diabetes and a women’s cholesterol levels can shoot up during your 40-50’s? getting checked will help prevent any negative consequences.

I think it is hugely important to talk about it and not sweep it under the carpet, it might save your marriage or relationship! So whilst you’re driving in the car or laying in bed I recommend you Listen to Dr Mary Claire Haver podcast interview together with your partner.

Shout out to…Dr Mary Claire Haver who is a menopause expert, OBGYN, bestselling author and internet personality. She specialises in women’s health, focusing on empowering and educating everyone to understand women’s bodies. In 2018, she founded ‘The Galveston Diet’, which became a bestseller in 2023. The Mary Claire Wellness Clinic, established in 2021, has helped to empower and educate thousands of women. Her new book is out May 2024 and provides everything a woman needs to know to thrive during her hormonal transition and beyond.

Follow Mary Claire Haver:
Pre-Order Dr Mary’s new book here:

Bonus…If you enjoy hearing about promoting health, self care and the power of fasting, check out the conversation with the nutritional and functional health expert, Dr Mindy Pelz, which you can find here:

Getting back into dating

Re-entering the dating game as a dad involves a combination of physical self-improvement, personal growth, and effective dating strategies. Here are some tips to help you make yourself attractive both physically and intellectually:

1. Self-Reflection and Self-Confidence:

  • Take time to reflect on your dating goals and what you’re looking for in a partner. Confidence in your own desires and expectations is attractive.
  • Boost your self-confidence by focusing on your strengths and acknowledging your achievements as a dad and as an individual.

2. Physical Fitness and Health:

  • Regular exercise not only improves physical health but also boosts self-esteem. Incorporate a fitness routine that you enjoy into your lifestyle.
  • Pay attention to your diet and nutrition. A healthy, balanced diet can enhance your physical appearance and overall well-being.

3. Grooming and Personal Style:

  • Invest in grooming and personal care. Regular haircuts, proper skincare, and a well-maintained beard or facial hair can enhance your appearance.
  • Update your wardrobe with stylish, age-appropriate clothing that makes you feel confident and comfortable.

4. Mental and Emotional Well-being:

  • Prioritize your mental health by managing stress and seeking support when needed. A positive mindset is attractive.
  • Consider talking to a therapist or counselor if you’re dealing with unresolved emotional issues from your past relationship or divorce.

5. Intellectual Growth:

  • Continue learning and stay intellectually engaged. Reading, taking courses, or pursuing hobbies that interest you can make you more interesting and attractive to potential partners.
  • Engage in thought-provoking conversations with others, both online and in-person. Show genuine interest in their perspectives and ideas.

6. Social Skills and Communication:

  • Work on your social skills, including active listening and effective communication. Good conversationalists are often seen as more attractive.
  • Practice making eye contact, using open body language, and smiling when interacting with others.

7. Parenting and Family:

  • Embrace your role as a dad. Being a responsible and caring parent is an attractive quality.
  • Be open about your children and your role as a parent when dating. Honesty and transparency are key.

8. Online Dating Profile:

  • If you’re using online dating sites, create a well-crafted and genuine profile. Use recent photos that represent your true self.
  • Write a bio that highlights your interests, hobbies, and what you’re looking for in a relationship.

9. Networking and Social Activities:

  • Attend social events and activities that align with your interests. You’re more likely to meet like-minded individuals in settings you enjoy.
  • Join local clubs, hobby groups, or volunteer organizations to expand your social circle.

10. Take Your Time:

– Don’t rush into dating. Take your time to heal from past experiences and ensure you’re emotionally ready for a new relationship. This could takes a couple of years to get back to being your true self.

Be patient and open-minded when meeting potential partners. Chemistry and compatibility can take time to develop.

Remember that being attractive is not just about physical appearance; it’s also about personality, confidence, and compatibility. Stay true to yourself, focus on personal growth, and be open to new experiences. Ultimately, the right partner will be attracted to the authentic and confident person you’ve become and that has potential of being far more successful for the long term.

Why do some men cheat

Cheating is a complex behavior and can be caused by various factors, including psychological, emotional, and social reasons. While it is not limited to men, research suggests that men are more likely to cheat compared to women. Here are some possible explanations for why some men cheat:

  1. Lack of emotional connection: Men who are not emotionally connected with their partners may feel unfulfilled and seek out emotional intimacy with someone else. Emotional intimacy is essential in any relationship, and if it is missing, men may seek it out elsewhere. This is especially true if the man is experiencing stress or feeling neglected in his relationship.
  2. Desire for novelty: Men who crave novelty may be more likely to cheat. This can be a result of boredom or a desire for new experiences. Men who have a high need for excitement may find it difficult to remain faithful to one partner and may seek out new partners as a way of satisfying their need for novelty.
  3. Low self-esteem: Men with low self-esteem may cheat to feel better about themselves. Cheating can be a way for them to feel wanted and desired by someone else. It can also be a way for them to boost their ego and feel more confident.
  4. Opportunity: Men may cheat when the opportunity presents itself. This is often the case in situations where men are away from their partners for long periods, such as business trips or when they are out with friends. They may also cheat if they feel that they can get away with it without their partners finding out.
  5. Dissatisfaction with sex life: Men who are not satisfied with their sex life may cheat to find more fulfillment. This can be due to a lack of sexual compatibility with their partner or a lack of interest in sex in their relationship. Men may seek out new partners who they believe can satisfy their sexual desires more effectively.
  6. Insecurity: Men who feel insecure in their relationship may cheat as a way of testing their partner’s commitment. They may cheat to see if their partner will forgive them and continue to love them, even if they have been unfaithful. This behavior can be a result of past relationship trauma, trust issues, or a lack of self-confidence.
  7. Peer pressure: Men may cheat because of social and peer pressure. This is often the case in situations where men are part of a group that encourages infidelity, such as a fraternity or a group of friends who are unfaithful to their partners. Men who are part of such groups may feel that cheating is normal and expected behavior, and they may feel pressure to conform to these expectations.

It’s important to note that cheating is not justifiable and can cause significant harm to those involved. Infidelity can lead to broken trust, emotional pain, and damage to the relationship. While the reasons why men cheat are complex, communication, honesty, and trust can help prevent cheating and address any issues that may arise. Couples should seek counseling if they are experiencing relationship issues that may lead to infidelity.

How do you know if your marriage is over

The decision to end a marriage can be a difficult and complex one, and there is no single answer that applies to all situations. However, there are some signs that may indicate that your marriage is over or may be headed in that direction:

  1. Lack of communication: When communication breaks down between spouses, it can be challenging to work through conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship. If you find that you and your partner are not talking, or if conversations frequently turn into arguments, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble.
  2. Loss of intimacy: Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy marriage, and a lack of physical or emotional connection can indicate that the relationship is deteriorating. If you and your partner are not spending time together or if physical touch and affection have decreased significantly, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.
  3. Constant fighting: Arguments are a normal part of any relationship, but if you and your partner are fighting frequently and are unable to resolve conflicts, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble. Constant bickering and disagreements can be emotionally draining and may indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed.
  4. Lack of trust: Trust is a crucial element of any healthy relationship, and if it has been broken, it can be challenging to repair. If you or your partner have been unfaithful, or if there are ongoing trust issues that cannot be resolved, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.
  5. Different goals and values: If you and your partner have fundamentally different goals, values, or beliefs, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy relationship. If you find that you are no longer on the same page regarding important issues like parenting, finances, or future plans, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a personal one that should be made with careful consideration and with the help of a therapist or counselor. If you are experiencing any of the above signs or are feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in your marriage, it may be time to seek professional help and begin the process of determining whether your marriage can be saved or if it is time to move on.

How to choose a life partner

Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. It is essential to choose someone who shares your values, goals, and interests and with whom you can build a strong and healthy relationship. Here are some tips on how to choose a life partner:

  1. Determine your own values and goals: Before you start looking for a life partner, it’s important to know yourself and what you want in life. Take some time to reflect on your values, goals, and interests. Knowing what you want and need in a partner will help you find someone who is compatible with you.
  2. Look for someone who shares your values and interests: Shared values and interests are essential for a long-lasting relationship. Look for someone who has similar goals and values as you. This can include beliefs about family, career, religion, and lifestyle.
  3. Look for someone who is supportive: A life partner should be supportive of your goals and dreams. They should encourage and motivate you to be your best self. They should also be understanding and empathetic when you face challenges or setbacks.
  4. Look for someone who communicates well: Communication is a key component of a successful relationship. Look for someone who communicates openly and honestly, and who is willing to work through issues with you. Good communication skills can help you build trust and intimacy in your relationship.
  5. Look for someone who is emotionally stable: Emotionally stable partners are better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life. They are less likely to engage in destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse, and more likely to be supportive and nurturing.
  6. Look for someone who is reliable and dependable: A reliable partner is someone who you can count on when you need them. They should be there for you when you need them, and they should follow through on their commitments.
  7. Look for someone who is compatible with you: Compatibility is essential for a successful relationship. Look for someone who shares your interests, values, and lifestyle. They should also be someone who you enjoy spending time with and who makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

It’s important to take your time and not rush into a relationship. It’s also important to trust your instincts and not settle for someone who doesn’t meet your needs or who doesn’t treat you with respect and kindness. Remember that a life partner is someone who you will spend the rest of your life with, so it’s important to choose wisely.

Can a relationship recover from infidelity

Recovering from infidelity can be challenging, but it is possible to rebuild trust and repair a relationship if both partners are committed to doing the work. Here are some steps that can help couples recover from infidelity:

  1. Take time to process emotions: Both partners need to take time to process their emotions before moving forward. The partner who was betrayed needs time to grieve, process the pain, and come to terms with what has happened. The partner who cheated needs to take responsibility for their actions and be willing to work to regain the trust of their partner.
  2. Seek counseling: Couples counseling can be helpful in navigating the complex emotions and issues that arise after infidelity. A trained therapist can help both partners explore their feelings, communicate more effectively, and work through the underlying issues that led to the infidelity.
  3. Be honest and transparent: The partner who cheated needs to be honest and transparent about their actions and intentions. This can involve sharing details about the affair, answering questions, and being accountable for their actions.
  4. Rebuild trust: Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and rebuilding it after infidelity can be challenging. The partner who cheated needs to be patient and consistent in their efforts to rebuild trust. This can involve being open and honest, following through on commitments, and being accountable for their actions.
  5. Set clear boundaries: Clear boundaries need to be established to prevent further infidelity. This can involve setting rules around communication with the person the partner cheated with, avoiding situations that may lead to infidelity, and being transparent about whereabouts and activities.
  6. Forgive: Forgiveness is a critical component of recovery after infidelity. It’s important to acknowledge the pain and hurt caused by the infidelity but also to be willing to let go of the anger and resentment. Forgiveness is a process that can take time, but it’s an essential step in rebuilding trust and moving forward.
    You can’t punish your partner ongoing and hold a grudge and expect to have a good relationship moving forward.

It’s important to note that recovering from infidelity is not easy and requires commitment and hard work from both partners. It’s also essential to seek professional help and to be patient and compassionate with each other throughout the process. While it is possible to recover from infidelity, it’s important to remember that not all relationships can or should be saved.

It’s important to prioritise your work too when going through separation and divorce

Going through a divorce can be an emotionally challenging time, and it can be difficult to focus on work when dealing with the stress and upheaval of a divorce. However, it is important to prioritize work and maintain a professional demeanor during this time. Here are some tips on how to prioritize work when going through a divorce:

  1. Be honest with your employer

If you feel comfortable doing so, consider talking to your employer about your situation. Let them know that you are going through a divorce and that you may need some flexibility in your schedule or workload during this time. This can help to set expectations and avoid any misunderstandings about your availability or productivity.

  1. Set boundaries

Set boundaries around your work and personal life. Try to keep your personal issues separate from your work, and avoid discussing your divorce with colleagues or clients. This can help to maintain a professional demeanor and avoid any potential conflicts or misunderstandings. Some people call it “compartmentalising”i.e. between 9am – 5pm you do not discuss your separation with anyone, its all about focus on doing a good job so you don’t jeopardise your employment.

  1. Stay organized

Staying organized can help to reduce stress and improve productivity during a divorce. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of your appointments, deadlines, and other obligations, and prioritize your tasks based on their importance and urgency. This can help you stay on top of your work and avoid any unnecessary stress or anxiety.

  1. Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is important during a divorce, and can help you stay focused and productive at work. Make time for regular exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. Consider engaging in activities that help you relax and de-stress, such as yoga, meditation, or spending time outdoors.

  1. Seek professional support ( everyone needs it)

If you are struggling to cope with the emotional challenges of divorce, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. These professionals can provide guidance on coping strategies and emotional regulation techniques, and can help you maintain your focus and productivity at work.

Remember that going through a divorce can be a difficult and stressful time, but prioritizing work can help you maintain a sense of normalcy and stability during this time. By being honest with your employer, setting boundaries, staying organized, practicing self-care, and seeking support will all assist in helping you manage the rollercoaster you just hopped on.

How can I save my marriage

Marriage is a complex relationship that requires work and commitment from both partners. If you feel that your marriage is in trouble and want to save it, there are several steps you can take to improve the relationship.

  1. Communication: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you and your partner are not communicating effectively, it can be challenging to resolve conflicts and move forward. Try to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and needs. Listen actively to your partner’s perspective and try to understand their point of view. Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor to improve your communication skills.
  2. Address underlying issues: Often, marital problems are a symptom of underlying issues such as stress, depression, or substance abuse. If you or your partner are struggling with these issues, it is essential to address them as soon as possible. Consider seeking professional help to work through these issues and develop coping strategies that can improve your relationship.
  3. Reconnect emotionally: Sometimes, couples can grow apart emotionally, leading to feelings of resentment or apathy. To save your marriage, it is essential to reconnect emotionally with your partner. Spend time together doing activities you both enjoy, communicate affection through physical touch or verbal affirmations, and make an effort to show appreciation for each other.
  4. Seek professional help: If you and your partner are struggling to resolve conflicts or make progress, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A professional can help you identify and address the underlying issues that are causing problems in your marriage and can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild your relationship.
  5. Prioritize your marriage: Saving a marriage requires effort and commitment from both partners. Make a conscious effort to prioritize your marriage and set aside time for each other. This may mean scheduling regular date nights, setting aside time each day to talk, or taking a vacation together to reconnect.
  6. Be patient: Saving a marriage takes time and effort. It is essential to be patient and committed to the process, even when it feels difficult or challenging. Remember that progress may be slow and that setbacks are normal. Keep the end goal in mind and work together to achieve it.

It’s important to remember that saving a marriage is a challenging and complex process that requires effort, commitment, and patience from both partners. By prioritizing communication, addressing underlying issues, reconnecting emotionally, seeking professional help, and being patient, you can work to rebuild your relationship and strengthen your marriage. Saving a marriage is a journey, not a destination, and that the process may take time, but the rewards can be significant.

Why some men need to be desired by other women

The desire to be wanted and desired by women is a common trait that can be observed in some men. Although it is not true for all men, it is an understandable phenomenon that is rooted in psychology, social norms, and personal preferences.

One possible explanation for why some men need to be desired by women is related to their self-esteem and self-worth. Men who lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem may feel better about themselves when they receive attention from women.

When a man is desired by a woman, he may feel validated and valued, which can help to boost his self-esteem. This validation can serve as a source of motivation, giving him a sense of purpose and self-worth that he may not find elsewhere.

Moreover, cultural and societal norms also play a significant role in shaping the desire of men to be wanted by women. Traditional gender roles and expectations from society dictate that men should be the initiators in a relationship, while women should be the ones who are pursued.

This can lead some men to believe that they must be desired by women to be considered masculine or successful. Men who conform to these societal expectations may feel more secure in their masculinity if they are desired by women.

In some cases, the desire to be wanted by women may be fueled by the thrill of the chase. The excitement of the chase, the thrill of pursuing a woman, and the satisfaction of winning her over can be exhilarating for some men. The pursuit can be seen as a challenge, and the man may take pride in the fact that he was able to win over the woman. This sense of accomplishment can be a powerful motivator for some men.

It is also essential to consider that the desire to be desired by women may be influenced by biological factors. Men have evolved to seek out and mate with healthy and fertile women, which may explain why some men are attracted to women who are physically attractive or who exhibit signs of good health and fertility. Therefore, it is possible that some men have an innate desire to be wanted by women, as it signals that they are attractive to potential mates.

Furthermore, the desire to be wanted by women may be linked to personal preferences and experiences. Some men may simply enjoy the attention they receive from women and feel more comfortable and at ease when they are desired. Men who have had positive experiences with women in the past may be more likely to seek out relationships where they feel desired and appreciated. Conversely, men who have had negative experiences with women, such as rejection or abandonment, may be more likely to seek out validation from women as a way to overcome these negative experiences.

While the desire to be wanted and desired by women is a natural and understandable phenomenon, it is essential to note that it can become problematic when it leads to harmful behavior. Men who feel a strong need to be desired by women may engage in manipulative or controlling behaviors, such as objectifying women or using coercive tactics to gain their attention. Such behavior can lead to negative consequences, including damaging relationships and harming the mental health of both the man and the woman involved.

In conclusion, the desire to be wanted and desired by women is a complex phenomenon that is influenced by a variety of factors, including psychological, cultural, and personal preferences. While the desire to be desired by women is not necessarily negative, it is crucial to maintain healthy relationships and behaviors that are respectful and do not cause harm. Ultimately, it is essential to recognize that both men and women have their own unique desires and preferences, and that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and trust.

Truth and Lies about the effects of Domestic Family Violence on Children

When people think of domestic and family violence, they often think of how much it hurts the adult victim. It’s true that domestic and family violence is most often violent, abusive or intimidating behaviour. But what you may not realise is that children also experience domestic violence and this affects their physical and emotional health and wellbeing. Growing up in a family where there is a perpetrator of Domestic Violence can cause serious long term mental health issues for the children of that home.

At Lifeline, Crisis Support Workers often talk to people who call up with anxiety, they are homeless, have been seeing a psychiatrist for their whole adult life, drug and have alcohol or drug addiction or both, depression, self harm, thoughts of suicide and social behavioural problems just to name a few!

Their life has been and is in crisis and there always seems to be a common threat to their background – they have grown up inside a home with Domestic Violence &/or Coercive Control towards a parent or even towards them.

Lets look at the Lies and the Truths about Domestic Family Violence…


  • It doesn’t effect the kids
  • The children will forget about it
  • The children are too young to understand what’s going on
  • Kids effected by DFV will always bounce back and get over it
  • Talking to kids about it will not help
  • Talking to kids about it will only confuse them
  • The perpetrator is good to the kids so they’ll be ok
  • So long as the children are not hit they’ll be ok
  • It won’t affect their education and development
  • It’ll teach the kids to be strong and tough
  • Life’s alway good when you are a kid
  • It’s part of our culture
  • It’s normal and acceptable
  • The violence is a way to show love


  • It happens in all communities and at all levels of society
  • It can seriously harm children physically and emotionally
  • It can impact on babies and infants
  • Kids are affected even if they don’t see the violence
  • It prevents kids from feel safe
  • It can interfere with a Childs developments and education
  • It can affect a Childs relationship with other people
  • It can give kids nightmares, headaches, stomach pains and regular sickness
  • It damages a Childs self-esteem and confidence
  • Children often believe its their fault
  • It can lead to substance abuse in young people
  • Children can mirror that behaviour in their adult life
  • Talking about the problems with kids can help them
  • Effects on a child are reversible with the right help and support
  • There are services that can help children and families

Some useful Links


Dinner conversations with Dad

Ever sat around the dinner table and wondered what questions you could ask your dad to really find out more about him?
Remember all families have been through good and bad times. There were many years before you were born that your Dad had a life probably very different to the life we all have today. Find out, you might be pleasantly suprised.

Experience, Knowledge and History

Through it all there is a wealth of experience, knowledge and history that can be explored with pre-thought crafted questions to get the conversation started. Good questions can be fun and they can also help create bonds and show that there is something larger that themselves.

Below are questions that could be written/printed onto cards and taken to your next family dinner, or even on your next zoom call if you don’t catch up for dinners? Its a good idea to pre-warn your dad so that they can weave their answers to demonstrate that they have travelled a road that has had pebbles and rocks but in the end it worked out through good decision making to show the younger generation listening that you have resilience and come through it well or at least ok.

Table Questions:

  1. How many houses have you lived in over you life so far?
  2. What do you remember about those houses you lived in as a child? Which one did you like the best and why?
  3. How did you cope without internet? What do you love about having internet today?
  4. Has there been a family member who has been a good life coach? and why?
  5. What was your favourite book, TV show, Movie when you were my age?
  6. Tell me about a family reunion or family party that you remember attending when you were a child?
  7. Was there a favourite story that your grandfather or grandmother told you as a child? Tell us
  8. What was the most embarrassing thing that your mum or Dad did to you?
  9. What were the best memories you had as a child on holidays?
  10. Did you parents ever loose their jobs? What happened? How did they start over?
  11. What did your grandparents do with you that you loved?
  12. How are you different than your parents? What did they do that you didn’t enjoy?
  13. If you could go back to a period of time in your childhood, when would that be?
  14. How did you parents change after they retired?
  15. If there was anything you could know about our family history or a relative that has died? what would you want to know?
  16. What was the hardest thing you went through as a child and how died you cope with it?
  17. Which family relative did you like the most and why?
  18. Has anything ever happened in the family that took a while to come to terms with?
  19. What career job would you have liked to do but never did?
  20. What hobbies did you have as a child? Which one did you out more time into?
  21. What Primary and Secondary schools did you go to? When did you finish school and why?

Making dinner party memories is easier than you thought, try some more questions here: 40 more dinner table questions

If you’re still lucky enough to have your Grandfather or Grandmother in your life, the answers to their question may be very different to those of your Dads.

Why don’t you write them out onto cards and bring them along to your next dinner and learn a little more about your dad or grandad? Share your experience below, we would love to hear how it went. Did you learn something you never knew? Something insightful or suprising?