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Pick ups and drop offs can be tough

Pick ups and drop offs can be tough! I remember there were times that if I had a heart rate monitor on, you would have seen my heart rate at…5kms away 110 bpm, 3kms away 135bpm, entering her street 150bpm. One of the things I have learned on this journey is that it is extremely important to get along with your child’s mother when it comes to shared parenting.

Most of us do not live to make other peoples lives a misery,  I personally, find it very difficult to not speak and avoid someone.  It is very stressful to carry anger around, not to mention the negative health aspects of holding onto anger.  It’s very important to let go of any resentment and replace it with working together on being great at co-parenting. Separation happened to both of us/you, our ex’s believe they are hard done by too!  I guess that is my point, we both need to find middle ground to keep our heart rates at “resting” 🙂 on a consistent basis.

I remember in high school I had visions of meeting my life partner and being the envy of everyone!  Having a beautiful family life, big home with a pool, backyard and dog, lots of wonderful friends, earn good money in a job that made my family proud and was completely satisfying to me…..

Do you remember the song by Julio Iglesias?  “When I fall in love, it will be forever, when I give my heart, it will be completely”  I am sure my child’s mother had similar expectations of her future and as I alluded to before, possibly blames me for killing her dreams.  Both our dreams have been killed or at least postponed.

A few things that worked for me in maintaining a working parenting relationship are:

  • Always arriving and dropping back on time, never arrive late or if  unavoidable phone ahead.
  • Sharing clothes and items that you have bought for the kids, these things are theirs not yours or your ex’s.
  • Never pick up the kids and leave them with your parents or babysitter so you can go out.
  • Always speak nicely of your ex around the children, they love her too.
  • Return clothes washed and clean.
  • If you made a meal the night before i.e. soup, spaghetti  make extra and drop off in an airtight container when returning the kids.
  • Make your phone available for the kids and let them call their mum before bedtime every night.
  • If there are “man” things that need to be done around her house and she does not have anyone to do them, offer to assist.
  • Be in a good mood when you pick up the kids.
  • If you need to change your schedule one weekend, do it way in advance.
  • Accept No’s.
  • Remember your child’s mother is going through a tough time too.
  • Be flexible.
  • Think about how your behavior effects your child’s mother and your children.
  • Don’t let negative feelings about your child’s mother get in the way of time with your kids.
  • Be prepared for the kids and stock up on healthy food. Prepare meals, it goes along way in showing you are competent in caring for your children.

In summary

Both our lives are harder than they were before! until things settle and we get back to “normal” life.  For a while we both have less money and time with more responsibilities. Separation is difficult for both parents, so the general idea of this post was to remind us to be kind to each other.  Comment below on your own experiences  and ideas.