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The first night…

Do you remember the first night you had your child stay over with you?

I remember feeling incredibly responsible.  It was a realization of the  feeling to “sink or swim” and you have to swim!  I just had to step up and ensure it all worked.  I was fortunate they had a good mother so I never had to be concerned whilst they were not with me.  I am sure there would be guys interested to learn how someone handles this situation when their ex partner is not ideal?

Some of the initial scary thoughts that ran through my head were catering for breakfast, lunch and dinners every day, planning activities and going to the toilet whilst we were out?  This all was now all up to me, no sharing any more, just me.  I felt I grew up quickly because my desire to care for my child outweighed the hard work that I knew lay ahead of me.  I’m not sure but I think it was a mix of perspiration and desperation that got me through, I got used to planning and preparing then we were off and running.

I can’t help but think their mother would have experienced the same scary thoughts, what a pity we could never talk about that, too busy hating each other.  There is definitely something empowering and rewarding when you know you have managed your access days well.  You get better at everything, you start to get a repertoire of recipes, you know what size clothes and shoes they wear.  You know their taste in music, books and movies, you share laughter together and one on one time, you understand morning routines and of course all the hissy fits that goes with it.  The sense of owning that space feels good even if it is only every second weekend.

Oh when it came to taking them to the toilet, they came with me until big enough to go into the women’s on their own and I stood near the door.  The wheel chair access toilets are gold!! Do you have experiences that you can share?

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