Losing friends through separation

Yep, you’re a great guy, have been a popular member of your friendship groups, have had a full table of friends over for dinner, met friends down the beach, gone to the movies with a group, maybe even taken an overseas holiday to Bali with those same friends. You think life with friends is great, well buckle up and hold on. You are about to open a new chapter of your life!

Separation often makes life complicated and unfortunately you could lose friends. This comes at a difficult time because much of our health and well-being comes from the people around us as they play a large part in your support system.  And now when all turns to crap, some of them are nowhere to be seen, depending on the circumstances of your separation for example: if you had an affair, there will be some friends that will judge you and make a decision on whether they support you going forward.

Some reasons why you might lose friendships are:

  • They judge you as not being an honest person and having same values
  • They believe you brought this tough time onto yourself
  • There own relationship is not great and you could be contagious
  • They choose who they will support, you or your ex (even if they have been your friend)
  • You are now “John Doe” the separated guy and they are not sure how to relate to you
  • You now have different interests and priorities and they just don’t relate
  • A single dad just does not fit in with their idea of a friendship group

Whatever the reasons, some friends will leave you like rats leaving a sinking ship!

There has certainly been enough going on hasn’t there!  Let’s not add to this disillusionment by wasting time and energy worrying about what cannot be changed.  Focus on positives, get out and spend time on yourself.  In the past you have probably had friends you would not have chosen, now you can choose exactly the friends you want to spend time with.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with dropping out for a while and just hanging out with yourself, in some ways it can be quite therapeutic to find yourself again. So long as it is not forever (as some fall into that trap of hanging out there and never leaving) finding new friends can be uncomfortable but you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.  Susan Jeffers author of a book of the same title “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” has some great tips on getting your assertiveness back and to think more positively about getting out there again.

Comments

  1. I absolutely love your blog and find a lot of your post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for. Would you offer guest writers to write content for yourself? I wouldn’t mind composing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome blog!

    • Peter says:

      Hi Henrietta,

      I tired sending you an email but it bounced back? We would love it if you wanted to comment on some posts with your own experiences and ideas, You could start by commenting on existing posts and then once you become a trusted contributor we can then look at possibly giving you “posting” access. Thanks for your kind words.

      Regards
      Peter

  2. marco says:

    hi my names marco, something one of my close friends said to me really turned my life around. After 3 months of moping, self pitty and alcohol consumption, she sat me down and issued a challenge to me. She challenged me for the next month to surround myself with people that only wanted to be with me. I was not to surround myself with people that made me feel awkward, uncomfortable or that belittled my point of view or the situation I was in.
    Initially this was tough, a lot of so called friends were there because they thought that was their “friendship duty”. I lost a lot of my so called friends, because I re-evaluated what I needed from them.
    The bright side was that the people that actually wanted to be with me, are still with me. They accept me for all flaws and bitterness, but celebrate my new life with me.

    • Peter says:

      Hi Marco, What a great story and suggestion from your friend. It takes guts to do what you did. Well done and thanks for sharing it.

  3. Quiteria Guardado Baeza says:

    Lots of beneficial in a row. I give rise to bookmarked your place.

  4. Roger says:

    Count me in a contributor also Pete. I had it all and lost it all including friends, house, business and nearly sanity thanks to a court system that saw the financial benefits of an angry wife. I came out of it with my soul and a lot wiser. At the end of this year my daughter and I will be re-united because she wants it – and they ignored her wishes.

  5. fkawau says:

    You definitely put a new gyrate on a theme thats been transcribed about for life. Pleasant squeeze, simply great!

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