Who’s up for giving back to the community

communityThere is very little I can think of that gives you the same buzz that you get from giving your time to help others and making the community a better place.

There is so much negativity around, we see it all the time i.e. road rage, people dropping litter, graffiti, treating the elderly poorly, hunger, homeless, unemployment etc Have I made you depressed yet? I feel it just writing this part šŸ™‚ but we can balance all of that by doing good and intentionally making a difference to others.

There are many organizations that you can volunteer your time. SEEK Volunteer Ā is a non-profit initiative designed to make volunteering easier. You can search by location, how much time you have to give and category of cause: including everything from animal welfare, seniors, disaster relief, sport and mentoring.

I was invited to a Christmas carol sing along at a church group on Friday night, I am not what you would call a religious person but always up for a Christmas Carol.Ā  I was very impressed in the modern and “current” theme of the church – there was not one cross or picture of Jesus in sight.

The church was called “Edge Church” they have just opened in Melbourne a year ago and have campuses in Adelaide, UK and Long Island NY.Ā  My church experiences were that of the old fashion stereotypical church building (high ceilings, uncomfortable wooden seats and lots of lead-light) with the minister up front reading the bible. No one back then looked happy šŸ™

The Edge Church is in a nicely converted/renovated factory, great facilities, cafe, a beautiful room for the congregation – and with very comfy seats, great sound and audio visual equipment and a very talented band and singers to entertain us and to sing along too, it had a real happy vibe. Unlike the church of old days, the Edge Church actively gets involved in the community to make a difference. Edge Church moto is “Serving our Community with Hope, Truth & Love”.

Drop in, you might be as impressed as I was? I hope to see you out there.

Thirteen ideas on reducing stress

How many times have you felt stressed lately? Stress is the body’s physical, mental, and chemical reaction to circumstances that irritate, frighten, excite, confuse, or endanger us.

Stress can come from many different directions. Ā  It can be a truck wheeling around a corner toward us, a move to a new home, loud music, divorce and separation, plus many other things such as trouble at work?

Be kind on yourself and follow these basic principles to help handle personal and business stress.Ā  Review this list from time to time and become familiar with your own personal coping strategies when stress arrives and be aware of ways to reduce stress in your own life.

1. Have fun to reduce stress.

Do things for the sheer fun of it. Each day, plan to something “just for you.” Even if you only have 30 minutes of fun time, don’t let anything stop you from your 30 minutes.

2. Laugh to reduce stress.

Interact with people who make you laugh to reduce tension and boost the immune system.

3. Learn to say “no” to reduce stress.

Too much fun can become boring and stressful in itself. When requests and invitations become a burden instead of being enjoyable, it is time to say “no.”

4. Simplify your life to reduce stress.

Move closer to your work or hire a house cleaner, or shop by internet.

5. Delegate responsibility to reduce stress.

Sharing duties allows time together and gets the job done faster.

6. Learn to relax to reduce stress.

Periodically visualize calming scenes; stretch and take deep breaths, a favourite of mine has always be guided meditation CD’s, there are plenty to download on the internet.

7. To reduce stress, don’t be a workaholic.

Find a healthy balance between work and play.

8. Break tasks into segments to reduce stress.

Break down tasks into easy-to-handle segments and problems. It is easier to eat an elephant one bite at a time.

9. Take care of your family and friends to reduce stress.

Having relationships in your life is less stressful.

10. Examine work habits to reduce stress.

If you are constantly stressed at work, examine your work habits. Maybe you are wasting time.

11. Drink water to reduce stress.

Consume 8-10 glasses of pure water daily to reduce stress.

12. Go for a walk

Exercise reduces stress, go for a long walk around the block or the park and breath, you will be amazed how much fresh air helps, make this regular even when you dont feel stressed.

13. Visit a Bunnings store

Find your nearest Bunnings, grab a sausage and a latte and walk around for an hour, choose a D.I.Y project that you can do and have fun!

There are plenty more ways of reducing stress, feel free to comment and add more…

If you have the chance, what will you do different

what would you do differentAustralian Nurse Bonnie Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

1. I wish I‘d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

This insightful information from people who were about to die is hopefully a strong message to all of us. Does your road need changing?Ā  If so, don’t have unfulfilled dreams – get on it NOW.

What if the kids want to cut their visit short

If there is something upsetting your child, it helps if you have a cooperative ex spouse. They can assist you with explaining to your child that we have agreed that there is time spend with both mum and dad and it is your time with your dad now.Ā  If your ex is hostile, they will probably make the situation worse by sympathizing with your child.

Your response to your child is important when they say “I want to go back to mum house”.

I would start by asking “what is wrong” and lets talk about it and try and resolve it. If it is just because you have disciplined them for being naughty, then the conversation could be more “I understand your not happy because I told you off but going home to your mums is not the answer”.

You could say that that your mum and I have agreed that in times like these going home is not an option. If they persist, a response can be “Going home whenever we have an issue is not how we solve things, let talk about it and work it out.

Loosing your temper will not help, If you feel upset, just say we will talk about this in a little while when both of us have calmed down. If it is because your child misses their mother, then maybe a suggestion to call and say hello. It would never be ok for you to accuse your child of loving their mother more.Ā  It is not about that, they will probably be young and just simply missing the other parent.

A walk or an activity can always be a good distraction, keep busy with a bike ride or get a basketball and shoot some baskets down at the local court? You might even suggest that next time they should bring a photo of their mother so they can have it on there shelf.

You could also provide an activity for them – to make something special for their mum. Bunnings kids activitiesBunnings have quiet a few children’sĀ  activity classes for kids over the age of 5 and you must accompany them. It would be worth checking out your nearest store for their times and taking your child along to make something for their mum. You can see more information here

Try your best to be understanding and compassionate, nothing will get resolved if you stand firm and say you are staying here hail rain or shine. Planning in advance to have one of their friends over for a play can help or arranging to drop your child at their friends house forĀ  couple of hours can make them feel happy and that you understand their life needs to continue as normal as possible. I bet when you pick them up they will be happy that you provided the play date.

If you know people in your neighborhood with similar aged kids, it might be worthwhile in getting to know them so that you can do joint activities. There is a great group called Single Parent Active Kids they organise activities for single parents (for both mums and dads) to get together with kids and share fun activities, definitely worth checking it out, I have a post on them here: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/single-parents-active-kids

How To Juggle Parenthood With A FIFO Mining Job

fifo mining jobsThere’s no doubt the Fly In Fly Out lifestyle is tough on the families of mining workers. Ever since the 1980’s, Australian gas, oil and mining operation staff are required to fly out to remote locations to work ten to fourteen hour shifts for two to six weeks at a time. While the financial gains from this type of work are generous, the long term effects on individuals, couples and especially families are difficult to ignore.

Ā It’s safe to say that workers and their families teeter precariously between two completely different worlds. However, maintaining a balance for the sake of your family, your relationship and for yourself is imperative to surviving through those challenging times. Here’s some tips for maintaining that balance with a FIFO Mining Job.

Join A Support Group

Just like Mothers group or Book reading groups, there’s one for FIFO families as well. One of the biggest is FIFO Families. This group is targeted towards the partners of FIFO workers and provides a plethora of services and support.Ā  There’s groups in every state who meet weekly at the local park, arrange school/kindy drop offs, exercise together, swap time (look after each other’s kids so you can do those things you want) and share parenting tips.

Make The Most Of Your Time Together

Parenthood is hard work and although being home together isn’t always peaches and cream, try to organise things to do as a family unit. Make it something to look forward to. It will boost family moral and take the focus off the fact that your partner will eventually have to return to work.

Keep The Lines Of Communication Open

Children will face emotional distress spending time looking forward to Mum or Dad’s return and then having to say goodbye again. This is especially hard when they may not have been separated for prolonged periods of time. Being open and honest with your children will help them to understand why Mum or Dad have to leave. Melanie Hearse from Essential Baby writes ā€œNever say ā€˜Daddy is leaving again’ I say ā€˜Daddy is off to work’, and show them where he is on a map.ā€

Set Goals

Setting goals is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future. By writing down your goals in a visible place you’ll feel an overwhelming motivation to turn your vision of this future into reality. Your goals can be varied either focusing on family, self-improvement, professional growth or relationships. For example, your goals could be that you want to take at least one hour of ā€œme timeā€ a week or work towards finishing a TAFE course. Or it could be that you want to deposit $50 – $100 a week into a savings account for a family holiday.

Have A Routine

Create a realistic routine that you know can easily be stuck to when your partner is home. This might be negotiating strict bed times, planning meals ahead of time or ensuring your children complete their chores.

Keep A Calendar

As simple as this sounds, utilizing a calendar will help you keep on top of upcoming events, bill payments, school holidays, appointments, birthdays and most importantly, your partners work schedule.Ā  You can also keep an online version of your calendar via Google Calendar that your partner will be able to access and add too from their work site.

Whilst the fly in fly out arrangement isn’t always ideal, staying organised and seeking support will help make the changes to your new lifestyle more manageable.

R U OK?

R U OK? Thursday September 12th 2013R U OK? Day, Thursday September 12th 2013 is a national day of action dedicated to inspiring all Australians to ask family, friends and colleagues, ā€˜Are you ok?’ By regularly reaching out to one another and having open and honest conversations, we can all help build a more connected community and reduce our country’s high suicide rate.

R U OK? Day is on the second Thursday of September (12th September 2013).

More than 2,200 Australians suicide each year and men are around 3 times more likely to die by suicide than females (ABS 2012). For each person that takes their life, another 30 people attempt to end their own life (SANE Australia).

Most people don’t openly share their feelings, particularly if they’re struggling. The best thing we can all do is regularly talk to the people we care about – regardless of whether they are at risk – because connection is good for us all.

In the time it takes to have your coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life.

Dads, who will you ask?

Men At Work

workingdadWHAT THEY WANT AND WHY IT MATTERS TO WOMEN

The 100% Project is a not for profit organisation that wants to see 
100 percent of Australia’s leadership talent, female and male, equally contributing to our social and economic future. We exist because women are under-represented on most Boards and in the senior management teams of most Australian organisations.

We have to engage men if we are to achieve meaningful change – because men run most of the businesses and organisations where change is required and organisational culture is generally defined in male terms.

But what do men actually think about their role at work and at home?

Do they want the work-life balance more often seen as something women want? Do they feel they can take advantage of flexible working? And if they don’t, will women continue to miss out on their fair share of senior positions?

These are questions The 100% Project set out to explore in its latest research report, ā€˜Men at Work: What they want and why it matters for women’ published in September 2011.

Here’s what we found:
Men want to spend time and energy on their family life
75 percent of men surveyed expect to devote a significant amount of their time and energy to rearing their children.

And family is more important to them than their career
68 percent of men are willing to accept costs to other areas of their life so they can be involved in the day-to-day care of their children.

They want a rewarding career – but they won’t sacrifice everything for it
83 percent of men expect to devote significant time to building their career – but only 29 percent of men expect to make as many sacrifices as necessary to advance their career.

Men want work-life balance – and say their life as a whole is better if they get it
62 percent of men who are satisfied with their life as a whole agree that their work-life balance is right for their current situation. Only 14 percent of men who are not satisfied with their life think that their work-life balance is right.

MEN ARE NOT GETTING WHAT THEY WANT…

They work harder if their employer encourages work/family balance
– even if they themselves don’t take advantage of work/life balance programs 79 percent of men who say they are engaged at work agree that their employer encourages employees to strike a balance between their work and family lives. Only 49 percent of non-engaged men agree with the same statement.

Men don’t ask for greater work-life balance, even if they have children, because they think asking will harm their career
Only 39 percent of men have asked for greater work-life balance at some time in their career. The top reasons for this include the belief that such a request would have negative effects on their career and that employers look negatively on employees who take advantage of work-life balance initiatives.

And women pay the price because men aren’t getting what they want
The women we surveyed are just as committed to their careers as men. But if men don’t feel they can request the work-life balance they want, then women will continue to carry most of the burden of maintaining a home and raising the children.

As they can’t share this burden, more women than men will continue to ask for flexible working arrangements such as part-time work.
This will perpetuate the inaccurate view that these initiatives are only for women who are not committed to their careers.

Working long hours in full time jobs with little flexibility may not be what all men want, but it gives them an advantage over many women in winning appointment to senior positions. It also contributes to the unhealthy culture of long working hours with rigid role structures in many Australian organisations.

We can see the price that women pay for this in not making it into senior leadership roles.

Giving men real opportunities for flexible working will:

• Enrich their work and family life
• Improve their job satisfaction and engagement at work
• Enhance their overall sense of well-being, and
• Help open up opportunities for women as well.

Failing this, the leadership opportunities open to Australian women will not improve, remaining significantly lower than in other developed nations – and men will continue to miss out on meaningful time with their families.

We acknowledge The 100% project for this research.
They would like to thank Partners and Sponsors who made this research possible: Principle launch partner – Australia Post, Research Partners – School of Psychology, Deacon University, Media Communication Partners – Reputation, Launch sponsors – PCW, Able and Baker, People Measures.

3 Assertive Ways to Get More Time with Your Kids

3 assertive ways to get more time with your kids

As a dad, one of your biggest challenges is probably finding more time to spend with your kids.

Each day only has 24 hours and there is nothing you can do about that, which means that the only way to find more time for your kids is to redirect time you spend on other activities.

I am willing to bet that one of the highest demands on your time comes from your job, along with any auxiliary activities it entails such as preparation, commuting and so on. Well, your job also presents the best opportunity to redirect time and thus have more time to spend with your kids.

Now I realize this is easier said than done, which is why I’d like to actually show you 3 effective techniques you can use to make this happen.

All these techniques revolve around the concept of assertiveness. To be assertive means to put taking care of your needs first and to express yourself openly in your relationships with others, but from a position of respect towards others, not aggressively.

Assertiveness is something you can use in your career to effectively free up time and not let your job overwhelm your finite time resources. Here are the 3 specific ways you can do this:

1. Practice Saying ā€œNoā€

You probably end up dedicating a lot more time to your work than you’d like to, because others in the workplace ask for it and you just don’t say ā€œnoā€.

Your boss asks you to stay overtime repeatedly and each time you agree, even though you don’t really want to. Some of your colleagues ask you for help regularly and you end up working late in order to help them get their job done, even though you’d prefer they do it on their own. And thus, you give others big chunks of your time.

This has to change. You need to deliberately practice politely but firmly saying ā€œnoā€ when people at work make demands on your time. Not all the time, just some of the time, when you believe you’re entitled.

I know refusing a request involving your time may be hard for you right now. My advice is to take it gradually. Say ā€œnoā€ to small requests first, and progressively move up to more important requests. Also, always bear in mind that your time is important and you have the right to not give others in the workplace more of your time than your job responsibilities demand.

The more you practice saying ā€œnoā€ and the more you apply this mindset, the easier it gets to say ā€œnoā€.

2. Try to Obtain Work-From-Home Days

If you would work from home some of the time and eliminate part of your daily commute, you would surely be able to spend a lot more time with your kids.

And doing at least some work from home is very likely possible in your job logistically speaking. All you need to do is get your employer to allow it.

Personally, I’ve coached several clients and helped them convince their employer to let them work from home 1, 2 or 3 days per week. The essential thing is to ignore any doubts you may have and actually go to your manager and ask them for this. And have a few persuasive arguments why they should approve your request.

You may feel some social awkwardness when doing this. It’s because you’re making a request of a superior that you’re not used to. Trust me: it will be fine. Ignore the awkwardness and do it.

Ideally, at first just suggest your manager to let you work one day per week at home for a couple of weeks, just as an experiment. If that goes well and your productivity stays the same or it actually improves, then you have a case for asking to make this permanent. Then perhaps to add one more work-from-home day, and then even another.

If your manager sees that you working from home doesn’t cause any problems, they value you as an employee and they know this is something important to you, you’re very likely to pull it off and end up doing part of your job from the comfort of your own home.

3. Find a Better Employer

Sometimes no matter how much you try to say ā€œnoā€ and you endeavor to negotiate the use of your time at work, you still can’t free up too much of it.

The dynamic of the company you work for is of such a nature that it constantly puts a high demand on your time and you have little control over this. Maybe you’re in an organization with a lot of emphasis on hard work and little respect for family life, or you have very rigid managers and colleagues; who knows?

Fortunately, if you’re a professional who has a lot to offer, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find a job in a company with better conditions and less strenuous demands on your time. You will need to be proactive though: search for jobs, send your resume and go to interviews. A better job won’t just fall in your lap. But as long as you take action diligently, results will happen.

The key idea to consider is that you deserve to have a decent amount of time to spend with your kids. Your work isn’t your entire life, it’s only a component of your life, and you have the right to put some clear boundaries on how much time you’re willing to invest in your work.

Do your job well and show commitment to it, but don’t let it absorb all your time and suck the life out of you. That’s what being assertive is all about, and that’s how you find more family time.

Guest Writer: Eduard Ezeanu coaches people who are shy and helps them become more outgoing, both in personal and professional situations. He believes that social confidence is a key factor in having a fulfilling life. You can read other articles from him on his two blogs, People Skills Decoded and Art of Confidence.

Be intentional – don’t let work rob you of time with your kids

intentionalFor some dads, an effort is made to maintain a fine balance between work and family since they consider them intertwined and equally important.Ā Ā  Just as you can’t be with your children 20 hours per day and hold a job, or spend 20 hours per day at work and be an effective dad, occasional compromises between work and family are required to maintain a happy medium.

For these dads, keeping work and family equal is a matter of pragmatism. Ā Ā On an emotional or ideal basis they believe that family is the higher priority. Ā They believe that fulfilling their role as a father includes being a good provider, in fine balance with family life. They are defensive of family time, being intentional in their efforts to not let work rob their kids and family of time with their dad.Ā  One dad adjusts his shifts so he can spend more time with his kids. Ā He’ll swap shifts to be at home even for a brief period at dinner time when he can ask the kids about their day.

A fathers loveAnother dad, a teacher, goes into work early so when he comes home in the evening his family has his full attention. Some dads maximize precious family time by including their kids in everything they do or wherever they go outside of work. Ā Rather than stay in a job that intrudes into family time and is inflexible, many of these dads look for a new job that enables family time. These dads aren’t immune from the challenges of separating career and family priorities. In practice they are willing and intentional in their effort to compromise as best they can keep their career and family roles balanced.

Unless a dad is independently wealthy and doesn’t need to work, it is normal for him to be confronted with conflicting priorities of work and family. How the father addresses the balance of work and family has significant positive or negative ramifications for all stakeholders; himself, his family, and his employer.

For many separated dads, time becomes even more precious, the need to continue earning is a heightened because finances are stretched. Many dads that have a fortnightly or 50/50 access agreement take intentional action to ensure that nothing gets in the way of their time with their children. Work shifts, social engagements get pushed aside over having access with their children. For this group of dads, career and promotion opportunities are often missed and social friends disappear but from the value they get from fathering they would not have it any other way.

Father and Son.The father’s behavior will in large measure be based on his sense of control, the flexibility of his job and family, and his willingness to engage in healthy compromise and boundary setting. Work and family will be out of balance when boundaries are absent or not enforced. Poor boundaries created by an out of balance condition can be generated by the father, or in some cases inflexible demands of the family, the job or the employer.

Focus on the children can help fathers by raising their awareness of the factors necessary for a healthy work/family balance. Since families need to eat, there may be periods of time where it is the father’s duty to tolerate a work/family imbalance. On the other hand, many fathers may actually be promoting the condition by poor boundary setting or failing to research and pursue different job opportunities that may be available. With the many conflicting priorities inherent to work and family demands, the issues surrounding work/life imbalance can be a significant source of stress to fathers and their families.

ABSENT – Documentary

ABSENT documentaryFilmmaker Justin Hunt will be joined by musician-composer James Hetfield in presenting and discussing the award-winning documentary Absent, exploring the worldwide crisis of absent and disengaged fathers and the negative impact that the “father wound” makes on society.

Weaving interviews with participants who speak from observation and personal experience, the film includes on-camera testimony from author John Eldredge, World Champion boxer Johnny Tapia, fitness model Robin Decker and James Hetfield, best known as co-founder of Metallica. “The father wound is so deep and so all-pervasive in so many parts of the world that its healing could well be the most radical social reform conceivable,” says Father Richard Rohr, and this film makes a strong case that this issue is central to the human condition.

Talking about James Hetfield’s involvement with the movie, Rockville Music Magazine published an exclusive interview with the film’s director Justin Hunt.

I am currently in the process of arranging a screening for all Dads Online friends and supporters around Australia. stay tuned!

 

Kids and Health Insurance

kids and health insuranceDivorce changes a lot of things in your family unit, but it does not change one of the major goals that parents often desire to achieve: the ability to raise your children in a way that puts their mental, emotional, and physical health first. Before your divorce, you and your spouse worked as a single unit to protect and provide for your children. Now you must work as separate units, all-be separate units that agree at times, to care for your children.

Private and public health insurance is one vital area that helps you and your ex encourage physical and emotional health in your children.

Medicare
The nice thing about Australia’s healthcare is that it already provides basic health care necessities for parents and their children. Tax and government funded Medicare provides you with a means to provide basic health insurance for your children at a free or reduced price. Medicare allows you to get your children:
• Free immunization shots.
• Free access to public hospital as a public patient.
• Cheaper access to public or private hospitals when you are a private patient.

If your child is a private patient you can decide when and where they will see a doctor. You will not need to wait hours or days on a wait list. When your children are private patients Medicare will pay for 75% of the Medicare Schedule fee.
• Some prescription drugs at a cheaper price.
Free or subsidized health care is a parent’s dream. Due to that fact, you may decide that you have no need for private health insurance. It is a valid choice, but you should be aware that public health insurance does not provide coverage for all necessary medical procedures. Medicare is great, but it is not perfect. Perfection would be financially unfeasible for any relatively free health care system.

Private Health Insurance
Although private health insurance provides basic health care for free or reduced prices, you still might decide to supplement your public health insurance with a private health insurance plan.

Hospital cover helps you pay for the portion of your health fees that Medicare does not cover:
• Ambulance rides.
• Rehabilitation fees.
• Theater fees that hospital charge you.
• The 25% not covered by the Medicare Schedule fee, as well as any additional money that you must pay for health care due to the fact that your doctor or hospital set their prices above the Medicare Schedule fee.

Extra cover provides you coverage for common medical procedures not covered by Medicare:
• Dental checkups.
• Glasses or contacts.
• Orthodontic Work.
• Prescription drugs.
• Physiotherapy.

If you feel that you can deal with surprise hospital visits alone, you might consider focusing any potential private health insurance on the extra coverage plans. While hospital visits may be few, the possibility that your children will need glasses, orthodontic work, or dental work is fairly high.

If you do decide that you want private health insurance, you should be aware that most of the insurance plans require a waiting period before you are able to make claims on your medical expenses. There will be a 6 month waiting period before any dental procedures and a 12 month waiting period before glasses and contacts are covered. You should not decide to sign up for health insurance because you want to save money on your purchasing glasses for your kid within the next week.

Single Parent Household Health Insurance
If you want private health insurance, but you do not believe it is economically feasible for you at this time. You should be aware that as a single parent, you are eligible for cheaper rates than you were before your divorce. Cheaper health insurance for single parent households is a development that came into effect in April of 2007. Before then single parent households were given the same monthly premium fees as families with two parents. If you are still struggling to pay for private health insurance with cheaper fees, you should consider requesting that your ex-wife pay for a portion of your monthly health insurance fees. If you are still negotiating your divorce, you could request that health care coverage be part of the child support that will be paid.

While health insurance is vital and private health insurance helps pay for some necessary medical procedures, you might be able to get by using Medicare. If you cannot handle another financial responsibility in your budget at this time, you may want to consider waiting for private health insurance. If you have the choice between superior health care and buying food for your kids, well the choice seems obvious to me. As parent’s you must do what you can to provide for your children, and one day you may be in a situation where you want afford to invest private health care for your children.

What I have learnt so far…

simplify your lifeI have been a separated dad for over 25 years, twice over. Its something I am not proud of but I am proud of being a good dad. I have had two very different experiences. My first child was every second weekend, I did everything I could to be in her life – as much as I was allowed or welcomed.

My second experience is what every dad deserves, 50% shared parenting. It really is full parenting because it is only you that cares for them when you have them. In some cases you are providing more parenting duties than if you were not separated as the mums in some families take on more of the everyday care. 50/50 is a complete parenting relationship.

It is also an emotional roller coaster and I would not wish it on anyone if at all avoidable. The grief, the tears, the worry, the distraction, the lack of money, the joy and happiness all mixed into one and it feels like it is never ending.

I started thinking about what have I learned so far travelling this road for 25 years.

I have listed some of them below…

  • Allow an extra 20 minutes in the morning if you have girls so they can spend time on their hair. If you don’t there will be an upset!
  • I am the brekky king! Ā I believe it is an important meal of the day for us.Ā  I get up early to ensure there is no rush.
  • I enjoy being active on weekends, Ā I plan activities but also plan down time i.e. time to lounge around and watch a DVD.
  • I have always had more fruit at home than sweets.
  • Yes more water than lemonade too.
  • We have been to McDonalds once in the last 12 months.
  • I’ve always put my children’s needs first when balancing time – because time flys.
  • I’m house proud and want a clean and tidy home for my children to come home to.
  • Reading before bed has served two purposes 1. Calms and relaxes 2. Quality time together
  • I cook 90% more than buy takeaway when I’m parenting.
  • Teaching the kids to value and look after their teeth is big at my place.
  • Over time I have collected a range of puzzle books and games to play at home on those rainy days.
  • I love to cook because its cheaper and healthier and I like to find different recipes the kids might like and experiment with different simple meals.
  • I learned early that our mental and physical well-being is paramount to being able to cope with everything that is going on. So I have always spent time on my own personal mental and physical Ā health with mediation, reading, walking, running and or gym. I reckon it has saved me!
  • I treat myself every now and then with something that make me happy for doing a good job with parenting. It’s a little like patting yourself on the back.
  • Being involved in parent teacher interviews have been great and keep me up to date on how the kids are tracking at school both academically and socially.
  • When going through separation, I simplified my life as much as possible, I didn’t take on new debt or change jobs – Bunkering down helps.
  • I’ve enjoyed travelling both overseas and locally with my kids, it connects us with fond memories and is fun to plan and wait for the holiday to come around.
  • Having the mind set that you have an equal share in parenting duties.Ā  That means helping your child’s mother like taking extra time off work to help with school holidays and the student free days.Ā  It just makes life easier for everyone and hopefully it’s reciprocated.
  • Generally I have found that a social life with other parents is pretty non-existent because there seems to be a stigma attached to a single dad!! But I have been able with some parents to Invite their children over for play dates and I have prepared lunch for the kids etc. Ā I always Invite the parents inside when they drop off so they see that it is a good environment to leave their children and that there kids are safe and well catered for.
  • Its not the army but I find kids operate much better and are happier with routine. Ā So, I have always tried to keep simple routine in place I.e. bed and meal times, reading, showering and arriving at school on time etc
  • I’ve tried to keep in touch with extended family, keeping family connections alive. If you don’t it can be a bit of a solo life, family are always there and friends are not.
  • There has been some fun and enjoyable moments which involved the kids cooking breakfast, lunch or dinner and even cleaning and shopping – I’ve tried to involve them in my day to day life.
  • Teach the kids to conserve energy and value the planet.
  • Be a good role model by not swearing or speaking badly of their mother in front of them if that is your situation. Don’t be afraid to fight behind the scenes for 50/50 parenting if you have to.
  • Be consistent in your moods around them. If you’re having a bad day relax and be present with the kids it really helps to keep things in perspective.
  • Remember whilst your kids are growing up they love you unconditionally.
  • Listen 70% and ask questions 30%
  • Be involved in your child’s life, they need you more than any materialistic item you could buy them. Make them a priority.
  • I always ended the night with a cuddle
  • You will find love again.

Doing the best you can does not always guarantee the love of your children when they get older. However, it does give you peace of mind that you have done the best your could, with what you were given.