Getting, changing or updating your Will

31/10/2012 by Leave a Comment

changing or updating your willCircumstances can change. We can’t assume the present needs of our children will be their future needs, you may not own the same assets in one year that you own in another, you might remarry, separate, divorce or anything.

There are lots of reasons for changing or updating your will e.g:

  • you start a new business
  • you get remarried or start a de facto relationship
  • you get divorced
  • you separate from your wife/partner
  • your children grow up
  • your assets increase substantially
  • you join or leave a superannuation scheme
  • you dispose of assets mentioned in the will
  • a beneficiary or executor dies, etc.

And, although it sounds like a drag, you should check your will at least every three years.  Lock it in with the annual dentist appointment that many of us never get to 🙂

How can I change my will? (special offer below)

There are two ways to change your will:

  1. Make a codicil to your current will.  A codicil is a legal addition to the will.  There are special rules about codicils, so it’s a good idea to get a solicitor to do this.  A codicil must be signed and witnessed in the same way that the will is.  The solicitor will sometime tell you that it is better to make a whole new will, especially if there are major changes.
  2. If you make a new will. This automatically cancels any earlier wills.

Your will is cancelled if:

  1. You marry or remarry.  The only exceptions to this are if you make your will in contemplation of the marriage.  There are different rules about this, depending on whether the will was made before or after November 1989 (when the law changed), but the best advice is to always state explicitly that the will is in contemplation of marriage – this sort of will should always be handled by a lawyer.
  2. You destroy the original with the intention of revoking it.  If the will is destroyed by accident you will need a new will.
  3. You include a “revocation clause” in a later will, i.e. you write in the later will that the earlier will is to be cancelled.
  4. You make a valid new will. This automatically cancels an old will when the terms of the later will contradict the previous one.

What about if I get divorce?

Divorce does not automatically cancel a will.  If you want to change your will when you divorce, you will have to make a new will. Nevertheless, divorce revokes any gift that is made to a former spouse and the appointment of the spouse as executor, trustee or guardian.

These gifts and directions will not fail if the court is satisfied the will-maker intended them to stand despite the divorce.  It is always best to make a new will after a divorce to avoid any doubt about your real intentions.

**A special offer to get your Will finalised**

Ben Hall from Hall Solicitors has offered a special deal to all Dads Online friends. Your Will can be drafted for $165 (normal commercial rates are $500) by just sending Ben a email and mention this post: b.hall@hallsolicitors.com.au

Ben says:  During the ridiculous levels of stress that always come with separation, it’s easy to forget your will (if you have one – which you should).  Divorce changes your legal situation, as does getting together with someone new, so make sure you review this situation from time to time.

He also says, another issue you should think about is whether or not having an Enduring Power of Attorney would be helpful. This is a powerful document that lets somebody you trust implicitly manage your legal, financial, personal and health affairs on your behalf, if you are unable to do so. This is particularly relevant for elderly Australians however everybody should have an EPOA in place.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Finances, Separation

To change or not to change….. that is the question

22/10/2012 by 39 Comments

As we know the norm has been that when children are born they take on the fathers surname.  After divorce, women sometimes  change their name back to their maiden name or if they remarry, may change their surname to their new partners surname.

If  our children are with us every second weekend, this can then lead to questions and requests around changing the child’s surname too.  Each individual situation is different and you will need to agree or not as your authorization signature is required on the Declaration to Change the Name of a Child from the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry.  I allowed my daughters name to be changed as my ex wife remarried and had another two daughters in that marriage and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Today, looking back, I wish I had not agreed as it is another loss of connection.  So my suggestion is to consider carefully.

How is the name changed?

A child’s name can be changed if both parents and the child agree.  If the child is too young to understand, the parents can still change the name by both filling in a Declaration to Change the Name of a Child from the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry.

If one parent wants to change a child’s name but the other disagrees, the State Magistrates Court can decide. The non-consenting parent can tell the court why they think the child’s name should not be changed.  The court will make a decision based on what it believes is best for the child.  Even where the court makes an order authorizing the change of name of a child, the change must still be registered at the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry to be effective.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Separation, Sons

Black Dog Blues – a story from a friend

20/10/2012 by 1 Comment
Black Dog Blue

By Bernard Keogh

Over the last few weeks, at least five of my Facebook friends have admitted to entertaining the dread mongrel. He can eat your life if you let him.

My dad suffered terribly from this and I’ve been bitten myself.  I even traveled to Ireland to find out why, and I have spoken to several professionals about both his depression and my own. It was the chemical aspects that I didn’t understand. The pain was obvious.

Our bodies, since the days of the cave man… produce fight and flight chemicals, (ironically, the ‘alone’ chemicals, adrenaline, cortisol, nandrolone and others). These chemicals are burned off when we fight or take flight.  They are also toxic, cumulative and can affect the nervous system in a very bad way. But today, with all the stresses of modern life, the thing we DON’T do is take flight, or fight.  So these chemicals remain in our systems and slowly burn out the nerve endings and damage our entire nervous system. The early effects are skin problems, dry skin, dull spots, nervous tics and later things like shingles can develop as well. And shingles can be very dangerous, especially to the optic nerve. (So stop it, you could go blind!)

A big factor in recovery from depression is to eliminate those chemicals. We dont eat well when depressed and tend to sit around staring into space, watching that fag burn to a 2 inch ash coz you haven’t moved.. and you’re on your 15th cup of coffee for the day. And you don’t do the stuff you used to like… the music dies, literally, we don’t engage with others, we don’t talk about it coz it seems so bloody pathetic. The mongrel wins and eats well. And he doesn’t need sleep, he just needs you in his grip. Your GP gives you pills, but they turned me into a zombie, even at sub-clinical doses. Your Gp doesn’t know depression from a common cold.

One really good way to beat him is to get really physical. For me, I grabbed a shovel and shifted 30 tons of earth by hand and wheelbarrow. Worked till I was so tired I had to sleep well. Burned off those bloody chemicals. Lost weight, gained muscles. Found my way to the horses. Long story that bit, but the getting physical part was the start.  Eventually the music came back, and I started giving cheek to all and sundry again. Found new friends and eliminated the toxic characters in my life, ex included!
And I talked about it… to a professional.

She told me that depression was not an illness of the dull.  If you have any sensitivity and intelligence about you, it’s likely that you’ll get depression at some stage of your life. So take heart in that. You feel because you’re alive and intelligent. Depression is about our inability to handle things that hurt, beyond our control. The modern equivalent of the sabre toothed tiger is stress.  And in today’s world, the stresses easily get beyond our control. Give up the coffee, take up the shovel.

I’ll never hang up my shovel. Depression aftermath requires constant vigilance, and I do slip back from time to time. But those simple things have saved my life.

NOTE: If you feel you need help and someone to talk to, Contact:

Lifeline or chat to them Online
For 24/7 crisis support call Lifeline 13 11 14

 

Republished story from Dads Online Facebook page written by Bernard Keogh.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

Dads tribute tattoo’s

17/10/2012 by Leave a Comment

There are so many reasons dads get tattoos, and probably the single biggest reason is to mark the birth of our children or as a tribute to them.  If you’re considering a tattoo, have you thought about what design? Here are some tips to help you make the right choice.

Don’t just clone what you see on TV or what some movie star or football player has on their arm, it’s you that is going to wear the design.  Do plenty of research before deciding what to get i.e. what style and how it relates to the reason.  Then go looking for the best artist for that style who will make it fit and translate it.

This really is the first step in the process of getting a tattoo.  It is also probably the hardest step. When you are choosing your tattoo design, you should take a few things into consideration.  The location on your body, the size, the style and colouring, and the meaning. Then think carefully about the location? If you are planning to have your first tattoo placed in a very visible place on your body (like fore-arms, calves, ankles, neck, etc.) you may want to consider, would it be appropriate for your work etc?

The experts say – It’s an idea to keep it clean and classic.  Don’t put too much detail in a small area, or mix genres i.e. dragons with roses and someones name on top of it.  You want it to represent love, beauty and commitment not a mess of different messages.

Then go searching for a good artist that can make it all happen.

What designs are dads getting? Check out these 20 cool dad tattoos here and for celebrity tribute tattoos –  see some of those tattoos here

 

Filed Under: Dads Health, General posts & comments, Lifestyle

People who say they slept like a baby, usually dont have one!

06/10/2012 by Leave a Comment

Dad sleeping peacefullyMost dads need about 8½ to more than 9 hours of sleep each night.  But about 1 in 4 dads has trouble sleeping.  Lack of sleep can affect everything from our emotions to how well we focus on juggling all the things we need to do as a parent.  It can affect our mood and increase our chances of getting sick.

How do we get to sleep?  Here are a few ideas:

  1. Be active during the day. You’ve probably noticed how much running around our kids do — and how soundly they sleep. Let’s take a tip from them and try to get at least 60 minutes of exercise a day.  Physical activity can decrease stress and help people feel more relaxed.  Just don’t work out too close to bedtime because exercise can wake you up before it slows you down.
  2. Avoid alcohol. Lots of people think that alcohol will make them relaxed and drowsy, but that’s not the case.  Drugs and alcohol disrupt sleep, increasing a person’s chance of waking up in the middle of the night.
  3. Say goodnight to electronics. Experts recommend using the bedroom for sleep only.  If you can’t make your bedroom a tech-free zone, at least shut everything down an hour or more before lights out.  Nothing wakes us up quicker than a buzz or a ping of your mobile phone.
  4. Keep a sleep routine. Going to bed at the same time every night helps the body expect sleep. Creating a set bedtime routine can enhance this relaxation effect.  So unwind every night by reading, listening to music, playing Sudoku, or doing anything else that relaxes you.
  5. Expect a good night’s sleep. Stress can trigger insomnia,  so the more you think about not sleeping, the greater the risk you’ll lie awake staring at the ceiling.  Instead of worrying that you won’t sleep, remind yourself that you can.  Say, “Tonight, I will sleep well” several times during the day.  It can also help to practice breathing exercises or gentle stretches before bed.
  6. Be talked into sleep through guided meditation. This is a powerful method of finding sleep. Simply find a guided meditation track that you like and listen to it when your ready for sleep.  We spoke recently on this topic here.
Filed Under: Dads Health, General posts & comments

Five quick easy ways to regain your calm

29/09/2012 by 1 Comment

feeling calm when overwhelmed“Sometimes I don’t realize how much stress is building up until I suddenly feel overwhelmed.  Other times, several stressful or attention-demanding events will happen at once, and I suddenly go from calm to completely overwhelmed really quickly.  However it happens, It’s a good idea to know how to  quickly calm down when feeling overwhelmed by stress?”

There are many ways to calm down quickly when you suddenly get blindsided by stress and feel overwhelmed. The following are five quick and easy ways to regain your calm so you can deal with whatever situations are at hand:

Take a Walk

Exercise can be a great stress reliever in itself, as it helps you blow off steam and releases endorphins. Taking a walk when stressed can bring you the benefits of exercise–both short-term and long-term, and it provides the bonus of getting you out of the stressful situation. This can provide you with some perspective so you can return in a new frame of mind. Walking with a good friend can be a nice way to find social support, and walking alone can provide you with some time to think, reframe, and return with a more optimistic frame of mind.

Take a Breath

If you’re not in a position to leave, you can feel better right away by practicing breathing exercises. Getting more oxygen into your body and releasing physical tension are two ways that breathing exercises can benefit you, and you can do them anytime or anywhere, even if your demanding situation isn’t letting up.

Take a Mental Break

If you can steal away a few minutes of peace, visualizations and guided meditation bare a wonderful way to restore peace of mind. They’re easy to do, and can relax you physically as well as mentally. With practice, you can easily access your “happy place” and quickly feel more calm when stressed.

Reframe Your Situation

Sometimes we intensify our experience of stressful situations by the way we look at them. If you can look at your situation differently, you may be able to put it into a different perspective–one that causes you less stress! Read more about mental and emotional stress that can be caused by pessimism, type A traits, and other self-sabotaging thought patterns, and learn how you can change the way you look at things. It’ll come in handy when you’re stressed. (Learn more about mental stress and self sabotage here.)

Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a technique where you tense and release all of your muscle groups, leaving your body feel more relaxed afterward. PMR is one of my favorite techniques, as it can be done by just about anyone, and with practice you can fully release virtually all the tension you’re feeling in your body in a matter of seconds! This can help you feel more calm and better able to handle the situations at hand. (Learn how to practice PMR here.)

Once you’ve been able to calm down, you should be in a better position to address whatever stressful situations you’re expriencing. It’s also a good idea to adopt a few regular stress relievers and healthy lifestyle habits so that you can reduce your overall stress level so that you experience less stress and are less bothered by the stressful situations you do encounter.

Filed Under: Dads Health

A simple way for dads to relax

08/09/2012 by Leave a Comment

a simple way for dads to relaxIn our busy world, meditation is becoming more and more popular as dads search for ways to relax, de-stress and enhance their quality of life.

I found years ago that guided meditation had positive benefits , particularly when I was looking for ways to relax.

I remember when I first tried a CD, I had my earphones in and fell asleep before it got to the end of the session (worked well).  I woke-up during the night forgetting that I had earphone’s in and felt the cord brush past my check and thought it was a spider and jumped to the ceiling scrambling to get it off me 🙂 it was hilarious!

You don’t have to do anything but sit or lay and listen!

Meditation is an incredibly enjoyable, healthy and inspiring way to achieve inner peace, and guided meditations are, quite simply, the easiest way to meditate.

Traditional unguided meditation techniques, while wonderful in their own way, do require some effort on your part. It’s your job to keep your mind focused and as clear as possible. But with guided meditation, you are guided into a state of meditation by spoken word guidance. Your guide will literally walk you through the process step by step.

Can you think of anything more effortless and relaxing than listening to tranquil music while you are guided into a state of deep meditation?

Guided meditation is not only easy, it is also a very powerful tool for personal development and a simple way for dads to relax.

Meditation plus visualization:
The awesome power behind guided meditations

Where guided meditations get really interesting is in the way that they utilize the power of your imagination and the power of visualization to effect positive personal changes. This is one of the main benefits of guided meditation, and in this regard, guided meditations are even more powerful than traditional, passive meditation.

Visualization, or creative visualization as it is sometimes referred to, is the use of mental imagery to effect positive changes in your life. Visualization techniques are now widely employed in many fields such as the arts, sports, business, alternative medicine, religious practices, psychotherapy and self-improvement.

As Denis Waitley, coach to both Olympic champions and Apollo astronauts once said:

“The mind cannot tell the difference between an actual,‘real-life’ event and a vividly imagined one.”

Guided meditations help you to vividly imagine positive experiences that represent, either directly or symbolically, whatever changes you wish to express in your life.

During a guided meditation you are in such a deep state of relaxation that the imagery you are guided to visualize becomes very vivid indeed. Immersing yourself in a guided meditation while listening to positive suggestions is a blissful experience that results in real and immediate benefits. You’ll feel better; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Of course, different people have different goals and needs, and with that in mind, guided meditations can be tailored to achieve specific outcomes such as:

  • Improving clarity in life
  • Spiritual development
  • Experiencing elation, freedom and expanded awareness
  • Emotional and physical healing
  • Enhancing creativity
  • Profoundly deep relaxation
  • Increasing confidence and personal empowerment
  • Opening the heart and healing relationships
  • Curing negativity or self defeating behaviors
  • Improving performance in business or sports
  • Resolving psychological difficulties

A well crafted guided meditation often includes positive suggestions and positive visualizations that cause you to have an inner experience of the changes you are seeking to realize in your outer life.

Why is this so important? Let’s allow The Buddha to answer that question for us:

“The mind is everything.  What you think you become.”

Guided meditations help you to achieve a state of deep inner stillness, so that your mind can be cleared of clutter and unwanted thoughts, and then filled with vivid visualization experiences that effect positive personal changes.

Particularly well crafted guided meditations may also make use of symbolic imagery, so as to connect with the deeper, more abstract levels of your mind in an effort to encourage profound healing and personal development breakthroughs.

There so many different guided meditations downloads that you can easily obtain from online. You can download guided mediation on

  • Relaxation
  • Sleep
  • Inner peace
  • Self confidence
  • Stop smoking
  • Learning to trust
  • Calmness
  • Improved sense of positivity
  • Elimination of anxiety
  • And many more

Click here to listen to some demo’s and see what might work for you? There is some free guided meditation around you just need to Google it and apply some trial and error to find the type that works for you.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Lifestyle

Daily routines reduce stress

02/09/2012 by Leave a Comment

Daily routinesRoutines today play a huge part in our family, because our kids really don’t have any control over their day to day life, it can give them an opportunity to feel like they belong in the running of the household and provides a sense of order, control and predictability.

Routines have provided good habits  with structure around meals, sleep times and morning rituals. I am sure that even though my children don’t know it’s happening, they would be appreciative that they have this structure during key times of the day.

I started these routines the minute I move to a single parent life and it has continued on now for a few years.

Some of the positive take out have been:

  • Same time every morning and night when brushing teeth reduces push back from them in actually doing it.
  • Baths and showers before bedtime signifying the end of the day and they can hop into bed feeling clean and calm.
  • Breakfast, lunch and dinner always at the approximate same time, has reduced craving and grumpiness.
  • When it was housing cleaning time, it taught life skills, never always easy but I can say we have progressed from tidying up rooms to vacuuming and mopping floors  🙂
  • Enabled me to have some order around daily activities even whilst everything else may have been out of control.
  • It ensured that the important things got done.
  • We can then go on auto pilot and conserve energy and brain power.
  • It’s provided security and a sense of control.
  • It saves scrambling and allows us to focus on things.
  • Kids don’t cope with change very well and it has provided predictability.
  • Daily routines reduce stress in our lives

Routines have created a positive effect on my life.

OMG without a routine, getting ready in the morning would have been a nightmare.  I can say that our home is happier in the morning and pretty smooth sailing because of it.

For example:

Morning

Getting up and going can be hard whether young or old. If you find it hard getting started in the morning, having a solid routine established from first up in the morning means a much easier flow to the day.

I maintain the same alarm time to get up every morning and it means all the difference between having a good morning and having a bad one. I account for an extra 30 minutes for the potential of a hair hissy, sleepy kids or slow eaters.  It makes all the difference because we are not worried about those roadblocks that chew up time. Because my kids are in school it takes all the stress out. For example my daughter will  come out and say I cant do my hair correctly this morning? I say “Oh really, keep trying you’ll get it” with no stress. If I didn’t have the 30 minute buffer I could be saying “hurry up, we need to get moving” then all hell would break loose J

With getting up, having breakfast, getting dressed and brushing teeth and doing hair, there is really only one way for me to start the day off with practically no stress.

Mealtime

Mealtime also has been a good activity to establish good habits for us. We always have a good breakfast, maybe I am lucky but there has never been an option not to eat at breakfast time and I usually serve up, cereal, toast, fruit and a glass of milk or water (whatever they feel like). Yes it’s a lot and they usually only eat half of everything put in front of them. They go off to school knowing that they are well fed, I read once that it stops junk food cravings and grumpiness as lack of food brings all that on. This study also mentions how the lack of food reduces concentration, I think we get that!

Mealtime has also been a time that we sit together and just eat and talk about the day. We are not perfect, there are definitely times that we eat while watching some TV, just depends how the evening has gone but generally it’s always around the same time and homework or reading has been done.

Sleep

I found as the kids get older, it’s harder to get them to bed. For some reason they believe they are going to miss on ..who know what? I reckon too it is that they have much more fun running around than laying down to head off to sleep.

Sticking to a rigid sleep ritual has been a god send, well rested children are more pleasurable to be around. Next to eating, this would be No.2 priority. It reduces the amount of whinging and irritability that takes place and are much easy to reason with.

My kids routine starts with either having a quick shower, brushing teeth, going to the toilet and a story.  At the moment  I read a page, then they read a page and about 20 minutes into it they are tiring and its light out.

If I try and get them to bed even 15 minutes earlier than normal, they will fight sleep the whole way, so I found timing is everything. Sometimes if they are restless, I let them listen to some soft music with lights out and I come back in 10 minutes and they are usually off with the fairies.

Play

On weekends, my kids know that there will be sporting activities somewhere such as walking, bike riding or now and then doing something interesting like: indoor rock-climbing. It takes a little coaxing sometimes but when we get to it they are happy with the outcome. I balance it with down time so when we get back they simply lounge around and rest with normally a DVD.

They have come to expect it and it has also put a routine on me for planning such activities for the weekend.  Sometimes I feel we are the best tourist in our own cities.

It’s not a commando routine and that every minute of the day is structured – far from it! Rules got broken, flexibility has also been important when deciding what needs to be done and when?

I really can’t promote routines enough, it has been my saving grace and I am sure it has given me less stress than if I had no routine.

 

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health, Lifestyle

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development

26/08/2012 by Leave a Comment

A fathers loveFather’s Day is fast approaching. Few more days to go and we will be celebrating this day with overwhelming gratitude for our dads.

In a half-century study involving over 10,000 people from around the world, researchers from the University of Connecticut found that a fatherly love contributes as much, and sometimes more, to a child’s personality and development, as that of a motherly child.

Parental acceptance and why it’s so important

The researchers looked at 36 studies from various nations about how parental rejection affects a child’s personality and its development until adulthood. The studies were based on surveys that aimed to measure the parent’s degree of rejection or acceptance of their children. Rohner and Abdul Khaleque, study authors, found that children who have experienced parental rejection tend to become more anxious and insecure, and sometimes more aggressive and hostile towards other people as they grow up. This makes it more difficult for them to stay away from the cycle and become better parents. These adults are also less likely to form a secured and trusting relationship with their partners.

The feeling or rejection or acceptance is crucial to one’s personality development. According to Rohner, there’s emerging scientific evidence that reveals that there are parts of the brain that are activated when people experience physical pain and these regions are also activated when a person feels rejected. But the good thing is – people can revive this emotional pain over and over again, he pointed out.

Fatherly Love vs. Motherly Love

The researchers also studied the degree of impact of a father’s rejection or acceptance as compared to that of the mother’s.  Based on their analysis of the 36 studies, Rohner and Khaleque found that the influence of a father is oftentimes much greater as compared to the influence of the mother.  A group of experts working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project has one explanation for this. According to them, children and young adults tend to pay more attention to the parent which is perceived to be having a higher authority.  So if the child perceives his father to be of a higher authority, that child’s behaviour is more likely to be influenced by his dad.  More scientific investigations are needed to support this claim though.

An important realisation from this research, as explained by Rohner is this: fatherly love is critical to a person’s development. Knowing this would help motivate men to become more involved in rearing their children.  Furthermore, these findings will reduce the society’s ‘mother blaming’ attitude which is most observed in schools and clinical environments as more people realise that daddies, do have a major role to play too in developing a child’s personality.

Their findings were published in the Journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

 

Source of this article:

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development, Society for Personality and Social Psychology

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health

It’s bloody hard making new friends

15/08/2012 by Leave a Comment

It's bloody hard making new friends

I’m sure you would all agree of the importance of having friends – they provide a good support system and are generally key to having a social life.

It’s bloody hard making new friends as we get older, throw in loosing some along the way, people are settled with their existing friendship groups, we are busy, we don’t feel like going out because we are dealing with some grief, our availability is every second weekend, we could be working longer hours and have less money.

Although I saw the value in friendships, I found the lack of money one of biggest roadblock in finding new friends as I believed it costs money to be social.  The end of the week would arrive and I needed to watch my money.  I didn’t have any single dad friends,  the people I knew were either single or in a relationship.  Both of theses groups had more money and didn’t need to worry about budgeting, it felt like they could live life a little easier, and in some ways they could.

If someone asked me out I had to sometimes say “sorry I already have plans” to save the embarrassment of letting them know that I was financially challenged, however sometimes I just didn’t feel like I would be fun to be around.  So I could end up spending a lot of time on my own.  I would occupy myself by going for walks, bike ride, hanging out and reading the weekend papers in the local cafe, an afternoon movie, run, or just be at home watching TV.  I’m sure this is common amongst other men who are separated!

It was just easier to say I had things on! This worked at least once a fortnight as then I had my children every other weekend.  So my availability would come around infrequently and possibly i would go out every 5-6 weeks.  Not a lot of time to work on friendships.

This can impact in many ways:

  1. It reduces the fun times in your life
  2. You laugh less
  3. Prevents the development of new friendships
  4. Reduced availability to talk and chat
  5. People start to call less often
  6. Difficulty in planning ahead
  7. Becomes the norm instead of a one time event
  8. You do a lot of reflecting
  9. Become introverted
  10. It can make you miserable
  11. There is little distraction from loneliness

If you’re finding it tough, don’t despair, below are a few ideas to implement and help you cheer up!

  • Be kind to yourself:  Exercise regularly. It’s healthy and cleanses your mind.  Exercise and other healthy activities will take away the loneliness, releases endorphins and make you feel better about yourself. Being healthy will not only improve your internal disposition, but it will improve your fitness level.  Go outside, take a walk or just enjoy the sun and fresh air for a few minutes everyday.
  • Find a hobby:  It can be listening to music, reading literature, or even brushing up on your computer skills. Talents are also things that social networks can be built around.  Join a club or guild devoted to what you are interested in or good at.
  • Be your own best friend: Be good to yourself and treat yourself with a lot of respect and kindness.  It’s easy to be negative towards yourself when you have no one around you.  However, it’s very important that you don’t develop overly negative feelings towards yourself, creating low self esteem.  That said, no one likes an egomaniac, so be sure to keep your feelings in check.
  • See the advantages of having no friends: It’s a mistake to think having no friends isn’t normal just because thats what society tells you.  Stop believing society.  Having friends can get you to grow dependent of others, which can be considered a weakness.  A strong mind can save itself and you’re now able to have one. Realize that you’re among the stronger ones if you can make it through life without friends all the time.
  • Write letters:  Write to your relatives (even your kids) or you can find a pen pal.  Writing a letter to someone will help you get through tough times and stay in touch with the positive in your life.  Treat them as you would wish to be treated and you’ll find yourself coming a long way.
  • Try To Develop Friendships. Spend time around people doing things you enjoy:  If you’ve taken up a sport or hobby, go to club events, sporting meet-ups and competitions.  Engage with people at these events to make connections.  Take it slowly if you’re hesitant, but allow yourself to connect and potentially click with people who like the same things that you do.
  • Go online and look for like-minded people:  Even if you don’t find friends in real life in any hurry, you can find many people online who share your thoughts, ideas and dreams about many things. You can develop very close and take things at your own pace with the ability to withdraw whenever you need to.  Online friendships are not as intimate as those in real life and usually won’t solve loneliness completely, but are nonetheless a good way to feel connected and pass time.
  • Volunteer:  Doing things that benefit your neighbourhood like community service projects are a great way to meet people. Helping the less fortunate also allows you to step out of yourself and put things into perspective.  Being part of something bigger than your self is good for the soul. Check out GoVolunteer
  • Try to make friends with an animal: You can go to your local animal shelter and buy a dog or cat. Often, pets can act as a nexus of socialisation.  Having a pet gives you an excuse to get outside and talk to other pet owners that you meet on the streets or in the park.
  • Take a chance:  Socialising can be extremely difficult, and even the most social butterfly will find themselves in awkward situations regularly.  To properly socialise, you must be willing to go out on a limb and take a risk.  If you talk to the popular crowd at their table and they insult you, walk away and praise yourself for stepping into that lion’s den.  If you ask someone out and get rejected, praise yourself for having the bravery to admit your feelings.
  • Develop a Positive Outlook:  Look on the bright side of life. It might be hard at first, but there’s always good around you. It’s easy to see all the bad things in the world, and to always be negative.  Be thankful for something in the moment like the sunshine or your health.
  • Stop hating:  If you are anti-this or anti-that, figure out why you’re so against it. If you explore things that you are against, you might find good in them – and if not, you will know your enemy better. Someone who is full of hatred, but cannot say why is often viewed as irrational and unpleasant by the people around them.
  • Explore whether or not you may have a deeper problem:  Excessively negative feelings might be the result of an earlier trauma. An inability to socialise properly might indicate an inherent emotional imbalance or a form of depression.  Remember your doctor or a psychologist in your area are always great people to talk too.

I would like to acknowledge and thank all the authors that contributed to these tips at Wikihow.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

A Banana Smoothie Idea

04/08/2012 by Leave a Comment

A banana smoothie ideaA smoothie that the kids will love, you can be creative by purchasing some decorative glasses and making it look like a smoothie you would get from a resort. Kids always appreciate the effort.
A deliciously healthy way to start the day, this smoothie is full of bananas, honey, with just a hint of cinnamon that makes it more-ish. It’s breakfast in a glass and a great way to have a meal on the run or an after school snack.

 

 

banana-smoothie

 

 

 

 

Serves 2

  • 1 Banana – best if they are ripe
  • 1 tablespoon of honey
  • 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
  • 2 cups of milk
  • 2 scoops of ice-cream
  • 2 ice cubes
  • 2 decorative glasses
  • straws

Go crazy and blend it all together and enjoy!

 

Filed Under: Breakfast, Dads Health, Kids Health, Meals, Snacks, Video

Where do you think your putting those fingers doc?

11/07/2012 by Leave a Comment

Men and the Big CI always dreaded the thought of my GP performing a digital examination and it was the no.1 reason I never went.  These days technology has saved the day with detection of many diseases through blood testing (thanks gawd) I can now say I go yearly.   The Alfred Hospital has put out a Mens Health Booklet titled – Men and the Big C and it’s worth a read.  Below is an extract from the booklet and we would like to say  Thank You to The Alfred Hospital and Mr Peter Royce, Director, Urology for there great work on Mens health.

Many cancers are caused by a combination of ageing, genetics and other uncontrollable factors. However, there are some that are “man-made”, so to speak.

This means there are some factors that are in your control. You can make a real difference to your own health and help ward off illness by making some simple lifestyle changes. These include quitting smoking, moderating your alcohol intake, improving your diet, getting regular exercise, being sun-smart and making sure you have regular check-ups with your GP.

You can also educate yourself by becoming aware of the symptoms of the various forms of cancer and acting fast. Something that is always worth remembering is, the earlier you detect cancer, the better your chances of fighting it and beating it.

In the Dads Health category we will cover many types of illnesses that you can learn about, how to look out for symptoms, know when to visit a doctor and how to minimise the risk. We also hope that it is a good reminder to visit your GP for regular check ups.

PROSTATE CANCER

Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer diagnosed in men. The positive news is that if it’s found early enough, the cure rate is very good. In fact, two-thirds of men will not die from this cancer as it will not progress sufficiently enough within their lifetime to cause harm.

In Victoria, about 4,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year. The majority of these men are over 60 years of age.

The prostate is a small walnut-sized gland found only in men. It sits just below the bladder. Many men can live with prostate cancer without any symptoms or effects. In statistical terms, there is a 10 per cent chance of being diagnosed with prostate cancer by 75 years and a 1 per cent chance of dying from it by 75 years.

Having a family history of this disease puts you at increased risk. Interestingly, those of Asian descent have a much lower risk of prostate cancer.

Symptoms

Often there are no symptoms of prostate cancer. Some men report frequent urination at night while others experience difficulties starting and stopping urination. Symptoms can also include pain when passing urine, blood in the urine or semen and a feeling that the bladder can’t be fully emptied. Experiencing these symptoms does not necessarily mean you have prostate cancer –  it could point to an enlarged prostate rather than cancer – but should always be investigated nonetheless.

How is it diagnosed?

There are tests that may detect prostate cancer early such as a digital rectal examination and a blood test for Prostate Specifi c Antigen (PSA).

What can I do?

• Keep your weight down and reduce your intake of saturated fats.

• Include at least five serves of vegetables in your diet each day. Research shows that antioxidants in vegetables can lower your risk of prostate cancer (especially cooked tomatoes and broccoli) as well as reducing incidence of colon cancer and heart disease. It is also thought that soy milk and tomatoes (particularly cooked with the skin on) may help prevent prostate cancer.

• Men aged over 40, with or without a family history of prostate cancer, should consider a annual prostate check.

 

Filed Under: Dads Health