A must watch: Simon Sinek – Millennials in the work place

13/01/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

We live in a world that is consumed by technology and social media. Relationships suffer, work and our ability to cope with everyday stresses are tough for our children. Children born post 1982 have been brought up in a new and potentially damaging era, a time never seen by their parents. Mr Simon Sinek talks about how we have become this addicted society to social media, why it is so damaging and how we can change it and make life more personal, enjoyable, develop meaningful relationships and be more satisfied at work. Something our children must learn and its starts with us! A very interesting and en-lighting video discussion on what we can do. It will be the best 18 minutes you spend this year 🙂 Oh, and put your phone AWAY when you watch it – unless of course your watching from your phone LOL

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Parenting, Relationships, Video

Some Dads are not waking up to their children this Christmas

19/12/2016 by DO 1 Comment

Sadly, I know too many people to whom this applies (including myself once). I have cried with memories of what this time used to be for me and how it was filled with such love and happiness – for some dads times like these bring back memories of the reality of emptiness and sadness.

So I would like to remind you that there are people for whatever reason are not looking forward to Christmas.

Some people are not surrounded by wonderful families or wake up to their children on Christmas morning (we used to but life has changed).

Some have problems during the holidays and are overcome with great sadness when we think about our sons or daughters who are not with us.

This also applies to the elderly who find them-self without their children, family or friends. And, many of these people are besieged by loneliness. They all need caring and our loving thoughts right now.

To all those who have family problems, are elderly and alone, having health struggles, job issues or worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares – we do and our hearts and thoughts are with you.

Take care & best wishes xx

If you find yourself overwhelmed with feelings of sadness or loneliness, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 you don’t need to be alone.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Disabilities

Christmas can be a tough time, its ok if you’re not up for it.

20/11/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Christmas time is not always a happy time for some people, there can be a lot of different reasons and one of the biggest reasons is loneliness. Sadley, many people suffer in silence and often the depression is masked by fake smiles and laughter.

1 in 4 people will suffer from depression this Christmas and there is a way you can help.

If you sense a friend or a family member suffering from depression or loneliness, just say “it’s ok” if you don’t feel up to it.

Spending time with people who are supportive is often the best thing to do, it can be a walk in the park or a quiet night in at home. If you think you’ll be up for some visitors, write out a list of friends and family that are supportive and invite them over, don’t wait to be invited. If your stuck for ideas, a good online resource for things to do in your city is TimeOut

If you need someone to talk to over the Christmas period to help you through feelings of depression or loneliness call MensLine on 1300 78 99 78 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 they are both available 24 hours a day, every day. Both of these great support services offer an Online Chat service , you can access it by registering on their website. The Telephone crisis support workers will listen non-judgmentally to your story and help you work through your feelings.

Merry Christmas to all and have a safe New Year.

From the Dads Online team 🙂

Filed Under: Celebrations, Dads Health

Can PTSD be a symptom of divorce

30/10/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

I do believe that the stress and grief cause through separation and divorce can result in PTSD. To understand this we first need to know what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is? It is a mental illness or mental disorder which is a diagnosable illness that affects a person thinking, emotional state and behaviour, and disrupts the persons ability to work or carry out other daily activities. Are you starting to think there could be a connection? keep reading…

How do you know if you are suffering from PTSD?

You still feel very upset or fearful after witnessing or being involved in a traumatic event
You are unable to escape intense, or depressing feelings
Your important relationships are suffering because of the trauma (e.g you withdraw from their family or friends)
You feel jumpy or have nightmares because or about the trauma
You cant stop thinking about the trauma
You are unable to enjoy life at all because of the trauma
Your post traumatic symptoms are interfering with their usual activities

We clearly know the emotional upset that is associated with separation & divorce. The unknown future, financial hardship, loss of friends, unable to be a full time dad, juggling work and parenting, If you have a selfish ex-wife that doesn’t value fatherhood and uses the kids to cause you emotional pain and makes you fight for contact. All of these traumatic events if not resolved can in the long term result in prolonged PTSD and there needs to be professional intervention.

You must speak up and if you feel your happiness levels are not where they should be, see your local GP for a referral service that can help.

If you feel someone you know is suffering PTSD, talk to them and LISTEN in a caring and non judgmental way. You shouldn’t force a person to talk if they don’t want to but encourage them to seek professional help. If the person is experiencing a personal crisis they should call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or encourage them to see their local GP.

Your life does not need to be out of sorts or unhappy or feelings of hopelessness.

Once you make a positive and intentional effort to correct your mental health, their can be a wonderful life not far away.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

The top pain points of separation

16/10/2016 by DO 12 Comments

loosing friends like rates leaving a sinking ship There are so many individual things that cause pain after separation. It sometimes feels like your stuck on a emotional roller coaster. I’ve talked before about ways to “SELF CARE” during these years, but when I think about what it is that causes the downs, there is a top 4 that seems to be ongoing and are a little more sticky and prickly than some of the others. I would be interested in knowing if your pain has been the same as mine?

Below are my top 4 things that caused me the most pain after separation, and I have included what I did about it.

1. Grieving the loss of your children
This is the biggest pain point. Feeling of loss, missing, guilty, can not guarantee their security 7 days a week, part time dad, daily contact, The feeling that we are no longer as important in their lives all brings feelings of grief that continues to plague your thoughts. It is important that these emotions are worked on. The feeling of loss will never leave, it is something you learn to live with and it will always be a dark cloud that follows you around.

What I did about it: I came to realize that I am their 100% dad 24/7, even if I am not living with them. It is easier to cope knowing that it’s true. I read once, that they don’t have a dad – only when you stop being their dad. I thought about that and knew they have a Dad. Emotions are something that I am constantly working on. I surrounded myself with people (a person) who is positive. Keep a good home so that I feel good about my contribution to the children, work at co-parenting with their mother as it is easier for everyone if you can get along. I worked on ideas for keeping in touch so that the gaps between visits weren’t silent, There has been a few posts written to help you with this, here is one: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/when-you-just-cant-be-there or another is this: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/card-hug

2. Reduced finances
Juggling bills month to month. You paying your share for the children but then 100% of your new housing and living costs and everything associated with it. Before separation, rent, mortgage, living expenses, holidays, children’s clothing etc were generally a shared expense but now it requires much stricter budgeting as you end up paying for much of this on your own. Being separated brings some extra time on your hands when the children are not with you but you do not have extra funds to provide extra activities. Gym memberships, keeping up with fashion, holidays all take second place to surviving month to month. A study was conducted and found that men appeared to be generally ‘unaware of and unprepared for separation.

This can mean that men do not approach their finances as an important factor in maintaining a positive parenting environment i.e. doing a budget will help you not spend more than you earn. This is critical for your health and well-being and this is important for your children.

What I did about it:
The first thing I did was to complete a budget, I found a good one here: Budget Planner. I was honest with myself and made a decision to live within my means, you have too. You will or would have lost friends already, so your social life is diminished (more on this in No. 3) which in it’s self means you will not go out as much as your did before. I cancelled my Gym membership, cancelled Foxtel, I called my bank and spoke to the department that managing credit cards and I had my credit card interest rate reduced from 28% to 5% just by asking, this helped me to reduce debt.

I started taking a lot of notice how I used water and electricity too. Life sucks for quiet a while but there are many things that you will find enjoyment with that don’t cost money. Cutting back enabled me also to have a little savings.

There is always something that comes up that needs me to put my hand in my pocket, I have found that saving and cutting back has reduced the stress a little when bills come in or the new pair of runners or school uniform needs replacing. If you feel you need urgent help to sort out your bills and prepare a budget, you can call 1800 007 007. This free hotline is open from 9.30am – 4pm Monday to Friday. When you call the number you will automatically be transferred to the phone service in your state where a financial counsellor will help you.

3. Loss of friends
Friends will choose who they want to be friends with after you separate, you will need to be prepared to loose many. Your guy friends will side with their wife or girlfriend because that’s life. Its easier for them to dump you than it is to argue with their wife about it.

Some reasons why you might lose friendships are:

They judge you as not being an honest person and having same values
They believe you brought this tough time onto yourself
There own relationship is not great and you could be contagious
They choose who they will support, you or your ex (even if they have been your friend)
You are now “John Doe” the separated guy and they are not sure how to relate to you
You now have different interests and priorities and they just don’t relate
A single dad just does not fit in with their idea of a friendship group

Whatever the reasons, some friends will leave you like rats leaving a sinking ship!

What I did about it:
I eventually focus on the positives, get out and spend time on yourself. In the past you have probably had friends you would not have chosen, now you can choose exactly the friends you want to spend time with. I don’t think there is anything wrong with dropping out for a while and just hanging out with yourself, in some ways it can be quite therapeutic to find yourself again. So long as it is not forever (as some fall into that trap of hanging out there and never leaving) finding new friends can be uncomfortable but you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.

4. Work Life Balance
I absolutely believe that separation stalls peoples career’s (both Dads and Mothers). Purely from the distraction and commitment that needs to be exerted as a parent you can not put your energy into a career equally – something has to give? and in my case it was not going to be the time I spent with the kids.

My children are now getting a little older and more independent that allows me to dedicate more time to my job which by default helps you move forward in your career. However whilst they were growing up I thought the last thing they needed is a family breakdown and a father who would rather spend more time at the office than with the them.

Company do say that they are family friendly but they also need you to get the job done and will tolerate a couple of nights leaving earlier but when promotional opportunities come around you could be over looked. Purely due to time restraints.

What I did about it:
I just had to juggle work and life! it makes you time poor and stressful at times. I used to start work at 9am and at leave work at 5pm on the dot a couple of nights a week, be very organized in the mornings and get up to make breakfasts and lunches and make sure everyone was washed and dressed ready for school so that I was not late to work.

Some dads I know just could not be able to have the children during the week due to work demands, it makes me sad to think that but i know it is a reality. It throws all the weekly parenting back onto the mother causing everyone to be disadvantaged and time poor. Time does heal and as the kids get older it becomes easier for all.

You just have to be in the game, put the kids first, make intentional efforts to parent them and make a home for them.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Separation

How to be an active dad

09/10/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Some Dads are hell busy with their work and can not or do not leave enough energy at the end of the day or week to spend quality time with their kids and important people in their life. They eventually put on weight and loose touch with a healthy life including spending time with people they love.

There are many Dads that can balance their work commitments. They maintain a fitness level so they can get out and enjoy everything that life has to offer and be the best version of a dad that they can be. Surely that is the better option?

To be an active dad, you need to ensure that you are leaving enough time in the week for you. As much as your work is important, so is your physical and mental health. Making sure that you allow time for this makes for a better time spent with your children, it makes for a better YOU.

The same scenario goes for when you are in the company of others. If you are tired or drained, you will not be able to give your 100%. But when you make yourself a priority in your life, your life becomes much more pleasurable and amazing. It’s important to ensure than you are taking care of your own needs. When you become the best version of yourself, your positive vibes spread like a wildfire to the people who are important to you. By doing this you are not only improving the lives of people around you, but also you are also maximizing your potential and happiness.

Some useful tips that help to make you an active dad:

Take your child out for a good walk, kick of the ball, fly a frizby, a bicycle ride
Make the time to do something your child love or something that gives your child joy and excitement.
Take out some time from your routine to relax. It doesn’t mean that you need long hours; even 20 minutes are enough to be relaxed.
Do yoga or meditation regularly. It will help strengthen your body and helps you feel better about your mood.
Exercise daily. Workout daily doesn’t mean that you need a gym membership and build a six-pack, but any small activity that makes your body moving is beneficial for you in staying active and fit.

When you are active you are more helpful to the people around you. When you prioritize your time and if you are able to spend the free time with your kids, you are actually creating memorable moments with your kids and taking a healthier part in their up bringing.

Self-care is not selfish – it is a commitment to yourself that makes you realize that if you want to be healthy and active with others you need to take better care of yourself.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Activities

We all know the woman who disappeared on her way home from Friday night drinks

30/09/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Homicide investigator Ron Iddles

Her name was Jill Meagher and her murder rocked our world.

Who saw the documentary on ABC called CONVICTION? I was so proud of the police who were assigned to the murder case. They worked so hard to solve it and they did quickly. It took six days to catch Jill Meagher’s killer, about six hours for him to confess, and six minutes for a judge to remand him in custody. I am purposely not mentioning Jill’s killers name or showing a photo of him – he is nothing to this world and gets no airtime from me.

I was sad to learn that two forensic investigators left the police force after attending the scene of Jill’s Meaghers body. It affected all people working the case. Sergeant Iddles (pictured above) said his colleagues, Sergeant Butler and Sergeant Rowe, both struggled after the investigation, with Rowe eventually deciding to leave the Homicide Squad. Even Sergeant Iddles said he remembers going home at night and was brought to tears.

This case effected our whole community because this was a women like every women we know that innocently tried to walk home from a bar that so many of us have done before, but on this night she walked into the path of a monster! I believe our sense of personal security changed forever with this case.

Three days after the monster was charged, 30,000 people staged a now-iconic march down Sydney Road in Brunswick, to remember Jill and to reclaim the night.

I wonder how the two forensic investigators, Sergeant Butler and Sergeant Rowe are doing now? We trust and pray they are doing well.

Filed Under: Dads Health

A quick way for men to determine if you have hearing loss?

27/09/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Hearing loss isn’t the kind of thing most men like to talk about but in fact, about 1 in 6 people in Australia suffer from hearing loss which increases to over 1 in 4 for people over 60.

Most men tend to ignore the early signs of hearing loss, they ask their wife or kids to speak a little louder, they turn the TV up or they just tend to accept it as part of life. Unfortunately, as hearing loss progresses it can impact almost every aspect of your life from work to your relationships.

As a dad myself, I love taking my kids to the footy or taking them to a concert. On the weekend I play in a band with a couple of mates.

Unfortunately, these activities involve loud noises which can seriously accelerate hearing loss. Also, if you work at a construction site, manufacturing plant or other places where you are constantly exposed to loud noises you could also be causing damage to your hearing.

To give you an example, here is a list of sounds and their decibel ratings

Normal Conversation – 60 Decibels
Heavy Traffic – 85 Decibels
Motorbikes – 95 Decibels
Listening to Music on phone max volume – 105 Decibels
Power Saw – 110 Decibels
Rock Concert – 125 – 150 decibels

Source: www.ozen.com.au

Any long or repeated exposure to noise over 85 decibels can cause permanent damage to your hearing. It doesn’t take much.

Ever gone to a wedding or bar and come out with your ears ringing? That’s a warning sign that the volume is too loud.

So what can you do?

First, you have to be aware which means you can take active steps to avoid situations that are going to be damaging to your hearing.

If you can’t avoid these situations, then you can take active steps to protect your ears such as using ear plugs or even noise blocking earmuffs. While I know they don’t look the best it’s better than causing further damage to your hearing.

So what can you do if you’re suffering from hearing loss?

You need to get your hearing tested to determine the level and cause of your hearing loss. It’s really important to get advice from a qualified audiologist who can give you proper advice and determine whether you need to see a specialist.

They may find your hearing loss can be alleviated with a hearing aid.

Fortunately, modern hearing aids are packed with the latest technology in tiny, discreet devices. Hearing aids are programmed to suit your particular level of hearing loss as well as adjust to the environments and situations you most commonly find yourself in. The latest hearing aids are able to connect and stream directly to your phone or TV and are smaller than a coin.

There are also devices that sit directly in your canal which means they are basically invisible to others.

Recent studies have shown that people suffering from hearing loss with hearing aids have a much greater quality of life then ignoring the problem.

Ozen provide independent and unbiased advice for people suffering from hearing loss. Give them a call on 1300 848 335 and one of their consultants can explain more about modern hearing aids and arrange an appointment with a local partner audiologist.

Filed Under: Dads Health, General posts & comments

Men – managing emotions

22/08/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Men often feel that that they have to go it alone, that they’re responsibility is to provide and look after there family and love one’s whilst putting there own feelings and needs last.
This can play with mens emotions particularly if they do not know how to self monitor their feeling and have skills around coping strategies.

Not knowing how to cope with feelings and emotions can play out in negative ways such as displaying anger, feelings of sadness and withdrawing from friends and family. There could be times that you are feeling anxious, nervous, unsettled or angry and are not sure what is driving it or how to correct those emotions. Mensline are set up for Men who feel overwhelmed with their emotions and not sure how to cope. If you feel that you need to speak to someone in a confidential environment, call Mensline on 1300 78 99 78

Filed Under: Dads Health

Why its important for Dads to self care

15/08/2016 by DO 2 Comments

Self-care is essential for your physical well-being and ultimately your sense of happiness every day. Without self-care, your relationships with others can be hurt or less than satisfactory. There are countless forms of self-care that do not need to cost a cent!

A lot of us have such a variety of obligations in life that we neglect to look after ourselves. This is especially valid for fathers (separated or not) who work year round to support their family and children. They have countless responsibilities and spend most of their time working in order to make sure their family remains provided for. Such a lifestyle doesn’t leave even the smallest time for a father to care about himself or dedicate anytime to his hobbies. Individuals who disregard their own particular needs and neglect to prioritize themselves are at threat of more levels of stress, low self-esteem, and feelings of sadness.

With the absense of self-care we are all less ready to handle the stress that comes our way because we’re drained physically and lacking any passion. Then again, put in a more positive manner, we are stronger and more ready to handle life’s stress when we are feeling our best both physically and mentally. A massage or a different type of spoiling will revive you all around.

Once in a while people who invest their energy just dealing with others can be at danger for getting worn out on all the giving, which makes it harder to care for others or themselves. Did you know that intentionally taking care of yourself can improve you as a caretaker for others. Showing others that you care for yourself can remind you and others that you and your needs are essential, as well. Having a very much cared-for body can make you like yourself and your life, and passes on to others your best version of you.

So what precisely is self-care? Self-care is a way to deal with living that joins practices that invigorate you, recharge your own inspiration, and help you develop as a happy man. Making time for yourself every day is essential in looking after vitality and general well-being. There are three segments of self-care: physical, mental/enthusiastic, and profound.

Physical self-care is likely the clearest form of self-care. Going to the Gym consistently, going out for a walk, swimming laps are all great examples of physical self-care. Keeping up a dynamic way of life can help your safe framework, it builds endorphin’s (the “happy” hormone), diminishes stress, and can increase your self-confidence

Mental self-care is just as important. It is simply doing the things you like to do, such as going to the footy, having lunch at a favorite restaurant, meditation, talking to family or friend who cares about you. For somebody suffering mental issues it can be more complex, this may incorporate professional support with regular sessions with a mental health professional, joining a support group, and spending time with friends and family.

Whatever self-care you feel works for you, do and do it often.

Filed Under: Dads Health

It’s a fact that everyone loves babies that is as long as it’s not theirs.

18/06/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Babies may look like little bundles of happiness but that’s as long as they don’t throw a tantrum or wake you up in the middle of the night every day, testing your patience to the very limits. Here we have noted down some of the pros and cons of having a baby which you can read to realize how big of a deal having a baby really is!

The Pros

You can leave behind a legacy

Probably the best benefit of a baby is that you have someone to carry on your legacy. For most families having a baby is assuring a legacy and taking part in shaping how the next generation is going to be like. Raising a child watching it grow and become a contributing member of society because of the morals and values that you’ve taught makes any parent them happier than they can imagine. But at the same time if you can’t be certain what kind of individual the child will grow up to be and whether you can provide the right guidance for raising a child.

It strengthens family relations—In some cases

For most couples a baby is the embodiment of their love they have for each other. It strengthens their bond as husband and wife as well as bringing the whole family closer. But keep in mind having a baby doesn’t make everything magically “ok”. If you feel like your marriage has already lost its spark having a baby can pretty much make the entire situation worse than before.

A baby makes your life more meaningful

Having a baby means that you have to make someone else your top priority since you no longer will be responsible for only your life or your spouses. A baby is the most fragile being which needs the undivided attention of both partners. The role of a parent starts but never ends even 20 or 30 years down the line. Becoming a parent can also enable you to change yourself for the better, give you the motivation to overcome negative aspects of your personality and enhance the positive ones.

The Cons

It costs more than you can imagine

A major aspect of having a baby is providing for it. Most couples decide on having kids without thinking of the financial responsibility they entail. Raising a kid can cost some serious money and the need of more money only rises as the child grows older. Just by imagining the cost of a single roller or crib you can begin to realize how much it will actually cost you and whether you can efficiently provide that kind of money!

You have no time for yourself

After or before having a baby the entirety of your time will be spent on taking care of it. A baby will cry it’s lungs out to get your attention, not just once but frequently throughout the day. Since a child is so fragile it will require your constant attention, leaving absolutely no time for you to spend on yourself or hobbies.

The chances are after having a baby you won’t be able to have a decent bat or fancy meal for a while because as soon as you leave their side, the baby will start crying forcing you to come back to it. Things only get more hectic when they learn how to talk and walk. This is the point where they start asking a lot of questions doing the most stupid things imaginable, thus requiring even more of your time.

Say goodbye to your current relationship

Parenting is a full-time job that you have to do for the rest of your life. Juggling your job as a parent with your actual job as well as meeting the family’s needs will not just tire you out but can cause you to lose the small amount of time you had to socialize with friends and family! Most couples even reach a point where they become strangers to each other and grow distant from one another in the presence of a child. There’s not a single doubt that raising a child can have its own benefits but that only applies as long as the parents are prepared but for those parents who are unaware and unprepared for the challenges of being a parent having a baby will lead to major distress and confusion and sometime the couples might even have fallout!

The Bottom Line

After all the glam and honeymoon most couples find themselves in a state of stagnation. Some couples decide to have a baby to reignite the flames of passion for their marriage and some remain childless and cherish what they have. But there’s no denying that inexperienced and unprepared parents do a lot more harm than good by having a baby! They need to thoroughly consider what having a baby means the commitment required and how they need to raise it.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship

09/04/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Everybody experiences interpersonal relationship issues throughout their lives and there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ relationship.

We have relationships with many different people i.e. partner, children, brothers, sisters, parents, work colleagues, team members, shop owners, relatives, friends of friends, neighbours, teachers etc etc

Having difficulties and some conflict in any relationship is normal. The development of any meaningful relationship takes time and effort from all parties. Throughout the course of people’s lives, relationships play an integral role in defining who people are both to themselves and to others. They are a dynamic and natural part of being human.

The trick is to know what makes a relationship work and lean on those attributes.

Things such as:

Good Communication – people react with honesty and openness
Togetherness – people like to belong, share values and morals
Shared activities – do activities together and have fun such as socialising and playing sport
Acceptance – while sharing some things, you also respect, values and understands individuality and uniqueness
Support – help, encourage, reassure and look after each other
Commitment – each others well-being is a priority for all
Resilience – you can survive adversity and bounce back
Establish routines – that support spending time together

Some great skills to work on in our relationships, developing them would have to bring positive outcomes. How are your relationships going, could you adopt a few more of the ideas above?

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering