10 ways to get your teen to enjoy active time just as much as screen time

07/07/2018 by Leave a Comment

When teens become inseparable from their screens they miss out on the feel-good benefits of being active. Screen time isn’t unhealthy but being inactive is. It’s about getting the balance right and finding what they enjoy, so being active becomes a positive habit they get into for life.

  1. Enjoying active apps

An easy win is realising that screen time can be active. Some of the most engaging gaming involves VR and AR. Your teen can run from zombies, capture creatures and dance their heart out. All in a virtual world where their whole body, and not just their thumbs, get a work out. The added bonus of augmented reality apps on their phone is that it gets them outdoors too.

  1. Mucking around with mates

Playing a casual game outdoors with a few friends can be as good a laugh as gaming online. Backyard cricket, Ultimate Frisbee, a kick around in the park or a game of handball brings out the banter and gets fresh air in their lungs. And kit wise you’re looking at finding them balls and dustbins rather than a bag of pro gear.

  1. Getting into working out

Personal fitness has become highly aspirational and the gym is the new place to meet. Your teen can do the 7-minute work out with mates or workout at the free gym in the park. They can take the odd class or get the fitness bug big time and get into CrossFit. Whatever their level, there’s a device or app that will help them track and motivate themselves to stay with it and get fit.

  1. Becoming a team player

Being active is one of the many feel-good benefits of being part of a competitive team. Having a common goal and supporting your teammates through the ups and downs of competition, creates friendships and bonds that last for life. And then there’s winning! Nothing matches that feeling. Footy, netball, cricket, volleyball – find a sport and local team that appeals to your teen and watch them run with it.


  1. Honing their solo skills

Taking up a one-on-one sport or hobby that hones their solo skills might appeal to your teen more than being on a team. Sports like cycling, skateboarding, table tennis, surfing and martial arts can be competitive or just for fun, and highly social or quietly meditative. Whatever your teen enjoys most. And these hobbies don’t have to be exy – you can get a decent second-hand bike or board for a bargain with a bit of online searching.

  1. Taking up active leisure

It’s easy for teens to get stuck in a rut doing the same leisure activities with friends: chatting in a café, hanging at a mate’s house watching YouTube. Inspire them with ideas of fun things they can do free or cheaply locally that are a bit different. Like wall-climbing, kite flying, even body boarding and snorkelling if you live on the coast.

  1. Gifting fun experiences

Some activity-based experiences are expensive, but they can make a great party or surprise birthday gift for your teen. From water-parks and adventure zip-wire to roller coasters and paintball. From winter ice-skating to ten-pin bowling and barefoot bowls. Experiences make memories and get everyone up and having fun.

  1. Travelling by foot or peddle-power

Bicycling or walking places, where it’s safe to do so, saves a packet on public transport and gives your teen a great reason to be active. Not having to wait for the bus, or ask you for a lift, gives them more independence and more money in their pocket. Two things in short supply for most teens.

  1. Getting your teen out and about

You’re not the only parent whose second job is being a chauffeur. Talk to the parents of your teen’s friends. See if you can get a roster going to get your kids to their sports venues or long distance one-off events. Sharing the load takes the weight off you and means your teen is more in the mood to go because they’re with their mates.

  1. Equipping via eBay, Gumtree and Facebook

Okay, so ponies and green fees can’t be found cheaply on the internet, but a lot of second hand equipment can be. A little searching and some clever bidding can have your teen sporting some awesome gear for tens not hundreds of dollars. Get your haggling head on and get your teen out there having fun!

Want to know more about raising teenagers in a digital age? Check out Technology and Teenagers on the ReachOut Parents.

Author Bio:

Annie Wylie is the Content Manager at ReachOut Parents. She has 5+ years of experience across the media and not-for-profit sectors, using her passion and expertise for achieving better outcomes for vulnerable communities to produce stories, resources and events that matter.

Filed Under: Activities, Kids Activities

Does having a place help me get 50_50 custody

26/05/2018 by 2 Comments

Going through separation or know someone who is? These series of podcasts focusing on separation and divorce can equip you in making better decisions.

Thanks to Daniel Dalli for helping Dads Online with this helpful content.

If you need a good family Lawyer, Daniels details are below:

Daniel Dalli – FAMILY LAWYER
Level 1, 91 William Street, Melbourne Vic 3000
T 03 8391 8411
F 03 9614 7717
M 0423 729 686
E daniel@astonlegalgroup.com.au


The content of this podcast is intended to provide a general overview of the subject matter and is not be relied upon as giving legal advice. Advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.

If by listening to this podcast brings up sadness, grief or overwhelming emotions, you do not need to go through it alone. Call Mensline on 1300 789978 or Lifeline on 131114

Filed Under: Podcasts, Separation

Simple ways to save money on your financial separation

06/03/2018 by Leave a Comment

Any relationship breakdown is hard. With kids it is harder still. Emotions run high with sense and reason sometimes taking a back seat. The main focus is on protecting your children and rebuilding your future throughout this difficult time. You will make some of the biggest decisions of your life whilst trying to stay sane in the day-to-day. Then there’s the financial side …

Ex-couples can make huge mistakes during the separation process, and these mistakes can cost them big time. In fact, by not understanding the full ramifications of a financial separation, or by understanding but ignoring them, the amount of money wasted could affect the rest of your life, and in-turn the lives of your children.

Now is time to get your head around the best practice when it comes to splitting your assets. The choices you make will have a big impact on your present and your future. Get educated. Get confident. And get ready to move on with the rest of your life.

Here is our advice to keep costs down and get the best possible outcome when you separate from your partner.

Communication is crucial

Ironically, at a time when communication with your ex-partner may have broken-down, is the time it matters most. Learning to communicate calmly and respectfully with each other will save money, stress and time. Step-back and consider what form of communication is most effective between you and your ex-partner. In many cases, email is good as time can be taken to deliver clear and respectful wording, and eliminates the erratic emotion that can interject a phone call or texts or an in-person chat. It also allows the recipient to respond when they are calm and clear-headed. If you are aware of words, actions or even body language that may trigger your ex-partner, avoid them. It only takes one person to pave the way for better communication. Be that person. It will allow you to work through your financial separation logically and quickly without costly lawyers or courts making decisions which are out of your hands and you may not agree with.

Focus on the kids

In nearly all family breakdowns, each parent has one priority: Their children. Remember this is your common ground. Ultimately you both want the best for your children. Focusing on this one fact will get you a faster, less-costly, better outcome from your financial separation. Put aside your differences from the past and concentrate on the bigger picture and the future. No-one is more significant in this than your children. You may find that your mutual need to support them is what guides you through to a solution.

Educate yourself

When it comes to your financial separation, knowledge is not only power, but is also a huge money saver. The best bit is, there is plenty of free stuff available. This video from the Federal Circuit Court of Australia explains how to apply for a divorce and you can read-up on financial separation on the Divide website here. Warning: Make sure you arm yourself with the ‘correct’ knowledge. Advice from friends and family is well-meaning, but every financial separation is different so stick to the actuality and how it will influence your personal situation. Mistakes are costly and can be avoided by getting the facts early on.

DIY it

Like everything in life, the more you do yourself, the more money you will save. If you need professional support, either with a financial separation specialist or a lawyer, get as much information prepared before your first appointment with them. This includes, but is not limited to, your separation date, bank statements, mortgage statements, tax returns and superannuation details. Dig out the paperwork, make the necessary phone calls and compile a folder. Encourage your ex-partner to do the same. It may seem tiresome, possibly overwhelming, but the money you save by doing your own admin and anything else you are capable of, can be used to rebuild a better future for you and your children.

Be transparent

The key to a cost-effective and fast financial separation is transparency. Put it this way, it will all come out in the end. Be honest and open about your financials as well as your feelings. If you lead by example, your ex-partner is more likely to do the same. Half-truths and embellishments, for any reason, will slow down and complicate the process. They can even break-down an amicable process. If this happens lawyers may need to get involved, which means extra costs for both parties and will likely create more aggressive ‘via lawyer’ communication which will have consequences now and in the future.

Not in it to win it

Financial separation is not a battle field. There are no winners or losers. When you and your partner are both in this mindset it will be easier to move forward. By removing this competitive edge from the negotiations will allow you to make non-emotional, cost benefit-based decisions. Adopt a give and take attitude and you may find that your ex-partner follows your lead. Be flexible and open to her ideas and suggestions, and you may notice she is more open to yours. Remember, the aim here is to find middle ground that will allow you both to move on with your lives and be the best co-parents you can be.

 

AUTHOR BIO:

Chris Staples is a Director at Divide – Simple Financial Separation. He has seen how wealth is eroded through a divorce done badly and believes there is a cleaner way to make the break financially. He now helps couples with their financial separations in a cost-effective, peaceful manner, without using lawyers.

Filed Under: Finances, Relationships, Separation

How children react to separation

10/02/2018 by Leave a Comment

Rightfully so, we can become completely consumed by separation and divorce. It’s pretty much one of the most distracting and life changing events we can go through. It effects our personal life, finances and career. As I have said before, anyone going through divorce can expect their productivity to be reduced dramatically.  You can basically write off a year! Go through it once in your younger years, there is time to recover.  Go through it in your later years, there will be things you will struggle to recover from, i.e. finance!

Dads, i suggest that there is no better time than now to get advice on managing your finances, I read “the barefoot investor” book, implemented every bit of advice and no longer have credit card debt (cut them up) and I feel my finances are now under control, its a book I wish I had of read 10 years ago.

Children play a huge part in how we feel about our self during this period, mainly because we feel guilty.

Some of the most common feelings you will experience will be:

  • Exhausted or resentful
  • Confused about your child’s behaviour
  • Angry if you feel you are getting an unfair deal
  • Lonely when your children are not with you
  • Afraid that your children will not want to be with you and will prefer being with their mother
  • Apprehensive about dealing with family law
  • Good because you have agreed to a parenting plan and your children’s needs are taken care of
  • Thrilled when you have fun with your kids
  • Happy because you have more free time

Did you know children go through the same grieving process? However, because they often don’t understand why it is happening they often feel:

  • Shocked
  • Angry and sad about the loss of the family unit
  • Abandoned or rejected by the parent who instigated the break up
  • Afraid that if one parent has “left” the other one may leave too
  • Confused about whether it is ok to love the parent that no longer lives with them
  • Guilty, in some way the separation must be their fault
  • Worried for the parent who is not living with them

Children often don’t have the words to express themselves clearly, so they show their emotions (grief) in different ways.  They may:

  • Become aggressive or naughty
  • Withdraw
  • Become clingy
  • Act younger than they are e.g. children who have been toilet trained may start wetting or soiling themselves again
  • Have nightmares or find it hard to go to sleep
  • Change their eating patterns

It is important to take things slowly, make patience your best friend whilst everyone is getting used to a new way of living, unfortuately that can take years. Be reassuring, understanding and comforting when you are with your children and know that they too are experiencing loss and grief.  Make them a priority whilst you are also looking after yourself.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Parenting, Separation

Can next year be better than the last

17/12/2017 by Leave a Comment

Yes of course it can! If you want something bad enough then the only thing standing in its way is you.

That’s why its important to write out our goals for the new year. Writing them down goes beyond just thinking about what you’d like to achieve. It alters the emotional meaning behind all of your activities and forms a stronger connection back to the outcome, making it more likely you’ll achieve it.

When you’re writing down you goals you want to achieve, think about Why, By when and What will it mean for you, and write them under your goal.

If it means a lot to you then set an action plan on what you need to do to get their and then keep it top of mind. Put it on the fridge, in your diary, in your wallet and watch yourself move closer.

If your year has been average or let’s us been real maybe “crap” then you should be feeling quiet happy. Because the past does not equal the future. It doesn’t, seriously you can work your way out of financial hardship, find a better job, work on your relationships and you’ll be amazed at how quick it works. Its all about working towards your goals and being committed towards a plan that you really want.

Have a great year, write down your goals and get committed.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting

Have you and your partner discussed what having kids really means

09/12/2017 by 1 Comment

Relationships start out exactly how we like them, we’re smitten and crazy about each other. It very sensual and physical. Its fun and exciting, everything is new and you feel like your connection is cohesive enough to be able to handle anything that the world throws at you.

Planned or unplanned, having kids can dissolve that cohesive glue you both thought was impenetrable, why? Because you went into having children unprepared or failed to discuss the things that can trip you up. It’s challenging, demanding, thankless, tiring and lasts for the first 10-12 years before you get reprieve.

I recently spoke to a man who was expecting his first baby with his partner. I asked him have you discussed how you will help each other and handle the tough times when they come? He said, Nah! its not something we discuss, things are ok and we will just deal with what ever happens…eeeek! I think this is common, sadly.

The things that can be important to know & talk through (but not limited too, if you can think of more, discuss)

  • Pregnancy is a long time and can be messy
  • You may not automatically love your child day 1
  • A diminished social life can make life feel boring
  • Loss of freedom and also loss of time together can feel like a disconnect
  • When sleep becomes more important than sex, is the norm
  • Disagreeing on  how to raise your child, remember there is more than one way
  • Weekend sleep-ins was your previous life
  • Work is relatively easy compared to raising a baby, how can you lighten your partners load
  • Life changes and so do you and your partner
  • Hobbies and sports need to take a back seat for quiet a while
  • You are no longer “Joe” the carefree guy, you are “Joe” with responsibilities
  • Your own routine now becomes your babies routine
  • Expect both you and your partner to have ups and down feelings of happiness
  • You baby/child needs things NOW, there is no more of …”I’ll do it later”
  • Your stress levels increase and you feel edgy often
  • Your money is now all accounted for and you need to save for emergencies
  • Your friends look at your differently now, you have 1 or 2 beers not 10 anymore
  • If baby is crying all night, it might be easier to have the baby sleep in your bed so you all can sleep
  • Babies poo is smelling and messy and someone has to change it often
  • Sometimes babies cry for long periods for know reason
  • There are some mothers who refuse to even leave their baby with a safe family member so you can go out and have a break, how would you cope with that
  • Learn to cook and make lots of meals to freeze, sometimes it is just easier
  • Facebook life is BS, raising kids is hard work and you both need to work as a team
  • Keep an eye out if either of you need help, don’t be afraid to ask
  • Sleep when your baby sleeps, you need it
  • It’s exhausting, make sure you both get time to rest
  • Eating together becomes a thing of the past
  • This is a 12 year commitment to work as a team, after that it becomes easier and you should have mutual respect for the road traveled together
  • What if you feel like nothing you do is good enough

With all the ups and downs its an incredible feeling to raise a child. It has enormous amounts of joy and satisfaction but its extremely important you go into it with eyes wide open. You need to look after your partner and carry equal amounts of the workload and sometimes more when she needs it. Talk about when times get tough and how you will get through those times together. Its important, it could be the difference between ending up a single Dad or at home with your family. Go the later!!

Whats been your experience? any tips?

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting, Relationships

What are you prepared to give up

11/11/2017 by Leave a Comment

Having kids should not be taken lightly. It would be the biggest most important decision anyone can make in their lifetime.

Bringing a child into the world requires a lifetime of intentional commitment, from the day they are born to when they reach adulthood and even then it does not guarantee they will be off your hands completely.  I felt a strong commitment to ensure that my child had all that they need to ensure a healthy lifestyle both mentally and physically.

Putting your child first is a good plan (it’s the only plan), it ensures that they go without little and decisions you make around housing and career have them top of mind. There were times when I could have accepted promotions which would have either caused me to work interstate or travel extensively. I didn’t have a partner that would have supported this so I could not have accepted the roles. I then found myself divorced and it made it even harder to travel because I needed to be available for my child on the days that were my days. I made sure that nothing got in the way of those days.

Taking that commitment to always be there and be available definitely hindered my career and social life.

I’d be invited away for a weekend that would be across the time I had my child over so I’d say no, I wouldn’t go out on a Friday night because I wanted to be fit and healthy for her on the Saturday morning when she would arrive. There were so many times I said no, looking back it cost me friendships and a healthy social life, but to me it was the price of putting my child first.

Thinking back, I could of had a more balanced life with social life and home life. So long as your children feel loved and cared for, you really can go and have some fun, and you should.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships, Separation

What every parent with a child who self injures needs to read

29/09/2017 by Leave a Comment

First a little about the author:

Garry King has extensive experience with working with young people encountering the issues of self harm and suicidal behaviour. This experience is the result of having worked as a teacher, youth worker and counsellor and complimented by degrees in welfare and education as well as masters degrees in counselling and suicidology. Garry has previously worked as the youth welfare consultant for the Australian Institute for Suicide Research and Prevention. He was appointed an adjunct lecturer, youth welfare at the Central Qld University and is the recipient of a Churchill Fellowship to the USA.

Garry has written a number of journal articles and books on youth welfare as well as being a speaker at national conferences. He is a peer reviewer for the International Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention. Garry is an invited author for the 2015 School Social Work USA. Garry presented at the 2016 International Society for the Study of Self Injury Conference in the USA.

If you have opened this page you are either curious, interested, have a child you are worried about that might be self injuring or your know someone who has a child that could be self injuring and you want helpful information? This type of behaviour is terrifying for families and Garry’s book will assist you with practical advice, hope, and the best research available on how to stop this behaviour.

First lets define NSSI “Non Suicidal Self Injury” – The International Society for the Study of Self Injury say’s: the deliberate, self-inflicted destruction of body tissue without suicidal intent an for purposes not socially sanctioned. It’s where a person purposely cuts, burns or inflicts damage to the body to achieve an outcome that is not socially acceptable.

Most research indicates a figure of 10% to 20% of young people having self injured at some stage. When broken down over a lifetime it equates to 11.1% females and 5.1% males have self injured at some stage.

There is an argument that the male statistics maybe under reported due to the fact ,males are more reluctant to seek help.

There are many and varied reasons why a young person may self injure. The most common reason is that they may become overwhelmed with painful emotions and are not able to manage this (self regulate). Findings do support that it is a coping strategy  because self injury allows them, for a short time, to feel in control again.

There are young people that are more at risk than others which can be understood by reading Garry’s book.

Because NSSI is often secretive and every parent hopes that their child doesn’t become involved it means, that at times, it can go undetected.

Things to look out for that could be a sign that your child is self injuring are:

  • Frequent injuries with suspicious explanations
  • unexplained bandages
  • Inappropriate clothing – jumpers in summer i.e hoodies
  • Excessive bangles, wristbands
  • low emotion regulation (they get upset very quickly and have trouble calming down)
  • Extreme sensitivity to rejection (overreacting to negative situations)
  • Self defeating (gives up easy, wont try new tasks)
  • Relationship problems
  • Avoiding Sports (where they may have to change clothing in front of others)
  • Discovery of implements, broken razors, blades of pencil sharpeners
  • Blood on clothing, towels or tissues
  • Itchy under clothing (wounds healing)
  • Withdrawing from activities they previously enjoyed and isolating themselves

Finding out that your child is self injuring is a confusing time, you will be thinking “why, what can I do, why don’t they talk to me, who can help”? All very valid thoughts. If it is happening…

  • Stay & appear calm, even if you’re not. Get medical help if needed.
  • Get mental health support, if you are unsure how, speak to you doctor about this and they will guide you.
  • Have first aid supplies on hand
  • Encourage the young person to seek help when the urge increases
  • Utilize the strategies that their counselor or therapist has taught
  • Teach social skills, problem solving, discussion making, conflict resolution, team work, communication skills etc.
  • Harm minimization, remove objects where possible. Speak to your counsellor or therapist about how to go about this
  • Be there for your child

If your child starts to self injure, its very important that you seek out professional help and link up the services that can assist.

There is help available for your child, Garry’s book is only $15 (inc postage) and it is written in everyday language and offers well researched advice. click here to order your copy

If you feel overwhelmed and need to talk please call:

Filed Under: Fathering, Kids Health

All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!

27/08/2017 by Leave a Comment

Life quotes from Dr. Seuss
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Sometimes the most simplest truest and most important messages can be found and read at just the right moment when we need them…Is this that moment for you? You found Dads Online for a reason…

  • Why fit in when you were born to stand out
  • You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
  • Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
  • You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.
  • A person’s a person, no matter how small.”
  • Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.
  • Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
  • Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
  • Only you can control your future.
  • Today I shall behave, as if this is the day I will be remembered.

Life’s too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering

Mistakes dads make when trying to get out of debt

20/08/2017 by Leave a Comment

Being in debt can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders – similar to having kids depend on you. When you have both of those at the same time, it can seem impossible to find a solution. Being a parent in debt means that as well as trying to pay it all off, you have to look after children at the same time. Don’t make these mistakes when trying to pay off your debt.

Not being straight with the kids

Children are often more mature than we give them credit for. One of the worst things you can do as a parent in debt is not giving your kids the respect they deserve and telling them about your troubles. Perhaps you think that you don’t want to burden them with your problems but hiding things will only make things worse in the long run. Or maybe you don’t think they will understand – young kids can understand money surprisingly well. If you come out early and tell them that you are experiencing some money problems, they will be more understanding when you don’t buy them the shiny new gadgets that they want.

Sticking to old spending habits

Your old spending habits are likely what got you into this debt predicament in the first place. Habits can be difficult to break. You probably always shop at the same place but perhaps now you need to go somewhere a bit cheaper to keep your food costs down. You will most likely need to curtail how much you eat and drink out – home cooked meals, batch cooking and supermarket alcohol are much cheaper choices. You should also make your own lunches for work instead of buying meal deals or going to a fast food place. There are a lot of online resources dedicated to providing advice on better management of personal finances, with   fatcat.com.au offering advice tailored to Australians.

Not budgeting

Everyone should be budgeting, whether in debt or not. Having a weekly and monthly budget will help ensure that you do not spend more than you have. When you are in debt, you need to make sure that you’re not spending more money than you have as well as putting aside money to pay off the debt. Make sure you factor in everything – food, bills, clothing, the car, smartphone bill and any commuting costs, as well as the money you need to pay off the debts. If you need help making a budget, then the Australian government website has some tips.

Not making sacrifices

Perhaps you and the kids are really looking forward to the holiday you’ve got coming up next year; however, can you really afford to pay for flights, accommodation, food and activities? Being in debt means that you will have to make some sacrifices. You need to sit down and look at your budget – can you really afford to do that? If not, then you have to be willing to break the news to your family and cancel the holiday plans. It will be painful, and the kids will be bitterly disappointed but at least you won’t get into more debt and trust me they will get over it.

Filed Under: Finances

Equality Vs Power and Control

11/06/2017 by 3 Comments

There has been so much effort over the last few years in trying to curb men’s behavior when it comes to violence in the home. There will be much more work done in this area and anyone that thinks that using violence is ok should think again.

I have always wondered want benefits are there for using violence? The costs outway the benefits one thousand fold such as, loosing relationships, loosing children, shame, guilt, financial costs, self asteem, trust, employment, self respect and more…

The government is putting millions of dollars in communication and training more facilitators to help retrain these men on how to behave respectfully and in a non violent way to keep their family safe. This course is called the “Mens Behavioural Change Program”  or MBCP.

Men will buy a ticket on this train (course) if they are brought to the attention of the Police or Courts, it will be made mandatory for many. I have even heard that the men’s wife have said unless they correct their behavior they will leave them and the relationship will end. These men sign up for the course voluntary to help save their relationship.

Family Violence can take on the form of many behaviours, if you were unsure about your own behaviours in the home, let’s look at FAMILY VIOLENCE ACT 2008 – SECT 5

Meaning of Family Violence:

Behaviour by a person towards a family member of that person if that behaviour

  • is physically or sexually abusive
  • is emotionally or psychologically abusive
  • is economically abusive
  • is threatening
  • is coercive
  • in any other way controls or dominates the family member and causes that family member to feel fear for the safety or well-being of that member or another person
  • unlawfully depriving a family member of the family members liberty or threatening to do so
  • causing or threatening to cause the death of, or injury to, an animal, whether or not the animal belongs to the family member to whom the behaviour is directed to as to control, dominate or coerce the family member

Behaviour by a person that causes a child to hear or witness, or otherwise be exposed to the effects of, behaviour refereed to in the above points.

Examples:

  • overhearing threats of physical abuse by one family member towards another family member
  • seeing or hearing an assault of a family member who has been physically abused by another family member
  • comforting or providing assistance to another family member who has been physically abused by another family member
  • cleaning up a site after a family member has intentionally another family members property
  • being present when police officers attend an incident involving physical abuse of a family member by another family member

To remove doubt – It is declared that behaviour may constitute family violence even if the behaviour would not constitute a criminal offence.

There is a huge difference between Anger and Violence. Anger is an emotion and Violence is a behaviour that is completely unacceptable and there is never an “ok” time to use it in the home on family members.

Violence comes from POWER and CONTROL, see below the 8 categories that constitute family violence

The Men’s Behavioural Change Programs is for men who want to stop using violence in the home and concentrates on teaching skills and providing tools to treat their family members with EQUALITY. See below the EQUALITY wheel that every family member deserves to feel.

Ifyou know you are using any type of violence, intimidation or coercion in the home, please get help.

Google MBCP nearest you. Some of the organisations that provide MBCP are:

Relationships Australia
Heavy M.E.T.A.L Program
FamilyCare
Lifeworks
Anglicare

Also call the following help lines that can talk about it with you and assist you in finding help:

  • Mens Referral Service 1300766491
  • Lifeline 131114
  • MensLine 1300789978

Or send us a message and we will assist in locating a program nearest you

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

When you just cant be there!

20/05/2017 by 6 Comments

If you’re separated or divorced and don’t have a good access arrangement, this might help you stay better connected.

Missing your child and feeling like they’re missing out on you is a heavy weight to carry.  Kids are resilient and I found that if they are loved and cared for at both houses then they grow up stable. That doesn’t help the feeling of loss and grief that a Dads have to bare during the times they are absent.

One area that I have always been interested in and a keen participant is…keeping in-touch in between the times you are together and letting my child know that they are top of mind even if you can not be together for a week or two?

I found a great way to keep in-touch during the absent times and it became a bit of a hobby.

Wherever I happened to be, if there was a card shop or newsagency, I would always walk in and look for a card just to say “hi” There are some really nice and creative cards on the market, there would always be a different card that I thought my child would like. Over the years there would have been shoe boxes full of cards that I had sent and I doubt that I ever doubled up on the one card 🙂

Kids like to get mail from the postman, it makes them feel special

I would send a card once a week, the first card I would post just after my access visit as it would take a day or two to arrive. I would write simple things about the fun we had that weekend and how much I loved doing things together and sign off that I loved her.

The card on the second week would simply talk about how is her week going, how is school? and I am looking forward to the weekend and will pick you up at normal time.

I never mentioned  any comment about missing her as I did not want her to feel sad in any way, I made the card always happy, positive and upbeat.

You can get personalized stickers with your initials to seal the back of the envelope or better still both initials or an emblem that they’ll know instantly the card is from you. Click here for a supplier

Have you guys tried that or what are some of the other things you’re doing?

This post was first published in 2012 and updated in 2017.
Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health, Separation