We don’t want the kids to see dysfunction

We dont want the kids to see dysfunctionI happened to over hear a women speaking with a colleague over coffee at work yesterday about how her ex husband was making her life difficult? Obviously this made my ears prick up! She said that he has been calling her complaining that he doesn’t see the kids enough and that he wants to see them more often and more regularly.

She was saying that the kids don’t really want to go because it’s boring and all they do is watch TV.  She was saying that she had told him this but he doesn’t believe me and that I am making it up, she said “I just want him to go away and leave us alone”!  He has been pestering me about seeing the kids more for a couple of years and I am sick of it.

Enter Peter… I couldn’t help myself! I said to her, can I ask why you got divorced in the first place? She said he left me for another women and he now lives with her.

OK, its making some sense now.  I thought there must be a reason for your annoyance towards him and your inability to let him help by being a father to both of your children.

Here I go… You know (I said), this isn’t about your hurt feelings its about a father rightfully wanting to see and be apart of his kids lives.  The kids may have said they’re bored but what kids don’t get bored?  They need their dad! and you should encourage them to see him and not put road blocks in his way.

I said, if he isn’t a drug addict or abusive to them, you should only help him have a good relationship with them.  Regardless of what you feel he did to you, you should never get in the way of his ability to be a good dad to them!  I finished by saying again. “They need their dad”.

I think she got the shock of her life as she wasn’t expecting someone to challenge her, she didn’t argue back, just listened and then said to her friend, I’m going back to work.

I hope she thought long and hard about her actions.

It made me think, kids do not need to see dysfunctional behaviour between two separated arguing parents, They need role models to learn from so that when they start a family of their own they have a good set of guidelines to go by when things get tough.

 

Missing childhood events can impact adult relations

missing childhood events can impact adult relationsFor many years my eldest daughter has not spoken to me and I don’t really know why? You do a lot of soul searching and try to piece events together to get some sense of her saying that she “wants to distance herself from you”

She has married and you guessed it, I was not invited to the wedding! No walking her down the isle, no spending time with her prior to the wedding reminiscing about life and the wonderful possibilities that lay ahead. No meeting her future husband or her new extended family, just shut out. I did not do anything that deserves this punishment.

My relationship with her I believe was loving but less than satisfactory due to the restraints that were put upon us. When she was only a little child of 2 years, the family court said I could only see her on every second weekend. Making the most of it, we were Melbourne’s biggest tourists. I kept myself available for that weekend. I didn’t seek out career opportunities because it may have had me working away from home, I didn’t take on a girlfriend because I wanted to be completely available to her. Those weekends seemed to come around quickly, it was 52 days out of 365 a year and I cherished every one of them.

I sought counselling in the early days to deal with the grief of missing her and coping with a non supportive mother. They told me “maintain your commitment and don’t argue, just be her knight and shining armour and she will realise you are a good dad and a committed one when she is older”. In the weeks between, I would send her a card or a CD single of what ever was a popular song for that fortnight, there must have been shoe boxes of them if they were kept? but I think the forces were against me from the start!

She very quickly had a step-father and two step sisters, an instant family versus a single dad every second weekend.

Looking back I liken it to getting in the ring with Danny Green, it was never going to go my way.

Separation from your child causes sadness, heartache, regret and shame, not to mention the belief that you’ve failed at one of life’s most important tasks. Never for one moment would I have believed that I would be rejected for no apparent reason or no explanation?

Confused and at a loss to understand why I have been cut out of her life, I went searching online for answers. It seems that instances like this are often rooted in issues that go back to childhood. Issues and feelings that were never dealt with during childhood such as a conflicted divorce which can cause pain and anger that can fester. Then a “triggering incident” occurs later in life, often leading to an argument, and then the child cuts the parent off.

The arguments that can trigger these events can be a little as where to have Christmas dinner? In my case it was over her inability to attend the theater which opened up a can of worms that I was never expecting.

It has been very hard for me to comprehend what I did to push her away, in my mind I chased her and Ive been available all her growing years (every second weekend) until late teens. However there are some critical moments that play a huge role in the ability to connect in the early years that may result in suppressed anger and disappointment.

Answers I have uncovered recently that I wish I had of known earlier. Questions like:

  • Were you there for their school plays?
  • Did you attend parent teacher interviews,
  • Did you help them with their homework?
  • Did you go to their birthday parties?
  • Did you take care of them when they were sick?

Knowing the answers to these questions gives me insight into how my absence could have contributed in her ability to walk away.

I was never avoiding my daughter it was the set of circumstances we were in, I regretted every day that we were apart.

My ex wife and I did not have a co-parenting relationship, I had to constantly fight for fair access even though there was a court order in place. At one point I was denied my agreed access so I headed immediately back to court and had it reinstated.  This went on during the early years which killed any future healthy communication between her mother and I. Attending any joint events I felt like I was not welcome and I didn’t want my daughter to see that.

Regrettably I couldn’t attend her 21st, I was completely torn between going and not going. The anxiety I felt was overwhelming. Lots of old “so called” friends that deserted me like rats leaving a sinking ship were going to be at the party. I had become very distant and removed from that circle of friends due to our divorce. Even my best friend of 25 years sided with his fiance at the time and chose to distance himself from me.  To attend what I perceived to be the “lions den” caused over whelming anxiety, I just couldn’t do it! .

I discuss my feelings in depth with my daughter and I thought she understood my position, maybe not… I cant help but think what is happening now could be part of that unresolved festering anger ?

I know that an apology may not heal all wounds, I did wish back then I had the chance. She refuses to communicate and didn’t return calls or messages after repeated attempts on my part, so I have pulled back. You can’t force someone to love you, at some point you need to come to peace with the fact that you did everything you could to be the best dad that you were allowed to be.

I will be the only father she will ever have.  She has now had 2 children of her own, hopefully she will understand the undying bond between a parent and a child has and imagines what I went through as a separated dad seeing her sadly only 52 days a year.

Some of my reference material from my online sole searching has been from: The secret side of anger ,  Why adolescence don’t appreciate their parents , How to heal a rift with your adult children

Why washing hands is important

why washing hands is importantA scrumptious dirt pie, a good-luck rock, a slippery frog — just some of the types of goodies kids love to bring home. But these special gifts also can bring thousands of germs with them.

Kids don’t always listen when parents tell them to wash their hands before eating, after using the bathroom, or when they come inside from playing. But it’s a message worth repeating — hand washing is by far the best way to prevent germs from spreading and to keep kids from getting sick.

First Line of Defense Against Germs

Germs can spread many ways, including:

  • touching dirty hands
  • changing dirty diapers
  • through contaminated water and food
  • through droplets in the air released during a cough or sneeze
  • on contaminated surfaces
  • through contact with a sick person’s body fluids

When kids come into contact with germs, they can unknowingly become infected simply by touching their eyes, nose, or mouth. I don’t know any child that doesn’t put there hands in their mouth often and once they’re infected, it’s usually just a matter of time before the whole family comes down with the same illness.

Good hand washing is the first line of defense against the spread of many illnesses — from the common cold to more serious infections, such as meningitis, bronchiolitis, the flu, hepatitis A, and most types of infectious diarrhea.

Protecting children is everyone’s business

Report AbuseWhile browsing the web, you come across an image of a child which causes you distress. You believe the child has been sexually abused.

So, how can you report this to police?

You can report online child sexual abuse at www.thinkuknow.org.au by clicking the Report Abuse button. Reports of this nature go directly to our Child Protection Operations team for assessment.

In any situation where a person or child is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

Protecting children is everyone’s business. This White Balloon Day, think about how you can help to make Australia the safest place in the world for our kids.

A Date with Dad

A date with dadThe power of a “Date with Dad” is all about “being there” and spending time talking with your kids,  it is so profoundly meaningful that we often miss it.  Kids thrive when their dads take the time to be 100% present and are available to them.  A regular, “Date with Dad” with each of your kids separately is a great place to begin intentionally investing in the overall health and well-being of your child.  Date nights, days or even mornings do not have to be complicated. They can be a simply getting an ice-cream and going for a walk or sit in the park and chat.

Remember to Listen, be affectionate and never embarrass them.

If your looking for ideas on something new to do? Below I have listed a few ideas.

  • Choose a nice recipe and pick up the ingredients  at the supermarket and then return home and cook it up together.
  • Have a movie night.  Rent, buy or download a movie that you’ll both enjoy, make popcorn, and get relax on the couch.
  • Go for a bike ride or long walk together.
  • Get coffee/milkshake or hot chocolate at your favorite cafe – just spend time talking to one another.
  • Go swimming at your local pool together then sit afterward and have a relaxing chat.
  • Go to a theme park walk around and get on a couple of rides together.
  • Head to the zoo or museum. Stroll through the exhibits and discuss what you see and learn.
  • Attend a concert and sing out loud – even if you’re more Beethoven than Bon Jovi, is a great stress reliever.
  • Take a sculpting or drawing class together.  Your local council normally have short course.  Your art will give your son or daughter a new window into your personality.
  • Visit a golf driving range, bowling, pool hall,  for some old-fashioned fun and friendly competition.
  • Go to the footy together, even if you don’t stay for the whole game, have a game can be fun.
  • Fill up a picnic basket and head to the botanical gardens for a relaxing lazy lunch. Don’t forget your picnic blanket.
  • Act like tourists in your own neighbourhood.  Go to your major city and take photos, and pretend you’re seeing this place again for the first time.
  • Draw sketches of one another. Even if you can’t draw, you’ll have fun and create a lovely memory. Sign and date them.
  • Visit your nearby paint ball or laser tag facility.
  • Glide around at your nearest ice skating rink.
  • Investigate your local planetarium open hours and tour dates and book in for star gazing.
  • Go indoor rock climbing, this sort of activity is fun but also helps fathers and children to build trust.
  • Volunteer for a worthy cause together. Visit the ill, organize a fundraiser for a non-profit, or work at a shelter. You’ll spend time with each other, but you’ll also make a difference and help others. You can see what volunteer opportunities there are in your city by clicking here.
  • Have a tournament of your choice – Battleship, Monopoly, cards, Playstation, etc.
  • Maybe go for breakfast to a funky new cafe instead of lunch or dinner?
  • Go to the movies and have a milkshake or similar before or afterwards.
  • Take a hot air balloon ride.
  • Watch the sun rise or set from a great location.
  • Get your child to choose a restaurant, give them a price guide i.e. $ cheap. $$ medium, $$$+ expensive, suggest some locations, they can use Urbanspoon to do the research before hand and let you know where you will be having your Date Date.
  • Hire a fishing charter, they usually go rain hail or shine, they will also clean and fillet the fish, just take an esky to bring your catch home and have a cook-up on fish and chips.
  • Accomplish a fun home project together i.e.  Paint their bedroom.  You’ll work as a team and feel a whole new kind of satisfaction when you’re done.
  • Have high tea complete with scones and cucumber sandwiches at a ritzy hotel
  • Get an hour foot massage together at one of the Thai massage centers around town.
  • Write or get printed a few vouchers and have on them – “Date with Dad” voucher, valid for ever and include on each one an idea, outing or activity of what you both could do.  They can then cash them in  each time you plan a date.

Any other ideas you might have we would love to hear and share them with others.

Setting our kids up to make good decisions when they are adults

Setting our kids up to make good decisions when they are adultsWe have all come across a child who seems more mature than their years. In some cases these children have achieved this without much guidance or parenting. But more often than not our children require a level of guidance and parenting to help them become good adults.

The decisions we face as we get older are varied and can be anything from – do I want Toast or Nutri Grain for breakfast? to choosing the right career, a savings plan, a life partner or leaving home to live in another State?

As parents, we see our children’s interactions with others and we see their strengths and weaknesses play-out, it is our role to guide and encourage our children to make decisions and interactions that are the right ones. None of us have completed a parenting course and we also need to have a level of maturity that can enable us to impart the sensible and correct guidance onto our kids.

But given that we do, its important for our kids to understand them-self and the world and how we need to play in it to ensure that we are safe and can navigate it successfully.

We play a huge role in providing that support.

One way of doing this can be helping our kids think out what they want from certain aspects of their life and drawing up a chart with specific goals in mind. Remember to keep them realistic i.e. there is no point in writing down that you want to be a Pastry Chef if your child does not like deserts?

From the list below, you will be able to create a top 3 “want” list of things across many categories of life that you can help your child achieve and move towards. It will also give you some insight into what your child’s interests are and what might inspire and motivate them.

Career
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Relationship
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Family
  1. .
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Health
  1. .
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Fitness/Sport
  1. .
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Money
  1. .
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Car
  1. .
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Travel
  1. .
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Hobbies
  1. .
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Volunteering/Charity work
  1. .
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Posessions
  1. .
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  3. .

By helping your child look at their strengths and weaknesses, you will be able to make a fairly realistic list of what they would like to achieve in the next 5, 10, 20 years? Keep the list handy, refer to it, talk about it, discuss what might need to happen to achieve some of them and start planning.

If you could write a note to your younger self what would you say?

note to younger selfWow , Imagine if we were sat down in the lounge by our dad and he said…

Son, There are a few things that you need to know in life to succeed and I want you to remember them.

Firstly we would have to listen to the content without being a smug know-it-all teenager. Given that, I reckon I would still be married today, be financially set up for retirement, had lasting relationships with friend networks and generally enjoyed life more.

But unfortunately that never happened, not being smug, I was never sat down and given some “facts about living life”.

So for me, its about reflection and what have I learnt?

My note to self would look something like this…

  1. Focus and work hard at school, time flys so fast before you know it your out and into the real world
  2. Study a trade, probably a commercial electrician or a pastry chef…go figure?
  3. Catch up with your school friends often and keep them for life
  4. Go out with lots of girls, get to know what makes you happy and choose a life partner wisely
  5. Know that when you have children your life as you knew it changes for ever and so does your relationship with your partner. Choosing the right partner for the right reasons will become evident in the first 10 years of children
  6. Its doesn’t matter what your neighbours have, be happy with what you have
  7. Try not to be to serious, laugh easily
  8. Look after people who care for you without wanting anything in return
  9. Put in a solid days work and also as much effort in your private life, make sure you have fun at both
  10. Save money for retirement as soon as you start earning a wage, because again, time flys
  11. Don’t sell your real-estate assets, buy more and accumulate them
  12. Learn to cook and then cook for friends
  13. Treat your body well, relax and exercise often
  14. Travel with friends and on your own
  15. Help people less fortunate than yourself
  16. Remember there will be challenges, stay strong and hopeful.

I will be sure to sit with my child and have this conversation, maybe while we are in a cooking class or helping out the people less fortunate than us. I will let you know how that goes.

Listen to this post at Dads Online PODCAST

 

Card Hug – a great way to keep in touch

It is not surprising that Australia Post won the best print advertisement at the Caxton Awards in 2007.  M&C Saatchi Melbourne created the advertisement rightly named “Letter Hug”.  In a previous post we spoke briefly of keeping in touch in between visits by sending a card, for the purpose of this post we should call it the “Card Hug”.  The cards are simply written with loving words that ensure your children know they are top of mind even when you are not there.  It can be a message saying  you have arranged something special for the next time they visit, or you were remembering the last weekend and how much fun you had together.

It could be even letting them know how proud you are of them and to have a great week with their mum and you will see them soon. There are lots of message ideas and anyone from 4 – 74 enjoys receiving cards.  A “card hug” sent fortnightly can be a wonderful reminder and a nice habit to get into.

Let us know if you have had experience with this?

The career advice I wish I had at 25

The career advice I wish I had at 25If you’re lucky, someone like; your dad, a teacher, your uncle or your mum shared their personal career experiences and insights with you when you were young. By the time we get to 50 we have gained so much valuable knowledge but it’s useless unless we share it with our kids and use it to equip them with some of our life lessons learned. I wish I had this career advice when I was 25.

1. A career is a marathon, not a sprint
Chill. When we are younger we tend to be impatient. As you get older you realise there is no real rush. Life, and the careers we pursue to fill it and pay the bills, needs to be approached on a long-term basis. If you sprint you will wear out or start to resent work that you previously enjoyed. Allow yourself time to breath and grow. Things will come if you work hard and allow yourself time to get good at things. Always rushing only leaves you empty, and tired. It is fine to give yourself permission to take some time in the slow lane with the hat people. You will find yourself seeing things on the journey that you didn’t realise were there.

2. Most success comes from repetition, not new things
I remember hairdressing legend Stefan Ackerie telling me this in 2003. I had never really thought about it before. A few years later Malcolm Gladwell’s brilliant bookOutliers was published, promoting the idea that you needed to spend 10,000 hours on something to become truly expert at it. This applied to the Beatles and their Hamburg gigs and Bill Gates who, through a series of fortuitous accidents, ended up spending more time than almost anyone else on a computer.

The lesson here is get good at things before you try to move to the next thing. Genuine expertise belongs to an elite few. They seldom have superpowers. They usually have endurance, patience and take a long-term view. They also love what they do. If your find that, don’t let it go.

3. If work was really so great all the rich people would have the jobs
It is well established that almost nobody laments on their death bed that they didn’t spend enough time at the office. This seems obvious. Yet still we let contrived circumstances and fairly trivial issues keep us from important events like school sport days and kids getting badges for picking up rubbish. I wish somebody had schooled me about these priorities at 25. I can remember every sport day and certificate presentation I missed. I can’t remember any of the reasons I missed them.

4. Deprioritise your career when your kids are young
If you have skills, commitment and passion, careers tend to take care of themselves. Over the long haul, it really doesn’t matter if you have a few years when your career is in canter mode while you prioritise young children. This should apply to men and women. I was watching some video of my kids when they were little last week and I realised, again, that the little people in that video don’t exist in that form anymore. They have grown into pride-worthy adults but the tiny people with wonder in their eyes were just passing through. If you miss that time meeting deadlines and finishing reports, you never get it back. Childhood is fleeting. When it is in its formative stages, you get one chance.

You can also miss the chance to learn. Children teach you a lot more than you teach them. They give you a second chance to see the world for the first time through their eyes. And you will be astounded what you miss in the clutter of life. Hold onto those times while you can. As the nun sang in The Sound of Music, you can’t keep a wave upon the sand. And you look kinda ridiculous trying.

5. In the workforce, always act like you are 35
A recruiter gave me this advice some years ago. It is quite inspired. What she meant was, when you are young in the workplace, don’t act as a novice. If you are smart and competent, step up and do whatever you are capable of doing in a mature way. Similarly, when you are an older worker, don’t act like it. Approach your day with youthful energy. To quote a famous Frank Sinatra song: “You’re 35 and it’s a very good year”.

6. Management is about people, not things
It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that all people are equal, behave the same every day and have a generic capacity to perform. Humans are simply not made like that. Business guru Jack Welsh says the workforce consists of 20 per cent of people who are high performers, 10 per cent that you should get rid of and 70 per cent who do okay. The problem is the 70 per cent. Most managers want everyone in the 20 per cent. We need to be careful not to believe that the 70 per cent are underperformers. Sometimes we need to celebrate the competence of the masses not the superpowers of the elite. As managers, we are not managing things, we are empowering people and making the best use of whatever it is they bring to the table.

7. Genuinely listen to others
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking we have all the answers as individuals. We don’t. As a group we are far more powerful. We need to learn to genuinely collaborate and really listen to the opinions of others. And we need to ask our own people first. So many managers and firms fall into the trap of asking external consultants for answers and then trying to implement the recommendations over the top of tried-and-true employees. In almost every case, our own people already know the answers. We need to avoid letting familiarity blind us to the talent sitting around us.

8. Never work for horrible bastards
Life is way too short to tolerate really bad bosses. If you find yourself working for one, unless you are desperate or starving, start looking for a new job. Immediately. Then sack the bad boss. By leaving.

9. Recognise that staff are people with finite emotional capacity
This is one I really wish I had known earlier. It is clear to me now that humans have a finite emotional capacity. If there is something challenging happening in their personal lives, they have limited capacity left to deal with issues at work. In nearly 100 per cent of cases I have dealt with of people suddenly under-performing at work, it has nothing to do with work. When good people have problems, managers and companies need to carry them. This should be a personal mission. If we learn to carry people when they most need it, we become a stronger community and we empower people in ways that we probably can’t imagine when we are young. A re-invigorated broken employee is a corporation’s most powerful force. They become a slightly better version of themselves without the need for a V energy drink.

10. Don’t just network with people your own age
Beware the whiz kid syndrome. Smart, young people have a habit of forming communities of other smart young people and feeding off each other’s energy. In the older world they are seen as “bright young things” that give confidence that the future is in good hands. Argghhhh. How many times have you heard that? Youth enclaves can actually be restrictive. Smart 20-somethings should make sure they network with older people too. In fact their networking should be about meeting useful mentors and career champions who can open doors and fast track careers. Similarly, older, successful people shouldn’t just sit in musty clubs talking about the 1970s. They should be proactively seeking out smart, young people who can shake them out of their comfort zone and open their eyes to new ideas.

11. Celebrate cultural differences in the workplace
One of the big mistakes we make in Australia is failing to adequately recognise the value of overseas experience and people from a variety of cultures. Diversity brings a richness to our workplaces that benefits all of us. Overseas experience is real experience. We should take every opportunity to inject new thinking into our workplaces. It is where the magic begins.

12. Take the time to understand what your business does
I love the story of President J F Kennedy’s visit to NASA during which he asked a cleaner what his job was. The cleaner replied that he sent rockets to the moon. All of us should feel part of what our organisations actually do. We should take the time to be part of the big picture and always feel connected with the true objectives of our workplace. Don’t wait for someone to tell you or lament that internal communication is crap. Find out for yourself.

13. Don’t put off working overseas
Geography is becoming less relevant. We are all citizens of the world. President Obama made the point during his University of Queensland speech that the world was becoming smaller and even the Pacific Ocean was now just a lake. If you get the chance to work overseas, and you aspire to do that, take it. There is never a right time. And we always regret the things we don’t do far more than the things we do.

14. Work in an office where you have friends
You will spend a lot of time at work. You should work with people you like. I used to be a bit sceptical about a question in employment engagement surveys asking people if they had a “best friend” at work. I realise now that work is much better if you are among friends. The happiest people are those who do things they are passionate about with people they really like. Further to that, if you find you have taken on a job you hate, ditch it quickly. Your career can survive a few well-intentioned detours and mistaken pathways.

15. Never sacrifice personal ethics for a work reason
Crucial to workplace happiness is value alignment. If you work somewhere that compromises your personal ethics and values, get out of there as quickly as you can. Good people will be unnerved by things that don’t feel right. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Bad things only manifest when good people don’t take a stand.

16. Recognise that failure is learning
As bizarre as it might sound, failing is not failure. Researchers recognise that failure is just part of a process to eliminate unsuccessful options. To misquote Woody from Toy Story, when we make a few mistakes, we are not failing, just falling – with style. Even fairy-tale princesses recognise that you need to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince. Thomas Edison articulated this best: “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” If we fear failure we tend to take a minimalist approach to our jobs and the opportunities around us. Takes some risks. Sometimes failing spectacularly is the best evidence that we are alive, human and serious about aspiring to the extraordinary. There is no value in being ordinary when you have the capacity to be remarkable.

Thank you to Shane Rogers – Queensland Editor at The Australian

How to teach your kids about cyber safety

How to teach your kids about cyber safetyUnlike when we were young, stranger danger is about a lot more than what happens in the real world. While it is important to ensure your child knows the age-old stranger danger concerns, it is equally important that they are equipped to protect themselves when on the Internet. Here’s a handy guide on teaching your children everything about cyber safety, from safe browsing habits through to suitable online security solutions like Your Digital File.

Explain Being Online

The first step is to teach children the extent of their online behaviour. Children are often more plugged in than we are; however, many are unaware that the tools that they are using are actually Internet-enabled. Your child needs to understand that they’re online when they’re browsing websites, playing games (on console, computer or mobile), social networking, instant messaging, chatting or reading blogs. It’s much easier to teach children safe online habits when they understand the scope of online behaviour.

Explain Personal Information

Most adults acknowledge that sharing personal information online is a bad idea. It can be harder to convince children though, as many don’t comprehend the difference between general information and personal information. Have a conversation with your child about personal information. Explain that any information about where they live, where they go and how to contact them is personal and shouldn’t be shared. Make a list of the information that counts as personal information (name, address, phone number, etc.) and keep this beside the computer.

It’s important that they also understand that personal information isn’t just accessed via text. Shared images can contain personal information – school logos on clothes, street signs, car registration numbers, etc. – that can be used for nefarious purposes.

Discuss the Issues

Children face a range of issues with their online behaviour – cyberbullying, reputation, identity theft, illegal content, offensive content, sexting, trolling and unwanted contact. Each issue has different circumstances, challenges and implications. Do some research to understand each of these issues yourself before sitting down to talk with your children. It is important to discuss these issues, as children are better able to protect themselves if they can recognise the risk they’re facing for what it is.

Social Security

The risks increase dramatically once older children become active on social media accounts. Whether they’re on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter or any of the smaller networks, the increased social behaviour means there are more opportunities for risk. Ensure your children understand that what they do on social media sites has repercussions in the real world. They should only post comments and images that they would not be ashamed for you or their grandparents to see. Social media should never be used to spread lies, gossip or bully another individual. Safe social media habits protect your child, their friends and their future.

These tips aren’t just about protecting your child online. They’re about helping your child developing attitudes and behaviours that enable them to protect themselves. Take the time to talk through the issues with your children as soon as you can.

Would you leave your front and back door open whilst your kids are at home?

Online preditorsKeeping our kids safe from online predators is something we all must be aware of. Once upon a time we would keep our kids safe by simply making sure the front and back door of our house was locked before they went to bed. Today, if your kids have any public profiles on sites such as: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ooVoo, Snapchat, MSM Messenger, YouTube or Kick –  to name a few, then your front and back door is open 24/7. If you have kids that are using computers then we need to be knowledge up and prepared to understand what the risks are! There is no excuse for not understanding social media and the danger that it can bring to your child.

This video has a very clear and simple message and should be watched with you kids…

http://youtu.be/_o8auwnJtqE

Here are some tips to keep your kids safe online and points for discussion

  • Don’t post any personal information online – like your address, email address or mobile number.
  • Think carefully about posting pictures or video’s of your self.
  • Keep your privacy settings as high as possible.
  • Never give out your passwords
  • Don’t befriend people you don’t know.
  • Don’t meet up with people you’ve met online, speak to your parents or a trusted adult about people who suggest you do.
  • Remember that everyone online is not who they say they are.
  • Think carefully about what you say before posting it online.
  • Respect other peoples views, if you don’t agree with someone else’s views doesn’t mean you need to be rude.
  • If you see something online that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or worried: leave the website, turn off the computer if you want to and tell your parent or a trusted adult.

Some ideas to staying safe at home

  • Keep the family computer in an open area such as the lounge, kitchen or a room where it can be monitored.
  • Understand the sites and technology your kids use and know who they are talking to.
  • Create a list of online “rules” with the family e.g. time limits, list of ok sites to visit.
  • Educate your kids so they not to give out personal details without parental knowledge.
  • Make sure your kids know what to do and where to go if they encounter cyber -bullying.
  • Regularly sit with your kids when they are online and look over there shoulder. Let them know you are keeping track of there online activity.
  • Talk about online risks and what to watch out for and how you can be tricked.
  • Reinforce positive behaviors and values in the online world.
  • Install software or services that can restrict, block or filter offensive websites.
  • We cant ignore technology, kids and teens will use them, if they are not using it at home then they may use it at a friends house or in the school yard? so the best course of action is to discuss openly and educate.

How to entertain the kids (cheaply) during the winter school holidays

collingwood childrens farmtop twelve tips from the nannies
School holidays often provide an excellent opportunity for dads to spend quality time with their children… nevertheless everyone can also go a little stir-crazy!

With their years of experience in entertaining children all day, the nannies (in-home childcarers) at Government-approved agency Placement Solutions have put together their top twelve tips to make the most of school holidays in Melbourne, without going broke.

ArtPlay
All at free or affordable prices, the kids can explore their creative side at ArtPlay, Birrarung Marr (behind Federation Square). Funded by the City of Melbourne and other partners, the centre runs more than 300 workshops, events and performances each year with children working with professional artists. Ensure you book ahead for special programs or alternatively check out the ‘free stuff to explore’ such at the ArtPlay Backyard. The Centre caters for babies through to children aged up to 12 years of age; Wednesday to Sunday, 10am to 4pm.
www.melbourne.vic.gov.au/artplay

Library at the Dock
This new Library in Docklands only opened on 31 May 14 and as part of the Melbourne Library Service, it supports gaming culture. Library at the Dock offers the latest games and consoles free to the public to experience and learn about the many aspects of gaming. From 13 June to 8 July on Tuesdays and Thursdays, 11am to 1pm, the venue is hosting the 2014 Soccer World Cup Competition on PS4. Open to all ages, kids can get a team together, select their country and take part in this gaming challenge (and potentially win some prizes). Register online.
www.thatsmelbourne.com.au

Your local library
Check out your library for its calendar of events – which are usually free – such as storytelling, book discussions, and even children’s theatre. In the city, State Library of Victoria is holding the free exhibition ‘Once upon a time: a world of children’s picture book art’ until 31 August 2014. See classic characters like Blinky Bill and the Magic Pudding, as well as fun favourites such as Miffy. The kids can view original drawings, dummy books and videos about the artworks to discover the magic behind creating illustrated stories then create their own story with a free activity booklet.
www.slv.vic.gov.au

Belly Dancing at Fed Square
The whole family can shake their groove thing at The Atrium at Fed Square on the second and fourth Thursday of each month from 12.30 to 1pm. The free belly dancing lessons are led by professional instructor Trisnasari, no bookings are required and all ages are welcome.
www.fedsquare.com

Friday Night Fireworks at Docklands
Enjoy free music, entertainers and an incredible fireworks display at the Piazza at Docklands on 4 and 11 July. Festivities kick off at 6pm and the fireworks are at the family-friendly time of 7pm.
www.thatsmelbourne.com.au

Child-friendly cafés
For the price of a coffee, enjoy some priceless relaxation at one of the many child-friendly cafés around Melbourne. Some of our nannies’ favourites include: Miss Marmalade, Brunswick – as well as amazing food and beverages, Miss Marmalade has a kids’ menu, small play area and baby change facilities; Little Tommy Tucker, Bentleigh – with a shelf full of toys and a kids’ menu, this is a popular spot for locals; Birdy Num Nums, Carlton North – the large, covered courtyard at the rear features a sandpit and a variety of toys; Lulabelle’s, Camberwell – this gorgeous pastry shop and café features giftwares, babywares, toys to entertain the kids, and change facilities.

Victorian Farmers’ Markets
Enjoy the fresh air and ambience at one of many Victorian Farmers’ Markets held each weekend at different locations around Melbourne. Usually requiring a gold coin donation, the markets are a great opportunity to buy fresh produce and often provide a free petting farm as well as other attractions for children.
www.vicfarmersmarkets.org.au

MSO Family Jams
Anyone six years and over can jam with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra (MSO) for free on 28 June at Federation Square. Bring your own instrument (or borrow one of MSO’s) and work together during the fun hour to develop an original piece of music. Each workshop culminates in a performance open to the general public. Bookings are necessary.
www.mso.com.au

City Circle Tram
For a free tour of Melbourne city, the City Circle Tram is a convenient way to see the sights of central Melbourne and Docklands while experiencing a ride on the charming, heritage trams. An audio commentary provides details of city landmarks and major attractions and you can hop on and off as you like. Trams operate between 10am and 6pm from Sunday to Wednesday and between 10am and 9pm every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. No bookings are required.
www.yarratrams.com.au

Port of Melbourne Boat Tours
A free boat tour of the Port of Melbourne will exhilarate the kids as they see massive ships and cranes up close, and the port’s most historic facilities. The tours usually run on the last Sunday of each month so spaces are limited and bookings are required. Round-trip tours leave from Gem Pier in Williamstown and Victoria Harbour in Docklands and last from 60 to 90 minutes.
www.portofmelbourne.com

Collingwood Children’s Farm
Open every day, this is your child’s perfect opportunity to get up, close, and personal with a range of fuzzy, feathery and furry creatures. Just $16 for the entire family (two adults and up to four children), the kids can also see cows being milked and enjoy a picturesque setting at the Collingwood Children’s Farm in Abbotsford.
www.farm.org.au

Heide Kitchen Gardens
The fifteen acres of spectacular gardens at Heide in Bulleen will give the kids plenty of space to run free and also learn about fresh produce through the amazing kitchen garden adjacent to the original farmhouse. The Gardens & Sculpture Park are open to the public and the kids can enjoy a range of free activities during the school holidays such as ‘Architecture Detective’ and ‘Art Detective’. Museum admission is free for children under 12; Tuesday to Sunday, 10am to 5pm.
www.heide.com.au

Placement Solutions is a Melbourne-based niche recruitment firm specialising in in-home childcare, also known as nannies and household management. The government-approved agency has been operating for 25 years and is a member of the International Nanny Association and the National In-home Childcare Association. www.placementsolutions.com.au