The top pain points of separation

16/10/2016 by DO 12 Comments

loosing friends like rates leaving a sinking ship There are so many individual things that cause pain after separation. It sometimes feels like your stuck on a emotional roller coaster. I’ve talked before about ways to “SELF CARE” during these years, but when I think about what it is that causes the downs, there is a top 4 that seems to be ongoing and are a little more sticky and prickly than some of the others. I would be interested in knowing if your pain has been the same as mine?

Below are my top 4 things that caused me the most pain after separation, and I have included what I did about it.

1. Grieving the loss of your children
This is the biggest pain point. Feeling of loss, missing, guilty, can not guarantee their security 7 days a week, part time dad, daily contact, The feeling that we are no longer as important in their lives all brings feelings of grief that continues to plague your thoughts. It is important that these emotions are worked on. The feeling of loss will never leave, it is something you learn to live with and it will always be a dark cloud that follows you around.

What I did about it: I came to realize that I am their 100% dad 24/7, even if I am not living with them. It is easier to cope knowing that it’s true. I read once, that they don’t have a dad – only when you stop being their dad. I thought about that and knew they have a Dad. Emotions are something that I am constantly working on. I surrounded myself with people (a person) who is positive. Keep a good home so that I feel good about my contribution to the children, work at co-parenting with their mother as it is easier for everyone if you can get along. I worked on ideas for keeping in touch so that the gaps between visits weren’t silent, There has been a few posts written to help you with this, here is one: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/when-you-just-cant-be-there or another is this: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/card-hug

2. Reduced finances
Juggling bills month to month. You paying your share for the children but then 100% of your new housing and living costs and everything associated with it. Before separation, rent, mortgage, living expenses, holidays, children’s clothing etc were generally a shared expense but now it requires much stricter budgeting as you end up paying for much of this on your own. Being separated brings some extra time on your hands when the children are not with you but you do not have extra funds to provide extra activities. Gym memberships, keeping up with fashion, holidays all take second place to surviving month to month. A study was conducted and found that men appeared to be generally ‘unaware of and unprepared for separation.

This can mean that men do not approach their finances as an important factor in maintaining a positive parenting environment i.e. doing a budget will help you not spend more than you earn. This is critical for your health and well-being and this is important for your children.

What I did about it:
The first thing I did was to complete a budget, I found a good one here: Budget Planner. I was honest with myself and made a decision to live within my means, you have too. You will or would have lost friends already, so your social life is diminished (more on this in No. 3) which in it’s self means you will not go out as much as your did before. I cancelled my Gym membership, cancelled Foxtel, I called my bank and spoke to the department that managing credit cards and I had my credit card interest rate reduced from 28% to 5% just by asking, this helped me to reduce debt.

I started taking a lot of notice how I used water and electricity too. Life sucks for quiet a while but there are many things that you will find enjoyment with that don’t cost money. Cutting back enabled me also to have a little savings.

There is always something that comes up that needs me to put my hand in my pocket, I have found that saving and cutting back has reduced the stress a little when bills come in or the new pair of runners or school uniform needs replacing. If you feel you need urgent help to sort out your bills and prepare a budget, you can call 1800 007 007. This free hotline is open from 9.30am – 4pm Monday to Friday. When you call the number you will automatically be transferred to the phone service in your state where a financial counsellor will help you.

3. Loss of friends
Friends will choose who they want to be friends with after you separate, you will need to be prepared to loose many. Your guy friends will side with their wife or girlfriend because that’s life. Its easier for them to dump you than it is to argue with their wife about it.

Some reasons why you might lose friendships are:

They judge you as not being an honest person and having same values
They believe you brought this tough time onto yourself
There own relationship is not great and you could be contagious
They choose who they will support, you or your ex (even if they have been your friend)
You are now “John Doe” the separated guy and they are not sure how to relate to you
You now have different interests and priorities and they just don’t relate
A single dad just does not fit in with their idea of a friendship group

Whatever the reasons, some friends will leave you like rats leaving a sinking ship!

What I did about it:
I eventually focus on the positives, get out and spend time on yourself. In the past you have probably had friends you would not have chosen, now you can choose exactly the friends you want to spend time with. I don’t think there is anything wrong with dropping out for a while and just hanging out with yourself, in some ways it can be quite therapeutic to find yourself again. So long as it is not forever (as some fall into that trap of hanging out there and never leaving) finding new friends can be uncomfortable but you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.

4. Work Life Balance
I absolutely believe that separation stalls peoples career’s (both Dads and Mothers). Purely from the distraction and commitment that needs to be exerted as a parent you can not put your energy into a career equally – something has to give? and in my case it was not going to be the time I spent with the kids.

My children are now getting a little older and more independent that allows me to dedicate more time to my job which by default helps you move forward in your career. However whilst they were growing up I thought the last thing they needed is a family breakdown and a father who would rather spend more time at the office than with the them.

Company do say that they are family friendly but they also need you to get the job done and will tolerate a couple of nights leaving earlier but when promotional opportunities come around you could be over looked. Purely due to time restraints.

What I did about it:
I just had to juggle work and life! it makes you time poor and stressful at times. I used to start work at 9am and at leave work at 5pm on the dot a couple of nights a week, be very organized in the mornings and get up to make breakfasts and lunches and make sure everyone was washed and dressed ready for school so that I was not late to work.

Some dads I know just could not be able to have the children during the week due to work demands, it makes me sad to think that but i know it is a reality. It throws all the weekly parenting back onto the mother causing everyone to be disadvantaged and time poor. Time does heal and as the kids get older it becomes easier for all.

You just have to be in the game, put the kids first, make intentional efforts to parent them and make a home for them.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Separation

It’s a fact that everyone loves babies that is as long as it’s not theirs.

18/06/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Babies may look like little bundles of happiness but that’s as long as they don’t throw a tantrum or wake you up in the middle of the night every day, testing your patience to the very limits. Here we have noted down some of the pros and cons of having a baby which you can read to realize how big of a deal having a baby really is!

The Pros

You can leave behind a legacy

Probably the best benefit of a baby is that you have someone to carry on your legacy. For most families having a baby is assuring a legacy and taking part in shaping how the next generation is going to be like. Raising a child watching it grow and become a contributing member of society because of the morals and values that you’ve taught makes any parent them happier than they can imagine. But at the same time if you can’t be certain what kind of individual the child will grow up to be and whether you can provide the right guidance for raising a child.

It strengthens family relations—In some cases

For most couples a baby is the embodiment of their love they have for each other. It strengthens their bond as husband and wife as well as bringing the whole family closer. But keep in mind having a baby doesn’t make everything magically “ok”. If you feel like your marriage has already lost its spark having a baby can pretty much make the entire situation worse than before.

A baby makes your life more meaningful

Having a baby means that you have to make someone else your top priority since you no longer will be responsible for only your life or your spouses. A baby is the most fragile being which needs the undivided attention of both partners. The role of a parent starts but never ends even 20 or 30 years down the line. Becoming a parent can also enable you to change yourself for the better, give you the motivation to overcome negative aspects of your personality and enhance the positive ones.

The Cons

It costs more than you can imagine

A major aspect of having a baby is providing for it. Most couples decide on having kids without thinking of the financial responsibility they entail. Raising a kid can cost some serious money and the need of more money only rises as the child grows older. Just by imagining the cost of a single roller or crib you can begin to realize how much it will actually cost you and whether you can efficiently provide that kind of money!

You have no time for yourself

After or before having a baby the entirety of your time will be spent on taking care of it. A baby will cry it’s lungs out to get your attention, not just once but frequently throughout the day. Since a child is so fragile it will require your constant attention, leaving absolutely no time for you to spend on yourself or hobbies.

The chances are after having a baby you won’t be able to have a decent bat or fancy meal for a while because as soon as you leave their side, the baby will start crying forcing you to come back to it. Things only get more hectic when they learn how to talk and walk. This is the point where they start asking a lot of questions doing the most stupid things imaginable, thus requiring even more of your time.

Say goodbye to your current relationship

Parenting is a full-time job that you have to do for the rest of your life. Juggling your job as a parent with your actual job as well as meeting the family’s needs will not just tire you out but can cause you to lose the small amount of time you had to socialize with friends and family! Most couples even reach a point where they become strangers to each other and grow distant from one another in the presence of a child. There’s not a single doubt that raising a child can have its own benefits but that only applies as long as the parents are prepared but for those parents who are unaware and unprepared for the challenges of being a parent having a baby will lead to major distress and confusion and sometime the couples might even have fallout!

The Bottom Line

After all the glam and honeymoon most couples find themselves in a state of stagnation. Some couples decide to have a baby to reignite the flames of passion for their marriage and some remain childless and cherish what they have. But there’s no denying that inexperienced and unprepared parents do a lot more harm than good by having a baby! They need to thoroughly consider what having a baby means the commitment required and how they need to raise it.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering

Want your house to smell amazing?

03/05/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Who has sweaty gym gear hanging around waiting to be washed, work boots, shoes, school bags, dogs, cats, rabbits, last nights stale food, yesterday beer smells, smelly drain or all of the above, then this video is for you… Its a good project to get the kids involved in. Let us know if you have another idea or if this worked for you? it did for us 🙂

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Activities

Getting your child into the active habit of completing their homework

14/03/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Study Buddies can get positive results

It can often be a struggle to encourage your child to complete a set amount of time of homework and revision hours weekly, as it often feels like a fight over control. You feel as a parent you should be guiding them to sit down and study whereas they feel they are now needing independence and should be able to choose when they do themselves – which many of us must have noticed does not always go as according to plan with younger children.

You may have noticed some of the ways that your children try to hold onto their control by sometimes doing their homework but not handing it in, doing it in sloppy handwriting or by just not studying carefully for their tests. In return when this happens parents feel more frustrated and push, punish, argue with their children even more to try and persuade them to complete their homework.

One of the first things you need to do is take a step back and try to guide your child instead of trying to control him/her. Children are motivated, they do want to impress you however when you show signs of anger and frustration you ultimately end up scaring them and pushing them away.

You need to ask yourself what has worked in the past, think about a time where your child has completed their homework well without any fussing or hassles. Was there something different about that situation, what could it have been that made it work? Perhaps you were sitting with your child in the same room and were available to answer their questions instead of being tuned out on your smartphone. Or maybe the TV was off and younger siblings in a different room which meant they had minimal distractions. The best way to figure this out is by speaking to your child directly – ask him/her what motivates them to work and trust their answer, go with it for a few days and see if that truly does affect his study outcome in a positive manner.

Another way to encourage your child to complete their own work is by stopping arguing with them over it every day. If they are a little older and mature then try taking a step back; let the homework stay between the teacher and the student. Once the student starts to face the repercussions of their negligence in revising and completing set work then they will have no choice but to complete their work or face further punishments from the school. Your sole job as a parent is to help your child do his job, make a better safer environment at home with less arguments and they will naturally lean towards completing their work.

If you and your child prefer when you sit with him/her to help them study and it makes you tense, then you both can take a short break. You don’t need to do thirty minutes of straight uninterrupted study session; no one is watching or grading your child for this. What matters is the quality of the work they complete and how well they learn the topic at hand.

One of the most effective ways to improve your child’s learning and routine is by setting necessary structures in place. It has been scientifically proven that when you do the same type of task at the same time and place regularly you will learn and memorise more than if your surroundings and task were to keep changing. Make a public area of your home such as the living or dining room a study area for your child so that you can also keep an eye on them and they can easily reach you if they need assistance, and keep the bedroom as a place of rest at the end of a busy day so they don’t feel stressed at night. Another effective technique many parents have found is that when grades are falling, minus the screen time such as TV, Game Consoles and smartphones so that your child can concentrate more on his work and understands they can then do the leisure activity of their choice as a reward once their work or target has been met. You should also make your child understand that weekend activities and meeting up with friends will only occur once homework and other priority tasks have been completed. These methods will definitely assist your child in making better decisions and improving their time management skills.

As a parent we need to understand that we are the first role models to our children’s eyes. Don’t over focus on what you think is best for your child, take a step back and think about what your own personal life goals are and what ‘revision’ you need to get done to achieve these goals. By modelling your own persistence and perseverance to achieve your own goals you are setting an excellent and inspirational example to your child also.

If your child is a little older, perhaps have exams coming up, then the idea of inviting over a study buddy can also give a positive outcome. This is simply where another friend of theirs who is in the same class studying for the same topic can come over and study with your child. This method allows for you to also supervise from a distance and give your child some companionship on their level, they can discuss together what they have been taught and their answers on the questions set by their teacher.

Once you can get yourself and your child in these healthy habits you will be sure to notice a positive change in their attitude and method towards work. Improving their time management, making them feel secure and comfortable in their own home and being available to assist and answer their concerns will undoubtedly turn them in better more structured young adults.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Home work

Become great at parenting

11/01/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

I remember when I first separated, I didn’t have all the parenting skills needed to be a great parent. I felt I needed to put some time and focus into learning a few things. I also had the issues of a busy career which became in someways second place to my new role as a parent.

If I wanted to become great at parenting, something has to give.

I definitely valued and appreciated my career and what it provided. Don’t get me wrong I kept doing a good job at work but shifted my drive from climbing the corporate ladder to climbing the parenting ladder. There were some nights that I was free so I stayed back at work to keep on top of things, but I needed to get out of work at 5pm a couple of nights a week and start at 9am instead of 8-8.30am. I was able to do this by having an understanding company and boss. I also needed to slow down my social activities, and be more on my game as I found parenting full time requires a lot of effort.

All of my available time was dedicated to keeping a good home, making the kids top of mind and providing a healthy and stable home. This included making sure that they have their own rooms set up as they like it so it felt like a real second home. I made sure that there was always good food in the fridge/pantry when they stayed. I had activities planned and we went on outings with family and friends and just ourselves, there was routine and they were involved with their grandparents and extended family when possible.

We continued with homework just like “normal”, I got involved in school activities, just like normal,went to parent teacher meetings and got involved in their hobbies and sports, just like normal, i think this is the key.

We often did the shopping together and if I needed to go and pay some bills, they came too. It was all about making their life with me as normal as possible. Things became easier and parenting took less time. It became second nature, it allowed me to spend a little bit more time on the things I wanted to do with my life. I had achieved a happy functional home life for the kids and things started sailing along.

After some time (maybe a year or so when things settled and became consistent again for the kids) I could step back into work a little more but still keep the kids top of mind. My decision to focus on becoming great at parenting has absolutely been the best decision I have ever made.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Parenting, Separation

Why are you being so rude to me…I dont know?

04/11/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

I’m learning very quickly about moody teenagers and trying to be tolerant, but I want to jump in a time machine and go forward 10 years because this is hell!
It seems like I cannot do or say anything that is right and any advise or solutions given feels like a lecture to them.

I understand that there are lots of hormones going on, our school had a night for year 7 parents and covered off areas around dealing with this change.

How to cope with teenage children:

Don’t buy into schoolyard arguments, the kids will work it out
Be a listener and be there but don’t try and solve their problems
Be encouraging and be there but let them work things out in there own time

Adults brains apparently have a hormone called THP which has a calming influence, In our teenagers this same THP heightens anxiety – of course it does 🙂 . I keep reminding myself they are going through many new experiences and having to cope with new challenges like: hormonal change, body changes, developing identity, pressure from friends, and a developing sense of independence.

I am sure they don’t like the moods either. I asked her once..

Why are you being so rude to me? She replied “I dont know”?

So I just left it and I understood she wasn’t meaning to be rude and she didn’t like it either. I could tell she knew it was wrong.

These reminders are my savior, Thank God there are times where she is calm, happy, respectful and loving otherwise I would go completely out of my mind! So I am just trying to roll with it, provide support and stability. Still setting ground rules for respect as I expect her to be respectful to all people. I pick my battles, remain calm and try to redirect the negative behaviour.

A couple of tips in this areas could be:

Pick your battles. If your teenager is basically behaving, ignore minor annoyances such as shrugs, raised eyebrows, or bored looks.
Sometimes, teens may be inadvertently disrespectful. (Again, their brains are developing.) Calmly ask about their intention — for example, “That comment came out sounding pretty offensive. Did you mean to behave rudely?

I know its a stage that lots of kids go through, she is a beautiful girl and has a kind warm heart. If she is rude and I do discuss it, I make sure I talk about the behaviour not the person. I’m always trying to affirm her worth as a person even as I explain why her behavior was unacceptable.

Through the next few years (OMG), I’ll always be involved and interested in her everyday life and be interested in her sport and activities. Even during the times when she is unlovable, I will still give hugs, words of praise, little note in her lunch box with words of love often, because they need it and want unconditional love to help them get through it.

I came across this YouTube video and it reminds me that sometimes they DON’T KNOW why they are being rude and we shouldn’t get upset or take it personally.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Kids Health, Parenting, Relationships, Sons

Will your teen choose to take drugs or alcohol?

10/10/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

At some point during their teenage years, almost all young adults will be given the opportunity to try drugs or alcohol. Some teens will resist the opportunity that is presented to them, whilst others will be unable to give in to temptation: The problem is though, that for children with addictive tendencies, what was intended to be a one off thing could well lead to a lifelong addiction problem. The best course of action, then, is to encourage your teen to always say no: but what makes one teen more likely to be able to resist temptation than others?

Some teens are simply better equipped to stand up to their peers and say no; often those teens with the ability to do this have other healthy coping skills when they are facing times of adversity, such as exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet, and attending positive sports and social groups such as their school band or other organised groups and societies.

Unfortunately, the drug and alcohol industry is full of successful marketeers who make the idea of taking drugs or drinking alcohol seem glamorous and ‘cool’: many teens are susceptible to these kinds of messages. Drug and alcohol use are still widely shown in movies, in music videos and on TV, which can sadly normalise their use amongst teens, leading teens to make adverse choices.

Exploration is an important part of being an adolescent, but uncontrolled exploration of drugs and alcohol can be very dangerous and potentially life destroying: this is something it is important for parents to attempt to control.

To find out more about the reasons why teens may choose to turn to alcohol and drugs, you can read a full version of this article here.

Thank you to Mel Gale for her guide.

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Sons

We don’t want the kids to see dysfunction

08/10/2015 by DO 1 Comment

I happened to over hear a women speaking with a colleague over coffee at work yesterday about how her ex husband was making her life difficult? Obviously this made my ears prick up! She said that he has been calling her complaining that he doesn’t see the kids enough and that he wants to see them more often and more regularly.

She was saying that the kids don’t really want to go because it’s boring and all they do is watch TV. She was saying that she had told him this but he doesn’t believe me and that I am making it up, she said “I just want him to go away and leave us alone”! He has been pestering me about seeing the kids more for a couple of years and I am sick of it.

Enter Peter… I couldn’t help myself! I said to her, can I ask why you got divorced in the first place? She said he left me for another women and he now lives with her.

OK, its making some sense now. I thought there must be a reason for your annoyance towards him and your inability to let him help by being a father to both of your children.

Here I go… You know (I said), this isn’t about your hurt feelings its about a father rightfully wanting to see and be apart of his kids lives. The kids may have said they’re bored but what kids don’t get bored? They need their dad! and you should encourage them to see him and not put road blocks in his way.

I said, if he isn’t a drug addict or abusive to them, you should only help him have a good relationship with them. Regardless of what you feel he did to you, you should never get in the way of his ability to be a good dad to them! I finished by saying again. “They need their dad”.

I think she got the shock of her life as she wasn’t expecting someone to challenge her, she didn’t argue back, just listened and then said to her friend, I’m going back to work.

I hope she thought long and hard about her actions.

It made me think, kids do not need to see dysfunctional behaviour between two separated arguing parents, They need role models to learn from so that when they start a family of their own they have a good set of guidelines to go by when things get tough.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Separation

Missing childhood events can impact adult relations

01/10/2015 by DO 6 Comments

For many years my eldest daughter has not spoken to me and I don’t really know why? You do a lot of soul searching and try to piece events together to get some sense of her saying that she “wants to distance herself from you”

She has married and you guessed it, I was not invited to the wedding! No walking her down the isle, no spending time with her prior to the wedding reminiscing about life and the wonderful possibilities that lay ahead. No meeting her future husband or her new extended family, just shut out. I did not do anything that deserves this punishment.

My relationship with her I believe was loving but less than satisfactory due to the restraints that were put upon us. When she was only a little child of 2 years, the family court said I could only see her on every second weekend. Making the most of it, we were Melbourne’s biggest tourists. I kept myself available for that weekend. I didn’t seek out career opportunities because it may have had me working away from home, I didn’t take on a girlfriend because I wanted to be completely available to her. Those weekends seemed to come around quickly, it was 52 days out of 365 a year and I cherished every one of them.

I sought counselling in the early days to deal with the grief of missing her and coping with a non supportive mother. They told me “maintain your commitment and don’t argue, just be her knight and shining armour and she will realise you are a good dad and a committed one when she is older”. In the weeks between, I would send her a card or a CD single of what ever was a popular song for that fortnight, there must have been shoe boxes of them if they were kept? but I think the forces were against me from the start!

She very quickly had a step-father and two step sisters, an instant family versus a single dad every second weekend.

Looking back I liken it to getting in the ring with Danny Green, it was never going to go my way.

Separation from your child causes sadness, heartache, regret and shame, not to mention the belief that you’ve failed at one of life’s most important tasks. Never for one moment would I have believed that I would be rejected for no apparent reason or no explanation?

Confused and at a loss to understand why I have been cut out of her life, I went searching online for answers. It seems that instances like this are often rooted in issues that go back to childhood. Issues and feelings that were never dealt with during childhood such as a conflicted divorce which can cause pain and anger that can fester. Then a “triggering incident” occurs later in life, often leading to an argument, and then the child cuts the parent off.

The arguments that can trigger these events can be a little as where to have Christmas dinner? In my case it was over her inability to attend the theater which opened up a can of worms that I was never expecting.

It has been very hard for me to comprehend what I did to push her away, in my mind I chased her and Ive been available all her growing years (every second weekend) until late teens. However there are some critical moments that play a huge role in the ability to connect in the early years that may result in suppressed anger and disappointment.

Answers I have uncovered recently that I wish I had of known earlier. Questions like:

Were you there for their school plays?
Did you attend parent teacher interviews,
Did you help them with their homework?
Did you go to their birthday parties?
Did you take care of them when they were sick?

Knowing the answers to these questions gives me insight into how my absence could have contributed in her ability to walk away.

I was never avoiding my daughter it was the set of circumstances we were in, I regretted every day that we were apart.

My ex wife and I did not have a co-parenting relationship, I had to constantly fight for fair access even though there was a court order in place. At one point I was denied my agreed access so I headed immediately back to court and had it reinstated. This went on during the early years which killed any future healthy communication between her mother and I. Attending any joint events I felt like I was not welcome and I didn’t want my daughter to see that.

Regrettably I couldn’t attend her 21st, I was completely torn between going and not going. The anxiety I felt was overwhelming. Lots of old “so called” friends that deserted me like rats leaving a sinking ship were going to be at the party. I had become very distant and removed from that circle of friends due to our divorce. Even my best friend of 25 years sided with his fiance at the time and chose to distance himself from me. To attend what I perceived to be the “lions den” caused over whelming anxiety, I just couldn’t do it! .

I discuss my feelings in depth with my daughter and I thought she understood my position, maybe not… I cant help but think what is happening now could be part of that unresolved festering anger ?

I know that an apology may not heal all wounds, I did wish back then I had the chance. She refuses to communicate and didn’t return calls or messages after repeated attempts on my part, so I have pulled back. You can’t force someone to love you, at some point you need to come to peace with the fact that you did everything you could to be the best dad that you were allowed to be.

I will be the only father she will ever have. She has now had 2 children of her own, hopefully she will understand the undying bond between a parent and a child has and imagines what I went through as a separated dad seeing her sadly only 52 days a year.

Some of my reference material from my online sole searching has been from: The secret side of anger , Why adolescence don’t appreciate their parents , How to heal a rift with your adult children

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Fathering, Relationships, Separation, Sons

Why washing hands is important

18/09/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

A scrumptious dirt pie, a good-luck rock, a slippery frog — just some of the types of goodies kids love to bring home. But these special gifts also can bring thousands of germs with them.

Kids don’t always listen when parents tell them to wash their hands before eating, after using the bathroom, or when they come inside from playing. But it’s a message worth repeating — hand washing is by far the best way to prevent germs from spreading and to keep kids from getting sick.

First Line of Defense Against Germs

Germs can spread many ways, including:

touching dirty hands
changing dirty diapers
through contaminated water and food
through droplets in the air released during a cough or sneeze
on contaminated surfaces
through contact with a sick person’s body fluids

When kids come into contact with germs, they can unknowingly become infected simply by touching their eyes, nose, or mouth. I don’t know any child that doesn’t put there hands in their mouth often and once they’re infected, it’s usually just a matter of time before the whole family comes down with the same illness.

Good hand washing is the first line of defense against the spread of many illnesses — from the common cold to more serious infections, such as meningitis, bronchiolitis, the flu, hepatitis A, and most types of infectious diarrhea.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health

Protecting children is everyone’s business

12/09/2015 by DO 2 Comments

While browsing the web, you come across an image of a child which causes you distress. You believe the child has been sexually abused.

So, how can you report this to police?

You can report online child sexual abuse at www.thinkuknow.org.au by clicking the Report Abuse button. Reports of this nature go directly to our Child Protection Operations team for assessment.

In any situation where a person or child is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

Protecting children is everyone’s business. This White Balloon Day, think about how you can help to make Australia the safest place in the world for our kids.

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Sons

A Date with Dad

12/07/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

A date with dad The power of a “Date with Dad” is all about “being there” and spending time talking with your kids, it is so profoundly meaningful that we often miss it. Kids thrive when their dads take the time to be 100% present and are available to them. A regular, “Date with Dad” with each of your kids separately is a great place to begin intentionally investing in the overall health and well-being of your child. Date nights, days or even mornings do not have to be complicated. They can be a simply getting an ice-cream and going for a walk or sit in the park and chat.

Remember to Listen, be affectionate and never embarrass them.

If your looking for ideas on something new to do? Below I have listed a few ideas.

Choose a nice recipe and pick up the ingredients at the supermarket and then return home and cook it up together.
Have a movie night. Rent, buy or download a movie that you’ll both enjoy, make popcorn, and get relax on the couch.
Go for a bike ride or long walk together.
Get coffee/milkshake or hot chocolate at your favorite cafe – just spend time talking to one another.
Go swimming at your local pool together then sit afterward and have a relaxing chat.
Go to a theme park walk around and get on a couple of rides together.
Head to the zoo or museum. Stroll through the exhibits and discuss what you see and learn.
Attend a concert and sing out loud – even if you’re more Beethoven than Bon Jovi, is a great stress reliever.
Take a sculpting or drawing class together. Your local council normally have short course. Your art will give your son or daughter a new window into your personality.
Visit a golf driving range, bowling, pool hall, for some old-fashioned fun and friendly competition.
Go to the footy together, even if you don’t stay for the whole game, have a game can be fun.
Fill up a picnic basket and head to the botanical gardens for a relaxing lazy lunch. Don’t forget your picnic blanket.
Act like tourists in your own neighbourhood. Go to your major city and take photos, and pretend you’re seeing this place again for the first time.
Draw sketches of one another. Even if you can’t draw, you’ll have fun and create a lovely memory. Sign and date them.
Visit your nearby paint ball or laser tag facility.
Glide around at your nearest ice skating rink.
Investigate your local planetarium open hours and tour dates and book in for star gazing.
Go indoor rock climbing, this sort of activity is fun but also helps fathers and children to build trust.
Volunteer for a worthy cause together. Visit the ill, organize a fundraiser for a non-profit, or work at a shelter. You’ll spend time with each other, but you’ll also make a difference and help others. You can see what volunteer opportunities there are in your city by clicking here.
Have a tournament of your choice – Battleship, Monopoly, cards, Playstation, etc.
Maybe go for breakfast to a funky new cafe instead of lunch or dinner?
Go to the movies and have a milkshake or similar before or afterwards.
Take a hot air balloon ride.
Watch the sun rise or set from a great location.
Get your child to choose a restaurant, give them a price guide i.e. $ cheap. $$ medium, $$$+ expensive, suggest some locations, they can use Urbanspoon to do the research before hand and let you know where you will be having your Date Date.
Hire a fishing charter, they usually go rain hail or shine, they will also clean and fillet the fish, just take an esky to bring your catch home and have a cook-up on fish and chips.
Accomplish a fun home project together i.e. Paint their bedroom. You’ll work as a team and feel a whole new kind of satisfaction when you’re done.
Have high tea complete with scones and cucumber sandwiches at a ritzy hotel
Get an hour foot massage together at one of the Thai massage centers around town.
Write or get printed a few vouchers and have on them – “Date with Dad” voucher, valid for ever and include on each one an idea, outing or activity of what you both could do. They can then cash them in each time you plan a date.