General posts & comments Archives - Page 2 of 3

We’re back after being hacked

21/08/2021 by DO Leave a Comment

So pleased we are back up and running after being classed a dangerous site by Google. Here’s how it happened…
2 month ago I suddenly started receiving thousands of email bounce backs in my inbox.
Investigating it, I found out through our hosting company that we didn’t have a “reCAPTCHA” on my Contacts Us page which somehow allowed the hackers (criminals) to use our contact us page to send out thousands of emails? go figure?

Then suddenly the domain name dadsonline.com.au was showing content for an Olive Oil company in Canada?
Our email inbox become unusable, we ended up paying for our hosting company Crazy Hosting for advance tech support where they were very helpful in guiding me to fix issues including changing passwords, I had over 1500 people logged into Dads Online as a user.

After changing passwords, deleting all dodgy users, I finally felt like we were regaining our site back, then, I was notified by Darren Lewis from Fathering Adventures saying he could not connect the Dads Online? It was showing a red Google Dangerous website notice.

I was unaware that someone had placed some code within the site which was spamming out emails to thousands of people using our email address. It was really terrible. When thinking about who had access in the last few months, I thought of Fivver, a site for freelancers. I used this site to find a WordPress developer to set up the Google Analytics (GA). I gave my login details to a developer who did set up GA but then all this happened afterwards, he had a 5 star reviews and I felt safe at the time of choosing him.

But i have to question… did my login details get distributed to online criminals? Was the developers security protocols not strong enough and leaked my logins? I don’t know? but strangely all this happened when I used this GA developer.

Finally, I had a local digital agency sweep and clean the site for links, codes and anything that Google would deem Dads Online to be dangerous. Still working to get GA configured properly but we are now classed as a “Safe” site by Google.

We are now looking forward again to providing all the wonderful Dads, Ideas, Tips, Information on Dads Health, Separation, Parenting, Self Care, Meals support in way of useful blogs, online chat and podcasts.

Its great to be back, trust you have all been well during these crazy times of Covid lockdowns, don’t forget to visit our live chat bubble on the page (don’t be shy) and lets chat.

Best wishes

Peter

Filed Under: General posts & comments

What is Coercive Control and where to seek help

22/05/2021 by DO Leave a Comment

Coercive control refers to a pattern of controlling behaviors that create an unequal power dynamic in a relationship. These behaviors give the perpetrator power over their partner, making it difficult for them to leave. Sometimes, coercive control can escalate into physical abuse and sometimes not. Coercive Control does not need to involve physical violence.

SIGNS OF COERCIVE CONTROL

Monitoring and spying

A person may exert power and control by choosing and influencing what someone wears, where they go, who they go out with, and what activities they take part in. The controlling person may also demand or get access to the partner’s computer, mobile phone, or email account.

They might even put a tracing device in their vehicle or a hidden camera in their homer.

Gaining Financial Control

This happens when a person has control over someone’s access to money and does not allow them to make financial decisions. Having someone control your money and finances can leave a person without food or clothing and make it harder for them to leave the relationship.

Isolating their Partner

A controlling person may try to get their partner to reduce or sever contact with family and friends so that they are easier to control and less people know of their coercive behaviour.

They could also prevent them from going to work or school.

Humiliation and Insulting

Gaslighting and constant insults to undermine a person’s self-esteem. This can involve name-calling, highlighting a person’s insecurities, or putting them down. Eventually, the person experiencing this abuse starts to believe it and feel they deserve the insults

Threats and Intimidation

Perpetrators of Coercive Control can make threats that include physical violence, self-harm, or public humiliation. For example, a person trying to control their partner may threaten to hurt themselves or kill themself if their partner tries to leave or publish sexually explicit images or personal data online.

This person may also smash items around the home or their partner’s sentimental belongings in an attempt to intimidate and scare them.

Sexual Coercion

This occurs when the perpetrator manipulates their partner into unwanted sexual activity. They may use pressure, threats, guilt-tripping, lies, or other trickery to coerce them into having sex.

Using Children or Pets

The perpetrator may use children or family pets as an avenue of controlling their partner. They could do this by threatening the children or pets, or threatening to take sole custody of them if their partner leaves.

They may also manipulate children by telling lies to attempt to get them to dislike the other parent.

What can we do?

Dads, as you can see there are so many ways someone can try to exert Power and Control over their partner. They say, these types of people have learnt it from their up bringing and role models.

It’s so important that we are not the teaches to our children on domestic violence, but from a young age we teach our children respect and nurturing behaviours of other people. Boys can not grow up thinking they can control girls, like; girls can’t have other male friends if you are darting them, or they can’t wear what they like to a party etc. Equality has never been so important and we need to be their role model. It can start young, if you see your son demonstrating signs of coercive control, pull them ups and teach them the right way to treat people and how to behave.

No one deserves to live in a relationship that their partner has coercive control over them, it is domestic violence.

If you know someone in a relationship like this, help them and direct them to some professional help:

1800RESPECT 1800737732
Lifeline 131114
Mens Referral Service 1300766491
Emergency Services 000
Domestic Violence Help Line 1800811811
Support for Families 1300364277
Support for Kids 1800551800
Support for people with disabilities 1800880052
Your local doctor

Filed Under: General posts & comments

Mate, its important but not that important

13/01/2021 by DO Leave a Comment

I’m talking about work.

I recently read a story about a Dad who was told by his doctor that he was going to die of cancer. He immediately thought that he should have spent far more time with his children and made them more of a priority.

If only he had off known that he is critical to the health and wellbeing of his children throughout all their stages both young through to teens and onto young adulthood.

There seems to be this belief amongst some families that the mum holds the key to being the main parent figure, In some cases this is true but I blame the mum and the dad for that. Mums take on this righteous belief that they control and own every aspect of the Childs upbringing, which is not true. Dads focus on their work and allow this to happen which prevents them from ever gaining back an equal voice in the home, which is wrong.

Maybe some dads don’t want to cause an argument, or they are lazy and don’t want to step up so they’re happy for the mum to take control, they have a controlling partner or they place more importance on their job and career than what’s really necessary.

How can I change this, you may ask? Make time and be intentional with your effort to be around and to be available.

If you are one of these dads that has missed out on time because of any of the reasons mentioned above, guess what? It’s never too late to start up again. In fact your child will be pleasantly surprised and you will be able to learn more about them that you ever thought was possible. Times seems to pass quickly but it doesn’t really, there is plenty of time to nurture a good relationship.

Your job won’t suffer because you don’t work those 15 extra hours a week, spend them at home and be available doing stuff.

Some things that I do you could copy are:

Make sure they know you love them and that they’re the most important people in your life.
Encourage conversation with open ended questions, try not to ask a question that could get a “Yes or No” answer.
Be available and I mean available. You will have a lot of down time and time just being around but you will be there when they become available and your world comes together to do stuff.
Have a dad and daughter date or a father and son date. Go out for dinner just the two of you and spend time, ideally leaving your mobile phones in the car for an hour.
Get tickets to a movie, concert or theatre? what ever their interest is be apart of it.
If your child is a teen and is ready to start their learners driving lessons, own that and get them ready for testing. Make “patience” your best friend and remember they are learning, learners make mistakes, they are allowed too.
If you have girls, I learnt early on from a great fathering group called Fathering Adventures what girls need from their dads, that’s to give them the 3 A’s
1. Attention
2. Affirmations
3. Affection

By prioritising your children more and backing off the time and focus you spend at your work will pay off more than what your boss could ever provide – and that’s a connection, love, satisfaction, family, bond, affection, memories that can last a lifetime and the feeling that you are very important and valued in your Childs life.

Your work is important but its not that important

It’s not something that will happen overnight, but it does happen and it happens because you were there.

Filed Under: General posts & comments

Introducing your child to your new partner

03/01/2020 by DO 5 Comments

By Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. Author of Smart Parenting During and After Divorce.

The advice in this article will be very difficult for some of you to agree with. That being said, let me also say that generalizing about people whose lives may be very complicated is difficult to do, so these are just general guidelines not informed by your particular story.

My rule of thumb is that divorced and separated parents should keep children out of their social lives until they have been separated or divorced for a period of at least two years and you have known your potential new partner for at least a year. Let me explain the easy things first.

New Partners

You might think your new partner is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but at one time you thought the same thing about the person whose name is on the bottom of the restraining order you just got. It’s hard to resist the power of someone who not only makes you feel good about yourself but reinforces your negative feelings about your ex.

With all of that conflict to concentrate on (especially if both of you are going through divorces), who has time to create trouble in the new relationship? What happens as a result is an extended “honeymoon period” in the new relationship. Having your kids along with your new partner helps legitimize the relationship, especially if your kids like your new partner’s kids and everyone gets along—but it might very well place unnecessary pressure on the kids.

Reasons to Take It Slow

One reason to take it very slow in having your children cozy up to your new partner is that often, the “second time around” relationship is just as bad as or worse than the first relationship you had, and you want to get away from that person too. That may be fine for you, but what if your kids like that person and the people who tag along with him or her? What happens then is that your children go through another round of sad separations, and ultimately they become mistrustful and suspicious of the next round of people you bring them into contact with. For kids, these separations can be as painful as the divorce from their mother or father.

Then there are the situations where you bring your children into contact with your new partner and they hate that person. What you have created in that circumstance is a pipeline of complaints that go from your children to the other parent, and that creates yet another set of problems.

Children of divorced parents often feel split loyalties between a new partner or parent figure and a biological parent. This is made worse when one of the biological parents is insecure or angry. It is very easy for children to pick up on, and as a result they try to please and soothe that parent by being critical of Mom or Dad’s new boyfriend or girlfriend.

With all of the problems that are associated with bringing children into contact with new boyfriends and girlfriends, it is a wonder why people do it with such frequency. There are two main reasons: One is that when parents separate they yearn for the return of a “normal” life with a companion. In their desire to create that normal life, they make decisions too quickly or without thinking through all of the possibilities and often end up replacing one dysfunctional relationship with another. As adults we are entitled to do this until we get it right, but we should try to avoid exposing children to our dating disasters. Related to this is the second main reason—when a parent adopts the philosophy that “My kids and I come as a package deal. If you think you want to be with me, my kids have to approve.” This is a perfectly reasonable philosophy, but it must be employed later rather than sooner. You should figure out whether the person is worth having your children evaluate them first.

Why the Two-Year Rule Works

I advocate the two-year rule because by the one-year mark most couples have seen each other at their best and at their worst. If you have seen your partner at your worst and he or she does not try to damage your self-esteem when you fight, and you have successfully solved many of the relationship problems you could not solve with your ex, then your relationship has a better than 50-50 chance of succeeding in the long term. I have seen quite a few complicated and difficult circumstances arise because people are in too much of a hurry to introduce their children to their new partners.

Another advantage is that after some time has passed, even young children will expect their mothers and fathers to want companionship, and the children will not be as focused on wanting to reunite the family. There is no guarantee your child will ever stop wanting this, but in most cases children will want it less after a few years or at least accept the reality that it’s not going to happen.

Once you have passed the two-year mark of being out of your old relationship, and once you know your new partner for a year, you can start talking to your children about meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend. If your children are old enough to understand what a boyfriend or girlfriend is, don’t beat around the bush. This is actually one of the advantages you have gained by waiting such a long time before introducing the person.

The Sleepover Question

Different people have different ideas about whether parents should invite their boyfriends or girlfriends to sleep over at their house. I would say avoid it, especially with young children. Children are growing up very quickly these days, and they will start to ask questions about whether you are having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend because you are sleeping with them. You could properly tell them this is none of their business, but the situation will nevertheless make them feel uncomfortable, and you will ultimately have to deal with what kind of model this presents to your children, especially when they are fifteen years old and want to bring their boyfriends and girlfriends home to your house to sleep over.

Finally, it might be very tempting to bring your little children into bed with you and your new partner to snuggle or watch television, but I have seen this cause problems between mums and dads who become furious at the thought of their children climbing into bed with someone who is a “stranger” to them and cuddling. Before you permit your child to do this, ask yourself it is worth the legal fees you will have to spend in order to convince someone that you think there is no harm in it.

Quick Tips

When it comes to introducing your kids to the people you are dating, wait, wait, wait. Then think it through, wait some more, and start talking about the person who is becoming special and whom you would like them to meet. Even when you are careful as can be, children might not warm up to the idea of your dating for a long time. One thing is certain—if you rush it, there will be problems.
Split loyalties are common when children are brought into a relationship with a parent’s new partner. It will take patience and an ability to be warm, but stay in the background to get past this.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, General posts & comments, Kids Health, Parenting

xox when they need rescuing

05/03/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

I recently read an article about having an TEXT word if your children are ever in a spot they feel that they can’t get out off and need “rescuing”.

The article was very good but the plan they were using was called the X Plan. The idea was to send an “X” if they needed an out to a situation they found themselves him.

The issue with an X is that if I got this during the night I would just think my daughter was sending me a kiss. I wouldn’t jump out of bed, and head to rescue her, I would probably just send back a “x”.

The idea behind this methodology is to keep your children safe if they feel they are out of their depth or find themselves in a spot they can’t get out of.

I spoke to my daughter about these situations you could find yourself in, such as:

Being with a group of boys that you feel are not respecting you or your girlfriends
Being offered drugs and the people you are with are not accepting no
People you are with are drinking more than you feel comfortable with
The boy you are with wants to have sex and he is not accepting no
You’re in a aggressive situation and feel you cant leave on your own
Have found yourself with strangers and you feel uncomfortable with them for any reason
You feel trapped and find it difficult to get way from any harmful situation

I also discussed to be assertive and confident with your decisions but if that is not working then you need to send me a sms with XOX (a little like SOS). This is a safe-plan and using some letters that she would not normally use. I get all the x’s but never a xox, so we decided that was a good sms. You work out the best sms code that work for you too 🙂

If and when I received an sms, I would call the her phone immediately and say…

Hi, Something has happened with a family member and I need to come and get you. I will tell you more about it when you are in the car. Where are you, I am on my way.

If the location is not the location I was expecting her to be, I am happy for her to tell me as little or as much as she wants to. I am just happy that she is away from a situation she believed was harmful.

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Fathering, General posts & comments, Parenting, Sons

A quick way for men to determine if you have hearing loss?

27/09/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Hearing loss isn’t the kind of thing most men like to talk about but in fact, about 1 in 6 people in Australia suffer from hearing loss which increases to over 1 in 4 for people over 60.

Most men tend to ignore the early signs of hearing loss, they ask their wife or kids to speak a little louder, they turn the TV up or they just tend to accept it as part of life. Unfortunately, as hearing loss progresses it can impact almost every aspect of your life from work to your relationships.

As a dad myself, I love taking my kids to the footy or taking them to a concert. On the weekend I play in a band with a couple of mates.

Unfortunately, these activities involve loud noises which can seriously accelerate hearing loss. Also, if you work at a construction site, manufacturing plant or other places where you are constantly exposed to loud noises you could also be causing damage to your hearing.

To give you an example, here is a list of sounds and their decibel ratings

Normal Conversation – 60 Decibels
Heavy Traffic – 85 Decibels
Motorbikes – 95 Decibels
Listening to Music on phone max volume – 105 Decibels
Power Saw – 110 Decibels
Rock Concert – 125 – 150 decibels

Source: www.ozen.com.au

Any long or repeated exposure to noise over 85 decibels can cause permanent damage to your hearing. It doesn’t take much.

Ever gone to a wedding or bar and come out with your ears ringing? That’s a warning sign that the volume is too loud.

So what can you do?

First, you have to be aware which means you can take active steps to avoid situations that are going to be damaging to your hearing.

If you can’t avoid these situations, then you can take active steps to protect your ears such as using ear plugs or even noise blocking earmuffs. While I know they don’t look the best it’s better than causing further damage to your hearing.

So what can you do if you’re suffering from hearing loss?

You need to get your hearing tested to determine the level and cause of your hearing loss. It’s really important to get advice from a qualified audiologist who can give you proper advice and determine whether you need to see a specialist.

They may find your hearing loss can be alleviated with a hearing aid.

Fortunately, modern hearing aids are packed with the latest technology in tiny, discreet devices. Hearing aids are programmed to suit your particular level of hearing loss as well as adjust to the environments and situations you most commonly find yourself in. The latest hearing aids are able to connect and stream directly to your phone or TV and are smaller than a coin.

There are also devices that sit directly in your canal which means they are basically invisible to others.

Recent studies have shown that people suffering from hearing loss with hearing aids have a much greater quality of life then ignoring the problem.

Ozen provide independent and unbiased advice for people suffering from hearing loss. Give them a call on 1300 848 335 and one of their consultants can explain more about modern hearing aids and arrange an appointment with a local partner audiologist.

Filed Under: Dads Health, General posts & comments

Great Dad moments captured

11/01/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

You see them everywhere, Dads spending quality time with their kids. Nothing new in this (for the lucky ones) but when you capture the picture, its then you freeze the moment and see the enjoyment, the value, the connection that we get from making our kids a priority. Nothing can replace the quality time spent with Dad.

Off to the MCG to watch footy with Dad

Enjoying a ride on a steam train with Dad

Father Day morning at school with Dad

Out for a walk to get ice-cream at Darling Harbour

Ice-cream at Darling Harbor with Dad

A cuddle with Dad at the footy

Remote control boats at Albert Park Lake with Dad

Filed Under: Activities, Daughters, General posts & comments, Sons

Would you leave your front and back door open whilst your kids are at home?

25/08/2014 by DO Leave a Comment

Keeping our kids safe from online predators is something we all must be aware of. Once upon a time we would keep our kids safe by simply making sure the front and back door of our house was locked before they went to bed. Today, if your kids have any public profiles on sites such as: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ooVoo, Snapchat, MSM Messenger, YouTube or Kick – to name a few, then your front and back door is open 24/7. If you have kids that are using computers then we need to be knowledge up and prepared to understand what the risks are! There is no excuse for not understanding social media and the danger that it can bring to your child.

This video has a very clear and simple message and should be watched with you kids…

http://youtu.be/_o8auwnJtqE

Here are some tips to keep your kids safe online and points for discussion

Don’t post any personal information online – like your address, email address or mobile number.
Think carefully about posting pictures or video’s of your self.
Keep your privacy settings as high as possible.
Never give out your passwords
Don’t befriend people you don’t know.
Don’t meet up with people you’ve met online, speak to your parents or a trusted adult about people who suggest you do.
Remember that everyone online is not who they say they are.
Think carefully about what you say before posting it online.
Respect other peoples views, if you don’t agree with someone else’s views doesn’t mean you need to be rude.
If you see something online that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or worried: leave the website, turn off the computer if you want to and tell your parent or a trusted adult.

Some ideas to staying safe at home

Keep the family computer in an open area such as the lounge, kitchen or a room where it can be monitored.
Understand the sites and technology your kids use and know who they are talking to.
Create a list of online “rules” with the family e.g. time limits, list of ok sites to visit.
Educate your kids so they not to give out personal details without parental knowledge.
Make sure your kids know what to do and where to go if they encounter cyber -bullying.
Regularly sit with your kids when they are online and look over there shoulder. Let them know you are keeping track of there online activity.
Talk about online risks and what to watch out for and how you can be tricked.
Reinforce positive behaviors and values in the online world.
Install software or services that can restrict, block or filter offensive websites.
We cant ignore technology, kids and teens will use them, if they are not using it at home then they may use it at a friends house or in the school yard? so the best course of action is to discuss openly and educate.

Filed Under: Children, General posts & comments, Kids Health, Parenting

The best activities to do in the Australian summer

28/01/2014 by DO Leave a Comment

Australia has some of the hottest and most extreme summers in the world, and whether you’re a local or a passing tourist, getting out amongst it all during a hot day can be the furthest thing on your mind. However, there are plenty of things you can do outside that take full advantage of a hot summer’s day, and they all can give you great memories and ample relaxation time in between days off work, or whilst on holiday. If you need some ideas on what you can do the next time the temperature gets extreme, read on. Here are 5 activities that are fun and relaxing that you can do during those roasting Australian summers.

Go for a swim.

If you’d like to kill two birds with one stone (that is, get fit and cool down), going for a swim in your local pool, lake or beach is an excellent way to spend a hot summer’s day. Of course, make sure you only swim in safe areas – preferably watched over by a lifeguard or two. If you don’t yet know how to swim, learning how to during the sultry Australian summer is an ideal time to learn.

Have a BBQ

There’s probably nothing more quintessentially Australian than having a BBQ on a warm summer’s day. The sun, a snag and a beverage in hand seem to go so well together that for many Aussies, having a BBQ is the “go to” activity during summer. Don’t forget: BBQs are more fun the more people are involved, so invite your friends, family and neighbours over for the afternoon and make the most of your summer’s day. Head on over to Barbeques Galore for their huge range.

Go for a picnic.

Whether with that special someone, or the entire family, finding a little area of shade under a tree to have a picnic is a fine way to spend some time during the sometimes unrelenting Australian summer. Australia is bestowed with tons of great public parks, and making full use of them will give you the fresh air and relaxation you need amidst the burning sun above. Don’t forget to bring along a footy or soccer ball for a little bit of stimulation between quiet naps under the shady trees.

Go to the beach.

For many around the world, Australian summers are associated with our beautiful stretches of sandy beach, and the swimming and surfing our wonderful coastline provides. The next time the thermometer soars above 30 degrees, get some friends together and head on down to the beach for a day of sun, water and sand.Of course, make sure you apply plenty of sunscreen before you head out. And also make sure you only swim in designated swimming spots (and even then, only between the flags).

Watch a movie outdoors.

Imagine this: a blanket underneath, a special someone close by, and a massive movie screen in front – all set out in a lush botanical garden. Seeing a movie in many of the outdoor cinemas that spring up over the Australian summer can be a fun way to spend those hot and humid nights. There’s something about watching movies in the great outdoors, under the stars, and if you haven’t yet experienced what it’s like, you’re truly missing out. Sure you could watch a movie indoors, but that’s just boring now isn’t it!

Although you may not feel like doing anything when the mercury climbs into the high 30s, put on some shorts, grab a hat, and head outside. There are lots of activities out there just waiting for you – such as those suggested above – and all are almost guaranteed to give you a good time.

Filed Under: Activities, Adelaide, Brisbane, General posts & comments, Hobart, Melbourne, Perth, Sydney

My family travel experience as a sole parent

28/08/2013 by DO Leave a Comment

Travelling for me (as a sole parent) has been something that has provided an enormous amount of pleasure for my daughter and I.

We can now share memories and life experiences across a myriad of destinations.

Together we have travelled to Bali, Thailand, Fiji , Perth as well as many local destinations like Hamilton Island, Gold Coast and Angelsea on the west coast of Victoria.

All locations were great and offered something special in their own way. I felt Bali was like a small friendly community; Fiji was good if you just want to relax and hangout by the hotel pool and Thailand (Phuket) had better roads, infrastructure and amenities and the people were so warm and friendly.

If I had to choose one (1) destination for a single parent I would recommend Phuket in Thailand.

Our holiday in Phuket…

It was Christmas time and I’d planned for 6 months, I had been told that you may find it difficult to find accommodation if you dont book early.

First things was to find flights and accommodation, I used tripadvisor.com.au it was so easy, in fact the easiest part of the holiday. You can read reviews and make your own mind up on accommodation, restaurants and attractions within the area.

I chose the Buskorn wing at the Holiday Inn Phuket and flew with Jetstar. I purchased the inflight entertainment prior to boarding as if you don’t pre book you can miss out (it’s a long flight without a movie or two)

I may have over spent on the accommodation but there are no regrets…. it was an incredible time for a dad and daughter! Buskorn wing at The Holiday Inn is a private part of the hotel, simply divine, relaxing and pure luxury. I felt like it was not just a holiday for my daughter but a treat for myself too.

We hired a motorbike and searched for great spots such as Surin beach. My daughter is a little bit of a fussy eater; I found that Phuket had many suitable styles of cuisine i.e Italian, Mexican, Indian, Western etc.

It definitely made meal times easier, I only had to convince her that it was clean and the food was within the ‘use by date’ 🙂

After dinner we would walk along the shopping strip, buy an ice cream, find a lantern seller on the beach and let our lantern go into the night sky while holding hands and making a wish.

After a well earned foot massage we would retire to the hotel around 11pm then wake up to do it all again.

We had a morning ritual of breakfast in the poolside restaurant then an hour or so by the pool before heading out and sightseeing around Thailand.

We found fun things to do like elephant riding through the jungle and jet skiing at Surin beach.

Hiring a banana lounge on the beach under a shady umbrella is around $2.50 AUD per day. Loving it so much we went back 3 days in a row!!!

There was a market at the entrance of the beach selling fresh fruit and cold drinks, which made healthy snacking easy.

Time went quickly, we had 10 wonderful days together. Skype was set up on my phone and her mum’s so they could keep in touch each day.

The flight home was easy, we tried to sleep or relax the whole journey. I made sure we had the required things to keep her busy or relaxed for 9 hours, i.e pillow, Jetstar Video player, IPad, colouring book and pencils. The IPod with her favorite songs was a winner, she was able to stretch out across me and relax. I cant wait to continue our adventures this year, we have a local trip in Victoria planned for the next school holidays…..

Filed Under: Activities, General posts & comments, Travel

More to learn from Bali than just sitting by the pool

12/08/2013 by DO 1 Comment

bali oprhanage main room Travelling with my daughter to a destination such as Bali has been wonderful to relax and spend quality time together away from the stresses of every day life. Although Bali has beautiful hotels and resorts that cater specifically for people who want to sit by the pool or find a tranquil spot on a day bed under a plam tree. There is also some important learning’s we can bring back from Bali to help educate children on how lucky and well off we are.

I planned our whole trip online. We wanted to both relax but I also wanted to show my daughter a safe but different side of life so we visited an orphanage in Denpasar. At the orphanage the children were cared for well, it was clean and spacious.

They seemed happy with their home and everyone pitched in to prepare meals and they look after the younger children very well.

The building is 3 storey’s high but at some stage must have been abandoned because the building looks unfinished. They have built rooms inside, and designated areas for meals, kitchen, music, schooling, dorm bedrooms for boys and girls and prayer. My daughter and I gathered up all her clothes that didn’t fit her any more and packed them into a large suitcase and carried them over to donate to the orphanage.
You get to sign your donation into the guest book. I went back a year later and donated more clothes and saw that many people visited and signed the book after me. Mostly donations of money. I recommend you visit this Orphanage with your kids and see for yourself the good they are doing for these children.

The name and address of the Orphanage is: Dharma Jati II Address – JI. Trengguli 80 Penatih Denpasar, Bali. They will make you welcome and show you around.

Filed Under: General posts & comments, Lifestyle, Travel

How to cope emotionally when your children want nothing to do with you.

13/04/2013 by DO Leave a Comment

How to cope emotionally when your children want nothing to do with you Rejection is usually a difficult emotion to deal with for anyone. When it comes from your children, the pain can be unbearable. Depending on the circumstances in the family, such rejection can be all consuming for a father.

Keep a perspective can help in coping with rejection. The child’s attitude may not be forever. Also, there is usually a significant reason why they want to maintain a distance, at least from the child’s perspective, irrespective of what influences there are on the child. It helps to reflect on these reasons and if you can’t do it on your own without always becoming distressed or angry, then getting support from others, including professionals may be a helpful path. Regardless of any perceived injustice on you, your child will need your patience and respect, while maintaining an ‘open door’ policy to show them you are available, open minded and dependable.

Focus on your strengths as a father and make those strengths stronger. Look back over time and recall your achievements, recall the lessons you learnt from your father and mother, and what you have gained from other men and fathers you have known or read about. Improve who you want be as a dad. When the time comes for your child to want you back in, you’ll have even more to offer.

Fathers who pour energy into their mental, physical and emotional well being are also likely to be healthy men and fathers, who children will look up to and enjoy being with. The usual suspects apply, such as physical exercise, healthy eating, and keeping away from damaging drugs and alcohol abuse. Meditation can help in many ways, including increasing how well you tolerate stress, reduce your emotional reactivity, and increase your acceptance of changes beyond your control. Paying attention to your social network is also very important. Invest in new friendships and networks (clubs, groups, etc), and reinvest in old ones – it’s never too late.

There are also various support services available such as : self-help groups and telephone counselling services for men, as well as group programs which focus on fathers and separation. Check the links available on this website.

For some fathers, professional support may be necessary if implementing some of these suggestions is difficult or if extra specialist help is needed. If so, you may wish to have a look at http://www.vcps.com.au/ .

By Dr Cherine Habib
Clinical Psychologist and Father.
Victorian Counselling and Psychological Services

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