A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development

26/08/2012 by Leave a Comment

A fathers loveFather’s Day is fast approaching. Few more days to go and we will be celebrating this day with overwhelming gratitude for our dads.

In a half-century study involving over 10,000 people from around the world, researchers from the University of Connecticut found that a fatherly love contributes as much, and sometimes more, to a child’s personality and development, as that of a motherly child.

Parental acceptance and why it’s so important

The researchers looked at 36 studies from various nations about how parental rejection affects a child’s personality and its development until adulthood. The studies were based on surveys that aimed to measure the parent’s degree of rejection or acceptance of their children. Rohner and Abdul Khaleque, study authors, found that children who have experienced parental rejection tend to become more anxious and insecure, and sometimes more aggressive and hostile towards other people as they grow up. This makes it more difficult for them to stay away from the cycle and become better parents. These adults are also less likely to form a secured and trusting relationship with their partners.

The feeling or rejection or acceptance is crucial to one’s personality development. According to Rohner, there’s emerging scientific evidence that reveals that there are parts of the brain that are activated when people experience physical pain and these regions are also activated when a person feels rejected. But the good thing is – people can revive this emotional pain over and over again, he pointed out.

Fatherly Love vs. Motherly Love

The researchers also studied the degree of impact of a father’s rejection or acceptance as compared to that of the mother’s.  Based on their analysis of the 36 studies, Rohner and Khaleque found that the influence of a father is oftentimes much greater as compared to the influence of the mother.  A group of experts working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project has one explanation for this. According to them, children and young adults tend to pay more attention to the parent which is perceived to be having a higher authority.  So if the child perceives his father to be of a higher authority, that child’s behaviour is more likely to be influenced by his dad.  More scientific investigations are needed to support this claim though.

An important realisation from this research, as explained by Rohner is this: fatherly love is critical to a person’s development. Knowing this would help motivate men to become more involved in rearing their children.  Furthermore, these findings will reduce the society’s ‘mother blaming’ attitude which is most observed in schools and clinical environments as more people realise that daddies, do have a major role to play too in developing a child’s personality.

Their findings were published in the Journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

 

Source of this article:

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development, Society for Personality and Social Psychology

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health

Helping our kids deal with stress

25/08/2012 by 1 Comment

To adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time. But kids still experience stress.  Things like school and social life can sometimes create pressures that can feel overwhelming for kids. As a dad, you can’t protect your kids from stress — but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

Kids deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways.  A study conducted by KidsHealth revealed they may not initiate a conversation about what’s bothering them, kids do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their troubles.

But it’s not always easy for parents to know what to do for a child whose feeling stressed.

Here are a few ideas:

Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something’s bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. (“It seems like you’re still mad about what happened at the playground.”) This shouldn’t sound like an accusation (as in, “OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?”) or put a child on the spot. It’s just a casual observation that you’re interested in hearing more about your child’s concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child. Ask your child to tell you what’s wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child’s concerns (and feelings) be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like “And then what happened?” Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say “That must have been upsetting,” “No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn’t let you in the game,” or “That must have seemed unfair to you.” Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it. Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness — the ability to recognize their own emotional states. Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioural boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviours rather than communicated with words.

Help your child think of things to do. If there’s a specific problem that’s causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don’t do all the work. Your child’s active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, “How do you think this will work?”

Listen and move on. Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that’s needed to help a child’s frustrations begin to melt away. Afterwards, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your child think of something to do to feel better. Don’t give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Limit stress where possible. If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things. For instance, if too many after-school activities consistently cause homework stress, it might be necessary to limit activities to leave time and energy for homework.

Just be there. Kids don’t always feel like talking about what’s bothering them. Sometimes that’s OK. Let your kids know you’ll be there when they do feel like talking. Even when kids don’t want to talk, they usually don’t want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there — keeping him or her company, spending time together. So if you notice that your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day — but doesn’t feel like talking — initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some baskets, or make a meal together. Isn’t it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a dad, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver — a kid who knows how to roll with life’s ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again.

Parents can’t solve every problem as kids go through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you’ll prepare your kids to manage the stresses that come in the future.

Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD, Information courtesy of KidsHealth

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health

It’s bloody hard making new friends

15/08/2012 by Leave a Comment

It's bloody hard making new friends

I’m sure you would all agree of the importance of having friends – they provide a good support system and are generally key to having a social life.

It’s bloody hard making new friends as we get older, throw in loosing some along the way, people are settled with their existing friendship groups, we are busy, we don’t feel like going out because we are dealing with some grief, our availability is every second weekend, we could be working longer hours and have less money.

Although I saw the value in friendships, I found the lack of money one of biggest roadblock in finding new friends as I believed it costs money to be social.  The end of the week would arrive and I needed to watch my money.  I didn’t have any single dad friends,  the people I knew were either single or in a relationship.  Both of theses groups had more money and didn’t need to worry about budgeting, it felt like they could live life a little easier, and in some ways they could.

If someone asked me out I had to sometimes say “sorry I already have plans” to save the embarrassment of letting them know that I was financially challenged, however sometimes I just didn’t feel like I would be fun to be around.  So I could end up spending a lot of time on my own.  I would occupy myself by going for walks, bike ride, hanging out and reading the weekend papers in the local cafe, an afternoon movie, run, or just be at home watching TV.  I’m sure this is common amongst other men who are separated!

It was just easier to say I had things on! This worked at least once a fortnight as then I had my children every other weekend.  So my availability would come around infrequently and possibly i would go out every 5-6 weeks.  Not a lot of time to work on friendships.

This can impact in many ways:

  1. It reduces the fun times in your life
  2. You laugh less
  3. Prevents the development of new friendships
  4. Reduced availability to talk and chat
  5. People start to call less often
  6. Difficulty in planning ahead
  7. Becomes the norm instead of a one time event
  8. You do a lot of reflecting
  9. Become introverted
  10. It can make you miserable
  11. There is little distraction from loneliness

If you’re finding it tough, don’t despair, below are a few ideas to implement and help you cheer up!

  • Be kind to yourself:  Exercise regularly. It’s healthy and cleanses your mind.  Exercise and other healthy activities will take away the loneliness, releases endorphins and make you feel better about yourself. Being healthy will not only improve your internal disposition, but it will improve your fitness level.  Go outside, take a walk or just enjoy the sun and fresh air for a few minutes everyday.
  • Find a hobby:  It can be listening to music, reading literature, or even brushing up on your computer skills. Talents are also things that social networks can be built around.  Join a club or guild devoted to what you are interested in or good at.
  • Be your own best friend: Be good to yourself and treat yourself with a lot of respect and kindness.  It’s easy to be negative towards yourself when you have no one around you.  However, it’s very important that you don’t develop overly negative feelings towards yourself, creating low self esteem.  That said, no one likes an egomaniac, so be sure to keep your feelings in check.
  • See the advantages of having no friends: It’s a mistake to think having no friends isn’t normal just because thats what society tells you.  Stop believing society.  Having friends can get you to grow dependent of others, which can be considered a weakness.  A strong mind can save itself and you’re now able to have one. Realize that you’re among the stronger ones if you can make it through life without friends all the time.
  • Write letters:  Write to your relatives (even your kids) or you can find a pen pal.  Writing a letter to someone will help you get through tough times and stay in touch with the positive in your life.  Treat them as you would wish to be treated and you’ll find yourself coming a long way.
  • Try To Develop Friendships. Spend time around people doing things you enjoy:  If you’ve taken up a sport or hobby, go to club events, sporting meet-ups and competitions.  Engage with people at these events to make connections.  Take it slowly if you’re hesitant, but allow yourself to connect and potentially click with people who like the same things that you do.
  • Go online and look for like-minded people:  Even if you don’t find friends in real life in any hurry, you can find many people online who share your thoughts, ideas and dreams about many things. You can develop very close and take things at your own pace with the ability to withdraw whenever you need to.  Online friendships are not as intimate as those in real life and usually won’t solve loneliness completely, but are nonetheless a good way to feel connected and pass time.
  • Volunteer:  Doing things that benefit your neighbourhood like community service projects are a great way to meet people. Helping the less fortunate also allows you to step out of yourself and put things into perspective.  Being part of something bigger than your self is good for the soul. Check out GoVolunteer
  • Try to make friends with an animal: You can go to your local animal shelter and buy a dog or cat. Often, pets can act as a nexus of socialisation.  Having a pet gives you an excuse to get outside and talk to other pet owners that you meet on the streets or in the park.
  • Take a chance:  Socialising can be extremely difficult, and even the most social butterfly will find themselves in awkward situations regularly.  To properly socialise, you must be willing to go out on a limb and take a risk.  If you talk to the popular crowd at their table and they insult you, walk away and praise yourself for stepping into that lion’s den.  If you ask someone out and get rejected, praise yourself for having the bravery to admit your feelings.
  • Develop a Positive Outlook:  Look on the bright side of life. It might be hard at first, but there’s always good around you. It’s easy to see all the bad things in the world, and to always be negative.  Be thankful for something in the moment like the sunshine or your health.
  • Stop hating:  If you are anti-this or anti-that, figure out why you’re so against it. If you explore things that you are against, you might find good in them – and if not, you will know your enemy better. Someone who is full of hatred, but cannot say why is often viewed as irrational and unpleasant by the people around them.
  • Explore whether or not you may have a deeper problem:  Excessively negative feelings might be the result of an earlier trauma. An inability to socialise properly might indicate an inherent emotional imbalance or a form of depression.  Remember your doctor or a psychologist in your area are always great people to talk too.

I would like to acknowledge and thank all the authors that contributed to these tips at Wikihow.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

A Banana Smoothie Idea

04/08/2012 by Leave a Comment

A banana smoothie ideaA smoothie that the kids will love, you can be creative by purchasing some decorative glasses and making it look like a smoothie you would get from a resort. Kids always appreciate the effort.
A deliciously healthy way to start the day, this smoothie is full of bananas, honey, with just a hint of cinnamon that makes it more-ish. It’s breakfast in a glass and a great way to have a meal on the run or an after school snack.

 

 

banana-smoothie

 

 

 

 

Serves 2

  • 1 Banana – best if they are ripe
  • 1 tablespoon of honey
  • 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
  • 2 cups of milk
  • 2 scoops of ice-cream
  • 2 ice cubes
  • 2 decorative glasses
  • straws

Go crazy and blend it all together and enjoy!

 

Filed Under: Breakfast, Dads Health, Kids Health, Meals, Snacks, Video

Girl stuff for dads

26/07/2012 by Leave a Comment

 

At some point in time it is going to be necessary to understand what’s happening to your daughter as she moves from being a girl to becoming a teenager and woman.  Knowledge on these changes will help you stay connected and understand what she is experiencing.  You will also not be left out of the conversations.

Puberty and Periods
Menstruation (a period) is a major stage of puberty in girls; it’s one of the many physical signs that a girl is turning into a woman.

And like a lot of the other changes associated with puberty, menstruation can be confusing. Some girls can’t wait to start their periods, whereas others may feel afraid or anxious. Many girls (and guys!) don’t have a complete understanding of a woman’s reproductive system or what actually happens during the menstrual cycle, making the process seem even more mysterious.

When girls begin to go through puberty (usually starting between the ages of 8 and 13), their bodies and minds change in many ways. The hormones in their bodies stimulate new physical development, such as growth and breast development. About 2 to 2½ years after a girl’s breasts begin to develop, she usually gets her first menstrual period.

About 6 months or so before getting her first period, a girl might notice an increased amount of clear vaginal discharge. This discharge is common. There’s no need for a girl to worry about discharge unless it has a strong odor or causes itchiness.

The start of periods is known as menarche. Menarche doesn’t happen until all the parts of a girl’s reproductive system have matured and are working together.

How Often Does a Girl Get Her Period?
Just as some girls begin puberty earlier or later than others, the same applies to periods. Some girls may start menstruating as early as age 10, but others may not get their first period until they are 15 years old.

The amount of time between a girl’s periods is called her menstrual cycle (the cycle is counted from the start of one period to the start of the next). Some girls will find that their menstrual cycle lasts 28 days, whereas others might have a 24-day cycle, a 30-day cycle, or even longer. Following menarche, menstrual cycles last 21-45 days. After a couple of years, cycles shorten to an adult length of 21-34 days.

Irregular periods are common in girls who are just beginning to menstruate. It may take the body a while to sort out all the changes going on, so a girl may have a 28-day cycle for 2 months, then miss a month, for example. Usually, after a year or two, the menstrual cycle will become more regular. Some women continue to have irregular periods into adulthood, though.

As a girl gets older and her periods settle down — or she gets more used to her own unique cycle — she will probably find that she can predict when her period will come. In the meantime, it’s a good idea to keep track of your menstrual cycle with a calendar.

How Long and How Much?

The amount of time that a girl has her period also can vary.  Some girls have periods that last just 2 or 3 days. Other girls may have periods that last 7 days.  The menstrual flow — meaning how much blood comes out of the vagina — can vary widely from girl to girl, too.

Some girls may be concerned that they’re losing too much blood. It can be a shock to see all that blood, but it’s unlikely that a girl will lose too much, unless she has a medical condition like von Willebrand disease. Though it may look like a lot, the average amount of blood is only about 2 tablespoons (30 milliliters) for an entire period. Most teens will change pads 3 to 6 times a day, with more frequent changes when their period is heaviest, usually at the start of the period.

Especially when menstrual periods are new, you may be worried about your blood flow or whether your period is normal in other ways. Talk to a doctor or nurse if:

  • your period lasts longer than a week
  • you have to change your pad very often (soaking more than one pad every 1-2 hours)
  • you go longer than 3 months between periods
  • you have bleeding in between periods
  • you have an unusual amount of pain before or during your period
  • your periods were regular then became irregular

Cramps

Some girls may notice physical or emotional changes around the time of their periods. Menstrual cramps are pretty common — in fact, more than half of all women who menstruate say they have cramps during the first few days of their periods. Doctors think that cramps are caused by prostaglandin, a chemical that causes the muscles of the uterus to contract.

Depending on the girl, menstrual cramps can be dull and achy or sharp and intense, and they can sometimes be felt in the back as well as the abdomen. These cramps often become less uncomfortable and sometimes even disappear completely as a girl gets older.

Many girls and women find that over-the-counter pain medications (like acetaminophen or ibuprofen) can relieve cramps, as can taking a warm bath or applying a warm heating pad to the lower abdomen. Exercising regularly throughout the monthly cycle may help lessen cramps, too. If these things don’t help, ask your doctor for advice.


Content provided by Kids Health

Filed Under: Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

Where do you think your putting those fingers doc?

11/07/2012 by Leave a Comment

Men and the Big CI always dreaded the thought of my GP performing a digital examination and it was the no.1 reason I never went.  These days technology has saved the day with detection of many diseases through blood testing (thanks gawd) I can now say I go yearly.   The Alfred Hospital has put out a Mens Health Booklet titled – Men and the Big C and it’s worth a read.  Below is an extract from the booklet and we would like to say  Thank You to The Alfred Hospital and Mr Peter Royce, Director, Urology for there great work on Mens health.

Many cancers are caused by a combination of ageing, genetics and other uncontrollable factors. However, there are some that are “man-made”, so to speak.

This means there are some factors that are in your control. You can make a real difference to your own health and help ward off illness by making some simple lifestyle changes. These include quitting smoking, moderating your alcohol intake, improving your diet, getting regular exercise, being sun-smart and making sure you have regular check-ups with your GP.

You can also educate yourself by becoming aware of the symptoms of the various forms of cancer and acting fast. Something that is always worth remembering is, the earlier you detect cancer, the better your chances of fighting it and beating it.

In the Dads Health category we will cover many types of illnesses that you can learn about, how to look out for symptoms, know when to visit a doctor and how to minimise the risk. We also hope that it is a good reminder to visit your GP for regular check ups.

PROSTATE CANCER

Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer diagnosed in men. The positive news is that if it’s found early enough, the cure rate is very good. In fact, two-thirds of men will not die from this cancer as it will not progress sufficiently enough within their lifetime to cause harm.

In Victoria, about 4,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year. The majority of these men are over 60 years of age.

The prostate is a small walnut-sized gland found only in men. It sits just below the bladder. Many men can live with prostate cancer without any symptoms or effects. In statistical terms, there is a 10 per cent chance of being diagnosed with prostate cancer by 75 years and a 1 per cent chance of dying from it by 75 years.

Having a family history of this disease puts you at increased risk. Interestingly, those of Asian descent have a much lower risk of prostate cancer.

Symptoms

Often there are no symptoms of prostate cancer. Some men report frequent urination at night while others experience difficulties starting and stopping urination. Symptoms can also include pain when passing urine, blood in the urine or semen and a feeling that the bladder can’t be fully emptied. Experiencing these symptoms does not necessarily mean you have prostate cancer –  it could point to an enlarged prostate rather than cancer – but should always be investigated nonetheless.

How is it diagnosed?

There are tests that may detect prostate cancer early such as a digital rectal examination and a blood test for Prostate Specifi c Antigen (PSA).

What can I do?

• Keep your weight down and reduce your intake of saturated fats.

• Include at least five serves of vegetables in your diet each day. Research shows that antioxidants in vegetables can lower your risk of prostate cancer (especially cooked tomatoes and broccoli) as well as reducing incidence of colon cancer and heart disease. It is also thought that soy milk and tomatoes (particularly cooked with the skin on) may help prevent prostate cancer.

• Men aged over 40, with or without a family history of prostate cancer, should consider a annual prostate check.

 

Filed Under: Dads Health

Why Are Girls Taller Than Me?

10/07/2012 by Leave a Comment

 

Dads Online - BoysWhen boys are growing up and there bodies start to change, they will have questions about these changes.  Below is a response to a commonly asked question that may help you.

You might have noticed that some of the girls you know are taller than the boys.  But you’ve probably noticed that out of the adults you know, most of the men are taller than the women. What’s going on?

Well, girls get a head start on puberty — and growing taller — because they usually start these changes between the ages of 8 and 13. Most boys, on the other hand, don’t begin until between the ages of 9 and 14. So that’s why girls are often taller than boys during that time.

Most boys may catch up — and even grow taller than girls. But it’s also important to remember that your genetics play a role in height. So if your mom and dad are tall, you’re more likely to be tall. And if your mom and dad are kind of short, you may be short, too. But nothing is definite.

You have to wait and see how it turns out, but you can also talk to a doctor if you’re concerned. Remember — not every adult male is tall. Many men who are considered “short” have gone on to have careers in the movies, the military, and even professional basketball!

There aren’t any exercises or magic pills to make you grow tall. But by being active and eating nutritious foods, you’re helping your body grow up healthy, just the way it should.

 

Content provided by Kids Health

Filed Under: Children, Kids Health, Parenting, Sons

Things to do in Brisbane with the kids

23/06/2012 by Leave a Comment

Are you thinking about what to do with the kids this weekend or over school holidays? There are some great Brisbane suggestions below.

Hey… why not tell us about your favourite activities? Feel free to contribute your ideas and we will include them in our list.

Museums, State Library and GoMA
Located right next to each other near Southbank, the Queensland Museum, State Library and Gallery of Modern Art make a fantastic day out for the whole family.

The Queensland Museum has all your typical exhibits – dinosaurs, native species from the present and past, Indigenous history and transport history, but from a Queensland focus. There’s a number of hands on exhibits and the whole museum is very kid friendly. Better yet entry is free. Be sure to check out the dinosaur garden in the basement but watch out for the Raptor song, it tends to get stuck in your head.

Underneath the museum is an excellent Science Centre, although there’s a entrance fee.

Next door the museum, the State Library has a great imaginative play area that’s perfect for under 8’s. There’s crafts, puppets, toy kitchens, computers with drawing activities and staff on help out. There’s also a giant chess set for older children.

Just next door to the State Library, the Gallery of Modern Art (GoMA) often has family friendly exhibits. It also have a specific area for children with crafts and interactive activities based around the current exhibitions. The activities and displays change all the time but they’re usually wonderful and always free.

Ride a CityCat to New Farm Park
A ride on a CityCat (Brisbane’s river ferry) is an adventure in itself. They’re fast so standing on the deck is a lot of fun. Plus it’s a great way to see the city.

To make the ride even better, catch the CityCat to New Farm park to experience one of Brisbane’s best playgrounds. Built up and around giant fig trees there’s something for children of all ages. Thanks to the floods in early 2011 the park has recently been completely renovated.

The playground has plenty of shade and there are plenty of seats for parents and nearby coffee shops. If you have time, the nearby Powerhouse Museum usually has great exhibitions for teens.

CBD Parks
Central Brisbane has three fantastic parks within a short walk of the CBD – Southbank Parklands, the Botanical Gardens and Roma St Parklands.

Botanical Gardens
All ages will love the Botanical Gardens and in particular young children as there is a great playground, you can ride bikes/scooters/skates through.  Along the riverbank there’s also an interesting Mangrove boardwalk where you can learn about mangrove forests.

Roma Street Parklands
With a duck pond, plenty of boardwalks to explore, a great playground for all ages the Roma Street Parklands is a great day out.  An observation deck where you can watch the trains pulling in and out of the tunnels for Roma St train station.  On weekends there’s often a kids train running around the gardens, although it’s not particularly cheap.

Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary
Unlike Sydney and Melbourne, Brisbane doesn’t have a state zoo.  But what it does have is Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary – a fantastic open-range zoo with a great range of native animals. Entry used to be very quite reasonable but it’s gone up recently. Still it’s a fantastic zoo and you can feed the kangaroos that are free to roam a large enclosure.

If you don’t have time to get to Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast, Lone Pine is a great alternative. It’s not as large but it’s a lot lot cheaper, less busy and offers the same opportunities to get up close to Australian wildlife.

Lone Pine is in the western suburbs but several buses and one boat daily go there. Check out the Sanctuary’s website for full instructions on how to get there.

Mt Cootha Lookout and Botanical Gardens.

The mountain just near Toowong to the west of the city offers great views. On a clear day you can see almost all the way to the coast and south to Ipswich, as well as the CBD.

At the base of the mountain is a lovely botanical gardens with restaurants, picnic spots and duck ponds. There’s also a great planetarium. The highlight for our kids was always the cactus gardens and the dinosaur gardens filled with ancient conifers and cycads that have existed for millions of years. They loved seeing “real dinosaur food”.

The city council 471 bus leaves from Adelaide and Albert St in the city for Mt Cootha. Alternatively you can catch a train to Toowong and then take a taxi.

Visit the Alma Park Zoo
An exciting yet affordable thing to do with kids in Brisbane with kids is to visit the Alma Park Zoo, which is 30 minutes north of the CBD in Dakabin. The zoo is open daily and has extensive tropical palm gardens all around the 15 hectare site. Alma Zoo also features a wide variety of Australian, international and even some endangered animals that have to be seen to be believed.

Golf Driving Range
If  you like golf  or even to introduce the game to your kids try The Big East Golf and Leisure Center, they have putting greens and driving ranges which will keep you occupied for hours. If you really want to get serious you can even have a lesson, best to always book ahead.

 

Filed Under: Activities, Brisbane, Kids Activities, Kids Activities, Lifestyle

Things to do in Melbourne with the kids

19/06/2012 by 5 Comments

Are you thinking about what to do with the kids this weekend or over school holidays? There are some great Melbounre suggestions below.

Hey… why not tell us about your favourite activities? Feel free to contribute your ideas and we will include them in our list.

  • A Compass Trail is an adventure for kids of all ages to experience how Captain Cook navigated the world. Sat 30 Jun 2012 to Sun 15 Jul 2012 Captain Cooks Cottage, Fitzroy Gardens Wellington Parade East Melbourne
  • Be the rockstar and director in this fun and easy music video workshop.
    Instant Rockstar lets kids unleash their inner pop diva and guitar hero. Create a hit song using lots of cool music samples, then use the track to make a music video. Arts Centre Melbourne 100 St Kilda Road Melbourne 04/07/2012 to 06/07/2012 Wednesday: 10:30am – 1pm Friday: 10:30am – 1pm
  • Ride on Puffing Billy the historic steam train through the stunning Dandenong Ranges.
  • Visit Healesville Wildlife Park, they have over 200 species of Australian Wildlife in their native habitat.
  • Go to Werribee Wildlife Park and join the Wildlife Safari Tour where you will see rhinos, giraffes, zebra and eland.
  • Explore the Botanic Gardens; it has a special Children’s Garden, an Ornamental Lake, Rainforest Walk and a Water Conservation Garden.
  • Get lost in The Enchanted Seat Maze, there are three formal mazes including one especially designed for children with tree fairies and a lock ness monster.
  • Let the kids milk a cow at Collingwood Children’s farm, you will also see donkeys, horses, goats, sheep, pigs geese and ducks.
  • Take a ride on the Tram to Fitzroy, South Yarra, St Kilda, Carlton, and Richmond or around the city loop.
  • Have a picnic on the banks of the bustling Yarra River; there are lots of lovely spots near the Botanic Gardens.
  • Visit Queen Victoria Market on a Sunday, it has an outdoor cafe, children’s rides and activities.
  • Hire at boat from the Studley Park Boathouse, paddle around and listen out for the bellbirds.
Filed Under: Activities, Kids Activities, Kids Activities, Lifestyle, Melbourne, Separation

Divorce Poison

16/06/2012 by Leave a Comment

There is no accident that I am using a “Danger sign with skull and cross bones” as it visualises exactly the harm of poisonous words.

I remember being bad mouthed by my children’s mother.   Whether it was directly at them or on the phone in earshot of the children, it’s all the same, it is “Poison”.  I don’t know if she was intentionally trying to drive them away from me but it creates damage and can last forever.  If you handle the situation poorly, you could lose your children’s respect and their affection, in extreme cases, contact with them.  Luckily I didn’t lose contact with them but I lost their affection and I think respect.

Poison comes from justifying hatred and anger.  Regardless of who’s to blame, each person has fault and each person thinks they are right.  Nothing can justify poisoning.

I didn’t know what to do at the time, I had advice from a psychologist to do nothing but be passive about it.  Today I am not sure that was the right advice!  The psychologist said to maintain your calm approach and when they get older they will see that you have not been this “terrible” person their mother makes you out to be or “overheard to be”.  Instead they will see you as their knight in shining armour!  I don’t know that in my situation this was the right approach.

By doing nothing, I believed I was saving my child from further poisoning as I didn’t escalate the issues by arguing with their mother.  It only made me hate her more and I felt helpless.  It was happening to them at such a young age, by the time they were older the damage was done.

My passive approach allowed the relationship to be damaged as I could not balance the poison with kindness, caring or even affection.  I do remember speaking to their mother about how I was not happy that she was poisoning me in front of the children when on the phone or her abrupt response when I picked up or dropped off complimented with doors slamming shut.  In hindsight I should have not discussed how it was upsetting me, as clearly she didn’t care.  Maybe she might have given more of a damn  if she knew it was affecting her children and would have long term implications?

It did wreak havoc at times, our reconnect was slower as there were invisible hurdles we needed to overcome first before we could enjoy our weekend.  The poisoning never really got discussed between me and kids other than I think I mentioned once to not take too much of what your mother says about me as truth however,  they were young and not capable of rationalising things.  I said – It is about how I treat you and you should only take me on how I treat you when we are together and that I have nothing but love for you.  They were very uncomfortable during this chat so it was difficult to continue.

I still maintain today that we should NEVER bad mouth (poison) the children’s mother in front of the kids, regardless of what’s going on.  Today I would have done it differently as I have become more educated in these matters, but it is difficult as you do not want to bring more confusion into their world.

Today I would:

  • Document the occasions for possible future litigations
  • Confront her privately and ask her to stop the poisonous remarks in front of the kids
  • Tell her that her behaviour will not be tolerated ( It probably won’t change much but she will be put on notice)
  • Focus on helping the children to understand that their  mum may be feeling angry and upset and although it is not an excuse to say mean things about you,  you will not take it personally
  • Tell them it’s ok to love both mum and dad and they don’t need to take sides
  • If they are old enough,   suggest that they speak to their mum and tell  her that they do not want to hear these comments and to stop them
  • Seek professional advice i.e counselor for next steps if the poison was to continue

An article on this topic was posted on CBS News Website called Divorce Poison and is worth a read.

There are many books written on this subject and below are a few links and I suggest you research the best way forward as we all have slightly different circumstances.

 http://www.complexfamily.com/_blog/C…n_against_you/
http://www.webheights.net/dividedheart/warshak/dp.htm
http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/…/brainwashing/
http://www.warshak.com/divorce-poison/index.html

If your feeling overwhelmed by events, you don’t need to handle it on your own.  Click through to our SOS link and arrange to speak to someone.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

Things to do in Sydney with the kids

13/06/2012 by Leave a Comment

Are you thinking about what to do with the kids this weekend or over school holidays? There are some great Sydney suggestions below.

Hey why not tell us about your favourite activities? Feel free to contribute your ideas and we will include them in our list.

  • Carp are an aquatic pest species which degrade the quality of Parklands’ pond water. Volunteer anglers have been removing Carp in order to manage the population, but why should the adults have all the fun? Meet at the Busby Promontory, near Rose Garden, Centennial Park. 3rd – 12th July between 9am – 12pm. or phone to book  during business hours (02) 9339 6699.
  • Visit the National Maritime Museum and climb a 19th century lighthouse. With a whole host of interactive maritime exhibits, both indoors and outside, the kids will be busy for hours.
  • See Koalas in their natural environment. You can walk through the rainforest and watch the koalas eating and sleeping. There are also kangaroos that you can hand feed, the younger kids will love this one.
  • Walk across the Sydney Harbour Bridge and watch the busy bustling city as it goes about its daily life. Not for the faint hearted!
  • Go bushwalking in Bouddi National Park, this park has a series of small, beautiful beaches beneath forests, steep hills and cliffs; it is a lovely national park suitable for the whole family.
  • Visit Calmsleyhill Farm, it’s a 580 acre working sheep and cattle farm, you can see the cow milking, sheep shearing, working dogs and much more.
  • Take a ferry ride on the magnificent Sydney Harbour, this is truly the best way to see the city’s favourite playground.
  • Go to the Beach; Bronte, Balmoral, Nielsen Park and Shelley Beach are all great kid-friendly beaches. Don’t forget to take the buckets and spades or your boogie boards.
  • Feed the Pelicans at The Entrance. Pelican Feeding is the Central Coast’s most popular tourist attraction and operates at 3.30pm daily, 365 days a year come rain, hail or shine.
  • Visit Vera’s Water Garden, every child likes to dangle their feet in water, run through water sprays and climb all over things, and Vera’s Water Garden has all this and more.
  • Picnic at Bicentennial Park, the park has bbq’s, lovely picnic areas, 2 children’s playgrounds, boardwalks and cycle ways.
Filed Under: Activities, Kids Activities, Lifestyle, Sydney

Keep in touch – Skype

10/06/2012 by Leave a Comment

You will discover a whole new world of keeping in touch.

There has been some previous posting on the topic of “keeping in touch”, we thought another good way is to use Skype.  Skype is a software application that allows users to make voice or video calls over the Internet for free.  It is as simple as creating a free account with Skype.  You simply log on, select “Get Skype” from the home page and choose the computer system your using from the drop down menu i.e Windows or Mac?.  Follow the prompts, download and Skype runs a video tests and audio tests and then you are set to go.

Its a good idea to include a set of head phones so that you can chat without the worry of interruption.  Its that easy!

If you can, set up your child with their own Skype profile (It just needs a name and email account only)  Don’t be too worried about the profile info, there are ways you can keep their details private i.e. don’t fill out the profile info.  You can take extra precautions and now it might be a good time to discuss Internet safety.  Some other tips on Internet safety are as follows:

  • Parents should monitor their children while they are utilizing Skype.  If necessary, keep the computer in a common area, like the living room, or if the Skype is only for communication between yourself then you should have no concerns. They should turn it on to accept your Skype and off when you have finished.
  • Discuss “stranger danger” with your children, especially how to avoid contact with strangers online and what to do if one tries to communicate with them on the computer.
  • Make sure your child’s account is protected with a unique, long password that includes a combination of letters numbers, and characters.
  • Update your privacy settings for receiving communications. For a PC, open Skype and click “Tools.” Then go to “Options” and “Privacy.” On a Mac, open Skype and click “Preferences” and then “Privacy.”
  • If you want to keep it as private as possible, leave your profile completely blank.
  • If you think your account may have been compromised, change your Skype password immediately.
  • If a questionable incident occurs (like the one described above), contact your local authorities.  Be sure to save all pertinent information for the police, such as the predator’s user-name, time and date of the incident, and any other details about the conversation itself.

The Equipment

If they have complete access to a computer that’s great, if they don’t, you may be in a position to purchase a small laptop for them with internet access and built in camera are usually standard.  Laptops can be relatively inexpensive these days and a WiFi remote Internet cards are pretty cheap.

Lap-tops can be sourced through Officeworks or JB Hi FI for as little at $350. A wireless WiFi card can be as little as $15 a month through Dodo mobile broadband and if it is only used for your Skyping then that should be completely adequate.  You will be able to set up both your own and your child computer, chat and get approval from their mum to use Skype during the week  and if all is agreed to then it’s the next best thing to being there!

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Parenting, Separation Tagged With: