ABSENT – Documentary

12/07/2013 by Leave a Comment

ABSENT documentaryFilmmaker Justin Hunt will be joined by musician-composer James Hetfield in presenting and discussing the award-winning documentary Absent, exploring the worldwide crisis of absent and disengaged fathers and the negative impact that the “father wound” makes on society.

Weaving interviews with participants who speak from observation and personal experience, the film includes on-camera testimony from author John Eldredge, World Champion boxer Johnny Tapia, fitness model Robin Decker and James Hetfield, best known as co-founder of Metallica. “The father wound is so deep and so all-pervasive in so many parts of the world that its healing could well be the most radical social reform conceivable,” says Father Richard Rohr, and this film makes a strong case that this issue is central to the human condition.

Talking about James Hetfield’s involvement with the movie, Rockville Music Magazine published an exclusive interview with the film’s director Justin Hunt.

I am currently in the process of arranging a screening for all Dads Online friends and supporters around Australia. stay tuned!

 

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Separation, Video

Kids and Health Insurance

11/07/2013 by Leave a Comment

kids and health insuranceDivorce changes a lot of things in your family unit, but it does not change one of the major goals that parents often desire to achieve: the ability to raise your children in a way that puts their mental, emotional, and physical health first. Before your divorce, you and your spouse worked as a single unit to protect and provide for your children. Now you must work as separate units, all-be separate units that agree at times, to care for your children.

Private and public health insurance is one vital area that helps you and your ex encourage physical and emotional health in your children.

Medicare
The nice thing about Australia’s healthcare is that it already provides basic health care necessities for parents and their children. Tax and government funded Medicare provides you with a means to provide basic health insurance for your children at a free or reduced price. Medicare allows you to get your children:
• Free immunization shots.
• Free access to public hospital as a public patient.
• Cheaper access to public or private hospitals when you are a private patient.

If your child is a private patient you can decide when and where they will see a doctor. You will not need to wait hours or days on a wait list. When your children are private patients Medicare will pay for 75% of the Medicare Schedule fee.
• Some prescription drugs at a cheaper price.
Free or subsidized health care is a parent’s dream. Due to that fact, you may decide that you have no need for private health insurance. It is a valid choice, but you should be aware that public health insurance does not provide coverage for all necessary medical procedures. Medicare is great, but it is not perfect. Perfection would be financially unfeasible for any relatively free health care system.

Private Health Insurance
Although private health insurance provides basic health care for free or reduced prices, you still might decide to supplement your public health insurance with a private health insurance plan.

Hospital cover helps you pay for the portion of your health fees that Medicare does not cover:
• Ambulance rides.
• Rehabilitation fees.
• Theater fees that hospital charge you.
• The 25% not covered by the Medicare Schedule fee, as well as any additional money that you must pay for health care due to the fact that your doctor or hospital set their prices above the Medicare Schedule fee.

Extra cover provides you coverage for common medical procedures not covered by Medicare:
• Dental checkups.
• Glasses or contacts.
• Orthodontic Work.
• Prescription drugs.
• Physiotherapy.

If you feel that you can deal with surprise hospital visits alone, you might consider focusing any potential private health insurance on the extra coverage plans. While hospital visits may be few, the possibility that your children will need glasses, orthodontic work, or dental work is fairly high.

If you do decide that you want private health insurance, you should be aware that most of the insurance plans require a waiting period before you are able to make claims on your medical expenses. There will be a 6 month waiting period before any dental procedures and a 12 month waiting period before glasses and contacts are covered. You should not decide to sign up for health insurance because you want to save money on your purchasing glasses for your kid within the next week.

Single Parent Household Health Insurance
If you want private health insurance, but you do not believe it is economically feasible for you at this time. You should be aware that as a single parent, you are eligible for cheaper rates than you were before your divorce. Cheaper health insurance for single parent households is a development that came into effect in April of 2007. Before then single parent households were given the same monthly premium fees as families with two parents. If you are still struggling to pay for private health insurance with cheaper fees, you should consider requesting that your ex-wife pay for a portion of your monthly health insurance fees. If you are still negotiating your divorce, you could request that health care coverage be part of the child support that will be paid.

While health insurance is vital and private health insurance helps pay for some necessary medical procedures, you might be able to get by using Medicare. If you cannot handle another financial responsibility in your budget at this time, you may want to consider waiting for private health insurance. If you have the choice between superior health care and buying food for your kids, well the choice seems obvious to me. As parent’s you must do what you can to provide for your children, and one day you may be in a situation where you want afford to invest private health care for your children.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health

Parenting on a Low Income: Money Doesn’t Equal Love

26/06/2013 by 3 Comments

parenting on a low incomeEvery parent wants to do a good job raising their kids.  Many parents with low incomes sometimes worry about how they can provide certain financial based items and activities to their kids. This can cause stress.  Will their kids be as happy as the children of wealthier parents?  Will their kids have to miss out on expensive extracurricular activities?  After all, what parent doesn’t want the best things for their children? 

If you’ve found yourself thinking these thoughts lately, rest assured that parenting on a low income doesn’t ensure an unhappy childhood for your children.  There are a variety of ways to enrich your little one’s life without spending a fortune.  With a little extra effort, your child can have a wonderful and full childhood.

 

  • Your attention is the most valuable thing your can give your child.  More than they want the latest toy or gadget, your children desperately want your love and attention.  Listen to them as they tell you about their days.  Take the time to watch as they explain the features of their favorite toy. 
  • Arrange for play dates with other children.  Many kids’ favorite memories are of the times they spent with their friends.  Want to build those same memories in your child?  Make sure that they have ample opportunities to get together with their friends or family.  Host two or three of your children’s friends for an afternoon.  If possible, let the friends’ parents reciprocate.  The kids will have fun and each parent will get an afternoon to themselves. 
  • Take advantage of all the things your local library has to offer.  Your local library can be a treasure trove of free or inexpensive activities for your children.  Most libraries have story hours for younger children.  In addition, many offer craft classes or other activities.  While you’re at the library, be sure to check out a travel guide or two about your own city; they are sure to highlight a variety of children’s activities in your area. 
  • Arrange a toy swap for your kids.  Ever notice how your kids love getting new toys?  As soon as the novelty wears off, though, many toys are left to collect dust.  Who wants to spend their hard-earned money on a toy that their little one plays with for a few days and then forgets?  A toy swap between friends or family members can be the perfect solution for this situation.  Invite a few friends over for the swap while requiring each child to bring a present that they no longer want.  (No broken toys please.)  Place each child’s contribution on a table, and let everyone select a new (to them) toy.  Everyone will leave with something new to enjoy without spending a dime. If you don’t have the family or friends, a great way to refresh your toys is to visit a Toy Library, there are over 160 libraries around Australia.
  • Consider secondhand options for necessary purchases.  Some expenses related to raising children can’t be avoided.  Clothing, for example, is a constant need for children as they continue to grow.  You can greatly reduce this cost, however, by turning to secondhand shopping options.  Shopping at Salvos store, resale shops, garage sales and even eBay can be a great way to keep your kids clothed in style for a bargain price.  As you shop, look for items that can fill other needs, too; toys, school supplies, and even electronics can often be found for less than half their original prices. 
  • Spend time on everyday activities: walking in and around parks playing ball games, take your basketball to the local court and shoot a few baskets, ride your bikes along the numerous bike paths, show your children a skill that you have learned like repairing a bicycle puncture, fixing a leaking tap, changing a light globe, brush and grooming the dog or cat, changing the cars window wiper blades.

 

Filed Under: Activities, Children, Finances, Parenting

What I have learnt so far…

08/06/2013 by Leave a Comment

simplify your lifeI have been a separated dad for over 25 years, twice over. Its something I am not proud of but I am proud of being a good dad. I have had two very different experiences. My first child was every second weekend, I did everything I could to be in her life – as much as I was allowed or welcomed.

My second experience is what every dad deserves, 50% shared parenting. It really is full parenting because it is only you that cares for them when you have them. In some cases you are providing more parenting duties than if you were not separated as the mums in some families take on more of the everyday care. 50/50 is a complete parenting relationship.

It is also an emotional roller coaster and I would not wish it on anyone if at all avoidable. The grief, the tears, the worry, the distraction, the lack of money, the joy and happiness all mixed into one and it feels like it is never ending.

I started thinking about what have I learned so far travelling this road for 25 years.

I have listed some of them below…

  • Allow an extra 20 minutes in the morning if you have girls so they can spend time on their hair. If you don’t there will be an upset!
  • I am the brekky king!  I believe it is an important meal of the day for us.  I get up early to ensure there is no rush.
  • I enjoy being active on weekends,  I plan activities but also plan down time i.e. time to lounge around and watch a DVD.
  • I have always had more fruit at home than sweets.
  • Yes more water than lemonade too.
  • We have been to McDonalds once in the last 12 months.
  • I’ve always put my children’s needs first when balancing time – because time flys.
  • I’m house proud and want a clean and tidy home for my children to come home to.
  • Reading before bed has served two purposes 1. Calms and relaxes 2. Quality time together
  • I cook 90% more than buy takeaway when I’m parenting.
  • Teaching the kids to value and look after their teeth is big at my place.
  • Over time I have collected a range of puzzle books and games to play at home on those rainy days.
  • I love to cook because its cheaper and healthier and I like to find different recipes the kids might like and experiment with different simple meals.
  • I learned early that our mental and physical well-being is paramount to being able to cope with everything that is going on. So I have always spent time on my own personal mental and physical  health with mediation, reading, walking, running and or gym. I reckon it has saved me!
  • I treat myself every now and then with something that make me happy for doing a good job with parenting. It’s a little like patting yourself on the back.
  • Being involved in parent teacher interviews have been great and keep me up to date on how the kids are tracking at school both academically and socially.
  • When going through separation, I simplified my life as much as possible, I didn’t take on new debt or change jobs – Bunkering down helps.
  • I’ve enjoyed travelling both overseas and locally with my kids, it connects us with fond memories and is fun to plan and wait for the holiday to come around.
  • Having the mind set that you have an equal share in parenting duties.  That means helping your child’s mother like taking extra time off work to help with school holidays and the student free days.  It just makes life easier for everyone and hopefully it’s reciprocated.
  • Generally I have found that a social life with other parents is pretty non-existent because there seems to be a stigma attached to a single dad!! But I have been able with some parents to Invite their children over for play dates and I have prepared lunch for the kids etc.  I always Invite the parents inside when they drop off so they see that it is a good environment to leave their children and that there kids are safe and well catered for.
  • Its not the army but I find kids operate much better and are happier with routine.  So, I have always tried to keep simple routine in place I.e. bed and meal times, reading, showering and arriving at school on time etc
  • I’ve tried to keep in touch with extended family, keeping family connections alive. If you don’t it can be a bit of a solo life, family are always there and friends are not.
  • There has been some fun and enjoyable moments which involved the kids cooking breakfast, lunch or dinner and even cleaning and shopping – I’ve tried to involve them in my day to day life.
  • Teach the kids to conserve energy and value the planet.
  • Be a good role model by not swearing or speaking badly of their mother in front of them if that is your situation. Don’t be afraid to fight behind the scenes for 50/50 parenting if you have to.
  • Be consistent in your moods around them. If you’re having a bad day relax and be present with the kids it really helps to keep things in perspective.
  • Remember whilst your kids are growing up they love you unconditionally.
  • Listen 70% and ask questions 30%
  • Be involved in your child’s life, they need you more than any materialistic item you could buy them. Make them a priority.
  • I always ended the night with a cuddle
  • You will find love again.

Doing the best you can does not always guarantee the love of your children when they get older. However, it does give you peace of mind that you have done the best your could, with what you were given.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting, Separation

Negotiate Your Way to a Better Deal

02/06/2013 by 1 Comment

negotiate a better dealPeople often associate negotiations with deals between companies or purchases but in reality, the average person makes dozens of negotiations every single day. Whether it’s discussion with an (ex)spouse, pleading with children, or coming to a consensus on dinner plans with friends – negotiating is a part of everyday life.  While everyone inevitably engages in some form of negotiation, not everyone is skilled at it. Luckily, it doesn’t require years of business classes to become a great negotiator. And the benefits of becoming a great communicator can be tremendous. Keep the following things in mind for future negotiations.

Preparation

Regardless of the focus of your negotiations, you must do extensive research beforehand. For example, if you begin negotiations to purchase a used car but you haven’t researched current market prices for the make and model in question, the seller is going to spot your lack of preparation and take advantage of it. The seller could set the starting price much higher than current market prices suggest, playing off of your ignorance. Preparation also involves knowing exactly what it is you want out of the deal and defining your bottom line. Writing these things down before you begin negotiating can act as a control which will prevent you from making unwise decisions in the heat of the moment.

Honesty

Honesty really is the best policy in negotiations. Being dishonest or omitting certain information during a negotiation will only hurt you later on when the truth comes to light. Remember that the goal of any negotiation isn’t to force your opponent to take a bad deal, but rather to find a compromise that will be advantageous for both parties.

 Patience

Don’t let your own impatience drive you to take an undesirable deal. Negotiations that occur over long periods of time can actually be helpful since both parties have ample time to fully consider the consequences of the deal. On the flipside, negotiations with your children may not be long and drawn out but LOTS of patience may be needed.

Assistance

Don’t ever be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. If the particular negotiation you are involved in has high stakes, it may be a good idea to consult an attorney, an expert negotiator, or simply speak with a trusted friend or family member. Consulting someone outside of the negotiation can give you a fresh perspective and potentially provide valuable insight.

 Options

Having a variety of options can work to your advantage in any deal. If you are planning on purchasing a home for instance, you should speak with several realtors about different locations. Once you have been quoted prices for all of the possibilities, you can use the price ranges as tools of negotiation. Let all the realtors know that you have other options and will only accept the best deal. This provides leverage which ensures you will get a bigger discount in the end.

 Practice

Confidence is what you stand to gain through practice and it will go a long way in earning you a great deal. Before a big negotiation, use role plays to practice with friends, family, or co-workers. You can try out different negotiation tactics and see which ones suit your personality best and remember the old saying “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”

Good negotiation skills can mean the difference between a satisfied customer and buyer’s regret. Keep these tips in mind and you should find yourself walking away from your next negotiation with a smile and a great deal.

Filed Under: Fathering, Finances, Parenting

Is your teen at risk of a workplace injury?

16/05/2013 by 1 Comment

Is your teen at risk of a workplace injuryGetting your first part time job is a proud moment in anyone’s life, and this will be no different for your teen.

Gaining some independence, developing life skills, and earning a bit of cash to spend on just about anything are some of the reasons first jobs are so exciting.

However, in spite of the huge number of benefits of young people working, a growing number of teens are finding themselves injured or, in the very worst cases, killed whilst at work.

Adolescents and young adults (aged between 15-24) suffer approximately twice the rate of occupational injuries as older workers. Experts believe teens may be more at risk because they have less work experience than adults, and may be less confident about speaking up about unsafe working conditions.

If your teen has just secured their first job, make sure you talk to them about identifying and minimizing their risks whilst at work:

Job Options

Help your teen to understand that different jobs carry different levels of risk.  For example a job laboring at a construction site is likely to carry a greater risk of physical injury than one in an office or shop.

Workplace Safety

Discuss possible safety issues and safety risks with your teen, and quiz them about what they believe to be dangerous working conditions.

  • Discuss work tasks
  • Find out what types of equipment and machinery they will use
  • Establish what types of protective gear (such as gloves, glasses and ear-plugs) is available to your child, free of charge, of he/she needs it.

In many cases teens just don’t recognize danger before it’s too late.  Make sure your teen has a good basic understanding of how to keep safe at work, and what their employer’s responsibilities are.

Check the employer

Consider visiting your teen at their workplace to assess the safety of the environment.  Avoid embarrassing them by keeping it light and informal – maybe meet them for lunch or a drink whilst you have a quick look around.  If your teen’s employer is a responsible person, they will understand your concerns.

Things to consider include:

  • Do most of the employees seem happy and satisfied?
  • Does the workplace seem reasonably safe?
  • Is the place of employment tidy and organized?

Claiming for compensation

If your teen is unfortunate enough to be injured at work, then there are a number of ways in which they can claim for compensation.  Remember the amount awarded will vary from state to state and it can be difficult for the average person to know their legal rights.

Speaking to a professional injury lawyer can make a big difference to any injury claim.

 

Filed Under: Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

Things you might forget when planning a road trip

27/04/2013 by 2 Comments

Things You Might Forget When Planning a Road TripOnce you have decided on that once in a lifetime road trip across the country, there is little you can do other than dream about your perfect getaway. But before you get lost in the clouds, come back down to earth and plan your trip properly before you go. This is ensure fewer obstacles and more time spent enjoying your adventure. Follow this simple guide and make sure you don’t forget anything important when planning your next road trip.

Things change

You may plan your trip down to the last minute and have your entire route committed to memory but the first rule of a road trip is; things change. You should always allow for some leeway here and there so that if things so go slightly awry, it won’t mess up your whole schedule.

Make a list

Pretty much everyone who plans a trip will make at least one list at some point. The problem is, if you forget something from the list, chances are you will forget it for your trip too. The best advice is to carry your list and a pen wherever you go in the months before your trip so that if you suddenly remember something, you can write it down there and then.

Research, research, research!

Whether you are planning your trip based upon logical, rational reasoning or throwing darts at a map, you need to research where and when you are going in advance. Some places will only be accessible during certain times of the year and weather conditions can affect your journey as well. It is best to spend a few hours researching each place you intend to visit so that you can work out a route that suits your needs best.

Appropriate clothing

If you are planning a summer trip, you are probably packing your shorts, swimwear and sunglasses, but take a moment and think about this. Are you going to be doing any activities that require special clothing? Indoor or artificial skiing will require proper clothing to protect you, while a stop-off in a major city may mean you want to wear something fancy for a night out.

Insurance and breakdown

Picking the perfect vehicle for your adventure is simple really, but finding the right insurance, breakdown cover and recovery service can be a nightmare. As well as being expensive, you need to make sure your insurance covers everything and everyone who is on the trip.

Filed Under: Activities, Adelaide, Brisbane, Hobart, Kids Activities, Kids Activities, Melbourne, Motor Cars, Perth, Sydney

How to talk to your child about the News

20/04/2013 by Leave a Comment

how to talk to your kids about the newsNews gleaned from the TV, radio, or Internet can be a positive educational experience for kids. But when the images presented are violent or the stories touch on disturbing topics, problems can arise.

Events all over the world but recently in America such as the explosions at the Boston Marathon and the mass shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School might naturally cause kids to worry that something similar might happen to them or their loved ones. It also can make them fear some aspect of daily life — like going to school — that they never worried about before.

Reports on shootings, attacks, natural disasters, and child abductions also can teach kids to view the world as a confusing, threatening, or unfriendly place.

How can you deal with these disturbing stories and images? Talking to your kids about what they watch or hear will help them put frightening information into a reasonable context.

How Kids Perceive the News

Unlike movies or entertainment programs, news is real. But depending on their age or maturity level, kids might not yet understand the distinctions between fact and fantasy.

By the time kids reach 7 or 8, however, what they see on TV can seem all too real. For some youngsters, the vividness of a sensational news story can be internalized and transformed into something that might happen to them. A child watching a news story about a bombing on a bus or a subway might worry, “Could I be next? Could that happen to me?”

Natural disasters or stories of other types of devastation can be personalized in the same manner. A child in Melbourne who sees a house being swallowed by floods from a storm in Brisbane may spend a sleepless night worrying about whether his home will be OK in a rainstorm. A child in Adelaide, seeing news about an attack on train station in Sydney, might get scared about using public transportation around town.

TV has the effect of shrinking the world and bringing it into our own living rooms. By concentrating on violent stories, TV news also can promote a “mean-world” syndrome and give kids an inaccurate view of what the world and society are actually like.

Talking About the News

To calm children’s fears about the news, parents should be prepared to deliver the truth, but only as much truth as a child needs to know. The key is to be honest and help kids feel safe. There’s no need to go into more details than your child is interested in.

Although it’s true that some things — like a natural disaster — can’t be controlled, parents should still give kids space to share their fears. Encourage them to talk openly about what scares them.

Older kids are less likely to accept an explanation at face value. Their budding skepticism about the news and how it’s produced and sold might mask anxieties they have about the stories it covers. If older kids are bothered about a story, help them cope with these fears. An adult’s willingness to listen sends a powerful message.

Teens also can be encouraged to consider why a frightening or disturbing story was on the air: Was it to increase the program’s ratings because of its sensational value or because it was truly newsworthy? In this way, a scary story can be turned into a worthwhile discussion about the role and mission of the news.

Tips for Parents

Keeping an eye on kids’ TV news habits can go a long way toward monitoring the content of what they hear and see. Other tips:

  • Recognize that news doesn’t have to be driven by disturbing pictures. Public TV programs, newspapers, or newsmagazines specifically designed for kids can be less sensational — and less upsetting — ways of getting information to children.
  • Discuss current events with your child regularly. It’s important to help kids think through stories they hear about. Ask questions: What do you think about these events? How do you think these things happen? These questions can encourage conversation about non-news topics too.
  • Put news stories in proper context. Showing that certain events are isolated or explaining how one event relates to another helps kids make better sense of what they hear. Broaden the discussion from a disturbing news item to a larger conversation: Use the story of a natural disaster as an opportunity to talk about philanthropy, cooperation, and the ability of people to cope with overwhelming hardship.
  • Watch the news with your kids to filter inappropriate or frightening stories.
  • Anticipate when guidance will be necessary and avoid shows that are too graphic and inappropriate for your child’s age or level of development.
  • If you’re uncomfortable with the content of the news or if it’s inappropriate for your child’s age, turn it off.
  • Talk about what you can do to help. After a tragic event, kids may gain a sense of control and feel more secure if you help them find ways to help those affected by the tragedy or honor those who died.

 

Thank you to Kidshealth.org for content.

Filed Under: Fathering, Kids Health, News, Parenting

How to cope emotionally when your children want nothing to do with you.

13/04/2013 by Leave a Comment

How to cope emotionally when your children want nothing to do with youRejection is usually a difficult emotion to deal with for anyone. When it comes from your children, the pain can be unbearable. Depending on the circumstances in the family, such rejection can be all consuming for a father.

Keep a perspective can help in coping with rejection. The child’s attitude may not be forever. Also, there is usually a significant reason why they want to maintain a distance, at least from the child’s perspective, irrespective of what influences there are on the child. It helps to reflect on these reasons and if you can’t do it on your own without always becoming distressed or angry, then getting support from others, including professionals may be a helpful path. Regardless of any perceived injustice on you, your child will need your patience and respect, while maintaining an ‘open door’ policy to show them you are available, open minded and dependable.

Focus on your strengths as a father and make those strengths stronger. Look back over time and recall your achievements, recall the lessons you learnt from your father and mother, and what you have gained from other men and fathers you have known or read about. Improve who you want be as a dad. When the time comes for your child to want you back in, you’ll have even more to offer.

Fathers who pour energy into their mental, physical and emotional well being are also likely to be healthy men and fathers, who children will look up to and enjoy being with. The usual suspects apply, such as physical exercise, healthy eating, and keeping away from damaging drugs and alcohol abuse. Meditation can help in many ways, including increasing how well you tolerate stress, reduce your emotional reactivity, and increase your acceptance of changes beyond your control. Paying attention to your social network is also very important. Invest in new friendships and networks (clubs, groups, etc), and reinvest in old ones – it’s never too late.

There are also various support services available such as : self-help groups and telephone counselling services for men, as well as group programs which focus on fathers and separation. Check the links available on this website.

For some fathers, professional support may be necessary if implementing some of these suggestions is difficult or if extra specialist help is needed. If so, you may wish to have a look at http://www.vcps.com.au/ .

By Dr Cherine Habib
Clinical Psychologist and Father.
Victorian Counselling and Psychological Services

Filed Under: Dads Health, General posts & comments

Deciding if a part time job is right for your teenager

04/04/2013 by Leave a Comment

teens_at_workHaving a teenager can be a difficult time, and being one can be even harder. It’s a strange time in their life as they aren’t a kid anymore, but they still rely on people to assist them with decision making. There has been an increase of teenagers joining the workforce in recent years, and the idea of letting adolescents work has been a heavy debate for years. If you and your teenager are trying to decide if getting a part time job is right for their path, there are a few things to consider:

Those in Favour

There are many parents who support the idea of their teenager having a part time job, and some even demand if of their kids. Here are some of the most common discussion points:

  • It teaches them responsibility. Being on time, having specified tasks to complete, and being accountable for their own finances are skills that a part time job can help teach a teenager, and those are things that are needed all throughout life.
  • It eases them into adulthood. Being an adult is a balancing act, and having your teenager manage a day at school, a few hours at work, and social relationships will help him/her prepare for the “real world.” Being thrown into adulthood can be a harsh transition for those who had no chance to prepare, and giving them a small taste of reality will lead to a better chance of them easily adjusting.
  • It keeps them out of trouble. Kids who are kept busy are less likely to get in trouble because having something to do will keep them focused. Teenagers with plenty of spare time on their hands tend to be more inclined to experimenting with things that could lead them down a negative path.
  • It’s good for experience. Starting a job at a young age is great for gathering experience, skills, and references to put on a resume, and it’s always easier to get a job later on in life if you’ve been in the work force for a while.

Those Opposed

For every argument in support of teens holding down a job, there are just as many justifications for those against the idea, and here are the most common concerns:

  • It interferes with their schoolwork. A teenager’s main priority should be school, and having a job to focus on and keep up with could distract them from what’s really important. Doing well in school is what’s going to set them up for success in the future, and they shouldn’t feel compelled to try and hold down a job in the midst of developing their academic career.
  • It pushes them to grow up too fast. In the final years of their childhood, teens should be focused on their education and enjoying being carefree with their friends. They have all the time in the world to learn the responsibility of earning money and balancing relationships. Youth is something they can only experience once, and having to squeeze time in with their friends between school and work could be nearly impossible to do.
  • It leaves minimal time for self-discovery.  Teens need time to be themselves and think their own thoughts. Having to focus on what someone is instructing them to focus on for seven hours a day in school can be overwhelming, and adding a job on top of that could severely stifle the time they have to contemplate what it is that really inspires them about life. Limiting the time they have for self-exploration could lead to indecisiveness or misdirection later on down the road.
  • It’s too much to handle. A typical day at school tends to be about the length as a full day of work for most people, and when you add up the time it takes them to complete their homework, they might not be finished with everything until late in the evening. Trying to put the responsibility of a part time job on top of all that would be too much for anyone to handle.

Making Your Decision

Now that you have heard both sides of the argument, it’s time for you and your teen to make a decision. Whether it’s you pushing for your teen to start working, or it’s your child’s idea, make sure to talk with your child, not at him/her. Effective communication is the key to reaching a peaceful resolve, and if you’re willing to consider letting your child go into an adult world, then hear them out like one. Try reaching a compromise if you hold clashing views; maybe a job working only weekends would be a good starting point. At the end of the day, all that matters is that both you and your teen feel that the best decision possible was made.

Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting

Children and Chores: What I’ve learned as a Father

30/03/2013 by Leave a Comment

Kids and cleaningThere was one thing I was looking forward to when I had my first kid.  It wasn’t spending time raising someone to be responsible, nor was it having a new best friend to laugh and play with.  It was finally getting someone else to mow the lawn for me.  No more of my weekend time wasted pushing my lawnmower with the busted automatic drive, no more time fixing the bag that keeps falling off, and no more hauling the grass bags off to the bin.  That is all Dennis Junior’s job.

Okay, the real truth of it is that I didn’t start having kids to supply my own personal free labor force.  The fact is that I make my kids do chores for the same reasons any other parent does, which is to help teach them about responsibility, reward, and helping to better prepare them for the maniacal world of adult life.

I was raised in a fairly strict family environment and what that left me with was the lasting impression that I wanted my own family to be anything but.  It may have been a tough childhood but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t teach me some good lessons, and while not everything my parents made me do or discipline me for is what I plan on passing along to my kids, my goal was to take the best traditions that I know are good and mix them with some new methods with my own personal twist.

Of course, I have to give that most important of disclaimers “individual results may vary”, but you can just use my method of giving everything a try to see how effective it is on your firstborn, or as I like to call him, “practice baby.”

Make it a responsibility, not a punishment

When my firstborn was young, it was hard to explain the concept of pride to him.  It was something he grew to understand as I explained that how a person presented themselves was how they also presented their own self-respect.  I don’t mow the lawn because I like to, although I really do, because my wife wants nothing to do with yard work and I get some valuable me time with a beer and my iPod.  I mow it because I take pride in where I live.  I don’t want my home to look run down or have anybody judge my family as poor or lazy.

I explained to my children that this was why their rooms should be kept clean.  A clean room is a happy room.  I’m okay with a little clutter, because a little clutter looks lived in and feels like home, but when it starts to look like an episode of Hoarders is where I draw the line.

Participate, do not delegate

Notice I said “help us out.”  Don’t force your kids to do something you wouldn’t do yourself.  This has two negative effects, the first being that it makes a chore feel like punishment, the second being the job probably won’t get done right without your supervision meaning you’ll have to just do it right yourself.

Doing the chores with your kids is a great way to spend time and bond with them.  You can talk to them about their day (a three year old can have quite an interesting day), or sneak in a few life lessons (like why jamming a fork into an electrical outlet is a bad idea).

In traditional cultures parents spend a great deal of time with their children during their childhood teaching them valuable life skills.  There is a disconnect in western culture between chores, children, and how parents instruct children in these chores, with children “striking” on their workload.

Start early, make it routine, and encourage it

The best way to get kids to learn a habit is to start them when they are young.  If mini-you shows an interest in helping you pick up the laundry don’t discourage that behavior by telling them to sit down and get out of the way.  Let them help you out and slow down to their speed.

Kids are great at learning (some studies suggest that the contemporary child is smarter and quicker to learn than kids were decades ago), and when you encourage positive behavior they will naturally come to enjoy it.  Make it part of a daily routine and it will quickly become learned behavior.

Rewards

This is one of those tricky topics.  If you put a dozen parents in a room and ask them what the best type of rewards for doing chores should be, you’ll get about fifty different answers.  The best thing to do as a parent is offer a reward that is tailored to your kid.

What is important to remember though is that rewarding behavior only works until someone decides that the reward is no longer valuable.  If you give your kids money for chores and a sneaky relative outbids you at a birthday party, then suddenly your kids are going to start criticizing the value you place on their work.  If I thought of this situation as me at any job I ever had, and I questioned the value my company placed on me, I’d start looking for a new job.

This is why I for me, the most important principle I try to instill in my children is that of pride and self-respect.  I encourage them to do chores for the same reason that I do them.  Not because I want to, but because it is how I show how I care for myself, and how I care for us as a family.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

Top tips to deal with children’s expenses

29/03/2013 by 1 Comment

top tips to deal with childrens expensesStress and emotional pain of a separation can be exacerbated by worrying over expenses for your children.  Let yourself focus on the important things in life, and work on discovering strategies that will help you to find workable solutions to your financial stress.  Here are some tips on how to deal with your kids expenses when you’re separated.

Create a Budget

It is essential to allocate time to talk to the other parent about your child’s expenses.  From the beginning of the separation, there needs to be a clear allocation of costs and contributions.  This will help to maintain a stable relationship between the two of you for the benefit of your children.  Parenting while separated is difficult, but you can make the process a lot easier if you both know which expenses you are each expected to look after.

Medical Bills

This can be a difficult topic, as the parent that has the children the most often feels obliged to pay for day to day medical bills. While this might be ok for the majority of small bills, they may not be able to extend their budget to accommodate the significant medical expenses that can be incurred through injury or serious sickness.  One option that seems to work well is that all expenses over a predetermined amount are split between both parents.

For example, anything under $50 might be covered by whichever parent has custody of the child at the time, while everything over this amount is a shared expense.  Keeping all the receipts and having a financial meeting every few months can ensure that this arrangement continues to work efficiently.

Childcare

While splitting the expense of medical bills can work quite well, sharing the cost of childcare can be slightly more problematic.  If both parents are paying equally, it can raise issues when the child is looked after by a family member, or maybe has an outing with one of the parents on a designated care day.  One parent can be left feeling cheated, and resentment can build with the sentiment that their payments aren’t being used correctly.

A way around this dilemma is for each parent to pay for the days that they need to have the child in care.  This way, if you choose to have your child looked after by grandparents or have taken a day away from work to spend with the kids, the other parent won’t feel like they are funding your time off.

Don’t let the separation become even more difficult by arguing over finances.  Have a clear plan from the very beginning that is fair, and remember to always make your decision based on what is best for your children.  If you’d like a professional opinion on creating a budget or handling difficult debt issues after a separation, remember to contact a debt specialist.  They can help you to get back on your feet and take control of your financial situation so that your children have a secure and stable future.

 

Guest Post Written by Emma Jane

Filed Under: Finances, Separation