Separation Archives - Page 12 of 21

Remember to put the glass down

01/07/2015 by DO 1 Comment

A psychologist lecturer was teaching how to manage stress and anxiety to his university students. As he raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty half full” question. Instead, with a smile on his face, he inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water”?

The answers ranged between 5 0z to 22oz.

He replied, The absolute weight does not matter. It depends on how long i hold onto it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem, If I hold onto it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold onto it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

He continued,

The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water.

Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them for all day long, you will feel paralyzed – possibly incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.

(Courtesy of Jimmy Harmon)

Filed Under: Dads Health

How to help a friend if they’re not ok

26/06/2015 by DO 2 Comments

I wonder how many of us would know what to do if their friend says “they are NOT ok”. It’s not that often we would come across such a revealing statement. But if you did, would you know what to say? possibly…”Oh” whats the matter, “you’ll be right”, “she’ll be right” or maybe not even know what to say and possibly avoid the discussion. It could be likely that if you have a friend going through divorce or separation, you may hear those words.

When someone says they are NOT ok, It’s so supporting as a friend to ensure that they know we care and offer assistance or discussion to help them. A great organization called eheadspace deal with just these issues and offer guidance and coaching as to how to handle that situation if it ever arises.

Here are some tips on how to handle it:

Listen and try not to judge or “fix” things straight away.
Taking the time to listen shows them that you care and their feelings are important. If someone has been going through a tough time, it can be a big relief to talk about what has been going on.
Listening can be helpful even without taking any actions, it might be just what they need? Don’t panic, the fact that your friend feels something is really an important first step.
Let your friend know they do not have to go through this on their own.
And that you are their to help and support them.
Some people need time or space before they are willing to accept help.
Just giving them information about where to get help or providing them with fact sheets can be useful.
Suggest they read stories at eheadspace.org.au about other people who have made it through tough times.
If may help their feelings of being alone and give them hope for the future.
Be honest about why you are worried.
Ask if anyone else knows about how they are feeling
Encourage them to try some self-help strategies
Things like, eating well, exercising, writing their feelings down, getting enough sleep, doing things they enjoy and avoiding alcohol and other drugs are just a few self-help tips your friend could try. Visit (eheadspace.org.au and download the tips for a healthy eheadspace fact sheet)
Don’t be to forceful in encouraging self-help activities.
It’s important to understand your friend may not feel able use them because how they are feeling, or they may not be enough to help them feel better. If they’re interested you may be able to some of the strategies with them e.g. go for a walk, watch a favorite movie together.
If they are young – Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult.
About what is going on and how they are feeling (Family member, Coach or school teacher).
Sometimes self-help strategies &/ or talking to family and friends is not enough and thats ok.
There are a lot of professionals out their that can help. Suggest they make an appointment with their GP or their nearest headspace center if things dont begin to improve. You could offer to go with them if they need extra support.
Let them know about eheadspace
If your friend would prefer to seek help online rather than face-to-face. eheadspace.org.au provides free online support and telephone support (1800 650 890) for young people, Lifeline (13 11 14) and Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) also provide free and confidential support over the phone.

By applying these strategies if an occasion ever arising, you will be better equipped to provide good support and care to your friend or acquaintance.

Filed Under: Dads Health

A dads nightmare

17/06/2015 by DO 2 Comments

Recently a Dad wrote to me, he told me of his worrying situation, this was his story… I was laid off from work, it was unexpected and completely unfair. In fact I was doing a great job! Unfortunately I came across a manager that was unsupportive and insecure. To fight unfair dismissal takes a lot of money and emotion, I would prefer to save both for myself.

He said, I’m not here to speak about him, in fact I don’t want to waste another paragraph on him, I’m here to speak about what it does in real human terms. It impacts the way I can support for my child, lifestyle and how do I get moving again AQAP? (As Quick As Possible).

After the first couple of days feeling numb, I needed a well-earned mind break, sleeping in, lazing on the couch watching Dr Phil which actually made me feel like a looser, thank God that only lasted a couple of days.

Initially, I was feeling like I would be ok financially because they paid me 3 months “go quietly” money, however, in the back of my mind I knew there was a deadline as to when I could go broke. Mortgage, child support, food, car, credit card payments, body corporate fees, water, electricity you name it, living expenses drain your resources pretty quickly.

They say most people have access to about 2 months worth of funds, yep that’s me! Although I did have some extra savings and some extra leave payments but I was not too far off the statistics, a big lesson learned in having an emergency fund!!

Walking through the city I saw homeless people and wondered whether they were laid off too? I said to myself “am I seeing my future”? Its crazy & scary the things that go through your mind i.e. I wish I had learnt a trade at school or had a degree in some specialty field so I could fall back into it or work for myself. All I know is book-keeping and administration and there are a lot of people going for those type of roles.

Fast track 8 weeks and 40+ job applications later, lots of proactive networking through my LinkedIn contacts and not really getting anywhere accept for a couple of warm leads. I decided to get my Heavy Restricted Non-Synchronized Truck License through DECA training. I enjoyed the course and successfully obtained my license. I wanted the license just in case there was no job in my field on the horizon, it was my fall back position. I can assure you at this stage I was not feeling great about how my prospects were looking.

Luckily, two LinkedIn contacts in my network have offered me positions and its just in the nick of time, I only have a couple of weeks left and things could start to become dire! I have my partner’s support, it has been a combination of lots of effort and prayers that has really paid off. I start my new role (not exactly perfect role however, scope to grow role) in a couple of weeks. To say I am relieved is an understatement.

What I feel has saved me is that throughout my career I have always offered great support to my teams and demonstrated great work ethic. This has enabled me to draw on my networks from as far back as 12 years with people from past employment. By keeping lots of irons in the fire and creating myself a fall back position (truck driving) I felt a sense of confidence to keep moving forward.

What really disturbs me is that people in management and influential positions can make decisions on a whim that disrupt your life in such an impacting way. Simply by making bullshit decisions or deciding they don’t want you around anymore for personal or no reason is not a good enough reason to terminate employment.

My story gratefully has a happy ending; I know there are people who do fall on hard times because of unjust situations like mine. I have been to a corporate breakfast event for the Salvation Army Red Shield Appeal and have seen the support they offer families during tough times, never thinking that one day I may have been only weeks away myself.

Best wishes for the future John, we are very happy things turned around for you, well done and thank you for sharing your story.

Filed Under: Dads Health

Ten choices you will always regret making

14/06/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

Hindsight is a funny thing. Look forward and the path seems uncertain, the future unpredictable. Look back and all the dots seem to connect… except the dots that mark the choices you didn’t make, and the risks you didn’t take.

Here are choices you will someday regret having made:

Choosing not to be brave.

Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid — in fact, the opposite is true. Courage without thought or meaning is simply recklessness. Brave people aren’t fearless; they’ve simply found something that matters more to them than fear.

Say you’re scared to start a business. Find a reason that means more: creating a better future for your family, wanting to make a real difference, or hoping for a more rewarding and fulfilling life.

Once you find a greater meaning, you also find courage. See fear not as something to shrink from but as something to overcome — because that’s all it is.

Choosing the pain of regret over the pain of discipline.

The worst words you can say are, “If I had only…”

Think of all the things you’ve wanted to do but never have. What did you do instead? If you’re like me, you can’t recall. All you know is that time is gone and whatever you did instead wasn’t even worth remembering.

Think about one thing you dreamed of doing five or 10 years ago but didn’t work to do… and think about how good you’d be today at that one thing if you had. Think about all the time you wasted and can never get back.

Then, starting today, push yourself to do what you hope to do… so five or 10 years from now you won’t look back with regret. Sure it will be hard. Sure it will be painful.

But it will be a lot less painful than how it will someday feel when you look back on what could have been… but isn’t.

Choosing not to say, “I will.”

A boss once gave me what I thought was an impossible task. I said, “OK. I’ll try.”

He told me trying didn’t matter–as long as I didn’t quit, I’d finish it. Trying didn’t enter into it. Persistence was all that mattered.

Often we say, “I’ll try,” because that gives us an out. Our egos aren’t on the line. Our identities aren’t on the line. After all, we’re just “trying.”

Once you say, “I will,” your perspective changes. What previously seemed insurmountable is no longer a matter of luck or chance but of time and effort and persistence.

When what you want to do really matters, don’t say, “I’ll try.” Say, “I will,” and then do everything possible to keep that promise to yourself.

Choosing not to take plenty of shots.

You may never create the perfect business plan, may never find the perfect partners or the perfect market or the perfect location, but you can find the perfect time to start — because that time is now.

Talent, experience, and connections are important, but put your all into enough new things, and some will work.

Plus, after you take enough shots, over time you’ll grow more skilled, more experienced, and more connected. And that will mean an even greater percentage of your efforts will succeed. Take enough shots, and learn from each experience, and in time you’ll have all the skills, knowledge, and connections you need.

Ultimately, success is a numbers game; it’s all about taking a shot, over and over and over again. The more shots you take, the more times you will succeed. So get the power of numbers on your side and take as many shots as you can.

There is no guarantee of success, but when you don’t take any shots at all, you’re guaranteed to always fail.

Choosing not to move.

Familiarity creates comfort. But comfort is often the enemy of improvement.

If you have a great opportunity and the only thing holding you back is the thought of moving, move. If you want to be closer to family or friends and the only thing holding you back is the thought of moving, move. If you want to be closer to people who think and feel and act like you, move. (When I asked singer/songwriter Lee Brice for the one piece of advice he would give any aspiring country artist, he said, “Move to Nashville.”)

When the fear of moving is the only thing holding you back, move.

Don’t worry. You’ll soon find cool new places to hang out. You’ll soon develop new routines. You’ll soon make new friends. And you’ll gain a great new perspective on your life.

Besides, Thomas Wolfe was wrong. If it doesn’t work out, you can go home again.

Choosing not to let go.

Bitterness, resentment, and jealousy are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You are the only one who loses.

Life is too short to resent all the people who may have hurt you. Let hard feelings go.

Then spend the energy you save cherishing the people you love and who love you.

Choosing not to say you’re sorry.

We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, to be there when we’re needed…

Swallow your fear — or pride — and say you’re sorry. Then you’ll help the other person let go of their resentment or bitterness.

And then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts, sooner instead of later — or instead of never.

Choosing not to throw out your backup plans.

Backup plans can help you sleep easier at night. But backup plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You will work a lot harder and a longer if your primary plan has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment — without a safety net — will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

Then, if somehow the worst does happen (although the “worst” is never as bad as you think), trust that you will find a way to rebound.

As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

Choosing to be too proud.

Don’t be too proud to admit you made a mistake. Don’t be too proud to have big dreams, or to poke fun at yourself, or to ask other people for help.

Don’t be afraid to take a chance and fall on your face… and then to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go again.

Instead, take pride in the fact that no matter what might happen, you will always get up and go again.

That way, you never truly lose — and your dreams can never, ever die.

Choosing not to care.

Rejection hurts. Sadness hurts. Failure hurts; sometimes a lot. So what do you do?

You avoid getting hurt by deciding you no longer care. But then you never get to experience the joy of connection, the joy of happiness, and the joy of success.

Choose to still be in the game. Choose to care.

Choose to live.

Thank you to Jeff Haden – Ghostwriter, Speaker, Inc. Magazine Contributing Editor who has given me permission to repost his article. You can follow Jeff on LinkedIn here

Filed Under: Dads Health

Setting our kids up to make good decisions when they are adults

10/06/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

We have all come across a child who seems more mature than their years. In some cases these children have achieved this without much guidance or parenting. But more often than not our children require a level of guidance and parenting to help them become good adults.

The decisions we face as we get older are varied and can be anything from – do I want Toast or Nutri Grain for breakfast? to choosing the right career, a savings plan, a life partner or leaving home to live in another State?

As parents, we see our children’s interactions with others and we see their strengths and weaknesses play-out, it is our role to guide and encourage our children to make decisions and interactions that are the right ones. None of us have completed a parenting course and we also need to have a level of maturity that can enable us to impart the sensible and correct guidance onto our kids.

But given that we do, its important for our kids to understand them-self and the world and how we need to play in it to ensure that we are safe and can navigate it successfully.

We play a huge role in providing that support.

One way of doing this can be helping our kids think out what they want from certain aspects of their life and drawing up a chart with specific goals in mind. Remember to keep them realistic i.e. there is no point in writing down that you want to be a Pastry Chef if your child does not like deserts?

From the list below, you will be able to create a top 3 “want” list of things across many categories of life that you can help your child achieve and move towards. It will also give you some insight into what your child’s interests are and what might inspire and motivate them.

Career

Relationship

Family

Health

Fitness/Sport

Money

Car

Travel

Hobbies

Volunteering/Charity work

Posessions

By helping your child look at their strengths and weaknesses, you will be able to make a fairly realistic list of what they would like to achieve in the next 5, 10, 20 years? Keep the list handy, refer to it, talk about it, discuss what might need to happen to achieve some of them and start planning.

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Kids Health, Sons

Dads feeling blue – Take the K10 test

28/05/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

How often do you feel sad, do you have some things going on in your life that could cause you to feel depressed, powerless or anxious?

The road many of us have traveled can cause us to loose hope or to continually feel sad. Grieving the loss of your kids can be one reason for this and some of us have multiple contributors i.e. loss of a partner, loss of a job, loss of friends, you have gained weight and your self esteem has taken a hit or even your change of lifestyle due to financial reasons etc

There is definitely something that can be done and you don’t have to travel through life feeling this way. Beyondblue have information, programs and people to talk too that can help you get back on track. It is only a click or dial away. Every one of us deserves to live a happy and content life, make it a gift to yourself to search out help.

Are you wondering if you are ok?

Beyondblue has a Anxiety and Depression checklist called K10. Once completed, if the results suggest you might be suffering from anxiety or depression, please seek help, it can can be fixed.

Take the test: http: Anxiety and Depression K10 test

What you could do after the test –

Find out more about the signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Access online programs and trusted information on depression, stress and anxiety at mindhealthconnect.
Go to MindSpot who provide a free telephone and online therapist-guided treatment courses and referrals to help people recover and stay well.
Do you live in Adelaide, Canberra or North Coast NSW? NewAccess is a free and confidential service that provides support in the form of a coach. The program includes six free sessions tailored to your individual needs.
If you are concerned about how you are feeling and need information, advice or support call the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 or make an appointment to talk to your GP.
Find out where to get help.
Depression and anxiety are common and there are treatments that work. It’s important to seek help early – the sooner you talk to someone, the sooner you will be on the road to recovery.

Filed Under: Dads Health

If you could write a note to your younger self what would you say?

13/05/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

Wow , Imagine if we were sat down in the lounge by our dad and he said…

Son, There are a few things that you need to know in life to succeed and I want you to remember them.

Firstly we would have to listen to the content without being a smug know-it-all teenager. Given that, I reckon I would still be married today, be financially set up for retirement, had lasting relationships with friend networks and generally enjoyed life more.

But unfortunately that never happened, not being smug, I was never sat down and given some “facts about living life”.

So for me, its about reflection and what have I learnt?

My note to self would look something like this…

Focus and work hard at school, time flys so fast before you know it your out and into the real world
Study a trade, probably a commercial electrician or a pastry chef…go figure?
Catch up with your school friends often and keep them for life
Go out with lots of girls, get to know what makes you happy and choose a life partner wisely
Know that when you have children your life as you knew it changes for ever and so does your relationship with your partner. Choosing the right partner for the right reasons will become evident in the first 10 years of children
Its doesn’t matter what your neighbours have, be happy with what you have
Try not to be to serious, laugh easily
Look after people who care for you without wanting anything in return
Put in a solid days work and also as much effort in your private life, make sure you have fun at both
Save money for retirement as soon as you start earning a wage, because again, time flys
Don’t sell your real-estate assets, buy more and accumulate them
Learn to cook and then cook for friends
Treat your body well, relax and exercise often
Travel with friends and on your own
Help people less fortunate than yourself
Remember there will be challenges, stay strong and hopeful.

I will be sure to sit with my child and have this conversation, maybe while we are in a cooking class or helping out the people less fortunate than us. I will let you know how that goes.

Listen to this post at Dads Online PODCAST

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting, Separation

Dads don’t stop PDOA

12/05/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

A fathers open and public display of affection should not be hidden away or confined to the inside of their house. You would have all heard about a women that left her common sense at home the other day and took a photo of a man taking a selfie and posted it on her Facebook page labeling him a sex predator! WT?

What ever happened to walking up to him and asking…

Can I ask what are you taking photos off and even asking to have a look?

before jumping to conclusions because of your own stupid insecurities. There is a better way to approach a situation first.

Strangers are everywhere, they are both women and men. We walk past them everyday, its the ones that hang around and look suspicious that draws our attention, normally there is “something” strange about their behaviour or their look. If your going to be hyper sensitive about men then make sure you have your facts right and don’t jump to conclusions in a split second.

I ask myself why is this happening? I’m hoping it is an isolated situation but I think it’s terrible cases like William Tyrell that challenge our peace of mind and feeling of security for our children.

I have a young daughter who I will be taking to the footy this weekend, I will be catching public transport, walking with my arm on her shoulder, possibly even holding hands and I’m guaranteed of having Public Displays Of Affection.

Lets not stop being affectionate to our children in public, if anyone has an issue its their problem not ours and if you have any concerns please don’t hesitate to ask me before you unjustly smash my reputation across social media.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

08/05/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

Warren Edward Buffett; born August 30, 1930, is an American business magnate, investor and philanthropist. He was the most successful investor of the 20th century. He has 6 good financial tips that we can all use and adopt into our life.

On Earnings – Never depend on single income. Make investments to create a second source.
On spending – If you buy things your don’t need, soon you will have to sell thing you do need.
On Savings – Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving.
On taking risks – Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
On Investments – Never put all your eggs in the one basket.
On expectation – Honesty is an expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people.

I think you would agree that if you adopt these strategies for your financial well-being, it is hard to go wrong.

Filed Under: Finances

Photographer Russell James’s long battle to help his mentally ill and drug-addicted daughter

28/04/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

Our best wishes go out to Russell and his daughter. Read there story here:
THE images of his daughter are as vivid in his mind as any photograph he has ever taken. At age 14 she is on her bed covered in blood.

The room, the one she wouldn’t let him into for weeks, is a mess. Dirty clothes line the floor and among the debris are empty bottles of alcohol and drugs. Hard drugs. He asks her where the blood has come from.

“I’ve been hitting myself with a stick,” she says, big black rings under her eyes. “Why?” he asks. “Because it makes me feel better,” she says.

As a young adult, she’s wandering the streets of Perth at 2am. She hasn’t been home for weeks.

Police, who find her naked and beaten like a “wild animal”, admit her to Royal Perth Hospital. They say she is too confused to make a statement. At least he can take her home, he thinks.In her early 20s, she is catatonic in a basement ward at one of WA’s biggest hospitals. He finds the “horrible” dumping ground is riddled with cockroaches. The doped-up patients range from the very young to the very old. One psychiatrist visits for about one hour every day. During this short visit, the patients clamour for attention. “It’s like watching a group of starving people desperate for a United Nations food drop,” he thinks.

Now, aged 23 and recovering in Sweden, his daughter is finally getting the help she needs.

“The help she couldn’t get in Perth,” he says.

The stigma associated with mental health issues has prevented us all from putting it front and centre. Shame on me, as I was one of those people.”

Russell James has never spoken in detail publicly about his daughter Emily’s nine-year battle with mental health issues.

It’s a fact of which the high-profile celebrity snapper, fine arts photographer and human-rights campaigner says he is “quite ashamed”.

But it’s indicative of the stigma still associated with topics such as suicide, self-harm and drug abuse.

This is despite one in five Australians suffering from a mental illness, with the prevalence being greatest among young people aged 18 to 24.

“Mental health is stuck in the dark ages,” James says. “One of the key reasons mental health hasn’t received the same level of attention, funding and research (compared with other medical issues) is that we haven’t listened to the experts calling out for it.

“And, far worse, the stigma associated with mental health issues has prevented us all from putting it front and centre. Shame on me, as I was one of those people.”

James has an international profile for his striking portraits of beauties such as Heidi Klum; his collaborative art project, called Nomad Two Worlds, with indigenous communities; and his books, which have forewords by the likes of Hollywood star Hugh Jackman and Virgin boss Sir Richard Branson.

But behind the glitter and glamour is James’s anguished personal journey with Emily, his first child, who showed signs of mental health problems from a “very young age”.

“She would go from being wildly happy to incredibly morbid,” he says. “She had great struggles keeping relationships and she was fearless to the point of having no apparent regard for her own safety.

“The feedback we always received was that she was just being a kid. Or, if she was unable to adapt at school, then it would be that she was just ‘naughty’.”

James laments that schools simply don’t have the “tools” to identify and properly deal with children suffering from mental health issues.

When Emily was 14, her problems “started to manifest in the most frightening of ways”.

“Her depression and anxiety became so great she would use any drugs put before her,” James says.

“If there was meth available she would use it. If there was heroin she would use it. I was aware she was using drugs, but not the extent until recently — and also how easily they were available.” russell james daughters Emily

James says the situation came to a head when he found her lying on her bed one day with “blood everywhere”.

“I asked her what happened and she said she had taken a stick and hit herself. She did it because it made her feel better,” he says.

“She had tears rolling out of her eyes. I could see she was in agony, but I had no idea what to do.”

Feeling like he was getting nowhere with the medical help his daughter was receiving in WA, James sent Emily to a “wilderness retreat” in the US.

“Wilderness therapy has given my daughter long periods of wellbeing and being at peace with herself,” he says.

“Dedicated professionals take people, ranging from 13 to 35 years of age, into a remote wilderness setting and, working in groups of four, they bring them back to the basics of life.”

James credits the therapy with saving Emily’s life. He says it was the reason she managed to get back into the education system. However, he says his daughter went into a “tailspin” when she came home and “immediately returned to drug and alcohol abuse”. One of those drugs was the extremely addictive stimulant methamphetamine, known on the street as “ice”.

“Meth is a scourge,” James says. “It does irreparable damage, it’s readily available and it’s cheap.”

Prime Minister Tony Abbott this week announced a new federal “ice taskforce” to tackle what he says is a narcotic “far more potent, far more dangerous, far more addictive than any previous illicit drug”.

She had tears rolling out of her eyes. I could see she was in agony, but I had no idea what to do.”

In many ways, James says his struggle with the WA mental health system is best told by comparing the medical journeys of his two daughters.

“In 2008 my youngest daughter (Lola) was taken to a paediatrician with an extended belly and a light fever in New York State,” says James, who splits his time between the US and Australia.

“The doctor immediately ordered her to be taken to a nearby major hospital and within a few hours she received an MRI scan. A specialist oncologist was brought in to review the MRI and informed us that our daughter had extensive tumours and likely a cancer they needed to identify.

“That same night she was taken to a hospital several hundred miles away … within three days we were informed that Lola had a cancer known as neuroblastoma, which is extremely rare and affects about 700 children per year worldwide.

“They literally dissected my daughter over a 12-hour period using human hands, robots, and life-support systems to remove tumours invading from her hips to her upper chest cavity, around her heart and other vital organs.

“During the next couple of years of recovery she was in the care of an oncologist, a gastroenterologist and a tumour review board that consisted of six experts.

“And, by the way, that is the identical care your child would receive in WA if they were diagnosed with neuroblastoma.”

For Emily, with psychological issues, the story could not be more different.

“Emily has been admitted to hospital and mental health facilities more times than I can recall,” he says. “Even after multiple near-death situations and major incidents there was virtually no continuity of care.

“If Emily was admitted to Royal Perth Hospital naked, beaten and in psychosis, the hospital would find no record of a previous admission to Fremantle Hospital for a suicide attempt.

“Then when Emily would be admitted to private care no records would be passed along from the public sector. Emily was assessed again and again from scratch.”

“A horrible, dark ward in the basement of the hospital,” he says. “Just one psychiatrist to visit the ward for one hour every day … many of the patients drooling in wheelchairs because of the level of medication they were given under a policy of, ‘Let’s keep everybody safe and calm’.”

James says it broke his heart seeing Emily there and he privately lobbied the Barnett Government to do something about its conditions.

Health Minister Kim Hames tells STM that the ward, which was opened in 1958, is due to be closed in early June. Dr Hames says that patients will be sent to a new $21 million,

30-bed facility at the site.

It’s not just public patients who face challenges. James says the private mental health system in WA is just as under-resourced — and only available to those who can afford it.

And, most frustratingly, he says the medical answer offered for Emily in WA has “almost always” been a “cocktail of pharmaceutical drugs that render her near catatonic”.

“The past nine years have been defined almost exclusively by my daughter’s mental health issues and by the continued misdiagnosis and lack of resources in Australia,” he says.

“My experience with my two daughters has served as a metaphor that has given me shocking perspective.

“For Lola, 190 days and a rare, highly complex disease is identified and a large group of professionals assembled to deal with it.

“She has since gone on to be a national gymnastics competitor and is a straight-A student.

“Meanwhile, Emily has languished for nine years slipping through the cracks of a system, or rather a non-system.”

Australian Medical Association state president Michael Gannon says the lack of continuity of care for mental health patients in WA can be frightening.

“In many ways, it’s a system in crisis,” he says.

“It’s not serving the patients well, it’s not serving the carers well and it’s certainly not serving the doctors who work in it well.”

Dr Gannon says doctors were worried the system was becoming too focused on “low-hanging fruit”, such as patients with low levels of anxiety or depression, rather than the sickest people.

“There needs to be better resourcing for people with severe levels of dysfunction, like schizophrenia or those suffering from ice addiction,” he says.

“We know that even in the private sector the resources available for child and adolescent psychiatry are poor. We also know that there is not enough ‘step down’ capacity for our sickest patients.”

I was willing to steal, borrow, beg — anything to save my daughter’s life. I owed my daughter a chance at living.”

Emily’s bleakest moment came when she suffered a cardiac arrest and contracted a staph infection.

“It is unclear whether she contracted the MRSI during her treatment at the hospital or from drug use,” James says. “I was willing to steal, borrow, beg — anything to save my daughter’s life. I owed my daughter a chance at living.”

James says mental health experts told him Emily would die if she was left in Australia.

After much research, about a year ago he found an “assisted living” program in Sweden for Emily.

“The program she is in is very small and heavily funded,” he says. “It was specifically created in addition to programs that are entirely for either mental health or addiction.

“So often mental health issues lead to addiction and once addiction has taken over it’s impossible to treat the root cause, mental health. So this is an ‘and’ approach.

“What they are doing, though, is really having a go at bringing research and development into this century and out of the dark ages.”

James says his daughter has now reached a point where she is willing to be “very open” about her struggles with depression, eating disorders and drug addiction.

Emily will soon move into her own apartment, where she will still receive about 15 hours of care a week through the Swedish program.

“I can’t tell you the guilt I feel because I was fortunate to find the money to get Emily treatment,” he says.

“We have also had a strong family advocating for her care.

“Most people aren’t so lucky. The end result for them is to likely perish in miserable conditions.”

James says by talking candidly he feels he is finally “taking personal responsibility” for putting mental health on the agenda.

He wants everyone reading his daughter’s story to speak up as well. If enough people share their stories, then maybe the stigma can be broken down.

“WA is a world leader in many health categories,” James says. “However, mental health is stuck in the dark ages.

“The stigma of mental health issues is literally killing millions of people around the world.”

He also wants to raise awareness of how crucial the crisis support service Lifeline WA is. He says its 13 11 14 helpline deserves more government funding and donations from philanthropists.

“My daughter has told me that somebody pushed the Lifeline number into her hand after she was being discharged from a hospital and a couple of months later she found herself homeless, on the streets, in unbearable pain and lost to us and suicide felt like a relief,” James says.

“She called the number and in her own words, ‘It saved my life’.”

James uses another parallel when discussing his motivations for speaking out.

There were about 1150 people killed on our roads last year. This compares with nearly 2500 suicide deaths on average every year.

“Suicide is one of our biggest killers — bigger than the road toll,” James says. “It deserves the level of inquiry, research and understanding we give to road deaths.

“As a community we need to put our heads and hearts together and just get on with it.”

If you need help, contact Lifeline WA on 13 11 14 or at crisischat.lifelinewa.org.au

Reposted with permission from Anthony.
Follow Anthony DeCeglie on Twitter: @AnthDeCeglie

Filed Under: Dads Health, News

Golden Door Muffins

27/04/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

The Golden Door Retreat on the Gold Coast, Queensland.

The Golden Door Retreat in Queensland.

I now know what indiscriminate exercise means 🙂
When I visited the Golden Door in the Brisbane hinterlands for a Dads 5 day health and wellbeing stay.

I was allocated cabin 16 which was wonderful but it was located close to the top of the highest hill, each day after lunch or dinner I would venture back up this hill which in itself was a work out. It was all part of the adventure. The meals were amazing, all vegetarian (I’m not) but I must admit they were good.

The whole idea of the 5 days was to eat healthily, workout and get back onto a healthy road. It worked, there was around 20 in the group, we were locked in behind gates, a nurse was on duty for the first 3 days incase anyone had bad widthdrawl? There was no smoking, drinking or treats of any kind. I am still not a Vege, but I do enjoy the occasional meal. One treat I did like and often cook are there Golden Door Muffins. The kids always ask for more…

Recipe:

Ingredients (makes 12)
2 Apples peeled and finely chopped
3 ripe bananas, chopped
85g (1/2 cup) pitted dates, chopped
55g (1/2 cup) sultanas
125ml (1/2 cup) maple syrup
3 tables spoons of finely chopped pecan nuts
310g (2 1/2 cups) wholemeal self raising flour
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda (baking soda)
1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon

Method
Preheat oven to 180c (350F)
Mix all ingredients together by hand and ensure all is combined well.
Add 13fl (1 and 1/2 cups) of water and fold together.
The mixture should not be two wet, if it is add a little more flour.

Lightly spray a 12 hole muffin tray with oil and spoon mixture into try holes.

Bake for approx 25 minutes

Enjoy.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Meals, Snacks

Getting your funny bone back

23/04/2015 by DO Leave a Comment

Happiness is different for each of us. For example, I went to the comedy festival recently with my GF and during the show, she turned to me and said “Didn’t you find that funny” I said…

I did but I was laughing inside LOL 🙂

It made me think…It is much more engaging to laugh on the outside and show the world you are outwardly happy. It’s hard to tell from the outside if someone is happy or sad or even just neutral? But as we know, going through divorce or separation with children can slap the smile off any Dad’s face. Over time some of us become a little more “serious” and it takes a lot more that Dave Hughes, Judith Lucy, Julia Morris or Wil Andreson to make you laugh.

Happiness is something I feel we need to practise and continually work at so we don’t loose our funny bone 🙂 I always admire people who are quick to laugh and find funny in the smallest moments.

Here are some practical ideas to work on that can help you find your sense of humour and happy-bone back.
If it’s worth a smile then SMILE everytime, same goes for a laugh.

Plan a trip of any sort and get away.

Meditate and rewire your brain to accept happiness

Dedicate some time during the week helping others, a great way is to join a charity group, they always love volunteers.

Exercise 3 times a week, its takes discipline but its worth it.

Get out and walk and breath in that oxygen as much as you can

Have gratitude for even the little things

If it is at all possible move closer to work.

Hang out with a friend that is positive and enhances your life.

Learn to play guitar or an instrument you like the sound of.

Sleep and rest, Go to bed early and sleep-in when you can.

Go on, practise a few of these and be intentional about doing them, you will see change and after a while people will notice a sense of fun about you or at-least a few more smiles 🙂 :

Filed Under: Dads Health