Kids Health Archives - Page 5 of 6

Children and Chores: What I’ve learned as a Father

30/03/2013 by DO Leave a Comment

Kids and cleaning There was one thing I was looking forward to when I had my first kid. It wasn’t spending time raising someone to be responsible, nor was it having a new best friend to laugh and play with. It was finally getting someone else to mow the lawn for me. No more of my weekend time wasted pushing my lawnmower with the busted automatic drive, no more time fixing the bag that keeps falling off, and no more hauling the grass bags off to the bin. That is all Dennis Junior’s job.

Okay, the real truth of it is that I didn’t start having kids to supply my own personal free labor force. The fact is that I make my kids do chores for the same reasons any other parent does, which is to help teach them about responsibility, reward, and helping to better prepare them for the maniacal world of adult life.

I was raised in a fairly strict family environment and what that left me with was the lasting impression that I wanted my own family to be anything but. It may have been a tough childhood but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t teach me some good lessons, and while not everything my parents made me do or discipline me for is what I plan on passing along to my kids, my goal was to take the best traditions that I know are good and mix them with some new methods with my own personal twist.

Of course, I have to give that most important of disclaimers “individual results may vary”, but you can just use my method of giving everything a try to see how effective it is on your firstborn, or as I like to call him, “practice baby.”

Make it a responsibility, not a punishment

When my firstborn was young, it was hard to explain the concept of pride to him. It was something he grew to understand as I explained that how a person presented themselves was how they also presented their own self-respect. I don’t mow the lawn because I like to, although I really do, because my wife wants nothing to do with yard work and I get some valuable me time with a beer and my iPod. I mow it because I take pride in where I live. I don’t want my home to look run down or have anybody judge my family as poor or lazy.

I explained to my children that this was why their rooms should be kept clean. A clean room is a happy room. I’m okay with a little clutter, because a little clutter looks lived in and feels like home, but when it starts to look like an episode of Hoarders is where I draw the line.

Participate, do not delegate

Notice I said “help us out.” Don’t force your kids to do something you wouldn’t do yourself. This has two negative effects, the first being that it makes a chore feel like punishment, the second being the job probably won’t get done right without your supervision meaning you’ll have to just do it right yourself.

Doing the chores with your kids is a great way to spend time and bond with them. You can talk to them about their day (a three year old can have quite an interesting day), or sneak in a few life lessons (like why jamming a fork into an electrical outlet is a bad idea).

In traditional cultures parents spend a great deal of time with their children during their childhood teaching them valuable life skills. There is a disconnect in western culture between chores, children, and how parents instruct children in these chores, with children “striking” on their workload.

Start early, make it routine, and encourage it

The best way to get kids to learn a habit is to start them when they are young. If mini-you shows an interest in helping you pick up the laundry don’t discourage that behavior by telling them to sit down and get out of the way. Let them help you out and slow down to their speed.

Kids are great at learning (some studies suggest that the contemporary child is smarter and quicker to learn than kids were decades ago), and when you encourage positive behavior they will naturally come to enjoy it. Make it part of a daily routine and it will quickly become learned behavior.

Rewards

This is one of those tricky topics. If you put a dozen parents in a room and ask them what the best type of rewards for doing chores should be, you’ll get about fifty different answers. The best thing to do as a parent is offer a reward that is tailored to your kid.

What is important to remember though is that rewarding behavior only works until someone decides that the reward is no longer valuable. If you give your kids money for chores and a sneaky relative outbids you at a birthday party, then suddenly your kids are going to start criticizing the value you place on their work. If I thought of this situation as me at any job I ever had, and I questioned the value my company placed on me, I’d start looking for a new job.

This is why I for me, the most important principle I try to instill in my children is that of pride and self-respect. I encourage them to do chores for the same reason that I do them. Not because I want to, but because it is how I show how I care for myself, and how I care for us as a family.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

The secret to getting around a fussy eater

05/03/2013 by DO Leave a Comment

Matt Prestons chicken schnitzel and coleslaw If your kids are anything like mine and i think most are, they are fussy eaters.

Until recently i threw out a lot of everything I cooked for my daughter, mostly, when I was trying to introduce her to different foods. She was stubborn when it came to trying something new, which I find strange because I am not a fussy eater nor is her mother? AND then I got Matt Preston’s “100 BEST RECIPES” for Christmas.

I cooked Jackeroo pie and Chicken Schnitzel and Coleslaw and she asked for more on both occasions. I believe the secret to getting around a fussy eater is to involve the kids in the cooking process. I was so impressed with the change in her eating habits that I contacted Matt and told him about it.

Matt sent the following message to all our dads online friends:

Few things give me more joy than cooking with kids. Few things also take longer to clean up but there’s no doubt that this is one way round the fussy eater in the family. What they’ve cooked, they tend to eat!

Matt Preston

matt-preston-s-best-100-recipes

Here is the recipe she likes the best so far…

Chicken Schnitzel and Coleslaw

2 large chicken fillets (cut in half length ways)
160g or 2 cups of fresh breadcrumbs
40g 1/3 cup of finely grated parmesan
zest of a lemon
1/4 cup of finely chopped parsley
freshly grounded black pepper
1 egg, beaten
125ml 1/2 cup of milk
plain flour for dusting
olive oil for frying pan
2 lemons cut into wedges to serve

Coleslaw

1/4 of a savoy cabbage
1 carrot shredded
1/2 red onion, thinly sliced
235g 1 cup good quality mayonnaise
1/2 bunch parsley leaves, washed and dried
40g 1/4 cup currents

To prepare the schnitzels, beat the chicken until flat between two pieces of plastic wrap. Mix the breadcrumbs with the parmesan, lemon zest, parsley and pepper. In another bowl, whisk together the egg and milk. Dust the chicken with flour, dip it in the egg wash and coat with the breadcrumb mix. Place in the fridge for 30 minutes to allow the breadcrumbs to set.

Meanwhile, to make the coleslaw, mix the cabbage, carrot and red onion in a medium bowl with enough mayonnaise to bind. Set aside for 20-30 minutes to soften.

Heat the oil in a shallow pan and cook schnitzels for 4-5 minutes on each side to golden. Drain well on paper towel. Keep your schnitzels warm while you cook all the fillets.

Toss the the coleslaw with the parsley and currants, pile onto plates with the schnitzels and serve.

Let us know how you go, You, your kids and guests will love them! We even play the “Masterchef” game and score the dish on – taste and plating up appearance 🙂 On this dish I got a 10 for taste and a 7.5 for appearance! I obviously have some work to do?

Filed Under: Dinner, Kids Health, Meals, Parenting

Developing our kids self esteem

20/01/2013 by DO 1 Comment

self esteem Healthy self-esteem is like a child’s armor against the challenges of the world. Kids who know their strengths and weaknesses and feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are realistic and generally optimistic.

In contrast, kids with low self-esteem can find challenges to be sources of major anxiety and frustration. Those who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If given to self-critical thoughts such as “I’m no good” or “I can’t do anything right,” they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed. Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response might be “I can’t.”

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is similar to self-worth (how much a person values himself or herself). This can change from day to day or from year to year, but overall self-esteem tends to develop from infancy and keep going until we are adults.

Self-esteem also can be defined as feeling capable while also feeling loved. A child who is happy with an achievement but does not feel loved may eventually experience low self-esteem. Likewise, a child who feels loved but is hesitant about his or her own abilities can also develop low self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem comes when a good balance is maintained.

Patterns of self-esteem start very early in life. The concept of success following effort and persistence starts early. Once people reach adulthood, it’s harder to make changes to how they see and define themselves.

So, it’s wise to think about developing and promoting self-esteem during childhood. As kids try, fail, try again, fail again, and then finally succeed, they develop ideas about their own capabilities. At the same time, they’re creating a self-concept based on interactions with other people. This is why parental involvement is key to helping kids form accurate, healthy self-perceptions.

Parents and caregivers can promote healthy self-esteem by showing encouragement and enjoyment in many areas. Avoid focusing on one specific area; for example, success on a spelling test, which can lead to kids feeling that they’re only as valuable as their test scores.

Signs of Unhealthy and Healthy Self-Esteem

Self-esteem fluctuates as kids grow. It’s frequently changed and fine-tuned, because it is affected by a child’s experiences and new perceptions. So it helps to be aware of the signs of both healthy and unhealthy self-esteem.

Kids with low self-esteem may not want to try new things and may speak negatively about themselves: “I’m stupid,” “I’ll never learn how to do this,” or “What’s the point? Nobody cares about me anyway.” They may exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over. They tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves.

Kids with low self-esteem see temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions, and a sense of pessimism prevails. This can place kids at risk for stress and mental health problems, as well as real difficulties solving different kinds of problems and challenges they encounter.

Kids with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy interacting with others. They’re comfortable in social settings and enjoys group activities as well as independent pursuits. When challenges arise, they can work toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others. For example, rather than saying, “I’m an idiot,” a child with healthy self-esteem says, “I don’t understand this.” They know their strengths and weaknesses, and accept them. A sense of optimism prevails.

How We Can Help

As a parent we can help to foster healthy self-esteem in a child? These tips can make a big difference:

Be careful what you say. Kids can be sensitive to parents’ and others’ words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn’t make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, “Well, next time you’ll work harder and make it.” Instead, try “Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.” Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.Sometimes, a child’s skill level is just not there — so helping kids overcome disappointments can really help them learn what they’re good at and what they’re not so good at. As adults, it’s OK to say “I can’t carry a tune” or “I couldn’t kick a ball to save my life,” so use warmth and humor to help your kids learn about themselves and to appreciate what makes them unique.
Be a positive role model. If you’re excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your kids might eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem and they’ll have a great role model.
Identify and redirect inaccurate beliefs. It’s important for parents to identify kids’ irrational beliefs about themselves, whether they’re about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping kids set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-concept.Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to kids. For example, a child who does very well in school but struggles with math may say, “I can’t do math. I’m a bad student.” Not only is this a false generalization, it’s also a belief that can set a child up for failure. Encourage kids to see a situation in a more objective way. A helpful response might be: “You are a good student. You do great in school. Math is a subject that you need to spend more time on. We’ll work on it together.”
Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will help boost your child’s self-esteem. Give hugs and tell kids you’re proud of them when you can see them putting effort toward something or trying something at which they previously failed. Put notes in your child’s lunchbox with messages like “I think you’re terrific!”Give praise often and honestly, but without overdoing it. Having an inflated sense of self can lead kids and teens to put others down or feel that they’re better than everyone else, which can be socially isolating.
Give positive, accurate feedback. Comments like “You always work yourself up into such a frenzy!” will make kids feel like they have no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, “I can see you were very angry with your brother, but it was nice that you were able to talk about it instead of yelling or hitting.” This acknowledges a child’s feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages the child to make the right choice again next time.
Create a safe, loving home environment. Kids who don’t feel safe or are abused at home are at greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment and become helpless or depressed.Also watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect kids’ self-esteem. Encourage your kids to talk to you or other trusted adults about solving problems that are too big to solve by themselves.
Help kids become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both kids. Volunteering and contributing to your local community can have positive effects on self-esteem for everyone involved.

When promoting healthy self-esteem, it’s important to not have too much or too little but “just enough.” Make sure your kids don’t end up feeling that if they’re average or normal at something, it’s the same as not being good or special.

Finding Professional Help

If you suspect your child has low self-esteem, consider getting professional help. Child and adolescent therapists and counselors can help identify coping strategies to help deal with problems at school or home in ways that help kids feel better about themselves.

Therapy can help kids learn to view themselves and the world more realistically and help with problem-solving. Developing the confidence to understand when you can deal with a problem and when to ask for help is vital to positive self esteem.

Taking responsibility and pride in who you are is a sure sign of healthy self-esteem and the greatest gift we can give to our child.

We would like to acknowledge Kids Health for this content.

Filed Under: Children, Kids Health, Parenting

Protecting our kids from social media hackers

12/01/2013 by DO 1 Comment

hacker safety The hacking of mass accounts on a social network is something that seems to be happening a great deal recently, with LinkedIn being the latest victim, after having 6.5m of its users passwords stolen.

Prior to LinkedIn, Twitter suffered a similar hack, and Facebook did too.

Social media profiles have become the target of social media hackers who use that data to further spread their maliciousness or gain access to your more sensitive data. It is always worth remembering that you can become a victim at any time. Not a day goes by when we don’t hear about a new hack, and with 55,000 new pieces of malware generated a day, security never sleeps.

With the latest security threat to LinkedIn fresh in our minds, here are 10 key social media security tips.

1. Think before you post! Status updates, photos, and comments can end up revealing more about you than you intended to disclose, and you could end up feeling like some silly politician as you struggle to explain yourself.

2. Think twice about allowing applications that request permission to access your data. You will be allowing an unknown party to send you email, post to your wall, and access your information at any time, regardless of whether you’re using the application. Before you decide if you want to allow the application access, make sure you know exactly what the application is!

3. Don’t click on short links that don’t clearly show the link location. With URL shorteners like bit.ly (and many more) are becoming increasingly common, it’s easy to forget that such URL’s can also be used by criminals to dupe you. Criminals often post phony links that claim to show you who has been viewing your profile. If you’re unsure about a link, you can test unknown links at SiteAdvisor by simply pasting the link into the “View a Site Report” form on the right-hand side of the page. Alternatively, if you use Hootsuite, you can see the extended URL or a shortened link by simply clicking the ‘+’ sign next to the shortened URL.

4. Beware of posts with subjects along the lines of, “LOL! Look at the video I found of you online!” When you click the link, you often get a message saying that you need to upgrade your video player in order to see the clip, but when you attempt to download the “upgrade,” the malicious page will instead install malware that tracks and steals your data.

5. Geolocation apps such as Foursquare share your exact location, which can also let criminals know that you aren’t home, so reconsider broadcasting exactly where you are. Remember, apps like Foursquare still allow you to gain check-in points without having to disclose your location on your Facebook and Twitter accounts.

6. Always use an up-to-date browser. Older browsers tend to have more security flaws, and it is very simple and quick to update your browser to the latest version. Firefox is becoming the preferred brower to use when surfing the net, you can download it for free here: http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/new/

7. Choose unique logins and passwords for each of the websites you use. Yes, it’s a bit of a hassle to have different passwords for EVERY site you use, but it’s the best way to limit your exposure if (and probably when) a particular site you use gets hacked. I’m a big fan of password managers, which can create and store secure passwords for you.

8. Check the domain of the website to be sure that you’re logging into a legitimate website. So if you’re visiting a Facebook page from a link in an email, make sure the URL of the site is actually ‘www.facebook.com’ and not a site which looks like Facebook. Hackers often duplicate websites with the exact same design, and once you log into their fake site, they have your real login and password within seconds. This principle also applies to online banking websites, so be extra careful!

9. Be cautious of any message, post, or link you find on a social network that looks at all suspicious or requires to login again once you’re already logged in.

10. Make sure your security suite is up to date and includes antivirus, anti-spyware, anti-spam, a firewall, and a website safety advisor.

BONUS TIP: Take the time to understand your privacy settings! Select the most secure options and check periodically for changes that can open up your profile to the public. Facebook is renowned for continually changing its layout and one such change could result in information that was once private, now being public!

Have you ever had in social media security issues? Or do you have any additional tips? Let us know?

Filed Under: Children, Kids Health, Parenting

Steady as you go

27/11/2012 by DO 1 Comment

daily routine When you are going through a separation you are obviously going to be concerned about the effect that it has on your children. Everyone’s lives have suddenly been turned upside down and everything that we are used to is changing. It can be a very unsettling time for our children, as well as you, so steady as you go, it is important that the children keep a sense of security and familiarity. Creating and maintaining routines can help to do this and also help you and your ex to find a new way of looking after your children.

Why Routines Are Good

Routines give children a sense of safety and security. Children experiencing a separation can feel like their whole lives are falling apart so the routine they have, the better. Establishing routine visitation will help them deal with the separation as will know when to expect to see you again. Maintaining the same daily routine, whether they are with their mother or you, will help ease the transition.

Daily Routine

From the moment that children are babies, establishing a daily routine is a highly beneficial. Children react well to boundaries and knowing what to expect. It can also help with their mental and physical health and sleep patterns. When your child is with you it can be tempting to score points by letting them stay up late or eat lunch in the afternoon, but it is important to maintain their normal routine.

Routine Visitation

Hopefully, you have been able to come to an agreement about visitation. This is not only a good thing for you but also for your children. They will be filled with uncertainty when you no longer live with them and it is important to make then feel as secure as possible. By establishing a regular access pattern they will know that you are still a constant part of their lives.

Discussing Routines with Your Ex

In an ideal world you would be able to have a mature, constructive conversation with your ex whenever necessary. Unfortunately, this is not always the case but you both need to work hard to maintain a good relationship for the sake of the children. Building and breaking routines should not be about control or points scoring, it is about the best interests of your children. There may be legitimate reasons why a routine needs to be changed and you should be able to openly discuss this.

Fortunately I have a good parenting relationship with my ex, If something comes up and I can’t have my child on a certain weekend then I forfeit that weekend and pick up the next one scheduled, this applies to her also. At first this was quiet confronting as it means you will miss two weekends in a row (if you are fortnightly) without swapping but in reality, it works perfectly because I can note on a calendar in pen my days and weekends for the year and they never change. If you are having trouble, consider some Mediation help to get you on the right track.

We acknowledge http://www.separateddads.co.uk/ for some of this content.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health, Separation

10 Things that will have your kids coming back for more

03/10/2012 by DO Leave a Comment

All kids from young to teenagers need the basics of life – like food, warmth, shelter and clothing. But they also need to feel loved and secure. By giving our children all the things they need, we can help them be safe, strong and thrive.

Below are some ideas that can make a world of difference and help your children feel loved and secure.

1: Meeting their everyday needs

Babies and children need to know there is someone who loves them and that their needs will be met as soon as possible. This means:

Feeding them when they’re hungry
Keeping them comfortable depending on the weather
Helping them if they are in pain, scared or upset
Providing family routines
Making sure they feel safe and secure

It’s normal for babies to cry:
Babies cry an average of two to five hours every day, it’s their way of talking. See the below checklist and it will help you work out what’s wrong (and if they won’t stop, just love them anyway!).

Crying checklist:

Check nappy
See if their hungry or uncomfortable
Make sure their not in pain or have a fever (if they do, call a doctor)
Wrap them safely in a soft blanket and cuddle them
Take them for a ride in a walker or car
Place them in a bouncy chair or gentle infant swing
Play soft music, sing or hum quietly
Give them a soothing bath.

2: Feel safe and secure

When children feel safe and secure, they learn to trust other people. Children who don’t feel safe can be anxious and unhappy. This can affect their health and learning. But when they learn that they can trust the adults around them, it helps them grow up happy, healthy and to enjoy the world around them.

Firstly, we make children feel safe by meeting their basic needs. But we also make them feel safe by showing them that we love them.

3: Love and hugs

Hugs and cuddles help children to feel safe and comforts them. Holding your children, picking them up, sitting them on your lap, kissing and cuddling, are all good ways to show that you care.

Babies and toddlers usually love games like bouncing them on your knee, gently tickling, and games that involve wiggling their fingers or toes can be lots of fun.

Holding a toddler’s hand when out walking helps to protect them from danger and to feel safe and secure in the outside world.

Older children need lots of affection to remind them that you care. You can do this with cuddles, a ‘goodnight’ kiss and a hug. Snuggling up close while reading a story together or watching TV is great for your child and you.

Think about your childhood…
If you were bought up with lots of hugs and praise from your parents, then this will be normal for you. But if you weren’t bought up like that, it might feel strange to do these things. The more you do it, the more natural it will feel. Keep asking yourself:

What is good for my child?
What kind of parent do I want to be?

4: Plenty of praise

Your child wants to please you. If you praise them when they do well at something or are trying hard, it will make them want to do it again. Praising your child for being good will make them want to be good, and it will help them feel good about themselves.
Children who feel good about themselves tend to:

learn more easily and make more effort to achieve
get into less trouble
get on well with others
make friends more easily
feel happier and more secure.

5: Smiles

Give your child lots of smiles, smiling is one of the first things they learn to do for you.

Smiling is one of the simplest ways of helping children feel happy and safe. When you smile at children you are telling them that:

you love them
you enjoy their company
you are pleased with them
you are taking notice of them
you are happy
you are good fun to be with.

Smiles work even better when you are looking into your child’s eyes. Good eye contact when smiling, listening or talking to your child helps to get their attention.

6: Talking to babies, children and teenagers

Babies: It’s good to talk and sing to babies from the time they are born. A gentle voice helps your child to feel relaxed and secure. It helps them to get to know you, and to know that you are there to look after them.

Children: When you talk to children they soon start learning words themselves. The more you talk to them, the more they will learn.

They will also learn more if you use proper adult words most of the time. Learning words helps them to communicate and to understand more about the world. As they get older, words will become one of their most important tools.

Children with a good use of words find it easier to express themselves, to make friends, and to learn at school and at home.

Some ideas for talking to your children: It’s easy to switch off when you’re busy and tired, but try to put aside and talk to your child.

Quiet time together before bed: This can just be a few minutes of talking about each other’s your day and it will make it a special time.
Name games: When kids are learning words, play games like “Where’s your tummy?”… “Where’s the cat?”… “What’s that?”
Bedtime stories: Or just read books at any time. Even if kids are young, they like looking at the pictures.
Sing: Songs are a great way to learn words.
Talk topic: Ask them to pick a topic, and you can tell them a story about it from your own childhood.
Play ‘highs and lows’: If your child is a bit older, talk about the best thing and worst thing that happened that day.

Teenagers: It’s amazing some of the things we will commit to memory—like key stats for a sports team, the lyrics of an old song or words of a famous leader. But how many of us can answer even simple questions about our children, who are as important to us as anyone or anything in our lives? These questions below will help you explore new territory with your child and help continue to build a deeper connection.

Who is your all-time hero?
What is your most prized possession?
What is your favorite meal?
Who’s your best friend?
If you had $20 to spend, what would you buy?
What would you like to do when you grow up?
What do you most like to do with me?
What causes you to lose sleep?
What were your greatest achievements and disappointments in the last year?
What’s one area in which I can support you in the next six months?

7: Listening

Learn more easily and make more effort to achieve
Get into less trouble
Get on well with others
Make friends more easily
Feel happier and more secure.

8: Learn new things

You don’t need fancy toys or equipment to give your child new experiences. You can use everyday things around you, go for walks or explore the beach or park. Why not start a shell collection – or look for special stones? Or what about joining a toy library? You will be able to develop it each time they are with you.

It makes learning fun and teaches them about the world.

They need other people too – other children to play with and relationships with people of all ages.

For older children it’s good to be involved in their school activities and homework, and to meet with their teacher.

New experiences can include simple things like:

tell a story from your childhood
Play a game:
- a board game if they’re older
- peek-a-boo if they’re younger
- or naming games like ‘I spy..’
Sing a song
Explore the house and garden
Read a book
Teach your kids shapes and colours
Take your kids to a friend’s place to visit
Praise your children for something new they did
or something they did well
Take your child for a walk to the park, beach or anywhere near by
Do some drawing, painting or colouring
Pick up stones, look at flowers…new experiences are everywhere for kids.

9: Take care of their feelings

Sometimes it’s hard for children to find the right words, or tell you when they are sad or frightened.

Babies and small children can be frightened by anything new and different, when there is no real danger. A stranger, a clown, or a loud noise, can all be very scary for a toddler who is not used to them. Sometimes you might feel tempted to laugh, to tease them or tell them ‘not to be silly’. What they really need is for you to comfort them and give them a simple explanation.

This will help them feel good about themselves, and feel OK about talking to you if they have a serious problem.

10: Rewards and special treats

All parents want their children to behave. If you give kids attention when they are good, it will make them want to be good more often. If you only notice them when they are naughty, it might make them want to be naughty more often.

The best reward for being good is getting your time and attention. Taking time to play and have fun together doesn’t have to cost money. A picnic, a walk in the park or a trip to the beach can be lots of fun.

One idea for giving kids your time and attention…

Make a scrapbook or cork pin-board with them

10 Things that will have your kids coming back for more Children love stories about themselves – it helps them feel loved and important. You could make a scrapbook or even a cork pin-board that’s all about your child from the time they were born. Put all sorts of things in/on it, cork boards are a great way to display dreams and positive affirmations:

Photos of holidays, friends and things they like.
Things they’ve said
A favourite birthday card
Achievements ribbons
Concert and event tickets
Their favourite pop singer-poster

It’s always a comforting time when we sit down and review it. I remind them to keep it fresh and updated on semi-regular basis.

I made this cork-board for under $50 which I got everything from Bunnings i.e. cork floor tiles, backing board, screws, plaster plugs and liquid nails. Size is 91.5mm x 1220mm (it fitted 12 tiles perfectly)

Filed Under: Children, Kids Health, Parenting, Separation

Stranger Danger

21/09/2012 by DO Leave a Comment

Stranger Danger I have always been concerned about my child being approached by a dangerous person. I cant imagine another instance that I would be more scared of? There was some research done in NSW that showed 95% of attacks on children are from people they know. Which also means we need to educate our kids on the safe places around them like shops, neighbours and who are the safe people in our lives.

Not only do we need to educate our kids on what to do when confronted by a stranger but also simply what to do when feeling uncomfortable.

My kids are generally never out of my sight (whilst in my care) and I trust their mother completely with keeping an eye on them too but never the less it is a scary thought all the same.

The other day when driving my daughter to school we discussed the “what if” a stranger approached you? It was funny even though not a funny topic. She said ” I would kick them in the penis” and then demonstrated on the glove-box how hard she would kick 🙂 we laughed! Below are the points we chatted about …

What is a strange person?

Whilst most people are friendly and genuine, there are some who mean harm to children.

We discussed things to ALWAYS DO and some things to NEVER DO if they come in contact with a stranger – someone they haven’t met before. You can’t tell if a person you do not know is good or bad, even if they look and seem nice.

If approached by a stranger always…

say NO to a stranger
stay away from strangers
play with your friends and when playing away from home, look after your younger brothers and sisters and friends.
tell your parents, or a responsible adult that you know, where you are going, who you are going with and what time you will be back.
return home by the agreed time.
Tell your parents, friend, teacher, police officer or responsible adult that you know if your approached by a stranger.
Go home as quickly as you can if a stranger comes up to you. If you can’t get home, go somewhere you know will be safe, like your school or a police station.
Kick scream and yell. That will alert people in the vicinity that there is something terribly wrong.

Never…

walk off with a stranger.
go near or get into a strange car or van, whatever the stranger says.
take lollies or presents, even if it is something you really want.
go off on your own.
play near to public toilets, building sites, empty buildings, busy roads etc…

Warren Cann, a psychologist and director of the Raising Children Network, a parenting website, says it is important that parents find a balance between instilling protective behaviours and creating a fear of all strangers.

“Making kids scared of all strangers is not good for anyone and breaks down community connectedness,” he says.

“Instead, we need to teach kids how to keep themselves safe – and not just with strangers.”

Parents are terrified

In 2008 a Melbourne study of 300 children aged four to eight years found that two-thirds of kids were banned from playing outside their garden gate, with children citing reasons such as abduction and death.
A 2010 VicHealth study noted parental fear of strangers as a major impediment to children’s independent mobility and physical activity. It cited research that found 38 per cent of people surveyed believed there was a high risk a child would be abducted if they moved between places without adult supervision.

The real risk

Several commentators have tried to put a figure on the probability of a child being abducted. Lenore Skenazy, who kicked off the “free-range” child movement, puts it at one in 600,000, while author Dan Gardner predicts in his book Risk (Scribe) that a child is 26 times more likely to die in a car crash than to be abducted by a stranger.

Advice for parents

Even if the risk is minimal, parents need to ensure their children have an understanding of “protective behaviours,” Cann says.

Here are his suggestions.

Talk about staying safe when you are not around. Rather than banning kids from getting into a stranger’s car, make it a rule that they can’t make changes to plans or get into anyone’s car unless they have run it past you.
Encourage a “no secrets” policy, so if something happens to make them feel uncomfortable they can talk to you – or have other people they can confide in.

Filed Under: Children, Kids Health, Parenting

Daily routines reduce stress

02/09/2012 by DO Leave a Comment

Daily routines Routines today play a huge part in our family, because our kids really don’t have any control over their day to day life, it can give them an opportunity to feel like they belong in the running of the household and provides a sense of order, control and predictability.

Routines have provided good habits with structure around meals, sleep times and morning rituals. I am sure that even though my children don’t know it’s happening, they would be appreciative that they have this structure during key times of the day.

I started these routines the minute I move to a single parent life and it has continued on now for a few years.

Some of the positive take out have been:

Same time every morning and night when brushing teeth reduces push back from them in actually doing it.
Baths and showers before bedtime signifying the end of the day and they can hop into bed feeling clean and calm.
Breakfast, lunch and dinner always at the approximate same time, has reduced craving and grumpiness.
When it was housing cleaning time, it taught life skills, never always easy but I can say we have progressed from tidying up rooms to vacuuming and mopping floors 🙂
Enabled me to have some order around daily activities even whilst everything else may have been out of control.
It ensured that the important things got done.
We can then go on auto pilot and conserve energy and brain power.
It’s provided security and a sense of control.
It saves scrambling and allows us to focus on things.
Kids don’t cope with change very well and it has provided predictability.
Daily routines reduce stress in our lives

Routines have created a positive effect on my life.

OMG without a routine, getting ready in the morning would have been a nightmare. I can say that our home is happier in the morning and pretty smooth sailing because of it.

For example:

Morning

Getting up and going can be hard whether young or old. If you find it hard getting started in the morning, having a solid routine established from first up in the morning means a much easier flow to the day.

I maintain the same alarm time to get up every morning and it means all the difference between having a good morning and having a bad one. I account for an extra 30 minutes for the potential of a hair hissy, sleepy kids or slow eaters. It makes all the difference because we are not worried about those roadblocks that chew up time. Because my kids are in school it takes all the stress out. For example my daughter will come out and say I cant do my hair correctly this morning? I say “Oh really, keep trying you’ll get it” with no stress. If I didn’t have the 30 minute buffer I could be saying “hurry up, we need to get moving” then all hell would break loose J

With getting up, having breakfast, getting dressed and brushing teeth and doing hair, there is really only one way for me to start the day off with practically no stress.

Mealtime

Mealtime also has been a good activity to establish good habits for us. We always have a good breakfast, maybe I am lucky but there has never been an option not to eat at breakfast time and I usually serve up, cereal, toast, fruit and a glass of milk or water (whatever they feel like). Yes it’s a lot and they usually only eat half of everything put in front of them. They go off to school knowing that they are well fed, I read once that it stops junk food cravings and grumpiness as lack of food brings all that on. This study also mentions how the lack of food reduces concentration, I think we get that!

Mealtime has also been a time that we sit together and just eat and talk about the day. We are not perfect, there are definitely times that we eat while watching some TV, just depends how the evening has gone but generally it’s always around the same time and homework or reading has been done.

Sleep

I found as the kids get older, it’s harder to get them to bed. For some reason they believe they are going to miss on ..who know what? I reckon too it is that they have much more fun running around than laying down to head off to sleep.

Sticking to a rigid sleep ritual has been a god send, well rested children are more pleasurable to be around. Next to eating, this would be No.2 priority. It reduces the amount of whinging and irritability that takes place and are much easy to reason with.

My kids routine starts with either having a quick shower, brushing teeth, going to the toilet and a story. At the moment I read a page, then they read a page and about 20 minutes into it they are tiring and its light out.

If I try and get them to bed even 15 minutes earlier than normal, they will fight sleep the whole way, so I found timing is everything. Sometimes if they are restless, I let them listen to some soft music with lights out and I come back in 10 minutes and they are usually off with the fairies.

Play

On weekends, my kids know that there will be sporting activities somewhere such as walking, bike riding or now and then doing something interesting like: indoor rock-climbing. It takes a little coaxing sometimes but when we get to it they are happy with the outcome. I balance it with down time so when we get back they simply lounge around and rest with normally a DVD.

They have come to expect it and it has also put a routine on me for planning such activities for the weekend. Sometimes I feel we are the best tourist in our own cities.

It’s not a commando routine and that every minute of the day is structured – far from it! Rules got broken, flexibility has also been important when deciding what needs to be done and when?

I really can’t promote routines enough, it has been my saving grace and I am sure it has given me less stress than if I had no routine.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health, Lifestyle

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development

26/08/2012 by DO Leave a Comment

A fathers love Father’s Day is fast approaching. Few more days to go and we will be celebrating this day with overwhelming gratitude for our dads.

In a half-century study involving over 10,000 people from around the world, researchers from the University of Connecticut found that a fatherly love contributes as much, and sometimes more, to a child’s personality and development, as that of a motherly child.

Parental acceptance and why it’s so important

The researchers looked at 36 studies from various nations about how parental rejection affects a child’s personality and its development until adulthood. The studies were based on surveys that aimed to measure the parent’s degree of rejection or acceptance of their children. Rohner and Abdul Khaleque, study authors, found that children who have experienced parental rejection tend to become more anxious and insecure, and sometimes more aggressive and hostile towards other people as they grow up. This makes it more difficult for them to stay away from the cycle and become better parents. These adults are also less likely to form a secured and trusting relationship with their partners.

The feeling or rejection or acceptance is crucial to one’s personality development. According to Rohner, there’s emerging scientific evidence that reveals that there are parts of the brain that are activated when people experience physical pain and these regions are also activated when a person feels rejected. But the good thing is – people can revive this emotional pain over and over again, he pointed out.

Fatherly Love vs. Motherly Love

The researchers also studied the degree of impact of a father’s rejection or acceptance as compared to that of the mother’s. Based on their analysis of the 36 studies, Rohner and Khaleque found that the influence of a father is oftentimes much greater as compared to the influence of the mother. A group of experts working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project has one explanation for this. According to them, children and young adults tend to pay more attention to the parent which is perceived to be having a higher authority. So if the child perceives his father to be of a higher authority, that child’s behaviour is more likely to be influenced by his dad. More scientific investigations are needed to support this claim though.

An important realisation from this research, as explained by Rohner is this: fatherly love is critical to a person’s development. Knowing this would help motivate men to become more involved in rearing their children. Furthermore, these findings will reduce the society’s ‘mother blaming’ attitude which is most observed in schools and clinical environments as more people realise that daddies, do have a major role to play too in developing a child’s personality.

Their findings were published in the Journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

Source of this article:

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development, Society for Personality and Social Psychology

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health

Helping our kids deal with stress

25/08/2012 by DO 1 Comment

To adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time. But kids still experience stress. Things like school and social life can sometimes create pressures that can feel overwhelming for kids. As a dad, you can’t protect your kids from stress — but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

Kids deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways. A study conducted by KidsHealth revealed they may not initiate a conversation about what’s bothering them, kids do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their troubles.

But it’s not always easy for parents to know what to do for a child whose feeling stressed.

Here are a few ideas:

Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something’s bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. (“It seems like you’re still mad about what happened at the playground.”) This shouldn’t sound like an accusation (as in, “OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?”) or put a child on the spot. It’s just a casual observation that you’re interested in hearing more about your child’s concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child. Ask your child to tell you what’s wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child’s concerns (and feelings) be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like “And then what happened?” Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say “That must have been upsetting,” “No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn’t let you in the game,” or “That must have seemed unfair to you.” Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it. Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness — the ability to recognize their own emotional states. Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioural boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviours rather than communicated with words.

Help your child think of things to do. If there’s a specific problem that’s causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don’t do all the work. Your child’s active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, “How do you think this will work?”

Listen and move on. Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that’s needed to help a child’s frustrations begin to melt away. Afterwards, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your child think of something to do to feel better. Don’t give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Limit stress where possible. If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things. For instance, if too many after-school activities consistently cause homework stress, it might be necessary to limit activities to leave time and energy for homework.

Just be there. Kids don’t always feel like talking about what’s bothering them. Sometimes that’s OK. Let your kids know you’ll be there when they do feel like talking. Even when kids don’t want to talk, they usually don’t want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there — keeping him or her company, spending time together. So if you notice that your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day — but doesn’t feel like talking — initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some baskets, or make a meal together. Isn’t it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a dad, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver — a kid who knows how to roll with life’s ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again.

Parents can’t solve every problem as kids go through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you’ll prepare your kids to manage the stresses that come in the future.

Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD, Information courtesy of KidsHealth

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health

A Banana Smoothie Idea

04/08/2012 by DO Leave a Comment

A banana smoothie idea A smoothie that the kids will love, you can be creative by purchasing some decorative glasses and making it look like a smoothie you would get from a resort. Kids always appreciate the effort.
A deliciously healthy way to start the day, this smoothie is full of bananas, honey, with just a hint of cinnamon that makes it more-ish. It’s breakfast in a glass and a great way to have a meal on the run or an after school snack.

banana-smoothie

Serves 2

1 Banana – best if they are ripe
1 tablespoon of honey
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
2 cups of milk
2 scoops of ice-cream
2 ice cubes
2 decorative glasses
straws

Go crazy and blend it all together and enjoy!

Filed Under: Breakfast, Dads Health, Kids Health, Meals, Snacks, Video

Girl stuff for dads

26/07/2012 by DO Leave a Comment

At some point in time it is going to be necessary to understand what’s happening to your daughter as she moves from being a girl to becoming a teenager and woman. Knowledge on these changes will help you stay connected and understand what she is experiencing. You will also not be left out of the conversations.

Puberty and Periods
Menstruation (a period) is a major stage of puberty in girls; it’s one of the many physical signs that a girl is turning into a woman.

And like a lot of the other changes associated with puberty, menstruation can be confusing. Some girls can’t wait to start their periods, whereas others may feel afraid or anxious. Many girls (and guys!) don’t have a complete understanding of a woman’s reproductive system or what actually happens during the menstrual cycle, making the process seem even more mysterious.

When girls begin to go through puberty (usually starting between the ages of 8 and 13), their bodies and minds change in many ways. The hormones in their bodies stimulate new physical development, such as growth and breast development. About 2 to 2½ years after a girl’s breasts begin to develop, she usually gets her first menstrual period.

About 6 months or so before getting her first period, a girl might notice an increased amount of clear vaginal discharge. This discharge is common. There’s no need for a girl to worry about discharge unless it has a strong odor or causes itchiness.

The start of periods is known as menarche. Menarche doesn’t happen until all the parts of a girl’s reproductive system have matured and are working together.

How Often Does a Girl Get Her Period?
Just as some girls begin puberty earlier or later than others, the same applies to periods. Some girls may start menstruating as early as age 10, but others may not get their first period until they are 15 years old.

The amount of time between a girl’s periods is called her menstrual cycle (the cycle is counted from the start of one period to the start of the next). Some girls will find that their menstrual cycle lasts 28 days, whereas others might have a 24-day cycle, a 30-day cycle, or even longer. Following menarche, menstrual cycles last 21-45 days. After a couple of years, cycles shorten to an adult length of 21-34 days.

Irregular periods are common in girls who are just beginning to menstruate. It may take the body a while to sort out all the changes going on, so a girl may have a 28-day cycle for 2 months, then miss a month, for example. Usually, after a year or two, the menstrual cycle will become more regular. Some women continue to have irregular periods into adulthood, though.

As a girl gets older and her periods settle down — or she gets more used to her own unique cycle — she will probably find that she can predict when her period will come. In the meantime, it’s a good idea to keep track of your menstrual cycle with a calendar.

How Long and How Much?

The amount of time that a girl has her period also can vary. Some girls have periods that last just 2 or 3 days. Other girls may have periods that last 7 days. The menstrual flow — meaning how much blood comes out of the vagina — can vary widely from girl to girl, too.

Some girls may be concerned that they’re losing too much blood. It can be a shock to see all that blood, but it’s unlikely that a girl will lose too much, unless she has a medical condition like von Willebrand disease. Though it may look like a lot, the average amount of blood is only about 2 tablespoons (30 milliliters) for an entire period. Most teens will change pads 3 to 6 times a day, with more frequent changes when their period is heaviest, usually at the start of the period.

Especially when menstrual periods are new, you may be worried about your blood flow or whether your period is normal in other ways. Talk to a doctor or nurse if:

your period lasts longer than a week
you have to change your pad very often (soaking more than one pad every 1-2 hours)
you go longer than 3 months between periods
you have bleeding in between periods
you have an unusual amount of pain before or during your period
your periods were regular then became irregular

Cramps

Some girls may notice physical or emotional changes around the time of their periods. Menstrual cramps are pretty common — in fact, more than half of all women who menstruate say they have cramps during the first few days of their periods. Doctors think that cramps are caused by prostaglandin, a chemical that causes the muscles of the uterus to contract.

Depending on the girl, menstrual cramps can be dull and achy or sharp and intense, and they can sometimes be felt in the back as well as the abdomen. These cramps often become less uncomfortable and sometimes even disappear completely as a girl gets older.

Many girls and women find that over-the-counter pain medications (like acetaminophen or ibuprofen) can relieve cramps, as can taking a warm bath or applying a warm heating pad to the lower abdomen. Exercising regularly throughout the monthly cycle may help lessen cramps, too. If these things don’t help, ask your doctor for advice.

Content provided by Kids Health