Lifestyle Archives - Page 3 of 7

What do daughters want from their dads?

25/07/2019 by DO 1 Comment

Have you (dad) ever thought you’d like to change the ways things are? You know it’s never too late! We can go through life knowing that things could be different but for some reason we don’t say “yes” to change.

Maybe its because saying yes can cause embarrassment, awkwardness or highlight the fact that you were wrong?
If you haven’t been spending time with your daughter because life has got busy or they’ve become teenagers and are more independent, or they have grown into a women and your feel you cant hug, cuddle and wrestle with them like you used too, or even you feel they’re getting older now and you’ve become less important in their life? You are so wrong!

Dads, nothing has changed, they still and always will want your Attention, Affection and Affirmation.

Its super important that you always stay connected or reconnect for both of you. Your daughter wants you to acknowledge they’re maturing and growing up. If your daughter is going through her teenage years, she wants you around to help her navigate those important years whilst your continuing to build on the connection you have always had.

Its been very well documents over the years from researchers, physiologists and experts that fathers play a key role in their daughter development. Some of those things that dads provide daughters are:

– Build their confidence
– Convincing them they can do anything
– Have a voice and be counted (on any topic)
– Encouraging improvement through learning
– Role model on equality
– Make them feel secure
– A male perspective on things
– Strength and gentleness at the same time

Daughters WANT their dads to be a part of their lives even if sometimes they don’t show it. There was a study done where daughters were asked what could dads do to improve their relationship and how their dad could help them. They said…

– Be there more
– Put the phone away and don’t just focus on the solution
– When you’re home be mentally present
– Focus on me when I’m talking to you and be genuinely interested
– Spend more time with me
– More time talking together
– Eat dinner with us more often
– Spend more time with us and less time working
– Hangout with me
– Play with me
– Go camping with me
– Do activities with me
– Support me more by doing more things with me
– Go for a walk with me
– Be available on weekend s to play cards or puzzles or board games
– Take me places we would both like
– Maybe we could do the Kokoda trail together
– Go away somewhere special for the weekend just the two of us

Everything the daughters requested boiled down to dads spending more time with them. Your girls may not ask you for more time, with the fear that you might say no, or they feel your too busy? So be proactive and nurture your relationship with your daughter, create memories that build the bonds that can last a lifetime.

Some ideas and narrative have come from Madonna King, Author of the book – Fathers and Daughters. I would also like to acknowledge Darren Lewis from Fathering Adventures for his inspiration, education and knowledge on how to thrive in your relationships and not just survive with your children.

Filed Under: Daughters, Relationships

Doing nothing does harm

09/04/2019 by DO Leave a Comment

How many of us would have the courage to take action if we saw violence towards females (verbal or physical), gender discrimination, sexual harassment or disrespectful comments?

My wish is that everyone would be brave enough to do something. The whole notion of helping someone that is being abused does not mean that you need to put yourself in harms way. You can use “secondary prevention” i.e. you can be someone who challenges that behaviour by offering assistance in the following ways:

1. Defusing the situation by: a disapproving look (non-verbal) or a light hearted comment to the perpetrator
2. Talking to the victim: when you get a chance ask them are they ok? What do they need? Do they want to make a complaint?
3. Calling out the behaviour: if your personal safety is not at risk you could call it out i.e. ” Hey, its inappropriate to be speaking to her in that tone” or “its never ok to tell jokes like that, they are disrespectful and degrading”.
4. Report it: you can call police 000, notify HR or tell a supervisor.

Dads, it’s never ok to standby and watch abuse in any form, whether it be to males or females. The term that some professional groups are using is – Be an active bystander. We can play a lead role in setting a standard of behaviour both as a role model to our growing children and also to not settle or condone bad behaviour to women or anyone.

Dads we are very likely to listen to other dads, so next time you’re talking to another dad, discuss how you would respond if you were a bystander to any bad behaviour and make a pledge…

“When X happens, I will do Y. (one of the 4 steps mentioned above)

Filed Under: Relationships

Simple ways to save money on your financial separation

06/03/2018 by DO Leave a Comment

Any relationship breakdown is hard. With kids it is harder still. Emotions run high with sense and reason sometimes taking a back seat. The main focus is on protecting your children and rebuilding your future throughout this difficult time. You will make some of the biggest decisions of your life whilst trying to stay sane in the day-to-day. Then there’s the financial side …

Ex-couples can make huge mistakes during the separation process, and these mistakes can cost them big time. In fact, by not understanding the full ramifications of a financial separation, or by understanding but ignoring them, the amount of money wasted could affect the rest of your life, and in-turn the lives of your children.

Now is time to get your head around the best practice when it comes to splitting your assets. The choices you make will have a big impact on your present and your future. Get educated. Get confident. And get ready to move on with the rest of your life.

Here is our advice to keep costs down and get the best possible outcome when you separate from your partner.

Communication is crucial

Ironically, at a time when communication with your ex-partner may have broken-down, is the time it matters most. Learning to communicate calmly and respectfully with each other will save money, stress and time. Step-back and consider what form of communication is most effective between you and your ex-partner. In many cases, email is good as time can be taken to deliver clear and respectful wording, and eliminates the erratic emotion that can interject a phone call or texts or an in-person chat. It also allows the recipient to respond when they are calm and clear-headed. If you are aware of words, actions or even body language that may trigger your ex-partner, avoid them. It only takes one person to pave the way for better communication. Be that person. It will allow you to work through your financial separation logically and quickly without costly lawyers or courts making decisions which are out of your hands and you may not agree with.

Focus on the kids

In nearly all family breakdowns, each parent has one priority: Their children. Remember this is your common ground. Ultimately you both want the best for your children. Focusing on this one fact will get you a faster, less-costly, better outcome from your financial separation. Put aside your differences from the past and concentrate on the bigger picture and the future. No-one is more significant in this than your children. You may find that your mutual need to support them is what guides you through to a solution.

Educate yourself

When it comes to your financial separation, knowledge is not only power, but is also a huge money saver. The best bit is, there is plenty of free stuff available. This video from the Federal Circuit Court of Australia explains how to apply for a divorce and you can read-up on financial separation on the Divide website here. Warning: Make sure you arm yourself with the ‘correct’ knowledge. Advice from friends and family is well-meaning, but every financial separation is different so stick to the actuality and how it will influence your personal situation. Mistakes are costly and can be avoided by getting the facts early on.

DIY it

Like everything in life, the more you do yourself, the more money you will save. If you need professional support, either with a financial separation specialist or a lawyer, get as much information prepared before your first appointment with them. This includes, but is not limited to, your separation date, bank statements, mortgage statements, tax returns and superannuation details. Dig out the paperwork, make the necessary phone calls and compile a folder. Encourage your ex-partner to do the same. It may seem tiresome, possibly overwhelming, but the money you save by doing your own admin and anything else you are capable of, can be used to rebuild a better future for you and your children.

Be transparent

The key to a cost-effective and fast financial separation is transparency. Put it this way, it will all come out in the end. Be honest and open about your financials as well as your feelings. If you lead by example, your ex-partner is more likely to do the same. Half-truths and embellishments, for any reason, will slow down and complicate the process. They can even break-down an amicable process. If this happens lawyers may need to get involved, which means extra costs for both parties and will likely create more aggressive ‘via lawyer’ communication which will have consequences now and in the future.

Not in it to win it

Financial separation is not a battle field. There are no winners or losers. When you and your partner are both in this mindset it will be easier to move forward. By removing this competitive edge from the negotiations will allow you to make non-emotional, cost benefit-based decisions. Adopt a give and take attitude and you may find that your ex-partner follows your lead. Be flexible and open to her ideas and suggestions, and you may notice she is more open to yours. Remember, the aim here is to find middle ground that will allow you both to move on with your lives and be the best co-parents you can be.

AUTHOR BIO:

Chris Staples is a Director at Divide – Simple Financial Separation. He has seen how wealth is eroded through a divorce done badly and believes there is a cleaner way to make the break financially. He now helps couples with their financial separations in a cost-effective, peaceful manner, without using lawyers.

Filed Under: Finances, Relationships, Separation

Have you and your partner discussed what having kids really means

09/12/2017 by DO 1 Comment

Relationships start out exactly how we like them, we’re smitten and crazy about each other. It very sensual and physical. Its fun and exciting, everything is new and you feel like your connection is cohesive enough to be able to handle anything that the world throws at you.

Planned or unplanned, having kids can dissolve that cohesive glue you both thought was impenetrable, why? Because you went into having children unprepared or failed to discuss the things that can trip you up. It’s challenging, demanding, thankless, tiring and lasts for the first 10-12 years before you get reprieve.

I recently spoke to a man who was expecting his first baby with his partner. I asked him have you discussed how you will help each other and handle the tough times when they come? He said, Nah! its not something we discuss, things are ok and we will just deal with what ever happens…eeeek! I think this is common, sadly.

The things that can be important to know & talk through (but not limited too, if you can think of more, discuss)

Pregnancy is a long time and can be messy
You may not automatically love your child day 1
A diminished social life can make life feel boring
Loss of freedom and also loss of time together can feel like a disconnect
When sleep becomes more important than sex, is the norm
Disagreeing on how to raise your child, remember there is more than one way
Weekend sleep-ins was your previous life
Work is relatively easy compared to raising a baby, how can you lighten your partners load
Life changes and so do you and your partner
Hobbies and sports need to take a back seat for quiet a while
You are no longer “Joe” the carefree guy, you are “Joe” with responsibilities
Your own routine now becomes your babies routine
Expect both you and your partner to have ups and down feelings of happiness
You baby/child needs things NOW, there is no more of …”I’ll do it later”
Your stress levels increase and you feel edgy often
Your money is now all accounted for and you need to save for emergencies
Your friends look at your differently now, you have 1 or 2 beers not 10 anymore
If baby is crying all night, it might be easier to have the baby sleep in your bed so you all can sleep
Babies poo is smelling and messy and someone has to change it often
Sometimes babies cry for long periods for know reason
There are some mothers who refuse to even leave their baby with a safe family member so you can go out and have a break, how would you cope with that
Learn to cook and make lots of meals to freeze, sometimes it is just easier
Facebook life is BS, raising kids is hard work and you both need to work as a team
Keep an eye out if either of you need help, don’t be afraid to ask
Sleep when your baby sleeps, you need it
It’s exhausting, make sure you both get time to rest
Eating together becomes a thing of the past
This is a 12 year commitment to work as a team, after that it becomes easier and you should have mutual respect for the road traveled together
What if you feel like nothing you do is good enough

With all the ups and downs its an incredible feeling to raise a child. It has enormous amounts of joy and satisfaction but its extremely important you go into it with eyes wide open. You need to look after your partner and carry equal amounts of the workload and sometimes more when she needs it. Talk about when times get tough and how you will get through those times together. Its important, it could be the difference between ending up a single Dad or at home with your family. Go the later!!

Whats been your experience? any tips?

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting, Relationships

What are you prepared to give up

11/11/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

Having kids should not be taken lightly. It would be the biggest most important decision anyone can make in their lifetime.

Bringing a child into the world requires a lifetime of intentional commitment, from the day they are born to when they reach adulthood and even then it does not guarantee they will be off your hands completely. I felt a strong commitment to ensure that my child had all that they need to ensure a healthy lifestyle both mentally and physically.

Putting your child first is a good plan (it’s the only plan), it ensures that they go without little and decisions you make around housing and career have them top of mind. There were times when I could have accepted promotions which would have either caused me to work interstate or travel extensively. I didn’t have a partner that would have supported this so I could not have accepted the roles. I then found myself divorced and it made it even harder to travel because I needed to be available for my child on the days that were my days. I made sure that nothing got in the way of those days.

Taking that commitment to always be there and be available definitely hindered my career and social life.

I’d be invited away for a weekend that would be across the time I had my child over so I’d say no, I wouldn’t go out on a Friday night because I wanted to be fit and healthy for her on the Saturday morning when she would arrive. There were so many times I said no, looking back it cost me friendships and a healthy social life, but to me it was the price of putting my child first.

Thinking back, I could of had a more balanced life with social life and home life. So long as your children feel loved and cared for, you really can go and have some fun, and you should.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships, Separation

Don’t look, it can ruin everything

09/03/2017 by DO 3 Comments

If you like eating sausages, there is a saying that goes…Don’t look how the sausage is made, it will ruin everything.

We grow up learning about childbirth and never really connect the dots that when it happens to our partner, it’s a very full on confronting experience and not for the lighthearted.

Childbirth for Men can have the same effect as its a little hard to look at the vagina the same way anymore! Something that we once worshiped has been torn apart and beaten up, lets face it and be honest, it is not a pretty sight and very unsexy. It can take a while to get those images out of our mind, if ever at all? There are some women who would worry about what their man thought of them sexually after seeing childbirth.

We have complete admiration for the resilience and strength that women have which allows them to go through childbirth, but if all we can do is hold there hand and not add much more value than that, then I vote we wait in the waiting room and let their mum’s, sisters, aunties, cousins do the hand holding.

Some experts have said that childbirth is actually more difficult for the women when the man is present? The birth tends to take longer and is more painful if we are in the room.

Can it effect our sex life? Let’s face it, there are so many things that we do in order to make sex enjoyable. Many men and women are slightly shy and ease into sex through foreplay both physically and mentally. Seeing childbirth should be one of those things that we keep private to preserve the intimacy, imagery and fantasy of sex.

My Dad told me that in his day, men were not allowed to be in the birthing room. When the baby was born, the mother and baby rested for a bit and the dad entered the room a little later. I don’t see anything wrong with that..at all!

Some women will say that you are missing out on the greatest event of humankind, yes ok but OMG! If you both agree that it could be better to wait outside, then there is nothing wrong with that strategy at all. If you are needed and wanted in the birthing room, stay up the right end…I warn you!

I would think that many men & women would agree with this, do you?

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships

Once bitten twice shy

19/02/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

The dictionary explains it this way “If someone is said to be once bitten, twice shy, it means that once someone was hurt by something or someone, they will be afraid to try it again”

Often referred to in love terms, hurt holds us back from exploring, letting someone in, going past a first date or even dating at all.

When we get hurt and that can be emotionally, financially or physically it cuts so deep that there is no wonder we approach new relationships with caution!

It’s normal to take things slow after a traumatic experience or even to have some good time finding yourself again. Finding the things you like to do, the happiness after a breakup needs to be come back otherwise you are not the real you. Who wants to hear about your sad stories on the first few dates? Make sure you have discovered enjoyable things to do, concentrated on your health and feel emotionally strong.

So time is critical but make sure you don’t hang out there forever, because finding the right one for you can be life changing in the best way. If it is going on for years, seek some professional support. When you have some time under your belt and you’re feeling like dating again, choose well and take it slow.

Don’t think to far ahead, take each day at a time. If you ask someone out on a date, just think about that 1 date or that 1 coffee or 1 meal. Focus only on that one day then if you want to see them again, just focus again on just that next one meeting.

Trust people for the day, its was probably a trust issue that caused your pain in the first place. Remind yourself that that one person who betrayed you or who treated you badly was by their actions. They cheated. They lied. They alienated the kids from you. You don’t know what these other women have done or capable of doing…yet. They might be an amazing beautiful person, so give them one (1) chance.

Wait until you see signs that they’re less than sincere. Then you could question them. But until then? Just trust them today. That way if they do disappoint you, you didn’t invest to much time into them.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships

Poll: What do you want to know?

11/02/2017 by DO 2 Comments

Dads Online is about to turn 5. Since the beginning we have written about many topics. I remember the early days we were all about: connecting with your children after absence, When you just cant be there, Parenting plans, Dads have feelings too, ways to make your child feel secure, What to say to the kids, The first night alone, When you have to visit the ex, Travel games, Being happy alone, Making chocolate crackles plus 100’s more.

There is so much more to talk about but I want to make sure that I am answering questions and concerns that are important to you.

Below is a survey I would love for you to be apart of. Select the area’s of’ importance to you and we will provide tips and information that will benefit us all. If you have a topic that is not mentioned please contact us or enter it into “other” on the poll and let us know.

Filed Under: Activities, Fathering, Lifestyle, Meals, Separation, Some Fun

A must watch: Simon Sinek – Millennials in the work place

13/01/2017 by DO Leave a Comment

We live in a world that is consumed by technology and social media. Relationships suffer, work and our ability to cope with everyday stresses are tough for our children. Children born post 1982 have been brought up in a new and potentially damaging era, a time never seen by their parents. Mr Simon Sinek talks about how we have become this addicted society to social media, why it is so damaging and how we can change it and make life more personal, enjoyable, develop meaningful relationships and be more satisfied at work. Something our children must learn and its starts with us! A very interesting and en-lighting video discussion on what we can do. It will be the best 18 minutes you spend this year 🙂 Oh, and put your phone AWAY when you watch it – unless of course your watching from your phone LOL

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Parenting, Relationships, Video

Dads Carpool Karaoke

20/12/2016 by DO 2 Comments

As I prepare for a 5 hour drive to our Christmas holiday destination I started to think about how we could make the journey a little more entertaining & fun.

This years holiday destination we have not been to before – we hired a caravan and purchased a tent for my daughter and her friend. Its looking to be a fun trip along the Murray River in Victoria. I’ve made a list and …yes checked it twice?

Extra tent pegs
Gas bottle filled
2 decks of cards
Eski
Camp stove
Chargers
Torch
Beach Towels
etc etc

It got me thinking about the 5 hour drive, off the back of the YouTube sensation Carpool Karaoke, I put together some of the kids favorite songs and included some of mine too 🙂 The car trip will take on a whole new vibe.

Mariah Carey – All I want for Christmas
Passenger – Let her go
Katy Perry – Roar
Katy Perry – California Gurls
Justin Bieber – Where are U now
Justin Bieber – Love yourself
Justine Bieber – Let me love you
Elton John – Your Song
Elton John – Candle in the wind
Eagles – Hotel California
Bruno Mars – 24K Magic
Black Eyed Peas – I gotta feeling
Beyonce – Halo
Beyonce – All the single ladies
Bob Marley – No Women no Cry

Now that should keep us busy for a few kilometers 🙂 The trick will be getting the girls to sing along? I’m sure they will warm up when they see Dad ripping a tune! or not? It will be entertaining and worth the memory.

I copied the lyrics from a google site and put them into a word doc, gave it a logo and headline and bounded enough copies for everyone in the car, so no one will miss out LOL

Filed Under: Activities, Motor Cars, Travel

Encouraging your kids to keep a journal

18/12/2016 by DO Leave a Comment

Keeping a diary is something of a dying art among the youth of today. Social media posts have largely replaced the angsty diary entries scribbled out by teenagers of times gone by. This is a great shame, as journaling can be very good for kids. Here are a few of the benefits of journaling for young people:

Journaling allows self-expression in a non-judgemental context. Social media posts tend to be open to peer scrutiny and judgement. Diary entries, however, can be private and free. Which is very important.
As a method of free expression, journaling allows children to work through their feelings and experiences, thus learning and developing from them.
Journaling is a way of processing and healing from negative feelings and experiences – things which aren’t uncommon during puberty! Journaling is so powerful a mental health aid that it’s commonly recommended as a form of therapy by mental health professionals.
Journaling helps children to develop their creative side.
Journaling helps children to develop their observational skills, their powers of perception, and their intuition.
If read back through, journaling can provide a degree of self awareness which can be very helpful both in your child’s personal development, and in their social development.

All pretty good, no? Journaling is not for everyone, and some kids may find it too much of a tiresome chore to get anything out of it, but some kids may really flourish under the influence of a journal! So how can a devoted dad ease the phone from his kids’ hands, and replace it with a pen? Here are some suggestions…

Provide stationary they like. More than a few people have been brought to the joys of journaling through a love of good stationary…
Write a journal yourself. Kids are instinctive mimics of their parents, and will often feel drawn to the things you do.
Don’t nag about the journal – this will turn it into a chore, which makes creative free expression (i.e. the good stuff) far less likely to occur.
Introduce kids to diarists or diary-form literature that they may like, or show them films in which a character prominently keeps a diary. These aren’t hard to come by – it’s a popular creative form!
Leave them to it. The best journaling tends to occur in solitude, and often concerns private matters. Don’t look over their shoulder, and DO NOT read their journal – unless you have very serious cause for concern!

Filed Under: Children, Kids Activities

It’s expensive to break up

27/11/2016 by DO 4 Comments

I don’t think the expense of breaking up is ever considered when we are thinking about breaking up? If we did, we might try a little harder to stay together because it can put an enormous amount of strain on the hip pocket!

When we know it’s over or when we know this person we are currently calling a partner is not going to be a “life” partner, all we can think about is moving out and on and trust everything will be ok. It’s important to make sure that both people involved are ok and living arrangements and money have been considered fairly so no one is doing it unreasonably tough.

Over time things slowly return to normal (or a new normal) but the initial expense can be a real shock and i don’t think any of us expected or worked on a “break up budget” when we made our mind up to break up.

Who would have thought we need to have two of everything 🙂 Some people instigating the break up, tend to be quite generous and it would be normal to just leave with our clothes in a suitcase. If it is more of a fair divide? then half of all the living items needs to be repurchased. If you have kids, it is more beds,towels, crockery, table & chairs and clothes, toys, books and sporting equipment etc too.

Don’t forget the bond & rent of your new home becomes fully paid for by one (1) person, gas, electricity, food, insurances, foxtel etc etc all is now paid for solely by you.

There are ways to minimize the financial pain

If you know its coming and you have months to plan, start putting money aside and build an emergency fund, we all should have one anyway, even if you are completely happy and in love with you partner. You never know what can blind side you at 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon, trust me it can happen.

Once you have worked out the divide, write a gap list and and let your friends and family know what you need, your friends and family can bring you some of the essentials you will need to start again, this can help with your personal support by having supportive friends & family visiting you. Myer have a gift registry where they will list all the things you need, like, towels, bedding, glasses, kitchen appliances, cups, cutlery etc and as they get purchased, Myer will cross them off your list so no one doubles up on break up gifts.

You can also create a new bank account for the “start again fund” and send the account details to all your friends, family and Facebook contacts and ask them to contribute anything they can – the smallest amounts all add up. Don’t forget to personally thank every contributor!

I hope you never have to experience a break up, sometimes it is inevitable, this might give you some ideas to think about before you make that decision. Try hard to resolve your issues as it is much cheaper and financially better in the long term to stay together and work things out.

Filed Under: Finances, Relationships, Separation