Tips on how to keep a tidy home

Keeping a clean and tidy house is important not only when the kids come over but also for your own well-being and mental health. Here are some tips for keeping a good house when the kids come over:

  1. Declutter regularly: Get rid of things that you no longer need or use. This will make it easier to keep your house clean and organized.
  2. Clean as you go: Rather than waiting for a mess to accumulate, clean as you go. This means wiping down surfaces, washing dishes, and picking up clutter as soon as you notice it.
  3. Establish a routine: Create a daily, weekly, and monthly cleaning routine. This will help you stay on top of household tasks and ensure that your house is always clean and organized.
  4. Have a designated play area: If you have kids coming over, create a designated play area for them. This will make it easier to contain any messes and keep the rest of the house clean.
  5. Use storage solutions: Use storage solutions such as baskets, bins, and shelves to keep things organized. This will help you keep clutter at bay and make it easier to find things when you need them.
  6. Involve the kids: If the kids are old enough, involve them in cleaning up after themselves. This will help teach them responsibility and make your job easier.
  7. Keep cleaning supplies handy: Keep cleaning supplies such as wipes, sprays, and paper towels in easily accessible places throughout the house. This will make it easier to clean up messes as they happen.

Remember, keeping a good house doesn’t have to be a daunting task. By implementing these simple tips, you can ensure that your house is always clean and organized for when the kids come over.

How do you know if your marriage is over

The decision to end a marriage can be a difficult and complex one, and there is no single answer that applies to all situations. However, there are some signs that may indicate that your marriage is over or may be headed in that direction:

  1. Lack of communication: When communication breaks down between spouses, it can be challenging to work through conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship. If you find that you and your partner are not talking, or if conversations frequently turn into arguments, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble.
  2. Loss of intimacy: Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy marriage, and a lack of physical or emotional connection can indicate that the relationship is deteriorating. If you and your partner are not spending time together or if physical touch and affection have decreased significantly, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.
  3. Constant fighting: Arguments are a normal part of any relationship, but if you and your partner are fighting frequently and are unable to resolve conflicts, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble. Constant bickering and disagreements can be emotionally draining and may indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed.
  4. Lack of trust: Trust is a crucial element of any healthy relationship, and if it has been broken, it can be challenging to repair. If you or your partner have been unfaithful, or if there are ongoing trust issues that cannot be resolved, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.
  5. Different goals and values: If you and your partner have fundamentally different goals, values, or beliefs, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy relationship. If you find that you are no longer on the same page regarding important issues like parenting, finances, or future plans, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a personal one that should be made with careful consideration and with the help of a therapist or counselor. If you are experiencing any of the above signs or are feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in your marriage, it may be time to seek professional help and begin the process of determining whether your marriage can be saved or if it is time to move on.

When is the best time to introduce your children to your new partner

The best time to introduce your children to your new partner can vary depending on several factors, including the age and temperament of the children, the nature and stability of the relationship, and the emotional readiness of everyone involved.

In general, it is best to wait until you have established a committed and stable relationship with your new partner before introducing them to your children. This can help to ensure that the introduction is more meaningful and has a better chance of being successful. Rushing into introducing your children to a new partner before you are confident in the stability of the relationship can be confusing and potentially damaging for your children, especially if they have already experienced a divorce or separation.

It is also important to consider the age and temperament of your children when deciding when to introduce them to your new partner. Younger children may not understand the concept of dating or may feel more threatened by the presence of a new person in their lives. Older children may be more understanding but may also have more complex emotions and require more time to adjust to the idea of a new partner.

When you do decide to introduce your children to your new partner, it is essential to do so in a way that is respectful and sensitive to everyone’s emotions. It can be helpful to prepare your children ahead of time, letting them know who your partner is, what they do, and how they met. It can also be helpful to keep the initial introduction brief and informal, such as meeting for a casual activity like a walk or a picnic. This can help to reduce the pressure and allow everyone to get to know each other in a low-key setting.

Ultimately, the decision of when to introduce your children to your new partner is a personal one that should be made with careful consideration and sensitivity to everyone involved. By taking the time to establish a strong relationship with your new partner and preparing your children for the introduction, you can help to ensure a smoother transition and a better chance of success.

Can a relationship recover from infidelity

Recovering from infidelity can be challenging, but it is possible to rebuild trust and repair a relationship if both partners are committed to doing the work. Here are some steps that can help couples recover from infidelity:

  1. Take time to process emotions: Both partners need to take time to process their emotions before moving forward. The partner who was betrayed needs time to grieve, process the pain, and come to terms with what has happened. The partner who cheated needs to take responsibility for their actions and be willing to work to regain the trust of their partner.
  2. Seek counseling: Couples counseling can be helpful in navigating the complex emotions and issues that arise after infidelity. A trained therapist can help both partners explore their feelings, communicate more effectively, and work through the underlying issues that led to the infidelity.
  3. Be honest and transparent: The partner who cheated needs to be honest and transparent about their actions and intentions. This can involve sharing details about the affair, answering questions, and being accountable for their actions.
  4. Rebuild trust: Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and rebuilding it after infidelity can be challenging. The partner who cheated needs to be patient and consistent in their efforts to rebuild trust. This can involve being open and honest, following through on commitments, and being accountable for their actions.
  5. Set clear boundaries: Clear boundaries need to be established to prevent further infidelity. This can involve setting rules around communication with the person the partner cheated with, avoiding situations that may lead to infidelity, and being transparent about whereabouts and activities.
  6. Forgive: Forgiveness is a critical component of recovery after infidelity. It’s important to acknowledge the pain and hurt caused by the infidelity but also to be willing to let go of the anger and resentment. Forgiveness is a process that can take time, but it’s an essential step in rebuilding trust and moving forward.
    You can’t punish your partner ongoing and hold a grudge and expect to have a good relationship moving forward.

It’s important to note that recovering from infidelity is not easy and requires commitment and hard work from both partners. It’s also essential to seek professional help and to be patient and compassionate with each other throughout the process. While it is possible to recover from infidelity, it’s important to remember that not all relationships can or should be saved.

It’s important to prioritise your work too when going through separation and divorce

Going through a divorce can be an emotionally challenging time, and it can be difficult to focus on work when dealing with the stress and upheaval of a divorce. However, it is important to prioritize work and maintain a professional demeanor during this time. Here are some tips on how to prioritize work when going through a divorce:

  1. Be honest with your employer

If you feel comfortable doing so, consider talking to your employer about your situation. Let them know that you are going through a divorce and that you may need some flexibility in your schedule or workload during this time. This can help to set expectations and avoid any misunderstandings about your availability or productivity.

  1. Set boundaries

Set boundaries around your work and personal life. Try to keep your personal issues separate from your work, and avoid discussing your divorce with colleagues or clients. This can help to maintain a professional demeanor and avoid any potential conflicts or misunderstandings. Some people call it “compartmentalising”i.e. between 9am – 5pm you do not discuss your separation with anyone, its all about focus on doing a good job so you don’t jeopardise your employment.

  1. Stay organized

Staying organized can help to reduce stress and improve productivity during a divorce. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of your appointments, deadlines, and other obligations, and prioritize your tasks based on their importance and urgency. This can help you stay on top of your work and avoid any unnecessary stress or anxiety.

  1. Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is important during a divorce, and can help you stay focused and productive at work. Make time for regular exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. Consider engaging in activities that help you relax and de-stress, such as yoga, meditation, or spending time outdoors.

  1. Seek professional support ( everyone needs it)

If you are struggling to cope with the emotional challenges of divorce, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. These professionals can provide guidance on coping strategies and emotional regulation techniques, and can help you maintain your focus and productivity at work.

Remember that going through a divorce can be a difficult and stressful time, but prioritizing work can help you maintain a sense of normalcy and stability during this time. By being honest with your employer, setting boundaries, staying organized, practicing self-care, and seeking support will all assist in helping you manage the rollercoaster you just hopped on.

How can I save my marriage

Marriage is a complex relationship that requires work and commitment from both partners. If you feel that your marriage is in trouble and want to save it, there are several steps you can take to improve the relationship.

  1. Communication: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you and your partner are not communicating effectively, it can be challenging to resolve conflicts and move forward. Try to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and needs. Listen actively to your partner’s perspective and try to understand their point of view. Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor to improve your communication skills.
  2. Address underlying issues: Often, marital problems are a symptom of underlying issues such as stress, depression, or substance abuse. If you or your partner are struggling with these issues, it is essential to address them as soon as possible. Consider seeking professional help to work through these issues and develop coping strategies that can improve your relationship.
  3. Reconnect emotionally: Sometimes, couples can grow apart emotionally, leading to feelings of resentment or apathy. To save your marriage, it is essential to reconnect emotionally with your partner. Spend time together doing activities you both enjoy, communicate affection through physical touch or verbal affirmations, and make an effort to show appreciation for each other.
  4. Seek professional help: If you and your partner are struggling to resolve conflicts or make progress, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A professional can help you identify and address the underlying issues that are causing problems in your marriage and can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild your relationship.
  5. Prioritize your marriage: Saving a marriage requires effort and commitment from both partners. Make a conscious effort to prioritize your marriage and set aside time for each other. This may mean scheduling regular date nights, setting aside time each day to talk, or taking a vacation together to reconnect.
  6. Be patient: Saving a marriage takes time and effort. It is essential to be patient and committed to the process, even when it feels difficult or challenging. Remember that progress may be slow and that setbacks are normal. Keep the end goal in mind and work together to achieve it.

It’s important to remember that saving a marriage is a challenging and complex process that requires effort, commitment, and patience from both partners. By prioritizing communication, addressing underlying issues, reconnecting emotionally, seeking professional help, and being patient, you can work to rebuild your relationship and strengthen your marriage. Saving a marriage is a journey, not a destination, and that the process may take time, but the rewards can be significant.

Why some men need to be desired by other women

The desire to be wanted and desired by women is a common trait that can be observed in some men. Although it is not true for all men, it is an understandable phenomenon that is rooted in psychology, social norms, and personal preferences.

One possible explanation for why some men need to be desired by women is related to their self-esteem and self-worth. Men who lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem may feel better about themselves when they receive attention from women.

When a man is desired by a woman, he may feel validated and valued, which can help to boost his self-esteem. This validation can serve as a source of motivation, giving him a sense of purpose and self-worth that he may not find elsewhere.

Moreover, cultural and societal norms also play a significant role in shaping the desire of men to be wanted by women. Traditional gender roles and expectations from society dictate that men should be the initiators in a relationship, while women should be the ones who are pursued.

This can lead some men to believe that they must be desired by women to be considered masculine or successful. Men who conform to these societal expectations may feel more secure in their masculinity if they are desired by women.

In some cases, the desire to be wanted by women may be fueled by the thrill of the chase. The excitement of the chase, the thrill of pursuing a woman, and the satisfaction of winning her over can be exhilarating for some men. The pursuit can be seen as a challenge, and the man may take pride in the fact that he was able to win over the woman. This sense of accomplishment can be a powerful motivator for some men.

It is also essential to consider that the desire to be desired by women may be influenced by biological factors. Men have evolved to seek out and mate with healthy and fertile women, which may explain why some men are attracted to women who are physically attractive or who exhibit signs of good health and fertility. Therefore, it is possible that some men have an innate desire to be wanted by women, as it signals that they are attractive to potential mates.

Furthermore, the desire to be wanted by women may be linked to personal preferences and experiences. Some men may simply enjoy the attention they receive from women and feel more comfortable and at ease when they are desired. Men who have had positive experiences with women in the past may be more likely to seek out relationships where they feel desired and appreciated. Conversely, men who have had negative experiences with women, such as rejection or abandonment, may be more likely to seek out validation from women as a way to overcome these negative experiences.

While the desire to be wanted and desired by women is a natural and understandable phenomenon, it is essential to note that it can become problematic when it leads to harmful behavior. Men who feel a strong need to be desired by women may engage in manipulative or controlling behaviors, such as objectifying women or using coercive tactics to gain their attention. Such behavior can lead to negative consequences, including damaging relationships and harming the mental health of both the man and the woman involved.

In conclusion, the desire to be wanted and desired by women is a complex phenomenon that is influenced by a variety of factors, including psychological, cultural, and personal preferences. While the desire to be desired by women is not necessarily negative, it is crucial to maintain healthy relationships and behaviors that are respectful and do not cause harm. Ultimately, it is essential to recognize that both men and women have their own unique desires and preferences, and that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and trust.

What do most separated dads worry about and how best to cope

Separated dads may worry about a variety of things, but some common concerns include:

  1. Losing contact with their children: Separated dads may worry that they will not have enough time with their children or that their ex-partner will restrict access to the children.
  2. Financial concerns: Dads who are separated may worry about child support payments, legal fees, and other financial obligations.
  3. Loneliness and isolation: Separation can be a lonely experience, and dads may worry about feeling disconnected from their friends, family, and social networks.
  4. Co-parenting conflicts: Co-parenting after separation can be challenging, and dads may worry about conflicts with their ex-partner over parenting decisions or other issues.

To cope with these worries, separated dads can try the following strategies:

  1. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support group for help and emotional support.
  2. Prioritize communication: Stay in touch with your children and make sure you communicate effectively with your ex-partner about parenting issues.
  3. Take care of your mental and physical health: Make time for exercise, healthy eating, and other self-care activities that can help reduce stress and anxiety.
  4. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can provide you with guidance and support through the separation process.
  5. Stay positive: Try to focus on the positives in your life and the things you can control, rather than dwelling on the things that are out of your control

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What is “love” defined by kids

A survey was conducted at a primary school where children between the ages of 4-8 were asked “what is love”.  The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

Such a simple question, this is what they said…

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

– Rebecca – age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

– Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

– Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

– Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

– Terri – age 4

“Love is when my my daddy makes me breakfast every morning”

– Ian – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”

– Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

– Bobby – age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

– Nikka – age 6  (we need a few million more Nikkas on this planet)

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

– Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

– Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.  I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

– Cindy – age 8

“My daddy loves me more than anybody.
He reads to me.”

– Clare – age 6

“Love is when my Daddy gives me the best piece of chicken.”

– Elaine-age 5

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

– Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

– Lauren – age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”

– Karen – age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

– Jessica – age 8

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These quotes were sent to GreatDad.com in an email without attribution. If this is your content, please let us know so we can post the source. Thanks.

Skills, Ability and Knowledge

Not sure about other dads but I entered the world of fatherhood completely unprepared.  I didn’t realise how demanding it was going to be, I think women have a better advantage.  Women group together and talk about parenting, share stories and experiences far more than we ever would.  So it is probably no surprise that their skills, ability and knowledge are more fine tuned when children arrive on the scene.

Us blokes stand on the sidelines and talk about footy and the MotoGP whilst we cook the BBQ.  I have never been out with a group of guys discussing parenting skills.  Traditionally we just left it up to our partners, I don’t think it is hard-wired into our DNA.  BUT, it is a skill we can learn, for some it does not come naturally, it just needs some practice.  Once we do it solo a few times “whaaala” we become experts, I think, it really is that easy to become competent …and of course you need the “want” to do it.

I remember I organized a breakfast for the “new dads” (dads of the mothers group) and their babies once a month.  I booked a table of 10 in a local cafe.  It was a great sight, 10 dads and their babies, everyone in the cafe were looking and saying well done boys 🙂 We had dads feeding bottles to their babies, changing nappies and nursing their new babies all while trying to eat our bacon and eggs and catch up LOL.  It was a great morning but each month that past we lost half the dads, so after 3 months it ended.

There are challenges and trying times amongst dads when it comes to parenting, but we know that the outcome of trying is well worth the effort and the results are proof.

Not wanting to attend a fathers breakfast has nothing to do with commitment to fathering, they were all protective of their role as a father and would not allow anything that seriously interfered with it, they were all great guys and were all married at that time, I don’t see any of them any more.  The way they felt about fathering would be exactly the way I/we feel about it today, it makes no difference whether we are married or not when it comes to our approach and commitment to fathering.

In the book Divorced Dads Survival Guide there is an article on just that topic. It talks about… Beyond working hard for their families, fathers say their role also includes teaching their kids about life, being a moral role model, and being a good model for adult relationships.  Divorced fathers feel that they have important information to impart about women and relationships.  If the father sought the divorce, he may feel it is necessary for his children to know that a good marital relationship is important and that divorced people don’t lack commitment  in their character, but rather may not want to settle for a bad marriage.  If the father was left by his former spouse, he can emphasize to his children that life has no guarantees and that to adjust to any hand dealt is a challenge that must be accepted.

Either way, the father feels his “lessons of life” are important for his children.  Most parents do.  Of course we should not expect our children to be interested in learning what we have to teach. Many children, in fact, will resist parental teachings in favor of learning it on their own.

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One small change, many powerful benefits

People are going through a lot right now, mental health conditions and stress levels are through the roof, just ask any psychologist, doctor or hell, even your work colleague.  It’s never been more important to really check-in with yourself, your mate, and your family.  

Exercise has many benefits for DadsDads going through hard times

Dads, particularly those Dads who are going through a hard time right now with separation, it can be quite easy to retreat inwards, further isolate yourself and your mental health can decline pretty quickly.  One way to help pull you out is to establish a regular exercise routine. 

Yes, I know, I you’ve heard it all before, but remember, exercise has many benefits, such as stimulating chemicals in your brain that boost your mood. 

And a mood booster is just what a lot of people need right now.  Forgetting about the other benefits such as reducing the risk of illnesses like high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, obesity and cancer (just to name a few); the mental health benefits alone are enormous.

How will exercise make you feel better

Better your mood

Not only does exercise release chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood, it simply gets you out in the world, in the sunshine and helps to reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation, and get you connecting with other people, even if it’s just at the park with a wave or nod of the head as you go by. String a few exercise sessions together and it can reduce stress and other conditions like depression and anxiety, and importantly, aid in the road to recovery from serious mental health issues. Not to mention boost sleep quality, who doesn’t love a solid 8-9 hours! 

How much exercise do we really need  

Well, the Australian guidelines recommend at least 30 minutes a day of moderate to intense physical activity. I know it may sound like a lot, but it can be broken up over the course of the day.  The gyms are currently closed due to lockdown, but there are many ways to get your 30 minutes per day, you just have to be creative.

Do you struggle with motivation

I understand that some may struggle with motivation, time, not knowing what to do or just simply keeping exercise habits up.  Keeping up your exercise habits upBut there is help out there, especially for Dads. Peak State Health and fitness specialise in helping Dads get back their fitness by helping with goal setting, establishing realistic exercise routines and having regular check-ins for support and accountability.

If you have never worked with a online health and fitness coach before, coaching is done remotely and weekly check-ins are held over zoom these days.  Combine the structured exercise routine with a personalised nutrition plan and it’s an absolute game changer.  Success rates are high and Dads leave fully self-sufficient to continue the exercise regime on their own. 

If you’d like to find out more about Health and Fitness coaching, Steven Dornik is a coach who specifically focuses on helping Dads rediscover their health and fitness.  He offers completely free fitness consultations to show you how to get started, contact details below:

Peak State Health and Fitness
Find Steven in “Find a Professional” 

For free consultations contact:

stevendornik@gmail.com

mob: 0400 886 119

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Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even your child.

A wonderful poem at Christmas time but its not always a wonderful time for some dads.
Christmas comes with expectations that we all should be happy and festive and for some it completely sucks!!

Christmas can trigger sad emotions in separated Dads and are very normal feelings under the circumstances

If you’re one of the dads that won’t be catching up with your children at Christmas time for reasons beyond your control, and feeling stressed and sad. We know it can awkward and sad and give you the Christmas blues. Start planning what you will do on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even News Years Eve and News Years day if you’re not going to have the kids.

These particular days can trigger sad emotions in the best of us and are very normal feelings under the circumstances, don’t beat yourself up – Be kind to yourself.

We remember the days when we woke up on Christmas morning and gathered around the tree or the kids all came into Mum and Dads bed to give out presents and have a cuddle. But things are different now, your kids mum is now saying that Christmas Day the kids are staying with her? They are going away for Christmas? and you’re not on speaking terms to negotiate it.

You deserve to celebrate these days with or without them, so what will you do if you don’t have the kids?

Here are some ideas if your can’t think of some…

  • Arrange to have the kids Boxing Day
  • Call a friend to come over or meet them out somewhere that you like
  • Visit a family member like brother, sister or relative to spend the day/night with
  • Decorate your home and create a festive feeling for YOU.
  • Do something that makes you happy
  • Burn a scented candle and get your home smelling nice
  • Play your favourite music
  • Be selfless, volunteer at your local food bank to prepare and service Christmas meals and focus on helping others
  • Have a day of exercise
  • Binge on a Netflix series
  • Turn off all social media
  • Write out your goals for 2023 i.e. small (achievable), medium (need to focus) and large (Something to work at)
  • Keep things simple
  • Ask yourself “what can I do to make my circumstance happier”? then do that.
  • Watch what you eat
  • Don’t drink too much. Alcohol only makes you feel worse, so stay off it.
  • Get your finances in order
  • Paint that room or freshen up an area of your home that you’ve been wanting too.
  • Catch up with someone on Zoom

If you need to boycott Christmas altogether, then just forget it even exists and go indulge yourself in what makes you happy without any guilt.

Let’s remember loneliness can effect many types of people at all times of the year

Let’s remember loneliness can effect many types of people at all times of the year. Some separated, divorced, elderly, disabled, isolated and domestic violence victims all experience loneliness, let’s have a thought for all of them and wish them the best for Christmas.

If you need to talk to someone phone Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Lifeline SMS – Chat Service on 0477 13 11 14

If you can add any more good ideas, please add them in the comments below…

For the classic poem of “Twas the night before Christmas”…click here