Separation Archives - Page 4 of 22

What do most separated dads worry about and how best to cope

02/03/2023 by DO Leave a Comment

Separated dads may worry about a variety of things, but some common concerns include:

Losing contact with their children: Separated dads may worry that they will not have enough time with their children or that their ex-partner will restrict access to the children.
Financial concerns: Dads who are separated may worry about child support payments, legal fees, and other financial obligations.
Loneliness and isolation: Separation can be a lonely experience, and dads may worry about feeling disconnected from their friends, family, and social networks.
Co-parenting conflicts: Co-parenting after separation can be challenging, and dads may worry about conflicts with their ex-partner over parenting decisions or other issues.

To cope with these worries, separated dads can try the following strategies:

Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support group for help and emotional support.
Prioritize communication: Stay in touch with your children and make sure you communicate effectively with your ex-partner about parenting issues.
Take care of your mental and physical health: Make time for exercise, healthy eating, and other self-care activities that can help reduce stress and anxiety.
Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can provide you with guidance and support through the separation process.
Stay positive: Try to focus on the positives in your life and the things you can control, rather than dwelling on the things that are out of your control

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Filed Under: Dads Health

What is “love” defined by kids

23/02/2023 by DO 2 Comments

A survey was conducted at a primary school where children between the ages of 4-8 were asked “what is love”. The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

Such a simple question, this is what they said…

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

– Rebecca – age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

– Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

– Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

– Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

– Terri – age 4

“Love is when my my daddy makes me breakfast every morning”

– Ian – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”

– Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

– Bobby – age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

– Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikkas on this planet)

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

– Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

– Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

– Cindy – age 8

“My daddy loves me more than anybody.
He reads to me.”

– Clare – age 6

“Love is when my Daddy gives me the best piece of chicken.”

– Elaine-age 5

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

– Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

– Lauren – age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”

– Karen – age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

– Jessica – age 8

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These quotes were sent to GreatDad.com in an email without attribution. If this is your content, please let us know so we can post the source. Thanks.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health

Skills, Ability and Knowledge

07/02/2023 by DO 1 Comment

Not sure about other dads but I entered the world of fatherhood completely unprepared. I didn’t realise how demanding it was going to be, I think women have a better advantage. Women group together and talk about parenting, share stories and experiences far more than we ever would. So it is probably no surprise that their skills, ability and knowledge are more fine tuned when children arrive on the scene.

Us blokes stand on the sidelines and talk about footy and the MotoGP whilst we cook the BBQ. I have never been out with a group of guys discussing parenting skills. Traditionally we just left it up to our partners, I don’t think it is hard-wired into our DNA. BUT, it is a skill we can learn, for some it does not come naturally, it just needs some practice. Once we do it solo a few times “whaaala” we become experts, I think, it really is that easy to become competent …and of course you need the “want” to do it.

I remember I organized a breakfast for the “new dads” (dads of the mothers group) and their babies once a month. I booked a table of 10 in a local cafe. It was a great sight, 10 dads and their babies, everyone in the cafe were looking and saying well done boys 🙂 We had dads feeding bottles to their babies, changing nappies and nursing their new babies all while trying to eat our bacon and eggs and catch up LOL. It was a great morning but each month that past we lost half the dads, so after 3 months it ended.

There are challenges and trying times amongst dads when it comes to parenting, but we know that the outcome of trying is well worth the effort and the results are proof.

Not wanting to attend a fathers breakfast has nothing to do with commitment to fathering, they were all protective of their role as a father and would not allow anything that seriously interfered with it, they were all great guys and were all married at that time, I don’t see any of them any more. The way they felt about fathering would be exactly the way I/we feel about it today, it makes no difference whether we are married or not when it comes to our approach and commitment to fathering.

In the book Divorced Dads Survival Guide there is an article on just that topic. It talks about… Beyond working hard for their families, fathers say their role also includes teaching their kids about life, being a moral role model, and being a good model for adult relationships. Divorced fathers feel that they have important information to impart about women and relationships. If the father sought the divorce, he may feel it is necessary for his children to know that a good marital relationship is important and that divorced people don’t lack commitment in their character, but rather may not want to settle for a bad marriage. If the father was left by his former spouse, he can emphasize to his children that life has no guarantees and that to adjust to any hand dealt is a challenge that must be accepted.

Either way, the father feels his “lessons of life” are important for his children. Most parents do. Of course we should not expect our children to be interested in learning what we have to teach. Many children, in fact, will resist parental teachings in favor of learning it on their own.

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Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting, Separation

One small change, many powerful benefits

22/01/2023 by DO Leave a Comment

People are going through a lot right now, mental health conditions and stress levels are through the roof, just ask any psychologist, doctor or hell, even your work colleague. It’s never been more important to really check-in with yourself, your mate, and your family.

Dads going through hard times

Dads, particularly those Dads who are going through a hard time right now with separation, it can be quite easy to retreat inwards, further isolate yourself and your mental health can decline pretty quickly. One way to help pull you out is to establish a regular exercise routine.

Yes, I know, I you’ve heard it all before, but remember, exercise has many benefits, such as stimulating chemicals in your brain that boost your mood.

And a mood booster is just what a lot of people need right now. Forgetting about the other benefits such as reducing the risk of illnesses like high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, obesity and cancer (just to name a few); the mental health benefits alone are enormous.

How will exercise make you feel better

Better your mood

Not only does exercise release chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood, it simply gets you out in the world, in the sunshine and helps to reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation, and get you connecting with other people, even if it’s just at the park with a wave or nod of the head as you go by. String a few exercise sessions together and it can reduce stress and other conditions like depression and anxiety, and importantly, aid in the road to recovery from serious mental health issues. Not to mention boost sleep quality, who doesn’t love a solid 8-9 hours!

How much exercise do we really need

Well, the Australian guidelines recommend at least 30 minutes a day of moderate to intense physical activity. I know it may sound like a lot, but it can be broken up over the course of the day. The gyms are currently closed due to lockdown, but there are many ways to get your 30 minutes per day, you just have to be creative.

Do you struggle with motivation

I understand that some may struggle with motivation, time, not knowing what to do or just simply keeping exercise habits up. Keeping up your exercise habits up But there is help out there, especially for Dads. Peak State Health and fitness specialise in helping Dads get back their fitness by helping with goal setting, establishing realistic exercise routines and having regular check-ins for support and accountability.

If you have never worked with a online health and fitness coach before, coaching is done remotely and weekly check-ins are held over zoom these days. Combine the structured exercise routine with a personalised nutrition plan and it’s an absolute game changer. Success rates are high and Dads leave fully self-sufficient to continue the exercise regime on their own.

If you’d like to find out more about Health and Fitness coaching, Steven Dornik is a coach who specifically focuses on helping Dads rediscover their health and fitness. He offers completely free fitness consultations to show you how to get started, contact details below:

Peak State Health and Fitness
Find Steven in “Find a Professional”

For free consultations contact:

stevendornik@gmail.com

mob: 0400 886 119

@peak_state_health_and_fitness

@PeakStateHealthandFitness

For free consultations contact: Steven Dornik

Filed Under: Dads Health

Twas the night before Christmas

20/11/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even your child.

A wonderful poem at Christmas time but its not always a wonderful time for some dads.
Christmas comes with expectations that we all should be happy and festive and for some it completely sucks!!

Christmas can trigger sad emotions in separated Dads and are very normal feelings under the circumstances

If you’re one of the dads that won’t be catching up with your children at Christmas time for reasons beyond your control, and feeling stressed and sad. We know it can awkward and sad and give you the Christmas blues. Start planning what you will do on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and even News Years Eve and News Years day if you’re not going to have the kids.

These particular days can trigger sad emotions in the best of us and are very normal feelings under the circumstances, don’t beat yourself up – Be kind to yourself.

We remember the days when we woke up on Christmas morning and gathered around the tree or the kids all came into Mum and Dads bed to give out presents and have a cuddle. But things are different now, your kids mum is now saying that Christmas Day the kids are staying with her? They are going away for Christmas? and you’re not on speaking terms to negotiate it.

You deserve to celebrate these days with or without them, so what will you do if you don’t have the kids?

Here are some ideas if your can’t think of some…

Arrange to have the kids Boxing Day
Call a friend to come over or meet them out somewhere that you like
Visit a family member like brother, sister or relative to spend the day/night with
Decorate your home and create a festive feeling for YOU.
Do something that makes you happy
Burn a scented candle and get your home smelling nice
Play your favourite music
Be selfless, volunteer at your local food bank to prepare and service Christmas meals and focus on helping others
Have a day of exercise
Binge on a Netflix series
Turn off all social media
Write out your goals for 2023 i.e. small (achievable), medium (need to focus) and large (Something to work at)
Keep things simple
Ask yourself “what can I do to make my circumstance happier”? then do that.
Watch what you eat
Don’t drink too much. Alcohol only makes you feel worse, so stay off it.
Get your finances in order
Paint that room or freshen up an area of your home that you’ve been wanting too.
Catch up with someone on Zoom

If you need to boycott Christmas altogether, then just forget it even exists and go indulge yourself in what makes you happy without any guilt.

Let’s remember loneliness can effect many types of people at all times of the year

Let’s remember loneliness can effect many types of people at all times of the year. Some separated, divorced, elderly, disabled, isolated and domestic violence victims all experience loneliness, let’s have a thought for all of them and wish them the best for Christmas.

If you need to talk to someone phone Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Lifeline SMS – Chat Service on 0477 13 11 14

If you can add any more good ideas, please add them in the comments below…

For the classic poem of “Twas the night before Christmas”…click here

Filed Under: Activities, Dads Health, Separation

Well done dads

13/11/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

Even though separation and divorce is common place, it still feels like failure and in some ways we are embarrassed at times because of it. We get pigeon holed into “single dad” or “separated father” when in fact we are simply a “dad” or a “father”.

There are times when we have to explain our situation. I remember being at a shopping center with my daughter and a photographer had a stand set up and was handing out promotional cards. I took one and he engaged in conversation about getting a portrait done. It looked good and I was happy to discuss it until he asked “where is mummy”? I said there is no mum that will be in the photo, he said “no problem” we can just take the two of you. I lost interest and said no thanks! you might be better of finding a mummy and a daddy to take photos of 🙂

Another time was when I went to a cafe for breakfast and the waitress (older woman) handed out the menu’s and said “no mummy”? and tilted her head sideways as if that was the most unfortunate thing she had heard all week? You can probably imagine I didn’t find anything on the menu I liked. It is unaware and ignorant people that seem to put their foot in their mouth, it took me quiet awhile to accept their ignorance. These days I still refuse to buy anything from a business that appears to have a negative opinion on separation. I guess so many people have an opinion i.e. friends, family, waitresses, photographers etc that you get a bit tired of feeling like you are a second class citizen. We already feel like we have failed in some ways, we just need to be treated like anyone else and respected for our contribution for positive parenting.

We work harder at parenting our children than when we had two people sharing it in-fact, we should pat ourselves on the back and say well done. 🙂 We have turned what could have been a disaster into a positive environment for our children even if the situation isn’t how we would have preferred. We have taught our kids some important things and we have modelled good behavior. We show controlled conflict resolution, provide for them emotionally and financially, we behave in a dignified and mature manner and we always keep our eyes on the main event…our children.

Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting, Separation

Truth and Lies about the effects of Domestic Family Violence on Children

30/10/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

When people think of domestic and family violence, they often think of how much it hurts the adult victim. It’s true that domestic and family violence is most often violent, abusive or intimidating behaviour. But what you may not realise is that children also experience domestic violence and this affects their physical and emotional health and wellbeing. Growing up in a family where there is a perpetrator of Domestic Violence can cause serious long term mental health issues for the children of that home.

At Lifeline, Crisis Support Workers often talk to people who call up with anxiety, they are homeless, have been seeing a psychiatrist for their whole adult life, drug and have alcohol or drug addiction or both, depression, self harm, thoughts of suicide and social behavioural problems just to name a few!

Their life has been and is in crisis and there always seems to be a common threat to their background – they have grown up inside a home with Domestic Violence &/or Coercive Control towards a parent or even towards them.

Lets look at the Lies and the Truths about Domestic Family Violence…

LIES

It doesn’t effect the kids
The children will forget about it
The children are too young to understand what’s going on
Kids effected by DFV will always bounce back and get over it
Talking to kids about it will not help
Talking to kids about it will only confuse them
The perpetrator is good to the kids so they’ll be ok
So long as the children are not hit they’ll be ok
It won’t affect their education and development
It’ll teach the kids to be strong and tough
Life’s alway good when you are a kid
It’s part of our culture
It’s normal and acceptable
The violence is a way to show love

TRUTHS

It happens in all communities and at all levels of society
It can seriously harm children physically and emotionally
It can impact on babies and infants
Kids are affected even if they don’t see the violence
It prevents kids from feel safe
It can interfere with a Childs developments and education
It can affect a Childs relationship with other people
It can give kids nightmares, headaches, stomach pains and regular sickness
It damages a Childs self-esteem and confidence
Children often believe its their fault
It can lead to substance abuse in young people
Children can mirror that behaviour in their adult life
Talking about the problems with kids can help them
Effects on a child are reversible with the right help and support
There are services that can help children and families

Some useful Links

Filed Under: Children, Parenting, Relationships

Parenting Plan (happy plan)

24/10/2022 by DO 8 Comments

Many children worry about what will happen to them when their parents split up, and it can be a big relief to them if the arrangements become clear and predictable early on. Working out a parenting plan as early and as quickly as possible serves many purposes such as it gets your children into a regular routine, you can have certainty around access, holidays, do we share in the buying of gifts and presents, do we share clothes etc.

Being as flexible as possible is a key factor in working out a fair and reasonable plan. Whatever your parenting plan looks like it doesn’t have to be written down, but if you do write it down calling it a parenting plan is a good way to do it. I called mine our “Happy Plan”, I wrote out a nice well written check list of the things and considerations I believed would be fair and reasonable for both of us.

After my ex had time to read and consider the plan, she then wrote one of her own (with some minor tweaks) and provided me with her version to consider. It was pretty close to what I was asking for and we agreed we would use that as our agreed plan. Everyone’s circumstances are very different and it can play a huge part in what the plan might look like, for example your work commitments, distance to travel, financial, accommodation and health etc.

Some things to consider and help you with ideas that could go into your plan:

What time your children will spend with each of you
What time your children will spend with other people, such as grandparents , siblings, step-parents or other people that are important to your children
What activities each of you will do with your children (e.g sports, homework, music) and whether both of you can agree to attend some important events with your children
How you will share parental responsibility and decision making about the big things (e.g what school your children will go to, decisions about healthcare )
How you will talk about and come to agreement on the important, long-term issues as your children grow, their needs change or either of the parent’s circumstances change.
How your children will keep in touch with the other parent and other people important to your children when they are with you i.e they have access at all times to use your mobile phone and can phone the other parent every night before bedtime
What arrangements need to be made for special occasions such as birthdays, religious or cultural events, holidays, school concerts, parent teacher interviews
Financial arrangements for the children. This may include some investigation on what payments you need to make and what is deemed fair, you can calculate this by visiting the Child Support Agency estimator. These payments do not need to go through CSA and they can be paid to either party by private arrangements.
What process will be followed to change the plan or resolve any problems, if either parents circumstances change?

There are no strict rules around what a parenting Plan should look like but here are some other guidelines from Family Relationships Australia

Time spent on researching and designing one that works for you, your ex and your kids, will pay off in spades!

Filed Under: Children, Parenting, Separation

What Every Teenager Wants Their Parents To Know

22/06/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

Dear Mum and Dad,

Please stick with me.

I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off.

But here’s what i want my you to know..

My brain is not yet fully developed

It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math test doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.

And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.

Please stick with me.

So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.

You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.

At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully.

Please stick with me……..

Here’s what you can do for me

1. Model adulting.

I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination.

2. Let me figure things out for myself.

If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.

3. Tell me about you.

I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.

4. Help me with perspective.

Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.

5. Keep me safe.

Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen when I need you.

6. Be kind.

I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please, and don’t be cruel. Humor me — I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go.

7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.

Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.

One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride.

Please stick with me.

Thank you to Helene Wingens for her insight and research click here to see her blog.

Thank you also to Dareen Lewis of Fathering Adventures for introducing me to this information, I love the work you do!
Let’s look at our teenagers a little differently from now on and “stick with them”.

Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting, Teenagers

How to overcome the barriers and prioritise mens health

14/06/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

Let’s talk about Men’s Health, it’s the week for it, and something we should always keep top of mind. It’s important to prioritise our health. By doing so we are a better version of ourself to our families, our children, our partners, our friends and… ourself. If you’re like me, I like myself much better when I’m feeling healthy.

Unfortunately for some men, there are barriers preventing them from having a healthy body and mind.

The barriers are:

Hoping it’s not an issue?
- We might deny there’s a health issue because we think whatever is going on is no big deal, our symptoms are just a part of getting older, or it’s simply a case of mind over matter. When we miss the opportunity to act early, minor issues can become much bigger.
Taking to long to do something about it
- We can often wait and see if it will go away on its own and put off seeking health information until an issue is interfering with daily life.
Worried that asking for help is perceived as weak
- There’s nothing weak or soft about seeking out health information and support. Health issues happen to everyone and speaking up about them is the strongest thing you can do.
Having Trouble Talking about your health
- Feeling nervous or embarrassed about starting a conversation can be a barrier to getting the support you need. Whether it’s with your partner or a health professional, it can be tough to speak up about health concerns but it’s important to take the first step to get the help you need. Remember, your doctor is there to help and there’s nothing they haven’t heard or seen before.
Not sure what information to trust
- When seeking health advice the best thing you can do is put your trust in the experts – reputable, science-backed online providers, your GP or other health professionals.

What do you do to ensure you have good health? Is it time for a health check?

Filed Under: Dads Health

Pick ups and drop offs can be tough

22/04/2022 by DO Leave a Comment

Pick ups and drop offs can be tough! I remember there were times that if I had a heart rate monitor on, you would have seen my heart rate at…5kms away 110 bpm, 3kms away 135bpm, entering her street 150bpm. One of the things I have learned on this journey is that it is extremely important to get along with your child’s mother when it comes to shared parenting.

Most of us do not live to make other peoples lives a misery, I personally, find it very difficult to not speak and avoid someone. It is very stressful to carry anger around, not to mention the negative health aspects of holding onto anger. It’s very important to let go of any resentment and replace it with working together on being great at co-parenting. Separation happened to both of us/you, our ex’s believe they are hard done by too! I guess that is my point, we both need to find middle ground to keep our heart rates at “resting” 🙂 on a consistent basis.

I remember in high school I had visions of meeting my life partner and being the envy of everyone! Having a beautiful family life, big home with a pool, backyard and dog, lots of wonderful friends, earn good money in a job that made my family proud and was completely satisfying to me…..

Do you remember the song by Julio Iglesias? “When I fall in love, it will be forever, when I give my heart, it will be completely” I am sure my child’s mother had similar expectations of her future and as I alluded to before, possibly blames me for killing her dreams. Both our dreams have been killed or at least postponed.

A few things that worked for me in maintaining a working parenting relationship are:

Always arriving and dropping back on time, never arrive late or if unavoidable phone ahead.
Sharing clothes and items that you have bought for the kids, these things are theirs not yours or your ex’s.
Never pick up the kids and leave them with your parents or babysitter so you can go out.
Always speak nicely of your ex around the children, they love her too.
Return clothes washed and clean.
If you made a meal the night before i.e. soup, spaghetti make extra and drop off in an airtight container when returning the kids.
Make your phone available for the kids and let them call their mum before bedtime every night.
If there are “man” things that need to be done around her house and she does not have anyone to do them, offer to assist.
Be in a good mood when you pick up the kids.
If you need to change your schedule one weekend, do it way in advance.
Accept No’s.
Remember your child’s mother is going through a tough time too.
Be flexible.
Think about how your behavior effects your child’s mother and your children.
Don’t let negative feelings about your child’s mother get in the way of time with your kids.
Be prepared for the kids and stock up on healthy food. Prepare meals, it goes along way in showing you are competent in caring for your children.

In summary

Both our lives are harder than they were before! until things settle and we get back to “normal” life. For a while we both have less money and time with more responsibilities. Separation is difficult for both parents, so the general idea of this post was to remind us to be kind to each other. Comment below on your own experiences and ideas.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

2022 A New Year a Fresh Start

03/01/2022 by DO 4 Comments

Like most of you every year I make new resolutions. They include everything from giving up smoking (which I did 19years ago and thank god I did) to saving money, learning guitar, taking up a gym membership and sticking at it! or to learn a particular skill. For a couple of years I would write my goals and resolutions on a card and stick them on the fridge so they were always top of mind. It did work and I achieved many small goals and a few big ones.

There is one resolution I have never added to my list, however I will this year and I urge all Dads to add this to your list too.

Love yourself a little more

I want to be the best version of myself, I believe looking inwardly helps me achieve this. Understanding that we are worthy of respect, love, help, friendship etc sets a standard of how we want people to treat us – no worse than we treat ourselves. If your are treating yourself well by loving yourself a little more it will set positive expectations and you will achieve the right outcome.

You may ask what is Loving yourself a little more?

Its not that deep and meaningful, it is just living by a few rules you set for yourself, like:

Don’t be to hard on yourself. Remember that this will only make you feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes, so go easy and always be focus on the good that you do.
Keep a list of your receipts. This is about when you have Paid it Forward by doing a good deed. Always be looking to help others, donate your time to a person in need, pick up that piece of rubbish, share a kind word with someone, it can be anything that contributes to a more positive community. We call it giving yourself a “receipt” write them down and refer to them during the year.
Make time to pat yourself on the back. When your brushing your teeth in the morning or at night before bed, think to yourself “nice work today M8” or “Be a gladiator today” or “Have an awesome day because I’m an awesome person”. Even a smile in the mirror as you leave for work. Feed your brain with positive words.
The past does not equal the future. Look back over the years and consider all the good things that you have done and achieved. There will be some! Its these things you need to remember because they have made you who you are today. Never forget the good things you do.
You don’t need much to be happy. Have you seen people living in hard communities or countries where there is overwhelming poverty and they still come out smiling? Whilst others with wealth and every material object known to man can complain, feel hard done by and unappreciative of life and what they have. Feel blessed with what you have and be grateful.
Love and focus on the people that care about you. Knowing where to direct your energy is easy. Direct it to the people who care about you and who are good to you. Give them the best version of yourself and share as many happy times as possible with them and create memories.

These living rules are pretty easy to accomplish if you set your mind to it. If I have forgotten any that you feel would help make a difference, please share them with us.

Have a wonderful 2022. Remember to find the time to love yourself with the ideas above as often as you can. The days and months will fly by, lets make the most of every minute 🙂