There are certain moments after separation that really bring home how much life has changed.
- Christmas can be one
- Birthdays.
- School holidays.
- The first Father’s Day.
- The first weekend when the kids aren’t with you.
Things you used to do automatically suddenly have to be worked out and sometimes that hurts more than you expect.
I think dads can get caught trying to recreate the life they had before separation.
It’s totally understandable that you miss the family you had and the routines.
You miss the ordinary things that you probably didn’t even realise were important at the time.
But eventually, you have to accept something, your family hasn’t disappeared – its has changed.
Your children don’t need the old life recreated
This is something I think is really important.
Your children aren’t necessarily sitting there thinking, “Dad needs to make everything exactly how it was before.”
They want to know that they’re still loved.
They want to know that Dad is still Dad.
They want to feel comfortable in both homes.
And they want to have good experiences with you.
That gives you an opportunity.
You can create your own traditions.
Make Dad’s house feel like home
- Maybe it’s Friday night pizza.
- Maybe you cook breakfast together on Saturday.
- Maybe you always watch the same movie when the kids stay over.
- Maybe you go fishing.
- Maybe you go for a walk.
- Maybe there’s a particular café you always go to.
None of this has to cost much money, in fact, some of the best memories probably won’t.
Children remember how they felt.
- They remember laughing with Dad.
- They remember feeling safe.
- They remember the silly things.
- They remember the traditions that became “our thing.”
Don’t compete with the other parent
This is important too.
You don’t need to make your house better than Mum’s house or the need to spend more money.
You don’t need to take the kids somewhere amazing every weekend to prove you’re a good dad.
That can put an enormous amount of pressure on everyone.
Two competing households is pressure and unnecessary, hey only need two homes where they feel loved and secure.
Your new normal can still be a good life
This is probably the hardest bit to accept, the old normal might be gone but a new normal can eventually become normal.
One day, the kids might grow up and say:
“Dad always made those pancakes.”
“We always went camping with Dad.”
“Friday nights were movie nights at Dad’s.”
Those little things become part of their childhood.
And you get to create them.
A final thought
Don’t spend all your energy mourning the traditions you’ve lost, give yourself permission to create some new ones.
They won’t replace what you had and they don’t have to.
They’ll become something different and different doesn’t automatically mean worse.
Sometimes a new chapter becomes a really important part of the story.
— Pete
Our Exclusive Family Law Partner:
Aston Legal Group
Level 1, 91 William Street, Melbourne, Victoria
Mobile: 0423 729 686
Phone: 0383918411
Contact form: Click here
Comment