What happens during mediation

The word “mediation” can sound pretty intimidating.

Especially if you’ve never been through anything like it before.

A lot of dads hear the word and immediately think about lawyers, courtrooms and someone sitting behind a big desk deciding what happens to their kids.

That’s not what mediation is.

Family Dispute Resolution is a form of mediation designed to help separated families try to resolve disputes with the assistance of an accredited, independent practitioner. The practitioner doesn’t take sides and helps keep the discussion focused on the issues and the children’s needs. 

You’re not going there to prove you’re the better parent

This is probably one of the biggest misunderstandings.

Mediation isn’t supposed to be a competition.

You’re not trying to convince the mediator that you’re the good parent and your ex is the bad parent.

You’re trying to work through the things you disagree about.

Where the children will spend time.

How arrangements will work or how you’ll communicate.

What happens during school holidays and whatever other issues are relevant to your particular circumstances.

What does the mediator actually do?

The mediator is there to help the conversation stay productive.

They can help identify the issues.

They can help both people understand what the other person is saying.

They can help explore possible solutions.

And sometimes they need to bring the conversation back when it starts becoming an argument about the relationship.

That’s where having an independent person in the room can help.

The mediation practitioner is neutral and doesn’t make the parenting decision for you. 

You don’t necessarily have to sit in the same room

This is something that surprises people.

Mediation can sometimes be conducted through separate rooms, telephone or video via an online meeting.

Shuttle mediation is one option where the parties don’t sit together and the mediator moves between them. Whether that is appropriate depends on the circumstances. 

This can be particularly important where there are safety concerns or other circumstances that make direct discussion unsuitable.

What if you don’t reach an agreement?

That’s possible.

Mediation doesn’t guarantee that two people will agree.

Sometimes you can resolve some issues but not others.

Sometimes you don’t reach agreement at all.

If FDR isn’t successful, the practitioner may issue the relevant certificate that allows a parenting matter to proceed to court, unless another exemption or pathway applies. 

And that’s important.

Mediation isn’t about pretending every dispute can be solved around a table.

It’s about giving people an opportunity to try.

Go in prepared

This is one area where I think getting some legal advice beforehand can be really useful.

You don’t need to go into mediation looking for a fight.

But you should understand your position.

Know what the issues are.

Think about what your children need.

Think about what you’re prepared to compromise on and what really matters to you.

And most importantly, don’t walk in thinking the goal is to punish the other person.

The goal is to work out what happens next.

A final thought

If you’re heading into mediation and you’re nervous, that’s normal.

You don’t have to know exactly how it’s going to go.

You don’t have to have all the answers.

Go in prepared.

Listen.

Stay focused.

And remember why you’re there.

**You’re not trying to win the past.

You’re trying to work out the future.**

— Pete

Our Exclusive Family Law Partner:
Aston Legal Group
Level 1, 91 William Street, Melbourne, Victoria
Mobile: 0423 729 686
Phone: 0383918411
Contact form: Click here