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Happy Fathers Day

“Dear Dads

Today Im thinking of all the Dads that don’t get to spend time with their children for many reasons. I have been in your shoes and can empathise. Being separated from your children today can be incredibly tough, and the absence can weigh heavily on your heart. Remember, you are not alone in your feelings.

Distance, circumstances, and even time cannot diminish the bond between you and your kids. Your love can be shown in other ways even when you can’t be physically present. The sacrifices you make and the challenges you face are a testament to your enduring commitment to being the best father you can be, even if you are not there every day.

Stay strong, Dads. While today may not be the day you get to share with your children, Reach out to them with a text message it will just let them know you are thinking about them.

Happy Father’s Day, look after yourself, do something today that makes you feel happy.

Best wishes

Dads Online

Losing friends through separation

Yep, you’re a great guy, have been a popular member of your friendship groups, have had a full table of friends over for dinner, met friends down the beach, gone to the movies with a group, maybe even taken an overseas holiday to Bali with those same friends. You think life with friends is great, well buckle up and hold on. You are about to open a new chapter of your life!

Separation often makes life complicated and unfortunately you could lose friends. This comes at a difficult time because much of our health and well-being comes from the people around us as they play a large part in your support system.  And now when all turns to crap, some of them are nowhere to be seen, depending on the circumstances of your separation for example: if you had an affair, there will be some friends that will judge you and make a decision on whether they support you going forward.

Some reasons why you might lose friendships are:

  • They judge you as not being an honest person and having same values
  • They believe you brought this tough time onto yourself
  • There own relationship is not great and you could be contagious
  • They choose who they will support, you or your ex (even if they have been your friend)
  • You are now “John Doe” the separated guy and they are not sure how to relate to you
  • You now have different interests and priorities and they just don’t relate
  • A single dad just does not fit in with their idea of a friendship group

Whatever the reasons, some friends will leave you like rats leaving a sinking ship!

There has certainly been enough going on hasn’t there!  Let’s not add to this disillusionment by wasting time and energy worrying about what cannot be changed.  Focus on positives, get out and spend time on yourself.  In the past you have probably had friends you would not have chosen, now you can choose exactly the friends you want to spend time with.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with dropping out for a while and just hanging out with yourself, in some ways it can be quite therapeutic to find yourself again. So long as it is not forever (as some fall into that trap of hanging out there and never leaving) finding new friends can be uncomfortable but you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.  Susan Jeffers author of a book of the same title “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” has some great tips on getting your assertiveness back and to think more positively about getting out there again.