One of the hardest things about separation is that your children are often the people you want to talk to most.
And yes of course, you love them and you trust them.
And when you’re hurting, having them around can make you feel better.
But there’s a line that dads need to be careful about, your children can know that you’re having a difficult time.
They don’t need to know all the details of why.
That’s an important distinction.
I’ve spoken to dads who are determined to protect their children so much that they go the other way and pretend nothing is wrong.
But children are pretty perceptive, they know when Dad is upset and they know when something isn’t right.
They notice when you’re quieter than usual or when you’re distracted.
You don’t necessarily have to hide that.
There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’ve had a difficult day, but I’ll be okay.”
What matters is that your child isn’t then expected to make you feel better.
That’s where things can become difficult.
A child shouldn’t feel that they need to take care of Dad emotionally. They shouldn’t feel responsible for your happiness, and they certainly shouldn’t be placed in the middle of adult disagreements.
There are conversations that belong with other adults.
Alike a good friend, or your brother or sister, a counsellor or even talk to Lifeline on 131114
Someone you trust!
Someone who can listen without making your children part of the problem.
I think there’s actually something quite powerful about children seeing their dad handle difficult emotions in a healthy way.
They see that life can knock you around and they see that you can admit you’re having a hard time.
And they see that asking for help is okay.
That’s a much better lesson than pretending you’re made of steel.
Being a good dad doesn’t mean your children never see you struggle, it means they feel safe while you work through it.
A final thought
Your children don’t need to see a perfect dad.
They need to see a dad who loves them enough to take care of himself and strong enough to ask for help when he needs it.
*Exclusive Sponsor of Dads Online is the: Aston Legal Group helping you with Family Law Matters. You can call them on Tel: 03839128411 or contact here.
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